CRAZY LUNATIC EXPERIMENTS.
Summary: Hermione's aunt has been called to Hogwarts as she needs lots of children to be her 'guinea pigs' and of course, only Dumbledore is nice enough to let someone experiment with his students . . .
HERMIONE'S POV, BUT NARRATED BY ME ~ THE AUTHOR!!!!
NO SPOILERS HERE.
MY ENORMOUS THANKS TO:
~~~~ babmidnight ~ thanks so much for being the first EVER person (apart from my mate who read it first) to review this thing!!!!!! Thank you thank you thank you thank you!!!!!!! Anyway, remind me what LMAO means, I think I know cus' someone told me . . . but being the forgetful klutz I am, it's not surprising that I've forgotten!!!! Please do tell me!!!!
~~~~harryforeva ~ thank you soooooooooooooo much for reviewing, I am so happy, words cannot describe it!!!!! Hyperness comes with the happiness too!!!!! And as for the four reviews thing, I do have four!!! So the chappie is up!!!! Thanks so much again!!!!!
~~~~da-drama-queen ~ you got a collection of pigs???? LET ME SEE THEM!!!!!! PLEEEEEEEEEASE!!!! I love piggys, my best friend bought me this giant pig toy for my birthday, and I loved it!!!! It's well cuddly, but anyway, you are going to update soon?? That's good, and good luck for your exams!!!!
~~~~natsume2 ~ YAY!!!!! I really like Hard to get!!! You know, the one you write!!! Me mate, GroovyChick16 is even more into it than I am and I am so happy that I got a review from you! Mean reviews . . . yeah, some people just have no respect, and they don't even give you a chance to defend yourself!!!! Cus' they're anonymous and all. Anyway, here's the next chapter, and it doesn't matter if you have no suggestions!!! You tried!!!!!
~~~~Alanpatty07 ~ Thanks for reviewing this, it took forever for me to decide about that sequel to Fantasy, I kept on changing my mind, but I don't regret my final decision, that's for sure. I'm glad you think the last chapter was a good starting chapter, and I'll try not to ruin this story, thanks again!!!
~~~~klee_babe ~ HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! So it might be a little late to say that now, but I said it, here's a cookie and another chapter for you!!!!! I hope you enjoy both!!!!!!
~~~~Happigolucki616 ~ Lol, thanks!!!! I'm glad you like it, here's more and obviously, I hope you do enjoy it, after all, I tried!!!!! Lol, thanks again, please review this afterwards!!!!!
~~~~Voldie on Varsity Track ~ Hey Voldie, and thanks!!!! I'm not keen on George Bush either, and I especially don't like Tony Blair, but nevermind, and THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE SUGGESTIONS!!!!! I'm going to maybe add to them a bit, but I am so going to use at least one of them!!!!! DEFINITELY!!!! Thanks again.
~~~~Some12 ~ Thanks so much, for the review and the suggestions!!!!! THANK YOU!!!! Anyway, I will use them, but I might adjust them a bit to fit in the story, but I will definitely use one of them, trust me!!! Thanks again, and I hope you enjoy this chappie!!!!
~~~~Fluff ~ First, thanks so much for reviewing, you don't know how much it means to me!!! Second, just for you, I have tried to think up of new nicknames for Draco, and have come up with ONE (look out for it in this chapter)!!!! I'll try to think of more as I go along, but I will sometimes use the old Dwakie-poo and Dwakie, but not much, like only once in a while you know? Hope you enjoy this chappie - I tried!!!
~~~~starlightz6 ~ thanks for reviewing, and I'm glad you said the humour was there!!!! It was intended, thanks so much for the suggestions too!!!! I might use them, I think I am going to fit that popcorn part in somewhere definitely, but that makeover thing I'm not too sure about, because there's loads of fics that actually do have them change their looks, but I thank you for your suggestions, they were very helpful!!! Thanks again, hope you enjoy this!!!
~~~~Cactus Cream ~ Thanks so much for reviewing this one too!!!! **Grins** I am so proud and happy that you like it, especially the fight scene, I liked that too and I hoped that I wasn't the only one ^.~
~~~~burgundyred ~ Lol, it was still a long review, even if you did delete it!!!! I'm so happy that you like this fic, and Does my bum look big in this has turned serious - SORRY!!! Oh well, it wasn't actually until I decided that the fic was going to turn serious that people started to say that the fic was funny. As for constructive criticism, I like that and try to change my bad ways, but when people just say 'You stink, literally' (like you said) that's just harsh. Also, the stuff you wrote about Pansy is very true, but to be honest, if you wait and see, Pansy isn't really going to be in this fic at all, well maybe THERE (mentioned slightly just to make it more realistic type thing) but she isn't going to be written in detail in most of the chapters if you get me, so I don't really have the space to write backbone for Pansy, to make her less of an airhead I mean - she is in this chapter and does say and do stuff, and I am sorry to say that she may be an airhead and the usual 'too used' type Pansy - sorry, but to make backbone for her, I don't see how I could do that without making this fic remotely serious, and you wouldn't want that, would you?? Lol, only kidding, but if you have any ways to give Pansy backbone without making this thing disastrous, tell me!!!!! I like cows too!!! Pigs are better though :P
CHAPTER TWO: Assistants and partners.
