CRAZY LUNATIC EXPERIMENTS
Summary: Hermione's aunt has been called to Hogwarts as she needs lots of children to be her 'guinea pigs' and of course, only Dumbledore is nice enough to let someone experiment with his students . . .
NARRATED BY MOI!
I WOULD LIKE TO THANK:
* A friend ~ I have a feeling you only reviewed this cus you saw my pen name, well, yeah, Tom's cute etc. but I STILL LOVE RON SO :P. And anyway, we're all entitled to our opinions, like . . . I think I am a posh snobby twat. Makes sense . . .
*Some12 ~ Thank you for the review! And as for Draco and his head hurting . . . you read on and you'll find out! Hopefully, you'll enjoy this chapter as much as I hope you will!!!
*Dracoluver2009 ~ Thank you for the review, I know I say it to everyone, but I mean it everytime! As for the romance . . . all I'm saying is that there will be more, and their relationship shall build, BUT not for some time yet! (I know when but that's my secret ;D)
*Loah ~ Thanks, the review was great too!
*Smileyface1314 ~ Thank you for the review, and I'm sorry I haven't read your story Tragic Kingdom (until now)!! I totally forgot about it but hopefully, now I shall have read it!
*Paprika90 ~ Aw, thanks, here's the next chapter, I really hope you enjoy it! And (of course) review afterwards!!
*The lady Katherine ~ Thank you for the reviews, and the suggestions as well! I'll keep them in mind, but I can't guarantee that they'll be used! I write what comes my way, so it all depends on whether I remember your suggestion when I type! But I do have something in mind that I think I'll use first . . . oh and yes, this is a d/h fic, so there shall be romance . . . when I'm not sure, as I am a crap romantic comedy write.
*LythTaeraneth ~ Lol, yeah, I know it would have been an insult which is why I didn't name Lee, James. Oh and as for that Dracula thing, yeah, that just came to me in an unexpected daydream, hehe, and I was reading about Draco being Dracula, that was funny . . .
*Fluff ~ Thank you for the review! This might disappoint you, but the dreams were added for no particular reason whatsoever . . . now I'm wondering whether I should have told you that . . . lol, anyway, Hermione's purpleness won't come up much anymore, I mean, even I'M getting tired of it! Here's the update, enjoy!
*Anonymous ~ Howdy ho, thanks for the review, and for what you said in it! The romance (and kissing, maybe) will be coming soon, how soon I don't know, but I am a AWFUL romantic comedy writer, but I'm improving, so you'll just have to wait, and keep the romance at the back of your head for now!
*Pyroprincess4rmeverwood ~ I hope I spelt your name right . . . thanks for the review! Here's the update, please enjoy!
NO SPOILERS.
CHAPTER TEN: Choco galore
DISCLAIMER: I own nothing apart from the plot that makes up this fic, as simple as it may be, I am damn proud of it!!! Me owning nothing includes the fact that I own none of the characters, or Hogwarts, or Hogsmeade for that matter. YIPPEE!!!! I do, however, own Dr Granger, the cooky lady.
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"Look Donna, just tell me what in hell is wrong with him, I haven't got all day!"
Hermione screamed, it was midnight, she was tired, and she was stuck in a room with a posh doctor and a snoring ferret. Not exactly her vision of heaven.
"Well Miss Granger, just to tell you first, we've called your Aunt, she is coming. The problem he has is . . . well, he seems to have some sort of . . . I don't know what to call it. It's not a disease, exactly, but it's definitely a problem."
"Oh that's okay then, he's always been diseased anyway, now can I go to sleep? I do have a busy day tomorrow you know!"
"Aren't you going to that chocolate factory tomorrow, Hermione honey?"
Dr Granger bustled in, followed by a scruffy looking Serena in a fluffy pink nightgown. Hermione raised her eyebrows, then thought how out of character that was, so she lowered then into a frown. 'God Malfoy must be rubbing off on me,' Hermione thought absentmindedly as her Aunt sat down next to her.
"Aren't you going to that factory with Ron Weasley and Harry Potter? Oh and their partners of course." Dr Granger repeated.
"I don't know, am I?"
"Yes."
"How come?"
"Ronald chose Mr Potter and his pair, you and, he did say unfortunately, Mr Malfoy too, because he is your pair after all."
"Right, well then I NEED MY SLEEP!!!! I can't go to a chocolate factory tired, I mean, I'll get eaten by a giant chocolate frog or something!!!"
Dr Granger smiled and nodded, patting Hermione on the head and scruffing up her hair in affection, making Hermione scowl and try to make her hair less bushy, making it bushier. She turned to face Donna, trying to ignore the fact that there were now two snoring people in the room - Draco and Serena.
"So, what's wrong with him?"
"It seems that he has some sort of . . . thing, growing in him, that came when he drank that cup of slime, I mean, that cup, of . . . errr, DRINK. I think that it was only his drink that had it in, so that's why it's only affected HIM and not anyone else. That thing should have taken a while to be activated, so it does make sense that he's only being like this now."
"So how's he going to go to that chocolate factory tomorrow?" Dr Granger asked as she stood and went over to look at the drooling Draco, scrunched up on a hard table used as a bed. She prodded him with her finger, making him blow bubbles out of his mouth and mumble something like 'Merlin had a little broom, little broom, little broom, Merlin had a little broom, wood as brown as trees . . .'
"Well, what is actually the matter with him is that he may act like a four year old at times, but sometimes he may act like the normal seventeen year old Mr Malfoy, but I think it would be much safer if he didn't go at all tomorrow."
Hermione did a back flip inside and didn't even bother to hide her grin. If Malfoy wasn't going to go to the factory, that would mean that she would be away from these cooky experiments AND him for a whole day!!! What more could she ask for? But then, a thought struck her.
