CRAZY LUNATIC EXPERIMENTS
Summary: Hermione's aunt has been called to Hogwarts as she needs lots of children to be her 'guinea pigs' and of course, only Dumbledore is nice enough to let someone experiment with his students . . .
NARRATED BY MOI!
THANK YOU THANK YOU OH SO MUCH TO:
~ Pyroprincess4rmeverwood ~ Don't worry, once I start reading something a reader asks me to read, its not often that I suddenly stop!! Thanks for reviewing, I really hope you enjoy this chapter!!!
~Slytherin-Gryffindor gal ~ Lol, yeah, I know its strange . . . and confusing . . . not to mention uncontrollably hyper, but nevermind!! If you look past all that it's a good story . . . I think . . . oh look, I'm confused again . . . you can tell that happens a lot can't you? Lol, thanks for reviewing, hope you like this chapter!
~ Loah ~ Thank you for reviewing, hey, tell me the truth here, are you enjoying this? Or do you just review for the sake of it?
~ siriusforeva ~ Hehe, I don't know!!! Most things in this fic are random, that includes, Dracula, coconuts, and any other strange thingamabob that happens all of sudden!!! I hope you can look past all the randomness, and maybe even laugh at it, that is the point of this fic . . . I guess . . .
~ LythTaeraneth ~ Thank you!!! I am so looking forward to when you update LiMM, it's going to be so totally cool!!! YAY!!!! I'm not actually having that good a life right now either . . . but reviews make me so hyper it's hard not to rant!!! YIPPEE!! Lol, I think I was on about paper towels but my mate was the one who was on about wrapping Draco in them . . . I'm so glad you use your imagination with this fic to get mental images, some people don't so its not all that fun!!! BUT YOU DO! YAY!
~ Tears-That-Fall ~ Lol, I'm not keen on coconuts, but you never know . . . thanks for reviewing this!
~ Eventuality ~ Hehehehehe, thanks for the review, mwhahahahahahahhahahahaha to you too!!
~ Anonymous ~ AW!! I think so too!!! Hehe, I think it's obvious that I think so too, but there's no harm in saying things more than once . . . or more than twice for that matter . . .
~ Klee_babe ~ Aye, aye, thank you very much my beloved reviewer!!! You're so nice!! I hope you enjoy this chapter even more than the others, I PRAY that you will!! Lol, thanks again!
~ Some12 ~ Thanks!! All the snow here has melted, but that's no surprise, yet its still flipping freezing . . . sorry, it just gets so annoying, it's not even funny! Argh!! Lol, anyway, I adore little Draco, and now you've got me wanting to meet your cousin . . .
~ Happigolucki ~ I thank you so much for reviewing . . . even if that does sound rather posh, and so does this but nevermind!! I love mini Draco, mini Draco so totally rules man!! Lol, thanks again for the review, talk to you soon!
~ Burgundyred ~ OH THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!! You know, you're the only one who said that they 'might' be my beta reader . . . to be honest though, I don't know if I am going to have a beta reader, so it's a good thing you said MIGHT. Hehe . . . it doesn't really matter that you didn't go into detail, although it is nice!! Lol thanks again, I ADORE YOUR REVIEWS!!! :D
~ Rupy ~ Thanks for reviewing!!! Sorry if this took really long!! I AM SO BLOCKING!!!! Lol
~ Black-unicorn13 ~ Aw, thank you! For reviewing, and also for putting this fic on your favourite author list already!! That is so nice for you!! I really hope you continue to read and review this fic!! It would make me feel so happy (and flattered)!!!
~ Fluff ~ Hehe, yeah, Little Draco is VERY crazy, he's there for match making, and maybe for all of you to understand why on earth Draco turned out so . . . as you put it, disturbed. Yeah . . . I wouldn't want to see a mini version of me (basically cus I can remember what I was like when I was small, and believe me, BIG PAIN IN THE BUTTOCKS). Lol, thanks for reviewing, and for updating, but I really do hope you update soon now!!
