Disclaimer: I do not own anything that has to do with "Pirates of the
Caribbean". Sadly, I do not own Orlando Bloom or Johnny Depp. I do not own
any thing (Legolas) in Lord of the Rings, either. The only person I do own
is Natalie (myself) and the title of "Sir Quincy McFaggot", which is a real
goat head that is really in my biology class. The idea of Shaniqua and her
Pink Panthers group is Jessica's and my idea.
Nat: Okay, just as a forewarning, there are some racist terms that Shaniqua says that may be offending towards some people, and I apologize right now for anyone who may feel offended by this. I also am going to apologize ahead of time if some people are offended by some comments that are based upon sexuality of people.
In the morning, Will woke up early to the sounds of Jessica running around on the top deck chasing rats. He climbed the stairs and watched her hack at the rats with Jack's sword.
"MUAHAHAHAHA!" Jessica took off running with Jack's sword in her hand, chasing a rat.
"Oh no, not again," Will muttered.
"Ahhh! My sword!" Jack shrieked.
"I don't get it, how does she always get a hold of your sword?" Will asked.
"I'll never tell! Ahahhaa!" Jessica sceamed.
"What's all the commotion about?" asked Natalie.
"Jess got a hold of Jack's sword again," Will replied.
"Oh no, not again," Natalie said.
"Wow, does she wake you guys up every morning like this?" Anthony asked.
"Not all the time," Natalie replied. "But usually she does!"
"Mateys, we're nearing Treasure Island! LAND HO!" Jack yelled.
"Yo ho! You hoe! Pirates really like me!" Jessica sang.
"She's a freak," said Will.
"She's my freak!" Jack exclaimed as he started to breakdance with Jessica.
"They're psychopathic," Natalie said.
"Yep!" Will agreed.
"Anyways..." Anthony said.
"I wonder what it's like to talk like a normal person!" Jessica exclaimed. "Let's do that!"
"Is that possible for you?" Will asked.
Jessica's face grew red as she started to hyperventilate.
"Oh no," Natalie muttered.
"Jessica, I was joking!" Will said.
"LIAR!" she screamed. She threw her shoe at him, and stormed off to the helm to talk with Jack.
"Well, at least she didnt--" Natalie got cut off as Jessica came running back in a black gothic dress with vampire fangs and breakdanced.
"--breakdance."
"Okaaay then!" Will said.
"I always knew that she was a vampire!" Natalie exclaimed.
"That's interesting," Jack commented. "Now let's get off the ship and go find our rum!"
Jack, Will, Natalie, Jessica, and Anthony all got into the little boat and were lowered into the water. They paddled to the shore.
Standing on the shore was a man with a long, black beard. He wore a tri- cornered hat and had a peg leg. He also had an eye patch on his left eye.
"Welcome ye scurvy dogs to Treasure Island!" said the pirate.
"Blackbeard!" Jack said.
"Arr! Matey, you're here!" he replied.
"Mate, I'm on a quest for rum. Do you have any on this island?" Jack asked.
"Let's talk about that later! Let's have a fooseball game right now!" Blackbeard exclaimed.
"I LOVE FOOSEBALL! I shall kick your arse," Natalie said to Anthony.
"I don't doubt it," said Will.
"I'm on Jack's team!" Jessica said.
On one team was Natalie, Will, and Blackbeard. And on the other was Jessica, Jack, and Anthony. They played five fooseball games, in which Natalie always won, because the other people on her team didn't even get to touch the fooseball table.
"I AM THE QUEEN OF FOOSEBALL!" Natalie yelled at Anthony.
"I AM THE QUEEN OF SEAWEED STEW!" Jack exclaimed.
"Mateys, let's go eat some vittles! Ye look starved! Ye can tell me about yore quest that ye told me of!" Blackbeard said.
The little fellowship of pirates followed Blackbeard to a little hut and sat down on the floor. Blackbeard took out some sushi from his fridge and passed it to everyone.
"I FOUND NEMO!" Natalie exclaimed.