DISCLAIMER: I own nothing!!! No Harry!!! No Ron **sniff**!!!! No Hermione **sniff sniff**!!!!! And no Draco **WAH**!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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As soon and Hermione and Aunt Emi stepped off the Hogwarts Express, they were both greeted by a short woman with VERY greasy hair.
"HELLO!!!!!!!!!!"
Hermione looked at the young witch in front of her. Her Aunt had told her that she had asked Dumbledore to put an advert in the Daily Prophet for an assistant, and she had chosen a young witch of around 20 to help her out, she guessed that this person must be the witch she was talking about. As Aunt Emi could use no magic, she had to have a witch or wizard as an assistant.
The witch in front of Hermione had purple hair with midnight blue highlights. She had long hair that went down to her waist and it was tied back into a ponytail loosely with a black ribbon. Her robes were fluorescent pink and dotted with blood red dots. Her nose was pierced (she wore a small crystal for a nose stud) and she wore giant round earrings, which matched her pale blue eyes. She was also wearing stilettos, which didn't make her that much taller than Hermione anyway.
"Erm, hi." Hermione shook the witches hand, as did her Aunt who beamed at Hermione proudly.
"Isn't she wonderful Hermione dear?"
"Yes, I guess so. May I ask your name?"
"It's Serena!!! Serena Barnes, and I know that you're called Hermione!!! Your Aunt has told me all about you!!! You see, we met in a café near London and talked for a while, just to get to know each other better cus' she told me I was chosen as the assistant and everything!!"
"Yes, I'm sure she has . . . may I also ask why I didn't see you on the train? I would've thought that you'd be on it."
Hermione wondered this for two reasons, one because: how did she get here if it wasn't by the Hogwarts Express? And two: if she was on the train, then why didn't she take her forever-chatting Aunt away from her? And maybe make her stop talking to her for once?
"I went here by broom with my dad!!! He's the new defence against the dark arts teacher so he had to come here as well!!!!"
"Hermione dear, there's no time to chat!!! You have to get on a carriage!!! See you in the castle honey!!!" And with that, Aunt Emi rushed off with Serena straight behind her (where they were going she had no idea). Hermione saw (to her relief) that Harry and Ron were now gesturing hurriedly for her to join them in their carriage, she could only be thankful that they saved her a space.
'Phew, I'm glad they saved me a seat!! Otherwise I would have had to sit in the other carriage!!! And I don't fancy seeing Pansy try to snog the face off of Malfoy thanks.'
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"Now before we all begin the feast, I have a special announcement to make!!! The new Defence Against the Dark Arts Teacher is Professor Bernard Barnes!!!! Let's all give him a warm welcome with a round of applause!!!!!"
The four tables in the great hall seemed to shake with the applause of the students as a man of around 55 stood up and bowed. He had a bald patch at the back of his head and he wore robes of silver lined with yellow along the edges. Seated next to him at the teacher's table were Serena and Dr. Granger. Of course, all the other teachers like Snape, Hagrid and Mcgonagall were also there. This year, it seemed that there were more new first years than there had ever been before. The sorting took longer to finish, and everyone was waiting for the feast to begin.
"Also, all 7th years must remain in the hall after the feast has ended. You shall find out why soon enough!! Now before we begin, let us say my favourite muggle saying - VA VA VOOM!!!!!!!!"
And with that, the four tables covered with glorious food, looking as delicious as ever. The students happily covered their plates with potatoes, chicken, roast ham, and desserts that were already set on the table for those who chose to eat it first. Altogether it was a wonderful feast, which got everyone stuffed. Now all they wanted to do was to have a good nights sleep, but unfortunately for the 7th years, they had to wait a little while longer.
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"Now 7th years, I introduce to you, Doctor Emilia Granger!!!"
All students that remained in the hall turned to Hermione and sniggered - especially the Slytherins. It wasn't a cool thing to have a relative work at your school, and Hermione had never been cool, but hanging out with Harry did boost her reputation, although now her reputation had suddenly dropped down to geeky dork that has boffy aunts.
"Hello everybody!!!!!!!!! And Hermione dear, don't look so glum!!! You'll still be alive by tomorrow!!!" Hermione groaned and banged her head on the table - hard.
"Anyway, as Professor Dumbledore said, I am Dr. Granger, and this is my lovely assistant Miss Barnes!!! We shall be here to cast some experiments, both magical and non magical. Me and Miss Barnes will be casting magical experiments because, although I am not a witch - unlike my DARLING niece Hermione - the great witch-doctor, Edwina Sally has given me some of her theories and products to test on all you lucky students!!!!"