~Natyslacks ~ Really? Oh my god! That guy must be getting lots of girl then huh? Lol ^.~ Anyways, thanks for the review, it would be so cool if you could read and review this one too!!! Lol, thanks.
~ChIcKa ~ Hey I hope I spelt your screen name right! Thanks for the review, I should have emailed you about this update, I am so sorry if I haven't . . . oh and if you could do me a favour too . . . when I've emailed you telling you about this update, could you please just email me back and tell me you got the email? Please? Thanks
~Smileyface1314 ~ Hey thanks for reviewing my stuff on fictionpress too!! Your one great mate! Lol, and yeah, I know its confusing, what can I say? I'm a very confusing person.
'=Thoughts "=speech
NO SPOILERS.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN: Little people with little brain
DISCLAIMER: I own nothing, I am ranting to try and make this at least two lines long, hehe, this is working . . . maybe I should just fill the entire space with dots? Or ec . . . thingys! I don't know, please let this be two lines at least!! Oh yeah, and Bloomsbury kind of have permission to use
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Hermione always did the daily routines in sleep mode, you know, the stretch, the yawn, and of course, the roll over. She stretched, she yawned, and she rolled over, making an 'oof' next to her.
"Groan . . ."
Hermione continued to sleep. Like she cared if she was late for any stupid experiments, or if she was now half lying on something lumpy on her bed. She was way too tired to care about anything right now.
"Groan . . ."
She snuggled into the 'lumpy' thing more. It seemed comfy, and warm, so she didn't see why not. She yawned again and wrapped her arms around her lumpy thing. It felt slightly like a pillow, except much bigger, and maybe in more of a . . . awkward shape.
"GROAN . . ."
She prodded the 'lump' and hit it to try and fluffen it up slightly. Lumpy pillows are NO good.
"GROAN . . . GROAN . . . . GRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOAN . . ."
Hermione stiffened. If this was her bed, and she was sure that SHE wasn't groaning like that . . . then what was it? Could it be some sort of ghost that she had never met that needed to be comforted, or was it just some sort of demented cat? She took a deep breath and slowly, ever so slowly, opened her eyes.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Hermione took a deep, deep breath and waited for some reaction from her enemy. But none came. She frowned. Ah . . . now she remembered. Little Draco, playing rape, sleeping with the enemy . . . speaking of little Draco . . .
"MUMMY!!!!!!!!!"
He jumped onto Hermione and hugged her tightly, clinging onto her like one of those really annoying leeches, haha, blood sucking!
"Little Draco, shush, you'll wake big prat up."
"He won't wake up, he's deaf!!!"
"No he's not Little D, its nasty to say stuff like that."
"BUT HE IS!!!!! HE PUT A CHARM ON HIMSELF SAYING THAT 'I AM NOW DEAF!!!' I HEARD HIM, I HEARD HIM, I HEARD HIM, I HEARD HIM!!!!!! I AM NOT LYING, DON'T YOU TELL ME I'M LYING BECAUSE I'M NOT!!"
"I never said you were lying."
"Yeah you did! You said to me that I was lying and you would spank me if I said that daddy was deaf!!"
"No I didn't."
"Actually, YOU'RE STICKING UP FOR DADDY!!! THAT'S OKAY THEN!!!!! MUMMY LOOOOOOOOOOVES DADDY!! HEHE."
"Groan . . ."
Little D and Hermione stopped. Draco shifted and rolled over towards Hermione, (hehe, part of the waking process) swinging his arm with him so that his arm was now around her waist. Hermione blushed crimson and tried to ignore the stupid grin plastered on Little Draco's face.
"Don't worry mummy, I'm sure if you asked him to daddy would still put his arm around your waisty!! I'll wake him and ask!!"
Little Draco put his mouth right next to Draco's ear and screamed like a little girly. He waited. It didn't work. Hmm . . . .
"Little Draco, I have an idea, okay, after three, I'll poke his hair, you'll poke his arm. One, two, three!"