"Oh no!!! He can't miss out on the fun!! He HAS to come tomorrow Aunt Emi, he just HAS to."
Dr Granger and Donna stared at Hermione like she had gone mad. She smiled sweetly and fluttered her eyelids, trying to act all innocent. Dr Granger smiled hesitantly as she looked Hermione up and down, trying to figure out what was wrong with her darling little niece.
"Well, okay then dear, if you really want him to. But I'm warning you Hermione! He'll be your responsibility if he changes, and four years olds aren't exactly the easiest things to look after!"
"Of course I'll look after him Aunt Emi! I'll be really good to him, yes . . . reeeeeeeeeally good." Hermione smiled evilly, her mind whirling in her head. 'Hehehehehe . . . once Malfoy is at the factory, SHOVE!! And he'll be in that pot of boiling chocolate sauce before you can say quidditch . . . . . . . . . . hehehehehehehehe MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!! . . . . God, I really should get out more . . .'
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"Groan . . ."
Hermione stretched out her hand to try and shut her alarm off. It was now about 7:00am, and she was in her own bed after having to struggle to carry Draco into the room and into his bed. Dr Granger had told her that she had to be dressed by 8:00am. Ron would then knock on her door when it was time to leave for the factory.
"WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!!!"
Hermione opened her eyes slightly, wondering what on earth had caused that racket, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Draco was peering at her while sitting on top of her, a goofy grin plastered on his face and his hair messed up. He got up and pulled the covers away from Hermione, a playful hint in his eye. He then began to jump up and down on her bed, making her fall off with a hard THUMP to the ground.
"Malfoy you freak!!! Stop that!!!" Hermione blushed as she watched him continue to jump, ignoring every word she had said, "And go put some clothes on."
Draco stopped, he looked down to realise that he was just in his boxers. The goofy grin turning into an even goofier smile, "My name is DRACO, D. R. A. C. O. Father says so and what father says is what everyone should say!!! Who are you?" Draco frowned, he had said everything in a baby voice like what he would have sounded like if he was three or four years old. Hermione sighed and thought it best if she answered like she was him.
"I'm a muggle-born that you call Granger."
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!! MUDBLOOD!!!! FILTHY MUDDYBLOODY!!!! IN MY ROOM!!!!!!!"
Hermione grabbed her pillow and stuffed it down Draco's mouth, making him shut up and choke at the same time.
"It's my room too," She said, she was beginning to get annoyed of this Draco - little Draco was no better than big Draco and she really didn't feel like looking after posh, snobby and bratty children right now. 'Note to self: Never be a babysitter' and with that thought in mind, she hurried into the bathroom before little Draco started to drool over her or something.
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"Er, right, so he's not the REAL Malfoy?"
"Harry, he is the real Malfoy, just, the real Malfoy when he was four or three, whatever," Hermione tried to explain as she sat in the six people carriage. They were now heading to the chocolate frogs factory and the excitement was really getting to some of them, namely Ron and Draco (being four has it's ways). The rain was splattering down outside, but that didn't really matter as they were inside a carriage with a roof over their heads.
Ron tapped little Draco on the shoulder (I'll refer to Draco as little or big as to not confuse you people, or myself). "So, you like our Hermione then?" Ron asked curiously, trying his best to keep calm about the trip (if keeping calm is ripping your hand-me-down robes and chewing on them).
"She's better than what father said muddybloody's were," Draco replied, still staring out the window, captured by the dull stone pavements and the growing mould on a side of a nearby building, "Where is my father anyway?"
"Oh he's de -
"What Ron means is that he's gone somewhere far, far away in the land of the devils," Hermione said sweetly as she glared at Ron. So the baby teenager was Draco Malfoy, but that didn't mean that a four year old had to be exposed to such things like death! That could wait until later, like when she dropped him in boiling hot chocolate.
"Oh, okay, so he's dead. Mother won't be pleased."
Hermione frowned. How did Draco know such things at such a young age? But then again, he did come from a family such as the Malfoy's, she should have known better than to try and convince one of the most lethal and dark families son about death. Nevermind, better luck next time.
"You know," Lisa Turpin began as she sat and watched Draco, "I like this Draco, he's a lot less grumpy."
"Yeah," Padma nodded, "The grumpiness must come with the aging, eh?"
"I told you I'm not old!!! And what am I doing here? I thought I was dangling from my four poster!!!" Draco frowned and moved his hand over his hair to check that it was gelled back. Luckily for him, a four-year-old Draco even knew how to gel his hair back expertly. It was obvious that he had just changed to big Draco mode.
"Oh no Malfoy!!! Of course you're not old!!! Just because you've got memory lapses and wear a wig, it can't POSSIBLY mean you're old!!!"
"Shut it Granger, how did I get here anyway? And where are you taking me?" Draco looked around suspiciously as he sat and shifted slightly. They were all staring at him, all except Hermione that is.
"Turns out YOU have a disease Malfoy, it turns you into a four year old occasionally, but don't worry, the doctors says it'll pass."
"Granger, I wasn't even ASKING about that."
"Yeah, well, what you gonna do about it?"
"Malfoy," Padma began, "We're all going to the chocolate frogs factory, you know, because of Ron and Lisa's prize? He didn't want you to come, none of us did, but we wanted Hermione to come and she couldn't come without her partner, hence the YOU part."
Draco nodded then smirked and turned to Hermione, who was still avoiding any eye contact with him whatsoever.
"Turns out you are good for at least one thing Granger."
"Mmm hmm."
Draco frowned and raised an eyebrow, "Why aren't you looking at me? Am I too ravishing? Or just handsomely perfect? Hold on, maybe too gorgeously made for any normal mudblood's eyes?"
Hermione snorted and continued to gaze out of the window, her arms folded across her chest. "Let's just say I helped dress you this morning Malfoy."