'Great, we're going to get poisoned and I still haven't found the love of my life!!!' Hermione thought, as she slowly (VERY SLOWLY INDEED) lifted her head off the table. Neville was sitting to her right and was looking worriedly at her head (trying to see whether she was hurt or not) and Harry who was seated to her left, rubbed her back and whispering: "Don't worry, I'm still your friend even if everyone thinks you're a dork!!"
"For these tests, you will be getting your own living quarters, with your partner of the opposite gender. The experiments shall not last until your graduation day; therefore your lessons shall all be cancelled due to these experiments - until they end. My dear assistant will explain the rest to you."
Dr. Granger sat down and looked happily up at Serena, who stood up and grinned a toothy grin (which wasn't pretty as most of her teeth were rather yellow).
"In front of you now - she clicked her long finger nailed fingers - are a piece of parchment and a quill. If you would please write the name of one person of the opposite gender that you WOULD NOT like to be paired with on it, then we shall collect it."
Hermione thought quietly to herself and was just about to put clearly and in big bold letters, DRACO MALFOY, when someone interrupted her thoughts.
"Isn't this fun Hermione? I hope I'm paired with you, no one else will want to be paired with me because they all think I'm going to mess this thing up!!! You're the only one nice enough to help me out!! Me being so clumsy and all!!!"
Hermione smiled and changed her mind instantly. It wasn't that she didn't like Neville; it was just the fact that he was a Klutz and a jinx and that mixture was not a good thing. He'd probably turn a harmless experiment into a near death experience!!! She hurriedly scribbled down Neville Longbottom on her piece of parchment and it hurriedly folded itself up and flew into her Aunt's hand, who opened it and smiled.
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A while after, everyone was done and Dr. Granger placed all the folded pieces of parchment into the sorting hat, which had been left out after the sorting for this purpose.
"Now this lovely sorting hat will place you all into your suitable pairs!!! Please come up with your partner when you are sorted, and wait in a line over to where Dr. Granger shall be standing in a few minutes!!!" Serena called as she seated herself next to her father and Dr. Granger. Everyone waited patiently as the sorting hat thought and thought, and thought.
"Psst Harry!!" Hermione nudged Harry's arm.
"Yeah what?" He whispered back.
"Who did you and Ron put?"
"Hehe, can you believe we both put the same person? We both put Pansy Parkinson!!! Although I was tempted to put Millicent Bulstrode, but I don't think I'd be paired with her anyway. Who'd you put Hermione? Did you put Malfoy?"
"I was going to, but then Neville kind of changed my mind, so I put him instead."
"Well, I can see why you changed your mind!!" Harry said thoughtfully - Neville was such a klutz, the poor lad.
"Anyway, I hope I'm with either you or Ron."
"Yeah, so do I."
But they could talk no more, as the sorting hat began to speak. "True Gryffindor spirit, with a true Ravenclaw!! Brains and brawns - HARRY POTTER AND PADMA PATIL."
Harry stood up and sighed in relief (he wasn't going with a Slytherin!!) as Padma did the same. They lined up next to Dr Granger and Professor McGonagall, who by now were stood next to the Great Hall doors. Everyone applauded the pair, but immediately stopped when the sorting hat suddenly spoke once more.
"Two loyal Hufflepuffs, same as each other in intelligence and friendship, HANNAH ABBOTT AND ERNIE MACMILLIAN." The pair was again applauded and they stood behind Harry and Padma by the Hall doors. It was only a few seconds before the sorting hat spoke again.
"Another Weasley and only one Turpin, RONALD WEASLEY AND LISA TURPIN!!!!" (Lisa Turpin isn't anyone I made up, she's actually in the book - Ravenclaw, in the first book, the chapter about The Sorting Hat, check it out if you don't believe me) Again, a round of applause from everyone but the Slytherin table, as Ron went to line up. He winked at Hermione and mouthed 'Good Luck' (Hermione could only hope).
"A Longbottom with a Bone, sounds right to me, NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM AND SUSAN BONES!!!!!" Once again, applause surrounded the hall; Hermione hoped more and more that she went with either Dean or Seamus. Actually, she didn't mind as long as it wasn't anyone from the Slytherin table.
"Two truly great Gryffindor's, may I wish you peace and harmony together and forever, SEAMUS FINNIGAN AND PARVATI PATIL!!!!!!!" Parvati cheered, as did Seamus - her and Seamus had been going out for nearly a year now and everyone knew how loved up they were.
"Brains with loyalty, a great combination don't you think? - JUSTIN FINCH- FLETCHLEY AND MANDY BROCKLEHURST!!!!" Justin smiled at Mandy (if you look in the first book, the part with the Sorting Hat, she is there, so I didn't make her up either!), as did she. 'Maybe there's something going on between them two?' Hermione thought, 'When's it going to be my turn? I hope it's soon - I don't want to be last!!!!!'
