CRAZY LUNATIC EXPERIMENTS
Summary: Hermione's aunt has been called to Hogwarts as she needs lots of children to be her 'guinea pigs' and of course, only Dumbledore is nice enough to let someone experiment with his students . . .
NARRATED BY MOI!
'=thoughts "=speech
NO SPOILERS.
THANKS A BUNCH OF BANANAS TO THE FOLLOWING:
~ Harmonic Friction ~ Chapter two is 'inappropriate' huh? How very, very interesting . . . lol, thanks for reviewing, or even bothering to try and read this! HUGS DUDE!! AND THANKS TOO!!!
~ Burgundyred ~ First thanks for reviewing, second, hehe, I do love chaos, makes the world more adventurous and funny, no? And little kids are so cute, I didn't think it would be fair to everyone else if they couldn't have little nightmares running around the house like maniacs . . . the reason why Draco was wearing a dress was because Dr Granger was trying to make everything fun for Hermi, therefore having a girly day where girls can do whatever they want! Now for some disappointment in me . . . WHY??? WHY OH WHY ARE YOU NOT UPDATING DELUSION? It's not my all time favourite out of all your fics, the post Hogwarts one is, but PLEASE, please update soon, you have no idea how much that would mean to me.
~ Milocachica ~ Lol, thanks! For reviewing this, and also for reading my ficcys! I'm so happy! Anyways, I like little D too, he's so . . . nice and funny to write about, so I hope that he is the same to read about too! Here's the next chapter, hope you enjoy it!!
~ LythTaeraneth ~ Okay, thanks, I wasn't exactly sure whether they were muggle-born or not, basically because I'm kind of, well . . . not very attentive. Lol, anyways, thanks for reviewing, I hope you like this chapter, but if you're disappointed, you're welcome to give me a few pointers (wink, wink, nudge, nudge) Lol, anyways, thanks again.
~ Natyslacks ~ Thank you for the review! Yeah, I got the idea of having Draco in a dress when I was playing my PS2 game, The Simpsons Hit and Run, I always loved dressing Homer up in either the devil suit, or that little blue dress, hehe . . .
~ Some12 ~ Sorry about the shortness . . . lots of people commented on that too, but considering the fact that I'm still blocking, I reckon it's pretty good. Lol, anyways, I wish I did have enough money to go to America, or maybe Canada, I reckon they're both good. Lol.
~ Smileyface1314 ~ Thanks for reviewing! And yeah, I love Austin Powers too, I haven't watched all the films, but I kind of want to! Thanks again!
~ Loah ~ Okay . . . sorry if I don't pick up the pace, I kind of like things to go slowly, when it's rushed things get really . . . well, BAD. But I guess I kind of have stalled enough for me to go on and take a BIG step forward . . . I'll try to speed stuff up, but it's hard cus' I'm not exactly sure how to bring the romance in, or how to end this thing either.
~ Gina ~ Yes, Draco in a dress! I'm happy you found that funny! Thanks for reviewing, and hopefully enjoying all these thingys I write, lol.
~ Summery-ice ~ Thank you so much for the review, and all the nice comments you said about the chapter, and the fic! Lol, thank you so much, and also I love Little Draco too, and yes, he shall be sticking around for quite a bit.
~ Anonymous ~ little people are real cute, aren't they? I'll try to fit them in somewhere in further chapters, I don't think that there's really any specific parts with them in it . . . but yeah, they are in this chappie! Hehe . . .
~ Paprika90 ~ Lol, thanks so much! I mean, most people would have called it the Austin Powers bit, but I like how you put it in your review – the 'note to self' part, lol. Thanks again!
~Dracoluver2009 ~ Well, the reason it's so short is because I'm a major blockage so it's a surprise I got ANYTHING out within my time limit, hehe . . . sorry about the shortness anyway, I just hoped you enjoyed it, and you weren't disappointed . . .
~ Princess Faye ~ Hey, nice name, and thanks, for reviewing and the 'good'. Lol
~ Fluff ~ Thanks for reviewing dude, lol, yay! I'd love it if you could update ASAP, and anyways, I love the craziness of this chapter . . . writing it anyways! Hehe . . . it does say so in the title of this fic, right? Lol, thanks for the specific detail in your review, detail so totally rocks.