"Huh?" said Anthony.
"EEEWWW!" Jessica screamed.
Natalie showed everyone her sushi. Inside it was a brilliant orange fish with black and white stripes. It was indeed...
"NEMO!" Jack said.
"Arr! I made the sushi myself!" Blackbeard was beaming.
"Do we have to eat this?" Will whispered to Natalie.
"Give it to Jack when no one is looking!" she whispered back.
Will nodded and threw his sushi at Jack when Blackbeard wasn't looking.
"So, what are ye on yore quest for?"
"We're looking for rum," Will said.
"Yeah, do you have any rum on Treasure Island?" Jessica asked.
"Um..." Blackbeard went silent.
"No? No?! NO?!" Jessica got up and started to rant and rave about how she missed her rum.
"Jess...it's okay...we'll find your rum!" Natalie said to Jessica.
"But I want my rum now!" Jessica said.
"I know of a place that might have rum though," said Blackbeard.
"Where?" Jack asked.
"Sail yore ship down to Panama. Go to the Pearl Islands, and there might be some rum there!"
"Okay!" Jack said.
"AVAST!" Anthony yelled.
Everyone stared.
"Okaaay then!" Natalie said. "Let's get going!"
"Thanks for the sushi!" said Anthony.
"Uh...yeah," said Will and Natalie.
"I'm lovin' it!" Jack said going ghetto.
Jessica breakdanced in gratitude.
They left Blackbeard's little hut and got back into the little row boat. They paddled back to the Black Pearl, and went back on deck.
"Any sign of rum, Jack?" asked Mr. Gibbs.
"No, matey, none," replied the pirate.
"Where to, Captain?" asked Anamaria.
"The Pearl Islands!" he said.
The whole crew set sails, and got ready for departure. While they did this, Natalie was standing on the deck, sniffing the air.
Sniff. Sniff...sniff...snifff...snifff...SNIFF! could be heard throughout the whole ship.
"What's she sniffing?" asked Anthony to Jessica.
"Yo, Nat, what is it you are smelling?" Jessica asked.
"I know this smell...it's the smelly smell of the reek of the smelliest of the smelliest of all the creatures in the world..." Natalie stopped talking. She sniffed the air one more time and turned around.
"So, we meet again, Sir Quincy McFaggot!" Natalie snarled.
In front of Natalie stood a preserved goat head. It was black and had very long, vertical horns that kind of twisted around, but not a lot. It had a blank, staring face. Nobody could beat him at a staring contest, even if they were the best at staring contests.
"Natalie, it was very kind of you and your friends Robyn and Melissa to give me that name. You three have paid me more attention than any other students I have ever crossed in a biology class...even if it is negative attention," replied the goat head in an English accent.
"HISS!" Natalie hissed at Sir Quincy.
"Yes, why do you hiss at me?" he questioned.
"WHY ARE YOU SPEAKING?!" she yelled. "You never speak! You're a stuffed goat head that hangs on a biology room cabinet! How'd you get here?!"
Sir Quincy smiled that evil goat smile that he always smiled. "I thought you'd never ask...I speak because as you and your friends sensed, I am an evil spirit thingy. As for getting here...I'll never tell..."
"THAT'S MY LINE!" Jessica screamed angrily. "NO TALKING GOAT HEAD SAYS MY LINE!"
"And you are?"
"Your worst nightmare!" Jessica hissed.
"Ah, yes, I see, you're Natalie's best friend, Jessica, am I right?"
Jessica fell silent.
"I must be correct!" Sir Quincy said.
Jessica and Natalie both hissed at the talking goat head.
"Why is it that you his at me?" he asked again.
"Because! You seemed so sinister to Robyn, so she decided that we should always hiss at you. I hated how you always stared at the back of my head the whole period. So, I'd turn around and hiss at you!" Natalie replied.
"I see."
"I was right...you are a stalker! I always knew that either Robyn, Melissa, or I would end up being stalked by you!" Natalie said.