"Two big brawns, the perfect pair, MILLICENT BULSTRODE AND GREGORY GOYLE!!!!!"
Millicent groaned as she clambered out, a silent Goyle following her. Hermione could see Pansy clinging onto Malfoy's arm as he rolled his eyes and rubbed his forehead with his free arm, it was too obvious that they would be a pair, unless Malfoy put Pansy on his piece of parchment.
"Another Gryffindor pair that Godric would be proud of, DEAN THOMAS AND LAVENDER BROWN!!!!!" 'Noooooooo!!!' Hermione thought, 'Great, I'm going to get paired up Crabbe!!! My life is officially OVER!!!'
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A while later and only six people remained at the tables. All the people in the line were chattering excitedly over whom they thought the hat was going to choose, for only Draco, Hermione, a Hufflepuff girl by the name of Sonia Chueng, a Ravenclaw boy by the name of Anthony Jackson, Pansy and Blaise Zambini (I'm thinking he's a boy in this story) remained seated at their tables.
"Hmm, difficult, very difficult, so similar and yet so different, from two worlds apart, the bond of the bloodlines, HERMIONE GRANGER AND DRACO MALFOY!!!!!!!!!!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!" Both Hermione and Draco stood up, their fists punched into the table, their eyes wide and their teeth both clenched in frustration.
"YOU CAN'T PUT ME WITH A GEEKY LITTLE MUDBLOOD YOU STUPID HAT!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"YOU CAN'T PUT ME WITH A IGNORANT, SPOILT FERRET YOU STUPID HAT!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Yeah, you stupid sorting hat!!! You can't put my wonderful Dwakie-poo with a dirty mudblood like her!!!" Pansy shrieked as she held tightly onto Malfoy's arm. "Didn't you read what Coco (Draco raised an eyebrow at this) put for who he DIDN'T want to be with? He put the mudblood, didn't you Coco??" She pouted as she looked up at Draco.
Malfoy snatched his arm away from her and sighed, closing his eyes and rubbing his forehead. "No, Parkinson. I didn't put Granger, I changed my mind at the last minute - I put you."
"What?? But that can't be!!!! We love each other; we were meant to be together!!!!!! We were made for each other!!!! Even our parents think so!!!!!!!!"
"LOOK PUG FACE, WE ARE OVER!!!!!!! I BROKE UP WITH YOU AGES AGO, BUT YOU JUST WON'T FACE THE FACTS!!!! ANYWAY, IF I KNEW THAT GRANGER WOULDN'T PUT ME ON HER PARCHMENT, THEN I WOULD HAVE PUT HER!!!!"
Draco glared at Pansy as she cried onto the shoulder of the person next to her - Blaise Zambini. He tried to edge away from her, but she just wouldn't let him go. Draco looked up questioningly at Hermione.
"Granger, why didn't you put ME???? Then we wouldn't be in this mess!!!! Wait, who could be worse than me???"
"Well, I'd rather have you as a partner than die thank you very much!!!" Draco raised an eyebrow at this comment, "Fine, I put Neville."
Draco nodded, showing that he understood why she had put Neville. Hermione looked apologetically at Neville, who looked hurt but nodded at her to show that he understood why she would put him down on her parchment. Everyone turned towards the sorting hat, as it spoke once more.
"Seeing as she's crying on his arm, two Slytherins of pureblood, PANSY PARKINSON AND BLAISE ZAMBINI!!!"
Blaise groaned and stood up, dragging Pansy with him to the line. Draco slowly got up from the bench and was about to stand behind them in the line, when he noticed Hermione was still standing where she had been a minute ago. The truth was that she felt utterly ashamed of herself. Neville would never forgive her completely for this, and she would never live it down. Her conscience would always bug her about it everytime she saw Neville. Suddenly, she felt a tug at her robes.
"Granger??? Everyone is waiting for YOU to join the line to go!!!!!"
It took a while for Hermione to let the words sink in. "What?" But it was too late; Draco had had enough of waiting. He took by the ear and dragged her over to the line, where the rest of the people were staring at them.
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A/N: THANK YOU AGAIN SO MUCH TO ANYONE WHO'S READING THIS!! I am so happy, I never imagined that I would get this many reviews for the first chapter!!!! Whoopee!!!!!!! Anyway, thanks so much, and I hope everyone enjoyed that, FOR ANYONE LOOKING FOR A TRULY FUNNY FIC, READ GROOVYCHICK16'S fanfic, it's called THE ADVENTURES OF DRACO MALFOY'S FAN CLUB, and I help co-write it!!! It's not a romance, but I think it's funny.
~Loving fanfics more and more,
ME!!!!
PS. Out of interest, DAN RADCLIFFE, TOM FELTON, OR RUPERT GRINT???
PPS. Remembrance day - 11/11/03, R.I.P.