The two prodded and prodded as Draco groaned and held Hermione tighter. Slowly, his eyes edged open. He took something out of his ears, squinted at his arm, quickly withdrew it and then grimaced at it.
"Oh clever Granger, I have mudblood germs now!!"
Draco thought they did not hear him as they continued poking. He tried desperately to slap the hands away.
"AH!!! TOO MANY HANDS!!!"
They continued poking.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! STOP IT!!!"
They continued poking.
"I SAID STOP IT!!!!"
Little Draco stopped and grinned at Draco. He looked around at nothing in particular while Hermione continued to prod at his head. Draco stared and let her poke him, waiting for her to stop . . . . . . . . waiting . . . . . . ... . . . . waiting . . . . . . . . . . . waiting. She didn't stop. He got mad.
"Granger you are the most annoying person on earth!!! I SWEAR I'M GOING TO KILL YOU ONE DAY!! AHH!!!"
"Why thank you."
Draco caught hold of her hands, and made her look him in the eye.
"Granger, first you annoy me with your countless snoring, and now THIS! WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?????"
"I was not snoring!!"
"Yah-huh."
"Nah-huh."
"Yah-huh."
"NAH-HUH."
"Yeah??? Well how do you explain me having ear plugs in my ears?"
Hermione shrugged. Wasn't her fault Malfoy was deaf but was too thick to admit it.
"I dunno, some kind of new fashion trend?"
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". . . So you see Hermione dearest, Mr Malfoy, Little Draco, as you've named him will have playmates now! Seeing as a certain Professor has found something that will make a child . . . it's all very complicated and even harder to explain. Basically all other pairs will have little ones too – and no, not naturally Hermione, don't look at me like that."
Dr Granger was just explaining what today's experiment would be, but somehow she had gotten side tracked and was now talking to Hermione and Draco, well, actually mostly just Hermione. Little Draco was fiddling with some bit of material that looked suspiciously like something from Draco's (clean – thank God) underwear.
"So, without further ado, I present to you, the little ones!!!"
Some odd door behind Dr Granger opened and lots of little kids with numbers written in black marker on their foreheads ran out. They all rushed to their individual couples.
"Ooh, daddy, does this mean that I have friends now?"
"Before you answer that Malfoy, keep in mind that my Aunt said that we have to go with whatever he says otherwise you're childhood will be ruined and when he forms with you again your brain will be demented . . . actually . . . errr, my Aunt said that . . . err, he needs to be mentally tortured, yes . . . that's it . . ."
'I wonder when I got so crap at lying . . .' she thought as Draco sighed and patted her on the head like some sort of beaver.
"Granger, get some lessons, I hear Snape does great lying lessons, all you got to do is start with the basics – making up something BELIEVABLE, duh!!"
"Hey mummy! Daddy! OVER HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!"
Little Draco ran up to them with two people trailing behind. One with bright ginger hair, and one with jet-black hair.
"This is Ron Jr. and this is Harry Jr! They're COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!!! Like you daddy!!"
Hermione snorted, "Yeah, cool . . ."
"Granger, why do you always have to dis me so? Call me Draco and we shall try to be civil."
"No."
"That was an order. You cannot disagree."
"I just did, duh!"
". . . Shut up!"
"You shut up!"
"You shut up!"
"GAH!!!!"
"Same to you!"
"GGGGGGGGGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!"
"Yay, you're choking!"
"No I'm not."
"Damn."
"You'll never guess what MY daddy does! He's funny, everyone thinks so, AND he's going to play for the Chudley Cannons when he's out of schooooooool!!!!" Ron Jr. squealed delightedly (and rather girlishly, but nevermind . . .)
"Well MY daddy is going to defeat the Dark Lordy AND save the whole entire world!!!" Harry Jr. shouted, his nose stuck up like a snob (not that I'm saying he is . . . dumdeedumdeedum . . .)