~ Strawberry bonbon ~ Hehe, thanks! But really, most of the ideas and things in this fic, are due to the suggestions my loving readers made! Lol, and my mates of course, but yeah, I guess some are mine, SOME. Thanks again!
~ Klee_babe ~ Lol, okay, I get the hint! Here's the next chappie, I hope it's longer than the last . . . HOPE. I'm sorry about the shortness of the last chapter, but major blockages are not something easy to get through. Thanks for reviewing!
~ Angel-dolphin 1 ~ Thank you for reviewing! Thank you very, very much! I hope you read and enjoy AND also, review this chappie, that would be nice.
~ Happigolucki616 ~ Yes . . . the subject of the shortness comes up once again! Lol, anyways, thanks for the review, and what you said in it! HUGZ!!!!!!!! Thank you again! You always review and that's always so nice of you!!!!
~ Pyroprincess4rmeverwood ~ Thanks, I thought it was cute-sey too! Even though you just said cute, lol, here's the update, hope you enjoy it! Please review afterwards too!
~ Rupy ~ Hey, out of interest, where did you get the inspiration to call yourself rupy? Just wondering, cus' I really like the sound of that name . . . it has a real nice . . . 'ring', lol, thanks anyways, I'm glad you loved it! Here's the next chappie, enjoy!
~ Princess Faye ~ Thanks! Lol, I'm glad you think so (not to mention extremely happy, but I'll skip that)
~ Cereza ~ Heheheheheheh, I don't think I really should be telling you anything, but yes, he does get Draco and Hermione into very difficult . . . events, as you shall see in this chappie. Hahahahahaha, I feel truly evil and inspirational, hopefully that means I shall be writing more! I'm trying to get more romance between Draco and Hermi, but also trying to get everyone to laugh – trust me, not an easy job, lol.
~ Tears-That-Fall ~ Thank you for the review! Did you actually enjoy chappie eleven then?
CHAPTER FOURTEEN: Evil Colin
DISCLAIMER: Why oh why am I actually typing this again and again and again and again when I hate these things so? I do not know, I guess I'm just really, really weird. Either that or I actually love these things deep down inside! HA!! Yeah right . . . when that happens, I'll be old and wrinkled I tell you! WRINKLED!
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It was the now the next day after the lovely dress Hermione had made for Draco. She awoke once again in her enemy's bed, luckily not ON him this time. By the time Draco awoke, she was already clean, fully dressed, and smelled nice (unlike him).
"Grang-Hermione, why did you not wake me?"
Hermione was surprised that Draco could even remember what her first name was, let alone remember that he was supposed to call her by it.
"I'm not exactly in a rush to meet up with my over-excited Aunt thank you very much, but you better hurry up. I, Hermione Granger, have never been late before, well, not that late anyway."
Draco snorted and began to get up. He quickly had a shower, and just as he came out, Little Draco (also fully dressed) stood in front of him, his hands behind his back and a wide grin on his face.
Draco raised a carefully plucked eyebrow, "You – I've never looked that innocent before, what exactly do you want?"
"Well, daddy, you know you have to do everything I say?"
Draco nodded slowly as Little D shuffled slightly on his feet.
"Weeeell, I was wondering daddy . . ."
"Spit it out little person-who-stole-my-name."
"Could you wear the dress mummy made you yesterday?"
Draco stood, eyes wide like he'd been petrified while Hermione stood and watched, all the while thinking 'If only he'd been petrified'. After about five minutes, Draco finally blinked and looked straight at Hermione.
"Hermione, ugh, I still hate your name, why, pray tell, do I, WE, have to listen to this child's demands? Potter and Weasley's children don't seem so demanding and they don't have to do whatever their child wants!"
Hermione sighed, "Its because your 'child' as you put it, is a replica of you when you were younger Draco, obviously, you were a spoilt demanding little child, even more so than you are now and that's saying something."
Draco scowled and took the dress in Little Draco's out stretched hands.
"Why am I so annoying???"
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"Draco, hurry up! I thought you were fit as well!"
"Well how nice of you to say so, but I'm sorry that I'm slowing you down, its not like I'M CARRYING A BIG HEAVY LUMP THAT'S STOLEN MY NAME!!!!"