Summary: Hermione's aunt has been called to Hogwarts as she needs lots of children to be her 'guinea pigs' and of course, only Dumbledore is nice enough to let someone experiment with his students . . .
HERMIONE'S POV, BUT NARRATED BY ME ~ THE AUTHOR!!!!
NO SPOILERS HERE.
MY ENORMOUS THANKS TO:
~~~~ babmidnight ~ thanks so much for being the first EVER person (apart from my mate who read it first) to review this thing!!!!!! Thank you thank you thank you thank you!!!!!!! Anyway, remind me what LMAO means, I think I know cus' someone told me . . . but being the forgetful klutz I am, it's not surprising that I've forgotten!!!! Please do tell me!!!!
~~~~harryforeva ~ thank you soooooooooooooo much for reviewing, I am so happy, words cannot describe it!!!!! Hyperness comes with the happiness too!!!!! And as for the four reviews thing, I do have four!!! So the chappie is up!!!! Thanks so much again!!!!!
~~~~da-drama-queen ~ you got a collection of pigs???? LET ME SEE THEM!!!!!! PLEEEEEEEEEASE!!!! I love piggys, my best friend bought me this giant pig toy for my birthday, and I loved it!!!! It's well cuddly, but anyway, you are going to update soon?? That's good, and good luck for your exams!!!!
~~~~natsume2 ~ YAY!!!!! I really like Hard to get!!! You know, the one you write!!! Me mate, GroovyChick16 is even more into it than I am and I am so happy that I got a review from you! Mean reviews . . . yeah, some people just have no respect, and they don't even give you a chance to defend yourself!!!! Cus' they're anonymous and all. Anyway, here's the next chapter, and it doesn't matter if you have no suggestions!!! You tried!!!!!
~~~~Alanpatty07 ~ Thanks for reviewing this, it took forever for me to decide about that sequel to Fantasy, I kept on changing my mind, but I don't regret my final decision, that's for sure. I'm glad you think the last chapter was a good starting chapter, and I'll try not to ruin this story, thanks again!!!
~~~~klee_babe ~ HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! So it might be a little late to say that now, but I said it, here's a cookie and another chapter for you!!!!! I hope you enjoy both!!!!!!
~~~~Happigolucki616 ~ Lol, thanks!!!! I'm glad you like it, here's more and obviously, I hope you do enjoy it, after all, I tried!!!!! Lol, thanks again, please review this afterwards!!!!!
~~~~Voldie on Varsity Track ~ Hey Voldie, and thanks!!!! I'm not keen on George Bush either, and I especially don't like Tony Blair, but nevermind, and THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE SUGGESTIONS!!!!! I'm going to maybe add to them a bit, but I am so going to use at least one of them!!!!! DEFINITELY!!!! Thanks again.
~~~~Some12 ~ Thanks so much, for the review and the suggestions!!!!! THANK YOU!!!! Anyway, I will use them, but I might adjust them a bit to fit in the story, but I will definitely use one of them, trust me!!! Thanks again, and I hope you enjoy this chappie!!!!
~~~~Fluff ~ First, thanks so much for reviewing, you don't know how much it means to me!!! Second, just for you, I have tried to think up of new nicknames for Draco, and have come up with ONE (look out for it in this chapter)!!!! I'll try to think of more as I go along, but I will sometimes use the old Dwakie-poo and Dwakie, but not much, like only once in a while you know? Hope you enjoy this chappie - I tried!!!
~~~~starlightz6 ~ thanks for reviewing, and I'm glad you said the humour was there!!!! It was intended, thanks so much for the suggestions too!!!! I might use them, I think I am going to fit that popcorn part in somewhere definitely, but that makeover thing I'm not too sure about, because there's loads of fics that actually do have them change their looks, but I thank you for your suggestions, they were very helpful!!! Thanks again, hope you enjoy this!!!
~~~~Cactus Cream ~ Thanks so much for reviewing this one too!!!! **Grins** I am so proud and happy that you like it, especially the fight scene, I liked that too and I hoped that I wasn't the only one ^.~
~~~~burgundyred ~ Lol, it was still a long review, even if you did delete it!!!! I'm so happy that you like this fic, and Does my bum look big in this has turned serious - SORRY!!! Oh well, it wasn't actually until I decided that the fic was going to turn serious that people started to say that the fic was funny. As for constructive criticism, I like that and try to change my bad ways, but when people just say 'You stink, literally' (like you said) that's just harsh. Also, the stuff you wrote about Pansy is very true, but to be honest, if you wait and see, Pansy isn't really going to be in this fic at all, well maybe THERE (mentioned slightly just to make it more realistic type thing) but she isn't going to be written in detail in most of the chapters if you get me, so I don't really have the space to write backbone for Pansy, to make her less of an airhead I mean - she is in this chapter and does say and do stuff, and I am sorry to say that she may be an airhead and the usual 'too used' type Pansy - sorry, but to make backbone for her, I don't see how I could do that without making this fic remotely serious, and you wouldn't want that, would you?? Lol, only kidding, but if you have any ways to give Pansy backbone without making this thing disastrous, tell me!!!!! I like cows too!!! Pigs are better though :P
CHAPTER TWO: Assistants and partners.