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"Blimmey."
Ron gasped as they stood inside the factory. For one thing, there were jumping frogs everywhere, croaking as they hopped, the entire entrance hall was dark purple and had spotlights that created the only form of light in the dark corridors. Mirrors were hung from the ceiling and doors were everywhere the eye could see. The outside was impressive enough, with ten stories and a large banner with moving frogs on, but the inside seemed so mysterious, it was ten times as amazing and brilliant.
The six continued to gaze until, a door just to their right flung open.
"Hello there."
A house elf dressed in a rather old pillowcase with red spots decorating it hobbled up to them and smiled, making Draco shake his head and mutter something about 'people these days - house elves with RED SPOTS on their pillowcases? Come on . . .'
"Hi." Hermione smiled in reply at the house elf, ignoring Draco's mutters. She may not go around advertising SPEW anymore, but she still didn't think that it was right that house elves were treated badly in 99.9999999999999999999999999% of British homes.
"My name is Nibby and I am the faithful house elf of the owner and creator of the chocolate frog. I am supposed to be giving you six a tour, if you could please follow me, w shall begin," Nibby scuttled towards a door and held it open for the six of them to walk through.
They entered the brightly lit room and settled themselves down on the sofas. Nibby stood and smiled at them all, holding a miniature clipboard and pen in his hand.
"If you could all give me your names . . ."
"Ron Weasley," Ron said with pride as he gazed through a nearby window at the trees dripping with chocolate, ooooh glorious chocolate . . .
"Okay, to save time, master has told me to call you the 'whatever-your-name- is' group. So your names shall be, visitor 1211636739892905157790456523 group! Now, please take these."
Nibby handed each of them a goody bag. Hermione looked inside and found at least twenty chocolate frog cards, three chocolate frogs, and a new product by the chocolate frog factory that said on the packet: 'Burping balloons, chocolate balloons filled with melted chocolate that are bound to make you hiccup for at least ten months!!!' Nibby began to leave the room, beckoning for them all to follow. Ron was first up, practically skipping on Nibby's command.
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"Now this," Nibby stated, pointing to an enormous pot filled with whisks, "is the whisk basket, where we test each whisk to see whether they're good enough to use for our quality chocolate. We use our wands to move the whisks to whisk the chocolate, but as lame as it may sound, the whisk does affect the results of our chocolate, and only chocolate appreciators would understand that."
Ron nodded with an understanding grin as they trudged on to the next room. They had already been to the boiler room (where they would boil the chocolate to see at what temperature it would melt so that they could put a disclaimer on), the staff room (where there were a whole bunch of weird people drinking hot chocolate), the testing room (where people would charm the frogs so that they moved), the card room (where they made the cards and where Ron nicked some when no one was looking), the sweet room (where people would actually eat one frog in each batch to see whether they tasted right) and the toilet (for a break of course, and to let go, if you get my drift . . .)
Hermione walked into the next room, and to her delight, it was what she had been waiting for - the chocolate sauce room!!! Inside, there was a large tub filled with melted chocolate (which I have referred to as 'sauce'), ready to be shaped into frogs and then charmed. Hehe . . . now all she needed was for Malfoy to turn into his four-year-old self again . . . speaking of which . . .
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"
Draco yelped and ran towards Hermione, hiding behind her and clinging onto her robes. His eyes were as round as saucepans as he stared at an enormous creature hopping around all over the place. It was a gigantic chocolate frog, and it began to hop its way over to Hermione, making Draco cower even more. An adult wearing goggles was riding it.
"EAT THE MUDDYBLOODY AND NOT ME!!!" Draco howled, practically wetting his pants.
"For god's sake he's not going to eat you and at least have the decency to say mudblood instead of MUDDYBLOODY!!!!"
Hermione shouted as she twisted her robe out of Draco's grasp. His bottom lip began to tremble and he began to sniff. She rolled her eyes and sighed, 'stupid four year old Malfoy!!!! Why can't we stick spellotape over his mouth or something?'
"WWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! MUDDYBLOODY'S MAKING FUN OF ME!!!!!!!"
Draco began to wail and scream as the giant frog rider glared down at them. "Oh shush him will you? He's distracting the frog."
"Oh sorry, errr, why is there a giant frog in here anyway?"
"Oh no he's not an actual frog, he's Timothy - the experiment went wrong. No matter, he was huge when we started anyway."
The rider and 'Timothy' hopped away from them and began to try and squeeze himself through the tiny fire exit at the back of the room. Meanwhile, Draco was still wailing and sobbing and punching the nearest thing in site - Ron.
"Get off Malfoy!!! . . . . . . HEY STOP THUMPING ME!!!! I SAID STOP!!! NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" Ron struggled to get Draco off him. Finally, he succeeded in getting him to stop punching him . . . only to have him begin to cling on to his leg. Ron began to swing his leg around in the air to try and get him off.
"Errr, Hermione, I think maybe you should try and help get Malfoy off Ron's leg," Harry said as he prodded Hermione on the arm, "You know, you did say to your Aunt that you would look after -
'SPLASH'
Harry, Padma, Lisa and Hermione looked in the direction of the noise. Ron was standing and cheering like the Chudley Cannons had just won the quidditch world cup, and Draco . . . . Draco was now bawling in the hot tub of chocolate sauce nearby. It seemed that Ron had managed to kick Draco off, with careful aim, into the enormous pot.
"Ron!!!" Hermione shook her head and headed towards the hot tub of chocolate sauce, staring at the now sniffing Draco, his head droopy.
Ron looked confused as he stopped doing the moonwalk in celebration, "What is it? Don't you want him to be kicked in hot chocolate??"