Will tossed Natalie his sword. "Here, fight him with this!" he exclaimed.
"Thanks!" Natalie wielded the sword and ran towards Sir Quincy McFaggot.
Out of nowhere, a black girl dressed in a pink hooded cloak ran in front of Natalie.
Natalie stopped running and stared. "What the Hell?!" she said.
"Who are you?!" Will asked.
"I be Shaniqua!" replied the black girl.
"Shaniqua! Have you come to cheer me on?" asked Sir Quincy.
"Fo sho! I jus' got back from pimpin' with ma homeboys! Ya know all dat!" she replied.
"What the Hell?!" Natalie said.
"Fortunately, I do understand ebonics. She said, 'Yes! I got back from pimping with my guys! You know all of that!'"
Shaniqua started to breakdance.
Jessica stared horrified.
"What...is...she...doing?!" Jessica shrieked.
"Breakdancing?" asked Anthony.
"AHHHH! THAT'S MY LINE! NO ONE BUT ME BREAKDANCES!" Jessica howled. Her face was the darkest shade of purple imaginable. She kicked at Shaniqua. "You have challanged me to breakdance fight! Now you must die!"
"Fine den, snow woman. I be beatin' yo ass to da sharks!" was Shaniqua's reply.
"I don't care what you think...nobody is as good as me at breakdancing!" Jessica shook her finger in Shaniqua's face.
"Sit down, sit down! You don' know me, you don' know me!" Shaniqua said.
"Whateva', whateva!" Jessica said.
"Let's take this to the Maury Show!" Jack squealed like a girl.
"Snow man, I be in da Pink Pantha group! Do ya know dat?! We hatin' crackers like you!" Shaniqua replied.
"NOBODY SAYS THAT TO MY HUSBAND!" Jessica screamed.
Hence, Jessica and Shaniqua started their epic breakdancing battle.
"So it begins...," Natalie said. "GO JESSICA!"
"Natalie, I love you!" Sir Quincy said.
"WHAT THE HELL?!" Natalie screamed. She was now very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very angry.
"DIE FAGGOT! I have a fiancé for your information, and he's right by my side!" Natalie wielded the sword of Will and ran towards Sir Quincy McFaggot.
Nat: Okay, just as a forewarning, there are some racist terms that Shaniqua says that may be offending towards some people, and I apologize right now for anyone who may feel offended by this. I also am going to apologize ahead of time if some people are offended by some comments that are based upon sexuality of people.
In the morning, Will woke up early to the sounds of Jessica running around on the top deck chasing rats. He climbed the stairs and watched her hack at the rats with Jack's sword.
"MUAHAHAHAHA!" Jessica took off running with Jack's sword in her hand, chasing a rat.
"Oh no, not again," Will muttered.
"Ahhh! My sword!" Jack shrieked.
"I don't get it, how does she always get a hold of your sword?" Will asked.
"I'll never tell! Ahahhaa!" Jessica sceamed.
"What's all the commotion about?" asked Natalie.
"Jess got a hold of Jack's sword again," Will replied.
"Oh no, not again," Natalie said.
"Wow, does she wake you guys up every morning like this?" Anthony asked.
"Not all the time," Natalie replied. "But usually she does!"
"Mateys, we're nearing Treasure Island! LAND HO!" Jack yelled.
"Yo ho! You hoe! Pirates really like me!" Jessica sang.
"She's a freak," said Will.
"She's my freak!" Jack exclaimed as he started to breakdance with Jessica.
"They're psychopathic," Natalie said.
"Yep!" Will agreed.
"Anyways..." Anthony said.
"I wonder what it's like to talk like a normal person!" Jessica exclaimed. "Let's do that!"
"Is that possible for you?" Will asked.
Jessica's face grew red as she started to hyperventilate.
"Oh no," Natalie muttered.
"Jessica, I was joking!" Will said.
"LIAR!" she screamed. She threw her shoe at him, and stormed off to the helm to talk with Jack.