DISCLAIMER: I own nothing!!! No Harry!!! No Ron **sniff**!!!! No Hermione **sniff sniff**!!!!! And no Draco **WAH**!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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As soon and Hermione and Aunt Emi stepped off the Hogwarts Express, they were both greeted by a short woman with VERY greasy hair.
"HELLO!!!!!!!!!!"
Hermione looked at the young witch in front of her. Her Aunt had told her that she had asked Dumbledore to put an advert in the Daily Prophet for an assistant, and she had chosen a young witch of around 20 to help her out, she guessed that this person must be the witch she was talking about. As Aunt Emi could use no magic, she had to have a witch or wizard as an assistant.
The witch in front of Hermione had purple hair with midnight blue highlights. She had long hair that went down to her waist and it was tied back into a ponytail loosely with a black ribbon. Her robes were fluorescent pink and dotted with blood red dots. Her nose was pierced (she wore a small crystal for a nose stud) and she wore giant round earrings, which matched her pale blue eyes. She was also wearing stilettos, which didn't make her that much taller than Hermione anyway.
"Erm, hi." Hermione shook the witches hand, as did her Aunt who beamed at Hermione proudly.
"Isn't she wonderful Hermione dear?"
"Yes, I guess so. May I ask your name?"
"It's Serena!!! Serena Barnes, and I know that you're called Hermione!!! Your Aunt has told me all about you!!! You see, we met in a café near London and talked for a while, just to get to know each other better cus' she told me I was chosen as the assistant and everything!!"
"Yes, I'm sure she has . . . may I also ask why I didn't see you on the train? I would've thought that you'd be on it."
Hermione wondered this for two reasons, one because: how did she get here if it wasn't by the Hogwarts Express? And two: if she was on the train, then why didn't she take her forever-chatting Aunt away from her? And maybe make her stop talking to her for once?
"I went here by broom with my dad!!! He's the new defence against the dark arts teacher so he had to come here as well!!!!"
"Hermione dear, there's no time to chat!!! You have to get on a carriage!!! See you in the castle honey!!!" And with that, Aunt Emi rushed off with Serena straight behind her (where they were going she had no idea). Hermione saw (to her relief) that Harry and Ron were now gesturing hurriedly for her to join them in their carriage, she could only be thankful that they saved her a space.
'Phew, I'm glad they saved me a seat!! Otherwise I would have had to sit in the other carriage!!! And I don't fancy seeing Pansy try to snog the face off of Malfoy thanks.'
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"Now before we all begin the feast, I have a special announcement to make!!! The new Defence Against the Dark Arts Teacher is Professor Bernard Barnes!!!! Let's all give him a warm welcome with a round of applause!!!!!"
The four tables in the great hall seemed to shake with the applause of the students as a man of around 55 stood up and bowed. He had a bald patch at the back of his head and he wore robes of silver lined with yellow along the edges. Seated next to him at the teacher's table were Serena and Dr. Granger. Of course, all the other teachers like Snape, Hagrid and Mcgonagall were also there. This year, it seemed that there were more new first years than there had ever been before. The sorting took longer to finish, and everyone was waiting for the feast to begin.
"Also, all 7th years must remain in the hall after the feast has ended. You shall find out why soon enough!! Now before we begin, let us say my favourite muggle saying - VA VA VOOM!!!!!!!!"
And with that, the four tables covered with glorious food, looking as delicious as ever. The students happily covered their plates with potatoes, chicken, roast ham, and desserts that were already set on the table for those who chose to eat it first. Altogether it was a wonderful feast, which got everyone stuffed. Now all they wanted to do was to have a good nights sleep, but unfortunately for the 7th years, they had to wait a little while longer.
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"Now 7th years, I introduce to you, Doctor Emilia Granger!!!"
All students that remained in the hall turned to Hermione and sniggered - especially the Slytherins. It wasn't a cool thing to have a relative work at your school, and Hermione had never been cool, but hanging out with Harry did boost her reputation, although now her reputation had suddenly dropped down to geeky dork that has boffy aunts.
"Hello everybody!!!!!!!!! And Hermione dear, don't look so glum!!! You'll still be alive by tomorrow!!!" Hermione groaned and banged her head on the table - hard.
"Anyway, as Professor Dumbledore said, I am Dr. Granger, and this is my lovely assistant Miss Barnes!!! We shall be here to cast some experiments, both magical and non magical. Me and Miss Barnes will be casting magical experiments because, although I am not a witch - unlike my DARLING niece Hermione - the great witch-doctor, Edwina Sally has given me some of her theories and products to test on all you lucky students!!!!"