Hermione turned to him as she tugged Draco out of the tub. He was covered in chocolate sauce from head to foot, and he had managed to stop crying, but he still looked upset and hurt. Could our Hermione possibly care for Draco? Was she beginning to show her true feelings for the Slytherin?? She sighed and dragged Draco over to Ron, making them stand face to face.
"Well Ron, it's just that . . . I wanted to do that!!!"
Ron grinned, "There'll always be a next time Hermione. Think of it this way - we can chuck him off a cliff next time!!"
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"This is one of the happiest days of my life!!! And I'm only four," Draco shouted happily as they rode the carriage back to Hogwarts. Hermione stared at him. Little Draco seemed so carefree and happy, whilst big Draco was just one big pain in the butt hole. That was probably because little Draco hadn't learnt all the rules of being a Malfoy, like how they weren't supposed to cry, let alone BAWL.
He was still entirely covered in chocolate, apart from his head, which had been washed by the rain. Ron was now half dreaming and half picking bits of dried chocolate off Draco to eat. Every other person apart from Hermione, Ron and Draco were asleep.
"Malfoy, how can it be the happiest? You fell into a boiling pot of chocolate sauce, AND you got banned from ever going in there again due to serious mental disorder!!" Hermione exclaimed.
"Yeah well, I've had worse, and I could always sneak through that broken window in the toilet."
"No Malfoy, that's an air vent."
Draco shrugged and smiled at Hermione as she turned to face him. Hermione couldn't help but blush. Little Draco obviously hadn't learnt the Malfoy rule never to smile or grin, or anything of that sort. She had to admit, Draco smiling seemed weird, and to be perfectly honest, she preferred him scowling.
"Thanks for taking me Granger muddybloody."
Draco continued to smile. Hermione felt kind of creeped out by his smiling now, she swore it wasn't normal. She smiled back awkwardly, trying to ignore how close he was to her.
'Okay Hermione, calm down . . . he's only four you know . . . well, in a seventeen year old's body, but four all the same! Now don't think stupid thoughts . . .'
Before she knew what was happening, little Draco had landed his lips straight on hers in a wet, sloppy and inexperienced kiss. Hermione's eyes widened. He, little Draco, was kissing her, of his own free will. Not wanting anything like to make him non pregnant, just . . . .wanting to kiss her, Hermione Granger. Okay, let's say this again, Draco Malfoy, four years of age, wanting to kiss Hermione Granger, aged seventeen.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" Draco screamed. He had just had a memory lapse and had woken up to find himself kissing Granger, GRANGER OF ALL PEOPLE!!! She was staring back at him, the same shocked and wide-eyed expression on her face as was on his.
"Yawn," Harry stretched and rubbed his eyes through his glasses, "God, who screamed? And why are you both blushing like mad? Oh and Malfoy, red isn't your colour. Hermione, your blush goes with the purple and your green tongue, so that's okay."
"Yeah, what exactly were you screaming about Hermione?" Padma asked, now awake too, "You scared the life out of me, not to mention WOKE ME UP."
"That wasn't me!!! It was Malfoy over here, you know he's a sissy!!!!" Hermione exclaimed indignantly, her face going even redder.
"Oh it's not my fault!!! You would have screamed too if you woke up to find yourself kissing a mudblood!! Well, actually, you wouldn't seeing as you are one . . . but that's not the point!!!"
"You two KISSED???" Lisa asked, her eyes wide with shock as was Harry's and Padma's.
"Correction, HE KISSED ME!!! And for your information Malfoy, you weren't asleep, you were four!!!"
"Same difference!!!!!!"
"No it's not!!! I would never kiss you, you just looked at me and pounced!!! Anyway, it was wet and sloppy, just eeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!"
"Oh shut up, I WAS FOUR!!!!"
"So, basically, you kissed each other??" Padma asked, yawning again. Harry looked like he was going to throw up sometime soon. Come to think of it, so did Hermione and Draco.
"No way in my life would I kiss Draco Malfoy!!! The blonde, evil, little arse!!!"
"And you think I don't feel the same way Granger??"
"OH SHUT THE HELL UP!!!!" Ron shouted, his ears matching his flaming red hair. He hadn't spoken since they had exited the factory, and it came as a shock to all of them that Ron hadn't spoken at all about anything, maybe something was wrong with him?
"Ron," Hermione asked tentatively, "Are you alright? I mean, you seem a bit off."
"What she means," Draco said, butting in, "Is that you're more off in lala land than you normally are. What in hell is bothering you, if you don't tell her, she'll lick your buttocks, although I doubt you'll mind anyway."
"I did not mean that!!!" Hermione exclaimed indignantly, puffing herself up in fury.
Ron didn't answer, the dazed and dreamy look spread across his face once more, meaning that he was once again, off in lala land. Hermione rolled her eyes and tried to think of something to talk about.
"So . . . errrr, the chocolate factory, it was fun wasn't it?"
"FUN?????" Ron burst out; the dazed look still on his face, making him look more of a lunatic than he already was, "IT WAS BLOODY BRILLIANT!!!!"
Ron grinned goofily and menacingly at Hermione, making all of them stare at him in a weird way. Draco leaned across to Harry.
"Potter, I think Weasley needs his medication now."
Ron sighed and leaned back against his seat, yawning and looking half asleep already. He closed his eyes and began to fall asleep, dreaming of the wondrous chocolate factory, and Timothy the gigantic frog. He grinned.
"I am SO going to work there someday . . ."
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This one was kind of rushed, but nevermind!!! I do hope it was alright though, I mean, I don't know whether it is or not, so please review and tell me!!! REEEEEEEEEVIEWWW!!!!!!!! Please. Update coming as soon as I finish it, so don't rush me. Actually, even if YOU don't rush me, I might rush it myself so it doesn't really matter if you complain that I'm taking too long!!!
