Chapter 5

Waking up three hours later, Ron found to his surprise that he was alone on the couch. He saw that the common room was indeed empty, as the fire continued to crackle in front of him. He wiped his face and rubbed his eyes tiredly and allowed his eyes to dart around, looking for any sign of life. Specifically, Hermione.

He walked out of the common room after waking himself up for a few minutes, and then wandered into a corridor where he knew he'd find at least Harry.

Sure enough, Harry was sitting with Ron's sister in the library with a large white poster board. They were obviously discussing Quidditch tactics.

Ron yawned and stretched, approaching the two. "Hey, you," he said.

Harry looked up, startled. His green eyes twinkled curiously behind his large glasses. "Hey, yourself."

Ginny sat back and crossed her arms. "I still don't get it."

Harry looked at her and then picked up his red marker, clambering toward the board. "What? Do you not understand where you're supposed to be on the pitch?"

"No," Ginny sighed, looking up at Ron. "I still don't get why you and Hermione were asleep together on that couch."

Ron's eyes widened as he stared at his sister. "What?"

Harry rolled his eyes and as he leaned over the poster to examine it, he commented, "You were fighting and uncomfortable one second, and then you were on top of each other the next."

"What? We weren't on top of each other… you're making it sound dirty…"

Harry put down his marker. "You're probably right," he admitted. "Of course I walked in while you were asleep, but it just looked kind of odd to me. I left mostly because you weren't speaking and it was making me nervous… then… you were so comfortable. It was odd."

Ron sighed loudly. Ginny spoke up quickly.

"Harry, you've seen them lately. They fight, they make up, they fight, they make up. It could have been in that two minutes that you were gone that they talked things out and…"

"See? You don't even believe yourself," Harry said.

"What is your problem, Harry?" a voice came from behind Ron.

He spun around to see Hermione. She was looking detached and cold, as if she had walked in on a stranger's conversation. Ron smiled at her and she only cast a sharp glance at him. He frowned. Now he was really confused.

Harry looked up, dropping his marker. "Hermione… what…?"

Hermione's lips were thin and drawn. This was a complete change from the warm girl who had hugged him and lay close to him three hours before.

"Does it bother you that Ron and I fell asleep together on the common room couch?" she asked, her voice so icy that it seemed if Harry gave the wrong response, he was in for it.

"Well, no," Harry said, avoiding her piercing brown-eyed gaze. "But it bothers me that you're constantly bickering…"

"Yes?" she asked, knowing he had left something behind.

Harry looked at Ginny for support, who in turn, shook her head. She wanted no part of the conversation.

"You guys are always fighting, but then two seconds later, you're okay… Then a day later it happens all over again, and it upsets me," he said, readjusting his glasses nervously.

"Why?" Hermione's tone was beginning to soften somehow, as if she were a teacher speaking to a student.

There was a tense silence while Harry stood nervously ten feet away from Hermione, nervously twirling the marker he was holding. He kept glancing toward Ginny, sitting on the floor in front of the poster board, her knees pulled into her chest. Ron stood close to Hermione unintentionally, nervously tugging on the end of his sweater. He was staring from Hermione's face to the floor. Hermione stood in front of them, her hands clasped gently in front of her, her stance ready and able.

"Well?"

Another tense moment of silence filled the air and was finally broken by none other than Ginny Weasley. She jumped up on her feet and stared straight into Hermione's face.

"It upsets everyone, Hermione! Wake up!"

Hermione's eyes widened as did Ron's. He had never seen Ginny so aggressive.

"It upsets me, Harry, and even Ron. Don't you get it?"

Hermione frowned. "No."

Ginny sighed disgustedly. "Then I'm not going to waste my time spelling it out for you," she then stalked past Hermione angrily. The three remaining looked at each other, and gathering up the poster board and markers, Harry ran off after her calling her name.

Hermione and Ron were left standing together, staring intensely at one another. Ron couldn't believe that she could go from hot to cold as easily as a faucet could. He had tried so hard to figure her out, but he somehow couldn't get into her brain as easily as he had thought.

She was so stubborn with him. One minute she would show him her emotions, her thoughts and feelings for him, and the next she would be cold and distant as if it had never happened. She fascinated him quite deeply, and even though she was constantly changing direction on him, her mind and heart was still worth fighting for.