'Great, we're going to get poisoned and I still haven't found the love of my life!!!' Hermione thought, as she slowly (VERY SLOWLY INDEED) lifted her head off the table. Neville was sitting to her right and was looking worriedly at her head (trying to see whether she was hurt or not) and Harry who was seated to her left, rubbed her back and whispering: "Don't worry, I'm still your friend even if everyone thinks you're a dork!!"
"For these tests, you will be getting your own living quarters, with your partner of the opposite gender. The experiments shall not last until your graduation day; therefore your lessons shall all be cancelled due to these experiments - until they end. My dear assistant will explain the rest to you."
Dr. Granger sat down and looked happily up at Serena, who stood up and grinned a toothy grin (which wasn't pretty as most of her teeth were rather yellow).
"In front of you now - she clicked her long finger nailed fingers - are a piece of parchment and a quill. If you would please write the name of one person of the opposite gender that you WOULD NOT like to be paired with on it, then we shall collect it."
Hermione thought quietly to herself and was just about to put clearly and in big bold letters, DRACO MALFOY, when someone interrupted her thoughts.
"Isn't this fun Hermione? I hope I'm paired with you, no one else will want to be paired with me because they all think I'm going to mess this thing up!!! You're the only one nice enough to help me out!! Me being so clumsy and all!!!"
Hermione smiled and changed her mind instantly. It wasn't that she didn't like Neville; it was just the fact that he was a Klutz and a jinx and that mixture was not a good thing. He'd probably turn a harmless experiment into a near death experience!!! She hurriedly scribbled down Neville Longbottom on her piece of parchment and it hurriedly folded itself up and flew into her Aunt's hand, who opened it and smiled.
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A while after, everyone was done and Dr. Granger placed all the folded pieces of parchment into the sorting hat, which had been left out after the sorting for this purpose.
"Now this lovely sorting hat will place you all into your suitable pairs!!! Please come up with your partner when you are sorted, and wait in a line over to where Dr. Granger shall be standing in a few minutes!!!" Serena called as she seated herself next to her father and Dr. Granger. Everyone waited patiently as the sorting hat thought and thought, and thought.
"Psst Harry!!" Hermione nudged Harry's arm.
"Yeah what?" He whispered back.
"Who did you and Ron put?"
"Hehe, can you believe we both put the same person? We both put Pansy Parkinson!!! Although I was tempted to put Millicent Bulstrode, but I don't think I'd be paired with her anyway. Who'd you put Hermione? Did you put Malfoy?"
"I was going to, but then Neville kind of changed my mind, so I put him instead."
"Well, I can see why you changed your mind!!" Harry said thoughtfully - Neville was such a klutz, the poor lad.
"Anyway, I hope I'm with either you or Ron."
"Yeah, so do I."
But they could talk no more, as the sorting hat began to speak. "True Gryffindor spirit, with a true Ravenclaw!! Brains and brawns - HARRY POTTER AND PADMA PATIL."
Harry stood up and sighed in relief (he wasn't going with a Slytherin!!) as Padma did the same. They lined up next to Dr Granger and Professor McGonagall, who by now were stood next to the Great Hall doors. Everyone applauded the pair, but immediately stopped when the sorting hat suddenly spoke once more.
"Two loyal Hufflepuffs, same as each other in intelligence and friendship, HANNAH ABBOTT AND ERNIE MACMILLIAN." The pair was again applauded and they stood behind Harry and Padma by the Hall doors. It was only a few seconds before the sorting hat spoke again.
"Another Weasley and only one Turpin, RONALD WEASLEY AND LISA TURPIN!!!!" (Lisa Turpin isn't anyone I made up, she's actually in the book - Ravenclaw, in the first book, the chapter about The Sorting Hat, check it out if you don't believe me) Again, a round of applause from everyone but the Slytherin table, as Ron went to line up. He winked at Hermione and mouthed 'Good Luck' (Hermione could only hope).
"A Longbottom with a Bone, sounds right to me, NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM AND SUSAN BONES!!!!!" Once again, applause surrounded the hall; Hermione hoped more and more that she went with either Dean or Seamus. Actually, she didn't mind as long as it wasn't anyone from the Slytherin table.
"Two truly great Gryffindor's, may I wish you peace and harmony together and forever, SEAMUS FINNIGAN AND PARVATI PATIL!!!!!!!" Parvati cheered, as did Seamus - her and Seamus had been going out for nearly a year now and everyone knew how loved up they were.
"Brains with loyalty, a great combination don't you think? - JUSTIN FINCH- FLETCHLEY AND MANDY BROCKLEHURST!!!!" Justin smiled at Mandy (if you look in the first book, the part with the Sorting Hat, she is there, so I didn't make her up either!), as did she. 'Maybe there's something going on between them two?' Hermione thought, 'When's it going to be my turn? I hope it's soon - I don't want to be last!!!!!'
