A/N: Just a couple of Sheryl Crow songs that I turned into I Hate You Dan songs today. I had one for Bette Midler's The Rose, but I have to get it in order. Anyway, these songs are Soak Up the Sun and Diamond Road, two of my favorites. Oh, by the way my I've got others that are almost ready to be put up...
DISCLAIMER: I disclaim. I own the names of the songs and the words, but Sheryl Crow inspired me.
Soak Up The Grease
Oh, Dan, you're a grease trap
You hold it in your hair
I can't believe I caught
You frying chips up there!
I have some fries at home
Would you mind frying those for me?
I know it is not right
But it works out so perfectly
[CHORUS:]
You are gonna soak up grease
Gonna tell everyone that it tastes good
You are gonna get sick
From eating all of that grease
And then you're going to die
Dan, burn in hell
[1st time only]
I hope you burn in hell
I hope you burn in hell
I saw you yesterday
Putting Crisco in your hair
I was totally grossed out
But you looked like you did not care
Every time I turn around
You're soaking grease up in your hair
Maybe something's wrong with you
That makes you act the way you do
[CHORUS]
You're gonna soak up the grease
While it's still free for freaks
You're gonna soak in Crisco goo
Before it goes out on you
It's not like I want to see
The amounts of grease coming from your hair
And that cleft chin, oh baby
I just wanna cut it off!
Every time I turn around
You're soaking grease up in your hair
Maybe something's wrong with you
That makes you act the way you do
Maybe I am crazy, too
For seeing it the way you do
[CHORUS]
You are gonna soak up grease
Gonna tell everyone that it tastes good (that it tastes good)
You are gonna get sick
From eating all of that grease
And then you're going to die
Dan, burn in hell (Dan burn in hell)
I hope you burn in hell...
Road of Death
Walk with me the Road of Death
I hope that it takes your last breath
Take some grease from your hair
And you just might live
I want to light a bonfire up there
In the greasiness of your hair
Fry some chips off of your head
And bake some French Fries, too
When you're greasy (you're all alone)
When you're dying (on Death Road)
Oh, it's gonna take a little time
For you to give in and die
When the night falls (you're all alone)
When you're stumbling (on Death Road)
Oh, it's gonna take a little time
To make it to the other side
So don't miss the grease traps along the way
Every road has led you here today
Little bird, what's troublin' you?
You know what you have to do
Cause what is yours you'll never lose
And what's ahead may shine
Oh, and if you take the match to his head
We'll honor you 'till the day you're dead
Take the match, little birdie friend
And run through the steps to kill Dan again
When you're greasy (you're all alone)
When you're dying (on Death Road)
Oh, it's gonna take a little time
For you to give in and die
When the night falls (you're all alone)
When you're stumbling (on Death Road)
Oh, it's gonna take a little time
To make it to the other side
So don't miss the grease traps along the way
Every road has led you here today
Won't you shine on
Greasy hair treatment shampoo
Burn the Crisco away...
Oh...
Walk with me the Road of Death
I hope that it takes your last breath
Take some grease from your hair
And you just might live
(Just kidding...)
When you're greasy (you're all alone)
When you're dying (on Death Road)
Oh, it's gonna take a little time
For you to give in and die
When the night falls (you're all alone)
When you're stumbling (on Death Road)
Oh, it's gonna take a little time
To make it to the other side
Don't miss the grease traps along the way
Every road has led you here today
Death is what happens with grease and Crisco...
Oh, Dan, you really must die...