"Well," Little Draco said, "MY mummy and daddy LOOOOOOOOOVE EACH OTHER!!!!!"
The whole room was silent. Hermione and Draco both put their hands over Little Draco's mouth, then realising that their hands were actually touching, they both screamed and blushed before groaning and thinking exactly the same thing, 'WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME??????'
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So, as the little peeps were now the main experiment (Hermione deeply suspected that her Aunt just wanted to see how much they could take before they all went mental and started chucking bananas) it was now time for the warm up. Her Aunt Emi, as always, had said that it would be 'fun', and for once . . . Hermione actually agreed with her. Today was 'girl's day' and every girl could have a treat, any treat, hehe . . .
"Malfoy, I mean, Draco, stay still!"
'Draco' was due to Little Draco's confusion, seeing as he thought 'mummy' was married to 'daddy' and therefore would be a Malfoy too. As for Draco calling Hermione 'Granger', Little Draco was convinced 'Granger' was some kind of fruit.
"OW! You're the one that's sticking bloody pins in me!"
"No I'm not!"
"Yes you are! OW! There you go again!"
"Oh sorry, that one was a mistake."
"What about the other four-hundred and eighty-two times then?"
"Shut up, I'm doing your head."
Hermione had always wanted to do something that would badly embarrass our dear Draco, without him killing her of course, and now, FINALLY, she had her chance! And the embarrassment? Taking pictures of Draco dressed as a woman. Or as Hermione called it, getting in touch with his 'feminine' side.
"Mummy, when should I use Mr Creepy dudes camera?"
Little Draco was referring to the camera Draco had managed to scab off Colin Creevey. Now, Colin treated his camera like God, actually, he treated Harry like God, or just someone to stalk, but his camera was almost as important. You may remember Draco having a pathetic book by the title of 'Ten ways to scare stupid muggles, hundredth edition!' Well, I am reasonably sure that Colin is no muggle-born, BUT alas, he is stupid.
The number seventh way to scare stupid muggles was dress up as a clown. Draco, being the clever thing he was, got Little Draco to dress up as a clown and scared the life out of Colin. Meanwhile, they snagged his camera.
"Now Granger, I mean, HERMIONE, you're going too far! Camera's is a no, no! You shouldn't be teaching such things to such young children!!!!"
"Oh but Draco, don't you want everyone to see the LOVELY outfit I'm making for you?"
"IT'S A DRESS."
And indeed it was. Hermione stuck another pin in and stepped back, taking a good long look. She had glued Draco to the floor, taken his wand, and bought some lovely blue material with daisies on, using his money. Not to mention about a dozen books as well. Well it was HIS money!
"But Draco dear, it shows your lovely legs! Why don't you show some cleavage for once?"
"I swear, HERMIONE – God I hate your name even more than I hate you – if I weren't glued to the floor I would smack you."
"Um Draco! Hitting a girl means you're a wimp! Same applies to disabled people and people wearing glasses."
"I know, why'd you think I always hit Weasley and not Potter? OW!"
Hermione continued to stick pins in non-necessary places, feeling all the more relaxed with every 'OW!' she heard.
"Mummy, I already took five photos, but they all look the same! I mean, the dressy looks really nice on daddy, could you make me one? BUT I WANT GREEEEEEEEEN!!"
"Of course Little D! I'd love to."
"YAY!" Little Draco ran to the other side of Draco, where his face was. "Now daddy, scowl for me! Yeah baby! Yeah!"
Hermione sighed. 'Note to self: Never show a four-year-old Austin Powers.'
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Yeah, maybe it's kind of short. Sorry about that, but REVIEW ALL THE SAME AND COMPLAIN ABOUT THE SHORTNESS! PLEEEEEASE!! THANKS! Anyway, hope you all enjoyed it, it was a pain to write I'm telling you, not that I'm sick of it! NO! Its just that it was kind of all from the back of the brain so don't blame me if it was all crap . . .
PS. Next chapter may take even longer than this one . . . so sorry about that.