~ Cheerio
~Snap, crackle and pop
Summary: Hermione's aunt has been called to Hogwarts as she needs lots of children to be her 'guinea pigs' and of course, only Dumbledore is nice enough to let someone experiment with his students . . .
NARRATED BY MOI!
I WOULD LIKE TO THANK:
* A friend ~ I have a feeling you only reviewed this cus you saw my pen name, well, yeah, Tom's cute etc. but I STILL LOVE RON SO :P. And anyway, we're all entitled to our opinions, like . . . I think I am a posh snobby twat. Makes sense . . .
*Some12 ~ Thank you for the review! And as for Draco and his head hurting . . . you read on and you'll find out! Hopefully, you'll enjoy this chapter as much as I hope you will!!!
*Dracoluver2009 ~ Thank you for the review, I know I say it to everyone, but I mean it everytime! As for the romance . . . all I'm saying is that there will be more, and their relationship shall build, BUT not for some time yet! (I know when but that's my secret ;D)
*Loah ~ Thanks, the review was great too!
*Smileyface1314 ~ Thank you for the review, and I'm sorry I haven't read your story Tragic Kingdom (until now)!! I totally forgot about it but hopefully, now I shall have read it!
*Paprika90 ~ Aw, thanks, here's the next chapter, I really hope you enjoy it! And (of course) review afterwards!!
*The lady Katherine ~ Thank you for the reviews, and the suggestions as well! I'll keep them in mind, but I can't guarantee that they'll be used! I write what comes my way, so it all depends on whether I remember your suggestion when I type! But I do have something in mind that I think I'll use first . . . oh and yes, this is a d/h fic, so there shall be romance . . . when I'm not sure, as I am a crap romantic comedy write.
*LythTaeraneth ~ Lol, yeah, I know it would have been an insult which is why I didn't name Lee, James. Oh and as for that Dracula thing, yeah, that just came to me in an unexpected daydream, hehe, and I was reading about Draco being Dracula, that was funny . . .
*Fluff ~ Thank you for the review! This might disappoint you, but the dreams were added for no particular reason whatsoever . . . now I'm wondering whether I should have told you that . . . lol, anyway, Hermione's purpleness won't come up much anymore, I mean, even I'M getting tired of it! Here's the update, enjoy!
*Anonymous ~ Howdy ho, thanks for the review, and for what you said in it! The romance (and kissing, maybe) will be coming soon, how soon I don't know, but I am a AWFUL romantic comedy writer, but I'm improving, so you'll just have to wait, and keep the romance at the back of your head for now!
*Pyroprincess4rmeverwood ~ I hope I spelt your name right . . . thanks for the review! Here's the update, please enjoy!
NO SPOILERS.
CHAPTER TEN: Choco galore
DISCLAIMER: I own nothing apart from the plot that makes up this fic, as simple as it may be, I am damn proud of it!!! Me owning nothing includes the fact that I own none of the characters, or Hogwarts, or Hogsmeade for that matter. YIPPEE!!!! I do, however, own Dr Granger, the cooky lady.
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"Look Donna, just tell me what in hell is wrong with him, I haven't got all day!"
Hermione screamed, it was midnight, she was tired, and she was stuck in a room with a posh doctor and a snoring ferret. Not exactly her vision of heaven.
"Well Miss Granger, just to tell you first, we've called your Aunt, she is coming. The problem he has is . . . well, he seems to have some sort of . . . I don't know what to call it. It's not a disease, exactly, but it's definitely a problem."
"Oh that's okay then, he's always been diseased anyway, now can I go to sleep? I do have a busy day tomorrow you know!"
"Aren't you going to that chocolate factory tomorrow, Hermione honey?"
Dr Granger bustled in, followed by a scruffy looking Serena in a fluffy pink nightgown. Hermione raised her eyebrows, then thought how out of character that was, so she lowered then into a frown. 'God Malfoy must be rubbing off on me,' Hermione thought absentmindedly as her Aunt sat down next to her.
"Aren't you going to that factory with Ron Weasley and Harry Potter? Oh and their partners of course." Dr Granger repeated.
"I don't know, am I?"
"Yes."
"How come?"
"Ronald chose Mr Potter and his pair, you and, he did say unfortunately, Mr Malfoy too, because he is your pair after all."
"Right, well then I NEED MY SLEEP!!!! I can't go to a chocolate factory tired, I mean, I'll get eaten by a giant chocolate frog or something!!!"
Dr Granger smiled and nodded, patting Hermione on the head and scruffing up her hair in affection, making Hermione scowl and try to make her hair less bushy, making it bushier. She turned to face Donna, trying to ignore the fact that there were now two snoring people in the room - Draco and Serena.
"So, what's wrong with him?"
"It seems that he has some sort of . . . thing, growing in him, that came when he drank that cup of slime, I mean, that cup, of . . . errr, DRINK. I think that it was only his drink that had it in, so that's why it's only affected HIM and not anyone else. That thing should have taken a while to be activated, so it does make sense that he's only being like this now."
"So how's he going to go to that chocolate factory tomorrow?" Dr Granger asked as she stood and went over to look at the drooling Draco, scrunched up on a hard table used as a bed. She prodded him with her finger, making him blow bubbles out of his mouth and mumble something like 'Merlin had a little broom, little broom, little broom, Merlin had a little broom, wood as brown as trees . . .'
"Well, what is actually the matter with him is that he may act like a four year old at times, but sometimes he may act like the normal seventeen year old Mr Malfoy, but I think it would be much safer if he didn't go at all tomorrow."
Hermione did a back flip inside and didn't even bother to hide her grin. If Malfoy wasn't going to go to the factory, that would mean that she would be away from these cooky experiments AND him for a whole day!!! What more could she ask for? But then, a thought struck her.
