THE NEWS CAST
Announcer: And now welcome to your evening news. (Pictures of the news crew wearing bikinis and doing the Congo Line is shown while announcer continues) With Neal doing the weather, Alanna on the scene. Our inside reporter Shinko, and with Kel and Dom at the desk.
Kel: Hello, I'm Kel
Dom: and I'm Dom. Welcome to...
Both: the five 0'clock news!
Kel: King Jon died earlier today. The only witness to the murder was his wife.
Dom: The cause was supposedly a Trombone case that had been stuffed down his throat. Is this the return of the mysterious Trombone army?
Kel: and now we head out to Alanna who's on scene at an active volcano in the middle of the forest.
(Camera shows Alanna who is standing inside the volcano as the lava rapidly rise's)
Alanna: Thank you Bob! Wow it's getting hot in here!
Background singers: so take off all you clothes
Alanna: Shut Up!!! I'm not Neal with the weather! Go Away!!!
(Background singers disappear)
Alanna: (to the side) Is it suppose to be this hot? That lava is really starting to get close. Quick guys, send me down a rope! (Looks up to see nobody there) Guy's?
(Camera goes back to Dom and Kel)
Kel: (Screaming) What do you mean this outfit makes me look fat! What about this desk Dom? Huh! Does this desk make me look fat too?
Dom: A little around the eyes, yes
Camera guy: Guy's your on the air
Kel: (sits back down and smiles) Welcome back
Dom: And now we go to Neal with the weather. (To Neal) My dear Meathead please put some clothes on!
(Camera shows Neal who is standing in front of a weatherboard and not wearing any clothes)
Neal: (ignoring his cousin) As you can see the weather is beautiful
Owen: (walking by) We can't say the same about you
Neal: It will stay beautiful for most of the week
Owen: (walking in opposite direction) Unlike you
Neal: Next week there will be rain
Owen: (Stands next to Neal) When's the performance?
Neal: I've already told you Owen! I don't like you that way, STOP ASKING ME OUT!!!
(Back at the desk)
Kel: That was disturbing. I'll never look at him the same way again. So how are you Dom?
Dom: And how do you look at him? You're secretly in love with him aren't you!!! (Waves hands in air) I'm taking my string monopoly and going!
Kel: (Stands up) Fine! Who needs you!
Dom: (Walks away)
Kel: It was just a joke!
Dom: (Comes back in and sits down) Ok. I love you honey.
Kel: I love you too
Dom: I love you more
Kel: (screaming) I love you more!!!
Dom: SHUT UP! I LOVE YOU MORE!!!!
Camera Guy: QUIET! I love you both more, now get back to the show!!!
Kel: (Gasps) He's bi? Did you know that Dom?
Dom: Why no honey I did not
Kel: That's some shocking news!
Dom: Wow! It's news! Reporting live from the newsroom, our camera mans bi and he loves my wife and I
Kel: But not literally. In other News, Queen Thayet is holding a party, I mean funeral in honor of her husbands death. The whole palace has been invited to celebrate, I mean mourn.
Dom: And now our inside reporter Shinko has some news from the circus
(Camera goes to Circus where Shinko is standing next to a clown)
Shinko: Hello, I'm standing here with Procrastination the Clown (Turns to the clown) so tell me, how do you manage to train these elephants so well?
Clown: We start with some simple things like come and sit. Let me demonstrate. (Calls over an elephant) This is Buba. Sit Buba. (Buba sits on Shinko) Good Buba, we are now one step closer to ruling the world!!!! Hahahahahahahahaha!
(Back with Kel and Dom)
Dom: We now have some breaking news with random Penguin. Random?
R. Penguin: (Silence)
Dom: Wow! That was amazing and random!
Kel: And now a commercial break
(Camera goes to a scene with a nice quiet family in their living room)
Announcer Guy: Are you tired of your perfect neighbors? (Shows wild family that can't stay calm shake their heads yes) Then you need Hair Growth Miracle! No longer look bald and shabby, but have a full head of hair. Sodium Chloride, more than just salt!
(Next commercial shows children playing in a room full of dynamite)
Announcer Dude: Keep your children safe and come to The Dynamite Showcase! Exploding children's imaginations until the safety department closes us down.
Kel: You know, that Dynamite Showcase sounds like fun. I know I'll be taking my children there.
Dom: First of all, you have no children. Second, it's still a commercial break.
Kel: You don't know that for a fact!
Dom: Yes I do!
Kel: No you don't!
Dom: YES!!!
Kel: NO!!!
Camera Guy: SHUT UP!! THE NEWS IS OVER!!!
Kel: I'm Kel
Dom: And I'm Dom, and thank you for joining us at...
Both: The five 0'clock news!
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