Summary: Hermione's aunt has been called to Hogwarts as she needs lots of children to be her 'guinea pigs' and of course, only Dumbledore is nice enough to let someone experiment with his students . . .
NARRATED BY MOI!
THANK YOU THANK YOU OH SO MUCH TO:
~ Pyroprincess4rmeverwood ~ Don't worry, once I start reading something a reader asks me to read, its not often that I suddenly stop!! Thanks for reviewing, I really hope you enjoy this chapter!!!
~Slytherin-Gryffindor gal ~ Lol, yeah, I know its strange . . . and confusing . . . not to mention uncontrollably hyper, but nevermind!! If you look past all that it's a good story . . . I think . . . oh look, I'm confused again . . . you can tell that happens a lot can't you? Lol, thanks for reviewing, hope you like this chapter!
~ Loah ~ Thank you for reviewing, hey, tell me the truth here, are you enjoying this? Or do you just review for the sake of it?
~ siriusforeva ~ Hehe, I don't know!!! Most things in this fic are random, that includes, Dracula, coconuts, and any other strange thingamabob that happens all of sudden!!! I hope you can look past all the randomness, and maybe even laugh at it, that is the point of this fic . . . I guess . . .
~ LythTaeraneth ~ Thank you!!! I am so looking forward to when you update LiMM, it's going to be so totally cool!!! YAY!!!! I'm not actually having that good a life right now either . . . but reviews make me so hyper it's hard not to rant!!! YIPPEE!! Lol, I think I was on about paper towels but my mate was the one who was on about wrapping Draco in them . . . I'm so glad you use your imagination with this fic to get mental images, some people don't so its not all that fun!!! BUT YOU DO! YAY!
~ Tears-That-Fall ~ Lol, I'm not keen on coconuts, but you never know . . . thanks for reviewing this!
~ Eventuality ~ Hehehehehe, thanks for the review, mwhahahahahahahhahahahaha to you too!!
~ Anonymous ~ AW!! I think so too!!! Hehe, I think it's obvious that I think so too, but there's no harm in saying things more than once . . . or more than twice for that matter . . .
~ Klee_babe ~ Aye, aye, thank you very much my beloved reviewer!!! You're so nice!! I hope you enjoy this chapter even more than the others, I PRAY that you will!! Lol, thanks again!
~ Some12 ~ Thanks!! All the snow here has melted, but that's no surprise, yet its still flipping freezing . . . sorry, it just gets so annoying, it's not even funny! Argh!! Lol, anyway, I adore little Draco, and now you've got me wanting to meet your cousin . . .
~ Happigolucki ~ I thank you so much for reviewing . . . even if that does sound rather posh, and so does this but nevermind!! I love mini Draco, mini Draco so totally rules man!! Lol, thanks again for the review, talk to you soon!
~ Burgundyred ~ OH THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!! You know, you're the only one who said that they 'might' be my beta reader . . . to be honest though, I don't know if I am going to have a beta reader, so it's a good thing you said MIGHT. Hehe . . . it doesn't really matter that you didn't go into detail, although it is nice!! Lol thanks again, I ADORE YOUR REVIEWS!!! :D
~ Rupy ~ Thanks for reviewing!!! Sorry if this took really long!! I AM SO BLOCKING!!!! Lol
~ Black-unicorn13 ~ Aw, thank you! For reviewing, and also for putting this fic on your favourite author list already!! That is so nice for you!! I really hope you continue to read and review this fic!! It would make me feel so happy (and flattered)!!!
~ Fluff ~ Hehe, yeah, Little Draco is VERY crazy, he's there for match making, and maybe for all of you to understand why on earth Draco turned out so . . . as you put it, disturbed. Yeah . . . I wouldn't want to see a mini version of me (basically cus I can remember what I was like when I was small, and believe me, BIG PAIN IN THE BUTTOCKS). Lol, thanks for reviewing, and for updating, but I really do hope you update soon now!!