"Well, at least she didnt--" Natalie got cut off as Jessica came running back in a black gothic dress with vampire fangs and breakdanced.
"--breakdance."
"Okaaay then!" Will said.
"I always knew that she was a vampire!" Natalie exclaimed.
"That's interesting," Jack commented. "Now let's get off the ship and go find our rum!"
Jack, Will, Natalie, Jessica, and Anthony all got into the little boat and were lowered into the water. They paddled to the shore.
Standing on the shore was a man with a long, black beard. He wore a tri- cornered hat and had a peg leg. He also had an eye patch on his left eye.
"Welcome ye scurvy dogs to Treasure Island!" said the pirate.
"Blackbeard!" Jack said.
"Arr! Matey, you're here!" he replied.
"Mate, I'm on a quest for rum. Do you have any on this island?" Jack asked.
"Let's talk about that later! Let's have a fooseball game right now!" Blackbeard exclaimed.
"I LOVE FOOSEBALL! I shall kick your arse," Natalie said to Anthony.
"I don't doubt it," said Will.
"I'm on Jack's team!" Jessica said.
On one team was Natalie, Will, and Blackbeard. And on the other was Jessica, Jack, and Anthony. They played five fooseball games, in which Natalie always won, because the other people on her team didn't even get to touch the fooseball table.
"I AM THE QUEEN OF FOOSEBALL!" Natalie yelled at Anthony.
"I AM THE QUEEN OF SEAWEED STEW!" Jack exclaimed.
"Mateys, let's go eat some vittles! Ye look starved! Ye can tell me about yore quest that ye told me of!" Blackbeard said.
The little fellowship of pirates followed Blackbeard to a little hut and sat down on the floor. Blackbeard took out some sushi from his fridge and passed it to everyone.
"I FOUND NEMO!" Natalie exclaimed.
"Huh?" said Anthony.
"EEEWWW!" Jessica screamed.
Natalie showed everyone her sushi. Inside it was a brilliant orange fish with black and white stripes. It was indeed...
"NEMO!" Jack said.
"Arr! I made the sushi myself!" Blackbeard was beaming.
"Do we have to eat this?" Will whispered to Natalie.
"Give it to Jack when no one is looking!" she whispered back.
Will nodded and threw his sushi at Jack when Blackbeard wasn't looking.
"So, what are ye on yore quest for?"
"We're looking for rum," Will said.
"Yeah, do you have any rum on Treasure Island?" Jessica asked.
"Um..." Blackbeard went silent.
"No? No?! NO?!" Jessica got up and started to rant and rave about how she missed her rum.
"Jess...it's okay...we'll find your rum!" Natalie said to Jessica.
"But I want my rum now!" Jessica said.
"I know of a place that might have rum though," said Blackbeard.
"Where?" Jack asked.
"Sail yore ship down to Panama. Go to the Pearl Islands, and there might be some rum there!"
"Okay!" Jack said.
"AVAST!" Anthony yelled.
Everyone stared.
"Okaaay then!" Natalie said. "Let's get going!"
"Thanks for the sushi!" said Anthony.
"Uh...yeah," said Will and Natalie.
"I'm lovin' it!" Jack said going ghetto.
Jessica breakdanced in gratitude.
They left Blackbeard's little hut and got back into the little row boat. They paddled back to the Black Pearl, and went back on deck.
"Any sign of rum, Jack?" asked Mr. Gibbs.
"No, matey, none," replied the pirate.
"Where to, Captain?" asked Anamaria.
"The Pearl Islands!" he said.
The whole crew set sails, and got ready for departure. While they did this, Natalie was standing on the deck, sniffing the air.
Sniff. Sniff...sniff...snifff...snifff...SNIFF! could be heard throughout the whole ship.
"What's she sniffing?" asked Anthony to Jessica.
"Yo, Nat, what is it you are smelling?" Jessica asked.
"I know this smell...it's the smelly smell of the reek of the smelliest of the smelliest of all the creatures in the world..." Natalie stopped talking. She sniffed the air one more time and turned around.