"Oh no!!! He can't miss out on the fun!! He HAS to come tomorrow Aunt Emi, he just HAS to."
Dr Granger and Donna stared at Hermione like she had gone mad. She smiled sweetly and fluttered her eyelids, trying to act all innocent. Dr Granger smiled hesitantly as she looked Hermione up and down, trying to figure out what was wrong with her darling little niece.
"Well, okay then dear, if you really want him to. But I'm warning you Hermione! He'll be your responsibility if he changes, and four years olds aren't exactly the easiest things to look after!"
"Of course I'll look after him Aunt Emi! I'll be really good to him, yes . . . reeeeeeeeeally good." Hermione smiled evilly, her mind whirling in her head. 'Hehehehehe . . . once Malfoy is at the factory, SHOVE!! And he'll be in that pot of boiling chocolate sauce before you can say quidditch . . . . . . . . . . hehehehehehehehe MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!! . . . . God, I really should get out more . . .'
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"Groan . . ."
Hermione stretched out her hand to try and shut her alarm off. It was now about 7:00am, and she was in her own bed after having to struggle to carry Draco into the room and into his bed. Dr Granger had told her that she had to be dressed by 8:00am. Ron would then knock on her door when it was time to leave for the factory.
"WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!!!"
Hermione opened her eyes slightly, wondering what on earth had caused that racket, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Draco was peering at her while sitting on top of her, a goofy grin plastered on his face and his hair messed up. He got up and pulled the covers away from Hermione, a playful hint in his eye. He then began to jump up and down on her bed, making her fall off with a hard THUMP to the ground.
"Malfoy you freak!!! Stop that!!!" Hermione blushed as she watched him continue to jump, ignoring every word she had said, "And go put some clothes on."
Draco stopped, he looked down to realise that he was just in his boxers. The goofy grin turning into an even goofier smile, "My name is DRACO, D. R. A. C. O. Father says so and what father says is what everyone should say!!! Who are you?" Draco frowned, he had said everything in a baby voice like what he would have sounded like if he was three or four years old. Hermione sighed and thought it best if she answered like she was him.
"I'm a muggle-born that you call Granger."
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!! MUDBLOOD!!!! FILTHY MUDDYBLOODY!!!! IN MY ROOM!!!!!!!"
Hermione grabbed her pillow and stuffed it down Draco's mouth, making him shut up and choke at the same time.
"It's my room too," She said, she was beginning to get annoyed of this Draco - little Draco was no better than big Draco and she really didn't feel like looking after posh, snobby and bratty children right now. 'Note to self: Never be a babysitter' and with that thought in mind, she hurried into the bathroom before little Draco started to drool over her or something.
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"Er, right, so he's not the REAL Malfoy?"
"Harry, he is the real Malfoy, just, the real Malfoy when he was four or three, whatever," Hermione tried to explain as she sat in the six people carriage. They were now heading to the chocolate frogs factory and the excitement was really getting to some of them, namely Ron and Draco (being four has it's ways). The rain was splattering down outside, but that didn't really matter as they were inside a carriage with a roof over their heads.
Ron tapped little Draco on the shoulder (I'll refer to Draco as little or big as to not confuse you people, or myself). "So, you like our Hermione then?" Ron asked curiously, trying his best to keep calm about the trip (if keeping calm is ripping your hand-me-down robes and chewing on them).
"She's better than what father said muddybloody's were," Draco replied, still staring out the window, captured by the dull stone pavements and the growing mould on a side of a nearby building, "Where is my father anyway?"
"Oh he's de -
"What Ron means is that he's gone somewhere far, far away in the land of the devils," Hermione said sweetly as she glared at Ron. So the baby teenager was Draco Malfoy, but that didn't mean that a four year old had to be exposed to such things like death! That could wait until later, like when she dropped him in boiling hot chocolate.
"Oh, okay, so he's dead. Mother won't be pleased."
Hermione frowned. How did Draco know such things at such a young age? But then again, he did come from a family such as the Malfoy's, she should have known better than to try and convince one of the most lethal and dark families son about death. Nevermind, better luck next time.
"You know," Lisa Turpin began as she sat and watched Draco, "I like this Draco, he's a lot less grumpy."
"Yeah," Padma nodded, "The grumpiness must come with the aging, eh?"
"I told you I'm not old!!! And what am I doing here? I thought I was dangling from my four poster!!!" Draco frowned and moved his hand over his hair to check that it was gelled back. Luckily for him, a four-year-old Draco even knew how to gel his hair back expertly. It was obvious that he had just changed to big Draco mode.
"Oh no Malfoy!!! Of course you're not old!!! Just because you've got memory lapses and wear a wig, it can't POSSIBLY mean you're old!!!"
"Shut it Granger, how did I get here anyway? And where are you taking me?" Draco looked around suspiciously as he sat and shifted slightly. They were all staring at him, all except Hermione that is.
"Turns out YOU have a disease Malfoy, it turns you into a four year old occasionally, but don't worry, the doctors says it'll pass."
"Granger, I wasn't even ASKING about that."
"Yeah, well, what you gonna do about it?"
"Malfoy," Padma began, "We're all going to the chocolate frogs factory, you know, because of Ron and Lisa's prize? He didn't want you to come, none of us did, but we wanted Hermione to come and she couldn't come without her partner, hence the YOU part."
Draco nodded then smirked and turned to Hermione, who was still avoiding any eye contact with him whatsoever.
"Turns out you are good for at least one thing Granger."
"Mmm hmm."
Draco frowned and raised an eyebrow, "Why aren't you looking at me? Am I too ravishing? Or just handsomely perfect? Hold on, maybe too gorgeously made for any normal mudblood's eyes?"
Hermione snorted and continued to gaze out of the window, her arms folded across her chest. "Let's just say I helped dress you this morning Malfoy."