~Natyslacks ~ Really? Oh my god! That guy must be getting lots of girl then huh? Lol ^.~ Anyways, thanks for the review, it would be so cool if you could read and review this one too!!! Lol, thanks.
~ChIcKa ~ Hey I hope I spelt your screen name right! Thanks for the review, I should have emailed you about this update, I am so sorry if I haven't . . . oh and if you could do me a favour too . . . when I've emailed you telling you about this update, could you please just email me back and tell me you got the email? Please? Thanks
~Smileyface1314 ~ Hey thanks for reviewing my stuff on fictionpress too!! Your one great mate! Lol, and yeah, I know its confusing, what can I say? I'm a very confusing person.
'=Thoughts "=speech
NO SPOILERS.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN: Little people with little brain
DISCLAIMER: I own nothing, I am ranting to try and make this at least two lines long, hehe, this is working . . . maybe I should just fill the entire space with dots? Or ec . . . thingys! I don't know, please let this be two lines at least!! Oh yeah, and Bloomsbury kind of have permission to use
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
Hermione always did the daily routines in sleep mode, you know, the stretch, the yawn, and of course, the roll over. She stretched, she yawned, and she rolled over, making an 'oof' next to her.
"Groan . . ."
Hermione continued to sleep. Like she cared if she was late for any stupid experiments, or if she was now half lying on something lumpy on her bed. She was way too tired to care about anything right now.
"Groan . . ."
She snuggled into the 'lumpy' thing more. It seemed comfy, and warm, so she didn't see why not. She yawned again and wrapped her arms around her lumpy thing. It felt slightly like a pillow, except much bigger, and maybe in more of a . . . awkward shape.
"GROAN . . ."
She prodded the 'lump' and hit it to try and fluffen it up slightly. Lumpy pillows are NO good.
"GROAN . . . GROAN . . . . GRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOAN . . ."
Hermione stiffened. If this was her bed, and she was sure that SHE wasn't groaning like that . . . then what was it? Could it be some sort of ghost that she had never met that needed to be comforted, or was it just some sort of demented cat? She took a deep breath and slowly, ever so slowly, opened her eyes.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Hermione took a deep, deep breath and waited for some reaction from her enemy. But none came. She frowned. Ah . . . now she remembered. Little Draco, playing rape, sleeping with the enemy . . . speaking of little Draco . . .
"MUMMY!!!!!!!!!"
He jumped onto Hermione and hugged her tightly, clinging onto her like one of those really annoying leeches, haha, blood sucking!
"Little Draco, shush, you'll wake big prat up."
"He won't wake up, he's deaf!!!"
"No he's not Little D, its nasty to say stuff like that."
"BUT HE IS!!!!! HE PUT A CHARM ON HIMSELF SAYING THAT 'I AM NOW DEAF!!!' I HEARD HIM, I HEARD HIM, I HEARD HIM, I HEARD HIM!!!!!! I AM NOT LYING, DON'T YOU TELL ME I'M LYING BECAUSE I'M NOT!!"
"I never said you were lying."
"Yeah you did! You said to me that I was lying and you would spank me if I said that daddy was deaf!!"
"No I didn't."
"Actually, YOU'RE STICKING UP FOR DADDY!!! THAT'S OKAY THEN!!!!! MUMMY LOOOOOOOOOOVES DADDY!! HEHE."
"Groan . . ."
Little D and Hermione stopped. Draco shifted and rolled over towards Hermione, (hehe, part of the waking process) swinging his arm with him so that his arm was now around her waist. Hermione blushed crimson and tried to ignore the stupid grin plastered on Little Draco's face.
"Don't worry mummy, I'm sure if you asked him to daddy would still put his arm around your waisty!! I'll wake him and ask!!"
Little Draco put his mouth right next to Draco's ear and screamed like a little girly. He waited. It didn't work. Hmm . . . .
"Little Draco, I have an idea, okay, after three, I'll poke his hair, you'll poke his arm. One, two, three!"