"So, we meet again, Sir Quincy McFaggot!" Natalie snarled.
In front of Natalie stood a preserved goat head. It was black and had very long, vertical horns that kind of twisted around, but not a lot. It had a blank, staring face. Nobody could beat him at a staring contest, even if they were the best at staring contests.
"Natalie, it was very kind of you and your friends Robyn and Melissa to give me that name. You three have paid me more attention than any other students I have ever crossed in a biology class...even if it is negative attention," replied the goat head in an English accent.
"HISS!" Natalie hissed at Sir Quincy.
"Yes, why do you hiss at me?" he questioned.
"WHY ARE YOU SPEAKING?!" she yelled. "You never speak! You're a stuffed goat head that hangs on a biology room cabinet! How'd you get here?!"
Sir Quincy smiled that evil goat smile that he always smiled. "I thought you'd never ask...I speak because as you and your friends sensed, I am an evil spirit thingy. As for getting here...I'll never tell..."
"THAT'S MY LINE!" Jessica screamed angrily. "NO TALKING GOAT HEAD SAYS MY LINE!"
"And you are?"
"Your worst nightmare!" Jessica hissed.
"Ah, yes, I see, you're Natalie's best friend, Jessica, am I right?"
Jessica fell silent.
"I must be correct!" Sir Quincy said.
Jessica and Natalie both hissed at the talking goat head.
"Why is it that you his at me?" he asked again.
"Because! You seemed so sinister to Robyn, so she decided that we should always hiss at you. I hated how you always stared at the back of my head the whole period. So, I'd turn around and hiss at you!" Natalie replied.
"I see."
"I was right...you are a stalker! I always knew that either Robyn, Melissa, or I would end up being stalked by you!" Natalie said.
Will tossed Natalie his sword. "Here, fight him with this!" he exclaimed.
"Thanks!" Natalie wielded the sword and ran towards Sir Quincy McFaggot.
Out of nowhere, a black girl dressed in a pink hooded cloak ran in front of Natalie.
Natalie stopped running and stared. "What the Hell?!" she said.
"Who are you?!" Will asked.
"I be Shaniqua!" replied the black girl.
"Shaniqua! Have you come to cheer me on?" asked Sir Quincy.
"Fo sho! I jus' got back from pimpin' with ma homeboys! Ya know all dat!" she replied.
"What the Hell?!" Natalie said.
"Fortunately, I do understand ebonics. She said, 'Yes! I got back from pimping with my guys! You know all of that!'"
Shaniqua started to breakdance.
Jessica stared horrified.
"What...is...she...doing?!" Jessica shrieked.
"Breakdancing?" asked Anthony.
"AHHHH! THAT'S MY LINE! NO ONE BUT ME BREAKDANCES!" Jessica howled. Her face was the darkest shade of purple imaginable. She kicked at Shaniqua. "You have challanged me to breakdance fight! Now you must die!"
"Fine den, snow woman. I be beatin' yo ass to da sharks!" was Shaniqua's reply.
"I don't care what you think...nobody is as good as me at breakdancing!" Jessica shook her finger in Shaniqua's face.
"Sit down, sit down! You don' know me, you don' know me!" Shaniqua said.
"Whateva', whateva!" Jessica said.
"Let's take this to the Maury Show!" Jack squealed like a girl.
"Snow man, I be in da Pink Pantha group! Do ya know dat?! We hatin' crackers like you!" Shaniqua replied.
"NOBODY SAYS THAT TO MY HUSBAND!" Jessica screamed.
Hence, Jessica and Shaniqua started their epic breakdancing battle.
"So it begins...," Natalie said. "GO JESSICA!"
"Natalie, I love you!" Sir Quincy said.
"WHAT THE HELL?!" Natalie screamed. She was now very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very angry.
"DIE FAGGOT! I have a fiancé for your information, and he's right by my side!" Natalie wielded the sword of Will and ran towards Sir Quincy McFaggot.