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"Blimmey."
Ron gasped as they stood inside the factory. For one thing, there were jumping frogs everywhere, croaking as they hopped, the entire entrance hall was dark purple and had spotlights that created the only form of light in the dark corridors. Mirrors were hung from the ceiling and doors were everywhere the eye could see. The outside was impressive enough, with ten stories and a large banner with moving frogs on, but the inside seemed so mysterious, it was ten times as amazing and brilliant.
The six continued to gaze until, a door just to their right flung open.
"Hello there."
A house elf dressed in a rather old pillowcase with red spots decorating it hobbled up to them and smiled, making Draco shake his head and mutter something about 'people these days - house elves with RED SPOTS on their pillowcases? Come on . . .'
"Hi." Hermione smiled in reply at the house elf, ignoring Draco's mutters. She may not go around advertising SPEW anymore, but she still didn't think that it was right that house elves were treated badly in 99.9999999999999999999999999% of British homes.
"My name is Nibby and I am the faithful house elf of the owner and creator of the chocolate frog. I am supposed to be giving you six a tour, if you could please follow me, w shall begin," Nibby scuttled towards a door and held it open for the six of them to walk through.
They entered the brightly lit room and settled themselves down on the sofas. Nibby stood and smiled at them all, holding a miniature clipboard and pen in his hand.
"If you could all give me your names . . ."
"Ron Weasley," Ron said with pride as he gazed through a nearby window at the trees dripping with chocolate, ooooh glorious chocolate . . .
"Okay, to save time, master has told me to call you the 'whatever-your-name- is' group. So your names shall be, visitor 1211636739892905157790456523 group! Now, please take these."
Nibby handed each of them a goody bag. Hermione looked inside and found at least twenty chocolate frog cards, three chocolate frogs, and a new product by the chocolate frog factory that said on the packet: 'Burping balloons, chocolate balloons filled with melted chocolate that are bound to make you hiccup for at least ten months!!!' Nibby began to leave the room, beckoning for them all to follow. Ron was first up, practically skipping on Nibby's command.
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"Now this," Nibby stated, pointing to an enormous pot filled with whisks, "is the whisk basket, where we test each whisk to see whether they're good enough to use for our quality chocolate. We use our wands to move the whisks to whisk the chocolate, but as lame as it may sound, the whisk does affect the results of our chocolate, and only chocolate appreciators would understand that."
Ron nodded with an understanding grin as they trudged on to the next room. They had already been to the boiler room (where they would boil the chocolate to see at what temperature it would melt so that they could put a disclaimer on), the staff room (where there were a whole bunch of weird people drinking hot chocolate), the testing room (where people would charm the frogs so that they moved), the card room (where they made the cards and where Ron nicked some when no one was looking), the sweet room (where people would actually eat one frog in each batch to see whether they tasted right) and the toilet (for a break of course, and to let go, if you get my drift . . .)
Hermione walked into the next room, and to her delight, it was what she had been waiting for - the chocolate sauce room!!! Inside, there was a large tub filled with melted chocolate (which I have referred to as 'sauce'), ready to be shaped into frogs and then charmed. Hehe . . . now all she needed was for Malfoy to turn into his four-year-old self again . . . speaking of which . . .
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"
Draco yelped and ran towards Hermione, hiding behind her and clinging onto her robes. His eyes were as round as saucepans as he stared at an enormous creature hopping around all over the place. It was a gigantic chocolate frog, and it began to hop its way over to Hermione, making Draco cower even more. An adult wearing goggles was riding it.
"EAT THE MUDDYBLOODY AND NOT ME!!!" Draco howled, practically wetting his pants.
"For god's sake he's not going to eat you and at least have the decency to say mudblood instead of MUDDYBLOODY!!!!"
Hermione shouted as she twisted her robe out of Draco's grasp. His bottom lip began to tremble and he began to sniff. She rolled her eyes and sighed, 'stupid four year old Malfoy!!!! Why can't we stick spellotape over his mouth or something?'
"WWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! MUDDYBLOODY'S MAKING FUN OF ME!!!!!!!"
Draco began to wail and scream as the giant frog rider glared down at them. "Oh shush him will you? He's distracting the frog."
"Oh sorry, errr, why is there a giant frog in here anyway?"
"Oh no he's not an actual frog, he's Timothy - the experiment went wrong. No matter, he was huge when we started anyway."
The rider and 'Timothy' hopped away from them and began to try and squeeze himself through the tiny fire exit at the back of the room. Meanwhile, Draco was still wailing and sobbing and punching the nearest thing in site - Ron.
"Get off Malfoy!!! . . . . . . HEY STOP THUMPING ME!!!! I SAID STOP!!! NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" Ron struggled to get Draco off him. Finally, he succeeded in getting him to stop punching him . . . only to have him begin to cling on to his leg. Ron began to swing his leg around in the air to try and get him off.
"Errr, Hermione, I think maybe you should try and help get Malfoy off Ron's leg," Harry said as he prodded Hermione on the arm, "You know, you did say to your Aunt that you would look after -
'SPLASH'
Harry, Padma, Lisa and Hermione looked in the direction of the noise. Ron was standing and cheering like the Chudley Cannons had just won the quidditch world cup, and Draco . . . . Draco was now bawling in the hot tub of chocolate sauce nearby. It seemed that Ron had managed to kick Draco off, with careful aim, into the enormous pot.
"Ron!!!" Hermione shook her head and headed towards the hot tub of chocolate sauce, staring at the now sniffing Draco, his head droopy.
Ron looked confused as he stopped doing the moonwalk in celebration, "What is it? Don't you want him to be kicked in hot chocolate??"