But how long could he handle it?

For the remainder of the day, Hermione was unusually cold and elusive whenever she came near him. He spent most of his time with Harry and Ginny in the common room, working out plans for the upcoming Quidditch game against Ravenclaw. Hermione spent most of her day in the library.

They did not speak the rest of the day.

Ron woke up the next morning to an unusually large array of thoughts swimming in his head. He had had a disturbing dream, in which he was running toward Hermione, but the harder and faster he ran, the farther away she got. He was reaching out to her, calling her name, screaming things he himself couldn't understand, and her image turned dark suddenly.

He clutched his pillow, keeping his eyes closed as he lay in bed. So much confusion, for no reason, all of a sudden. It was beginning to be too much. He thought that at any moment he might burst.

He was going to set this straight with Hermione. He didn't understand his sudden feelings for her, but he knew that he hated being treated the way she treated him so often. She had made Ron feel inferior the entire six years they had known each other. He always felt shadowed by her, like he was never good enough.

Of course, Ron never admitted anything of the kind to anyone close to him, but he had noticed Hermione truly from the beginning. Even though she had seemed like a bossy know-it-all the first time they met, he was still intrigued. He always had to know more and see more, no matter how angry Hermione made him.

There was, however, a line. It was a very thin line when it came to her, but it was a line nonetheless. She was starting to cross it, and Ron desperately didn't want her to.

He opened his eyes wearily and stared ahead of him at the golden heart on his nightstand. It had remained faithfully in his pocket all day, giving him the strength to go on without screaming at Hermione. He didn't know how far that would take him that day.

He got up and then looked suddenly down at the Fidelis, which he had kept safely tucked away between his nightstand and the bed. It was still in perfect shape, full bloom, budding pink, and still appeared to be soft to the touch.

What in the world did Professor Sprout want me to do with this thing? He thought madly to himself. What could I possibly do with a Fidelis plant in my possession?

The idea of having the golden heart with him was a constant comfort, but even after staring at the Fidelis every single night, he was still at a loss. He knew how rare this flower was, so it wasn't like he could just toss it out. He also couldn't give it to someone. That would mean something.

So he continued to ponder.

He heard footsteps coming up the stairs and he instantly knew it was Harry. Pulling himself out of bed, he quickly grabbed the heart and got up to start changing. The door opened.

"Hey, I'm up, let me just change really quick."

No answer came, but Ron didn't seem to notice. He turned toward the bed, unbuttoning his pajamas quickly, thrusting the shirt onto the bed. "So, what have you and Ginny been doing all morning?"

Again, there was no answer and finally Ron turned around to say something. "Listen…"

He stopped when he saw that it was not Harry standing there, but Hermione. He suddenly saw red.

"What are you doing in here? Especially while I'm changing!" he screamed at her.

She opened her mouth to speak, "I, well, I was just wondering…"

"CAN IT WAIT?"

"YES!" she said, suddenly narrowing her eyes at him. "I was worried that you might be sick, sleeping until noon! I came to check on you!"

She turned on her heel to leave and Ron's sympathy got the best of him. "Wait! Hermione!"

Hermione didn't stop. "If you don't want me in here, I'll wait in the common room," she said as she opened the door and escaped down the stairs.

Ron grunted. "Bloody hell," he grunted to himself, forgetting what he was doing and going to chase after her.

She had made her way to the common room and was now sitting on the couch. She knew all too well that Ron would follow her down, but in truth she didn't really want him too.

She had struggled deeply all the day before through the night with the fact that she was now harboring deep feelings for Ron. It didn't seem plausible. She had been so angry with him only hours before and then suddenly she was in his arms. It was ludicrous! None of it made sense.

However, she was pretty sure that the reason she was so scared by it was because of how comfortable it felt to be in Ron's arms.

No, no, no! Shake him from your head! You do not have feelings for Ron; Ron is your good friend. Ron is NOTHING more than a good friend.

"HERMIONE!" Ron bellowed from the stairs. He emerged, still wearing only pajama pants and an angry expression. Hermione didn't miss the fact that he had somehow forgotten to put on his shirt.

"What?" she asked.