"Two big brawns, the perfect pair, MILLICENT BULSTRODE AND GREGORY GOYLE!!!!!"
Millicent groaned as she clambered out, a silent Goyle following her. Hermione could see Pansy clinging onto Malfoy's arm as he rolled his eyes and rubbed his forehead with his free arm, it was too obvious that they would be a pair, unless Malfoy put Pansy on his piece of parchment.
"Another Gryffindor pair that Godric would be proud of, DEAN THOMAS AND LAVENDER BROWN!!!!!" 'Noooooooo!!!' Hermione thought, 'Great, I'm going to get paired up Crabbe!!! My life is officially OVER!!!'
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A while later and only six people remained at the tables. All the people in the line were chattering excitedly over whom they thought the hat was going to choose, for only Draco, Hermione, a Hufflepuff girl by the name of Sonia Chueng, a Ravenclaw boy by the name of Anthony Jackson, Pansy and Blaise Zambini (I'm thinking he's a boy in this story) remained seated at their tables.
"Hmm, difficult, very difficult, so similar and yet so different, from two worlds apart, the bond of the bloodlines, HERMIONE GRANGER AND DRACO MALFOY!!!!!!!!!!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!" Both Hermione and Draco stood up, their fists punched into the table, their eyes wide and their teeth both clenched in frustration.
"YOU CAN'T PUT ME WITH A GEEKY LITTLE MUDBLOOD YOU STUPID HAT!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"YOU CAN'T PUT ME WITH A IGNORANT, SPOILT FERRET YOU STUPID HAT!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Yeah, you stupid sorting hat!!! You can't put my wonderful Dwakie-poo with a dirty mudblood like her!!!" Pansy shrieked as she held tightly onto Malfoy's arm. "Didn't you read what Coco (Draco raised an eyebrow at this) put for who he DIDN'T want to be with? He put the mudblood, didn't you Coco??" She pouted as she looked up at Draco.
Malfoy snatched his arm away from her and sighed, closing his eyes and rubbing his forehead. "No, Parkinson. I didn't put Granger, I changed my mind at the last minute - I put you."
"What?? But that can't be!!!! We love each other; we were meant to be together!!!!!! We were made for each other!!!! Even our parents think so!!!!!!!!"
"LOOK PUG FACE, WE ARE OVER!!!!!!! I BROKE UP WITH YOU AGES AGO, BUT YOU JUST WON'T FACE THE FACTS!!!! ANYWAY, IF I KNEW THAT GRANGER WOULDN'T PUT ME ON HER PARCHMENT, THEN I WOULD HAVE PUT HER!!!!"
Draco glared at Pansy as she cried onto the shoulder of the person next to her - Blaise Zambini. He tried to edge away from her, but she just wouldn't let him go. Draco looked up questioningly at Hermione.
"Granger, why didn't you put ME???? Then we wouldn't be in this mess!!!! Wait, who could be worse than me???"
"Well, I'd rather have you as a partner than die thank you very much!!!" Draco raised an eyebrow at this comment, "Fine, I put Neville."
Draco nodded, showing that he understood why she had put Neville. Hermione looked apologetically at Neville, who looked hurt but nodded at her to show that he understood why she would put him down on her parchment. Everyone turned towards the sorting hat, as it spoke once more.
"Seeing as she's crying on his arm, two Slytherins of pureblood, PANSY PARKINSON AND BLAISE ZAMBINI!!!"
Blaise groaned and stood up, dragging Pansy with him to the line. Draco slowly got up from the bench and was about to stand behind them in the line, when he noticed Hermione was still standing where she had been a minute ago. The truth was that she felt utterly ashamed of herself. Neville would never forgive her completely for this, and she would never live it down. Her conscience would always bug her about it everytime she saw Neville. Suddenly, she felt a tug at her robes.
"Granger??? Everyone is waiting for YOU to join the line to go!!!!!"
It took a while for Hermione to let the words sink in. "What?" But it was too late; Draco had had enough of waiting. He took by the ear and dragged her over to the line, where the rest of the people were staring at them.
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A/N: THANK YOU AGAIN SO MUCH TO ANYONE WHO'S READING THIS!! I am so happy, I never imagined that I would get this many reviews for the first chapter!!!! Whoopee!!!!!!! Anyway, thanks so much, and I hope everyone enjoyed that, FOR ANYONE LOOKING FOR A TRULY FUNNY FIC, READ GROOVYCHICK16'S fanfic, it's called THE ADVENTURES OF DRACO MALFOY'S FAN CLUB, and I help co-write it!!! It's not a romance, but I think it's funny.
~Loving fanfics more and more,
ME!!!!
PS. Out of interest, DAN RADCLIFFE, TOM FELTON, OR RUPERT GRINT???
PPS. Remembrance day - 11/11/03, R.I.P.