The two prodded and prodded as Draco groaned and held Hermione tighter. Slowly, his eyes edged open. He took something out of his ears, squinted at his arm, quickly withdrew it and then grimaced at it.
"Oh clever Granger, I have mudblood germs now!!"
Draco thought they did not hear him as they continued poking. He tried desperately to slap the hands away.
"AH!!! TOO MANY HANDS!!!"
They continued poking.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! STOP IT!!!"
They continued poking.
"I SAID STOP IT!!!!"
Little Draco stopped and grinned at Draco. He looked around at nothing in particular while Hermione continued to prod at his head. Draco stared and let her poke him, waiting for her to stop . . . . . . . . waiting . . . . . . ... . . . . waiting . . . . . . . . . . . waiting. She didn't stop. He got mad.
"Granger you are the most annoying person on earth!!! I SWEAR I'M GOING TO KILL YOU ONE DAY!! AHH!!!"
"Why thank you."
Draco caught hold of her hands, and made her look him in the eye.
"Granger, first you annoy me with your countless snoring, and now THIS! WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?????"
"I was not snoring!!"
"Yah-huh."
"Nah-huh."
"Yah-huh."
"NAH-HUH."
"Yeah??? Well how do you explain me having ear plugs in my ears?"
Hermione shrugged. Wasn't her fault Malfoy was deaf but was too thick to admit it.
"I dunno, some kind of new fashion trend?"
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". . . So you see Hermione dearest, Mr Malfoy, Little Draco, as you've named him will have playmates now! Seeing as a certain Professor has found something that will make a child . . . it's all very complicated and even harder to explain. Basically all other pairs will have little ones too – and no, not naturally Hermione, don't look at me like that."
Dr Granger was just explaining what today's experiment would be, but somehow she had gotten side tracked and was now talking to Hermione and Draco, well, actually mostly just Hermione. Little Draco was fiddling with some bit of material that looked suspiciously like something from Draco's (clean – thank God) underwear.
"So, without further ado, I present to you, the little ones!!!"
Some odd door behind Dr Granger opened and lots of little kids with numbers written in black marker on their foreheads ran out. They all rushed to their individual couples.
"Ooh, daddy, does this mean that I have friends now?"
"Before you answer that Malfoy, keep in mind that my Aunt said that we have to go with whatever he says otherwise you're childhood will be ruined and when he forms with you again your brain will be demented . . . actually . . . errr, my Aunt said that . . . err, he needs to be mentally tortured, yes . . . that's it . . ."
'I wonder when I got so crap at lying . . .' she thought as Draco sighed and patted her on the head like some sort of beaver.
"Granger, get some lessons, I hear Snape does great lying lessons, all you got to do is start with the basics – making up something BELIEVABLE, duh!!"
"Hey mummy! Daddy! OVER HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!"
Little Draco ran up to them with two people trailing behind. One with bright ginger hair, and one with jet-black hair.
"This is Ron Jr. and this is Harry Jr! They're COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!!! Like you daddy!!"
Hermione snorted, "Yeah, cool . . ."
"Granger, why do you always have to dis me so? Call me Draco and we shall try to be civil."
"No."
"That was an order. You cannot disagree."
"I just did, duh!"
". . . Shut up!"
"You shut up!"
"You shut up!"
"GAH!!!!"
"Same to you!"
"GGGGGGGGGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!"
"Yay, you're choking!"
"No I'm not."
"Damn."
"You'll never guess what MY daddy does! He's funny, everyone thinks so, AND he's going to play for the Chudley Cannons when he's out of schooooooool!!!!" Ron Jr. squealed delightedly (and rather girlishly, but nevermind . . .)
"Well MY daddy is going to defeat the Dark Lordy AND save the whole entire world!!!" Harry Jr. shouted, his nose stuck up like a snob (not that I'm saying he is . . . dumdeedumdeedum . . .)