"Don't turn this around on me! It's not fair!"

"What are you talking about?"

He stood in front of her, running his fingers tensely through his hair. "First there's this tension, the next thing I know, we're telling each other 'let's never fight again' and you throw your arms around me—"

Hermione's jaw dropped. "DON'T MAKE ME SOUND LIKE A HARLOT!"

Ron stopped in mid sentence. "Why would I do that?"

"THROW MY ARMS AROUND YOU?" Hermione stood up, fists clenched, staring Ron in the face.

"That's what you did!"

"You're making me sound disgusting!"

"No I am not! That's what you did!"

Hermione turned away from him, crossing her arms and sticking her chin out. "I may have."

"You did."

Hermione turned around to Ron again, her eyes blazing. "STUBBORN WEASLEY! I swear to you, one of these days, I won't be able to handle this any longer!"

"I won't be able to handle your indecisiveness any longer either."

"Indecisiveness?"

"One minute, you're hugging me and laying with me on that couch, the next, you're as cold and distant as if we had met on the street! What's with you, Hermione? Do you do this out of pleasure or do you want to deny that you have any feeling for me whatsoever?"

Hermione's brown eyes were suddenly misting over with tears. She couldn't see Ron's face any longer. He wanted to know blatantly: Do you have feelings for me? How could she tell him that she did have them? How could she tell him that she had had them ever since she first saw him on that train first year? That the dirt on his nose wasn't the only thing she noticed about the adorable freckled face that day. That the only thing she'd ever wanted to do was teach him and guide him, hoping that he became better than what he thought himself to be. She wanted to tell him that she thought he might have come from a family of seven, but without a doubt, he was the most special Weasley in that entire household.

Ron noticed Hermione's eyes flood with tears and he knew he was responsible. Guilt washed over him, but he didn't want to stop now. They may have been fighting once again, but at least this time it was somewhat productive.

"No, I don't want to deny it," she said, swallowing a huge lump in her throat. "But I don't want to admit it either."

Ron ran his hands through his messy red hair and sighed heavily. "I don't know where to go from here, Hermione. I can't sit back, pretending that I'm okay with us fighting every two seconds. I don't want to wait around all my life for you."

Hermione's tears spilled over onto her cheeks. Ron's heart gave a lurch. He wanted more than anything to dry those tears. "I'm sorry, Ron, but I can't give you what you want right now. I have a lot on my mind."

"I understand that."

"Then open your eyes! I've been dealing with so much lately that I'm beginning to think I can't take much more. I don't know what to do half the time when I get like this, I feel like there's absolutely no one to talk to anymore. I don't know why I feel that way because I have all the friends in the world! I don't want to burden Harry with my problems, and Ginny's busy because of O.W.L.s, and you… you, Ron, you're different."

"Why?"

"Most of my problems are about you," she confessed finally.

Ron's eyes traveled to his feet. There were still so many questions. "Why were you so distant yesterday?"

Hermione sighed, sitting back down. Ron followed suit. "I woke up and realized what had happened. I had let some of my emotion and feeling seep out. I keep feeling like I'm losing my touch, my Hermione touch, as crazy as that sounds. I don't want to admit any feeling. I don't want to own up to anyone, or anything. But there are feelings inside of me Ron, feelings I can't just ignore anymore."

Ron sighed. "I know what you mean."

"These feelings… it's either look them in the face or turn away from them completely. There's no in between. That's what I'm struggling with now."

"Me too."

"I don't want to lose anything in my life that's important to me."

Ron frowned. "I don't follow…"

Hermione's eyes flooded with tears once more. Ron's hand quivered but he managed to keep it in his lap.

"If I follow through on this feeling Ron, and I get what I most desire… what happens if I lose it?"

Hermione had made a very valid point. "I hate fighting with you."

"It's like we can't stop it."

Hermione sighed, standing up and making her way to the portrait hole. She was stopped by a final, "Hermione!"

She stopped, placing her hand on the door and bowing her head toward the ground. She didn't look up.

"If you're so scared about this feeling… why did you come up to my dorm?"

Hermione's eyes once more dripped out several salty tears, and without answering, she clambered out of the common room.

Ron was left with nothing but a dry mouth, a sore throat, and a throbbing head of thoughts.