Hermione turned to him as she tugged Draco out of the tub. He was covered in chocolate sauce from head to foot, and he had managed to stop crying, but he still looked upset and hurt. Could our Hermione possibly care for Draco? Was she beginning to show her true feelings for the Slytherin?? She sighed and dragged Draco over to Ron, making them stand face to face.
"Well Ron, it's just that . . . I wanted to do that!!!"
Ron grinned, "There'll always be a next time Hermione. Think of it this way - we can chuck him off a cliff next time!!"
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"This is one of the happiest days of my life!!! And I'm only four," Draco shouted happily as they rode the carriage back to Hogwarts. Hermione stared at him. Little Draco seemed so carefree and happy, whilst big Draco was just one big pain in the butt hole. That was probably because little Draco hadn't learnt all the rules of being a Malfoy, like how they weren't supposed to cry, let alone BAWL.
He was still entirely covered in chocolate, apart from his head, which had been washed by the rain. Ron was now half dreaming and half picking bits of dried chocolate off Draco to eat. Every other person apart from Hermione, Ron and Draco were asleep.
"Malfoy, how can it be the happiest? You fell into a boiling pot of chocolate sauce, AND you got banned from ever going in there again due to serious mental disorder!!" Hermione exclaimed.
"Yeah well, I've had worse, and I could always sneak through that broken window in the toilet."
"No Malfoy, that's an air vent."
Draco shrugged and smiled at Hermione as she turned to face him. Hermione couldn't help but blush. Little Draco obviously hadn't learnt the Malfoy rule never to smile or grin, or anything of that sort. She had to admit, Draco smiling seemed weird, and to be perfectly honest, she preferred him scowling.
"Thanks for taking me Granger muddybloody."
Draco continued to smile. Hermione felt kind of creeped out by his smiling now, she swore it wasn't normal. She smiled back awkwardly, trying to ignore how close he was to her.
'Okay Hermione, calm down . . . he's only four you know . . . well, in a seventeen year old's body, but four all the same! Now don't think stupid thoughts . . .'
Before she knew what was happening, little Draco had landed his lips straight on hers in a wet, sloppy and inexperienced kiss. Hermione's eyes widened. He, little Draco, was kissing her, of his own free will. Not wanting anything like to make him non pregnant, just . . . .wanting to kiss her, Hermione Granger. Okay, let's say this again, Draco Malfoy, four years of age, wanting to kiss Hermione Granger, aged seventeen.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" Draco screamed. He had just had a memory lapse and had woken up to find himself kissing Granger, GRANGER OF ALL PEOPLE!!! She was staring back at him, the same shocked and wide-eyed expression on her face as was on his.
"Yawn," Harry stretched and rubbed his eyes through his glasses, "God, who screamed? And why are you both blushing like mad? Oh and Malfoy, red isn't your colour. Hermione, your blush goes with the purple and your green tongue, so that's okay."
"Yeah, what exactly were you screaming about Hermione?" Padma asked, now awake too, "You scared the life out of me, not to mention WOKE ME UP."
"That wasn't me!!! It was Malfoy over here, you know he's a sissy!!!!" Hermione exclaimed indignantly, her face going even redder.
"Oh it's not my fault!!! You would have screamed too if you woke up to find yourself kissing a mudblood!! Well, actually, you wouldn't seeing as you are one . . . but that's not the point!!!"
"You two KISSED???" Lisa asked, her eyes wide with shock as was Harry's and Padma's.
"Correction, HE KISSED ME!!! And for your information Malfoy, you weren't asleep, you were four!!!"
"Same difference!!!!!!"
"No it's not!!! I would never kiss you, you just looked at me and pounced!!! Anyway, it was wet and sloppy, just eeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!"
"Oh shut up, I WAS FOUR!!!!"
"So, basically, you kissed each other??" Padma asked, yawning again. Harry looked like he was going to throw up sometime soon. Come to think of it, so did Hermione and Draco.
"No way in my life would I kiss Draco Malfoy!!! The blonde, evil, little arse!!!"
"And you think I don't feel the same way Granger??"
"OH SHUT THE HELL UP!!!!" Ron shouted, his ears matching his flaming red hair. He hadn't spoken since they had exited the factory, and it came as a shock to all of them that Ron hadn't spoken at all about anything, maybe something was wrong with him?
"Ron," Hermione asked tentatively, "Are you alright? I mean, you seem a bit off."
"What she means," Draco said, butting in, "Is that you're more off in lala land than you normally are. What in hell is bothering you, if you don't tell her, she'll lick your buttocks, although I doubt you'll mind anyway."
"I did not mean that!!!" Hermione exclaimed indignantly, puffing herself up in fury.
Ron didn't answer, the dazed and dreamy look spread across his face once more, meaning that he was once again, off in lala land. Hermione rolled her eyes and tried to think of something to talk about.
"So . . . errrr, the chocolate factory, it was fun wasn't it?"
"FUN?????" Ron burst out; the dazed look still on his face, making him look more of a lunatic than he already was, "IT WAS BLOODY BRILLIANT!!!!"
Ron grinned goofily and menacingly at Hermione, making all of them stare at him in a weird way. Draco leaned across to Harry.
"Potter, I think Weasley needs his medication now."
Ron sighed and leaned back against his seat, yawning and looking half asleep already. He closed his eyes and began to fall asleep, dreaming of the wondrous chocolate factory, and Timothy the gigantic frog. He grinned.
"I am SO going to work there someday . . ."
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This one was kind of rushed, but nevermind!!! I do hope it was alright though, I mean, I don't know whether it is or not, so please review and tell me!!! REEEEEEEEEVIEWWW!!!!!!!! Please. Update coming as soon as I finish it, so don't rush me. Actually, even if YOU don't rush me, I might rush it myself so it doesn't really matter if you complain that I'm taking too long!!!
~ Cheerio
~Snap, crackle and pop