"Well," Little Draco said, "MY mummy and daddy LOOOOOOOOOVE EACH OTHER!!!!!"
The whole room was silent. Hermione and Draco both put their hands over Little Draco's mouth, then realising that their hands were actually touching, they both screamed and blushed before groaning and thinking exactly the same thing, 'WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME??????'
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So, as the little peeps were now the main experiment (Hermione deeply suspected that her Aunt just wanted to see how much they could take before they all went mental and started chucking bananas) it was now time for the warm up. Her Aunt Emi, as always, had said that it would be 'fun', and for once . . . Hermione actually agreed with her. Today was 'girl's day' and every girl could have a treat, any treat, hehe . . .
"Malfoy, I mean, Draco, stay still!"
'Draco' was due to Little Draco's confusion, seeing as he thought 'mummy' was married to 'daddy' and therefore would be a Malfoy too. As for Draco calling Hermione 'Granger', Little Draco was convinced 'Granger' was some kind of fruit.
"OW! You're the one that's sticking bloody pins in me!"
"No I'm not!"
"Yes you are! OW! There you go again!"
"Oh sorry, that one was a mistake."
"What about the other four-hundred and eighty-two times then?"
"Shut up, I'm doing your head."
Hermione had always wanted to do something that would badly embarrass our dear Draco, without him killing her of course, and now, FINALLY, she had her chance! And the embarrassment? Taking pictures of Draco dressed as a woman. Or as Hermione called it, getting in touch with his 'feminine' side.
"Mummy, when should I use Mr Creepy dudes camera?"
Little Draco was referring to the camera Draco had managed to scab off Colin Creevey. Now, Colin treated his camera like God, actually, he treated Harry like God, or just someone to stalk, but his camera was almost as important. You may remember Draco having a pathetic book by the title of 'Ten ways to scare stupid muggles, hundredth edition!' Well, I am reasonably sure that Colin is no muggle-born, BUT alas, he is stupid.
The number seventh way to scare stupid muggles was dress up as a clown. Draco, being the clever thing he was, got Little Draco to dress up as a clown and scared the life out of Colin. Meanwhile, they snagged his camera.
"Now Granger, I mean, HERMIONE, you're going too far! Camera's is a no, no! You shouldn't be teaching such things to such young children!!!!"
"Oh but Draco, don't you want everyone to see the LOVELY outfit I'm making for you?"
"IT'S A DRESS."
And indeed it was. Hermione stuck another pin in and stepped back, taking a good long look. She had glued Draco to the floor, taken his wand, and bought some lovely blue material with daisies on, using his money. Not to mention about a dozen books as well. Well it was HIS money!
"But Draco dear, it shows your lovely legs! Why don't you show some cleavage for once?"
"I swear, HERMIONE – God I hate your name even more than I hate you – if I weren't glued to the floor I would smack you."
"Um Draco! Hitting a girl means you're a wimp! Same applies to disabled people and people wearing glasses."
"I know, why'd you think I always hit Weasley and not Potter? OW!"
Hermione continued to stick pins in non-necessary places, feeling all the more relaxed with every 'OW!' she heard.
"Mummy, I already took five photos, but they all look the same! I mean, the dressy looks really nice on daddy, could you make me one? BUT I WANT GREEEEEEEEEN!!"
"Of course Little D! I'd love to."
"YAY!" Little Draco ran to the other side of Draco, where his face was. "Now daddy, scowl for me! Yeah baby! Yeah!"
Hermione sighed. 'Note to self: Never show a four-year-old Austin Powers.'
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Yeah, maybe it's kind of short. Sorry about that, but REVIEW ALL THE SAME AND COMPLAIN ABOUT THE SHORTNESS! PLEEEEEASE!! THANKS! Anyway, hope you all enjoyed it, it was a pain to write I'm telling you, not that I'm sick of it! NO! Its just that it was kind of all from the back of the brain so don't blame me if it was all crap . . .
PS. Next chapter may take even longer than this one . . . so sorry about that.