They were now about half an hour late for breakfast and Hermione just knew that her dear Aunt Emi would notice in a mere ten seconds. As they passed the students heading to their first lesson of the day, Draco tried to ignore their giggles of seeing him in a dress, while Hermione was too rushed to even notice this (shame, she would have loved to encourage the laughter).
"Well I never told you to carry Little Draco! And he did not steal your name! He IS you!!"
"No he is not me, I is me!!"
They finally reached the muggle classroom and as Hermione pulled the door open, she met with many, many eyes. Hermione smiled awkwardly as Draco rushed in, immediately dropping Little Draco onto the floor, breathless. Draco didn't even bother to look up to know that people were now laughing at him, basically because he was not deaf (no matter what Hermione said) and laughter can be heard, believe it or not.
"Mummy, daddy, LOOK!!!!!!!"
Little Draco handed Hermione a picture that he had snatched off some odd little kid that was now crying. She didn't even bother to try and comfort the little kid, what she saw was enough to make her barf for a week.
Draco peered over her shoulder and gasped. The picture, the PHOTO was of him, and HER. Her meaning Hermione of course. And what were they possibly doing that could make them both want to puke? Ohhhh nothing but a bit of groping, hugging, snogging and most types of physical contact - with clothes on.
Draco began to rip the picture up before glaring at every single person in the room.
"And may I ask how many people have seen this 'PHOTO'?"
"Don't worry Drake," Goyle said, bits of someone's cardigan falling out of his mouth, "Only the year group, a few professors, all those little kids in front of you and some sixth years, that's all."
"THAT'S ALL??? THAT'S ALL??? HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT, THAT IS ALL????"
Goyle nodded, "Yeah, that's all."
Draco seethed with anger as he continued to glare around the room. A loud thump could be heard before Draco saw something coming towards him.
"Excuse me, coming through here people! People in shock, need medical attention!!!"
Two people in white coats rushed past with two heavy people commonly known as Harry and Ron piled on top of each other, apparently unconscious. Draco raised an eyebrow and turned his head. The position that the two boys were in seemed . . . ew . . . and . . . WRONG.
"COUGH, COUGHMALFOYCOUGHGETBACKTOTHEPHOTOCOUGH!!!!" Hermione soughed and hacked and wheezed etc. etc. etc.
Draco frowned for a few seconds before finally realising what she had said. It was kind of hard, even though she had spluttered the words out with a few chokes, coughs and splutters.
"Oh yes . . . ahem . . . WHO'S KIND OF SICK IDEA FOR A JOKE IS THIS????"
"HAHA!!! TWAS MINE!!!!! THAT'S WHAT YOU GET WHEN YOU DEAL WITH COLIN, KING OF CAMERAS!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!"
Draco, Hermione and everyone else in the hall turned to see Colin Creevey standing and laughing evilly, despite himself. Draco glared at him, making him run away in terror.
"Mr Little Draco's daddy, why don't you really kiss Little Draco's mummy? REAL LIFE IS ALWAYS BETTER THAN STINKY PICTURES!!!" One little kid cried.
Hermione could just about hear Colin shriek from down the corridor 'NO!!!! ALL MUST WORSHIP THY CAMERA!!!!'
"NO!! Get lost freaky little dude!" Draco shrieked, trying to swat him away.
"Come on Mister!! Little Draco's always boastin' bout how his mummy and daddy are so loved up!!! WHY DON'T YOU SHOW US THEN???"
"Yeah daddy! There's nothing to be afraid of!!! DECLARE YOUR LOVE TO THE ENTIRE WORLD!!!"
Draco gritted his teeth as more and more little kids began to crowd around him. He began to feel slightly freaked out. They reminded him of some freak zombies that were gaining in on you and taking up all the room around you so that all you had to stand on was a teeny tiny gap.
'Deep breaths now Draco . . .' He thought, 'you are not scared of small spaces . . you are not . . . NOT . . . NOT . . . AHHH . . . NOOOOOOT . . . . AHHHHH . . . . NOT!!!" . . . And so it continued.
"KISS, KISS, KISS, KISS, KISS, KISS, KISS, KISS, KISS, KISS, KISS, KISS, KISS, KISS, KISS, KISS, KISS, KISS, KISS, KISS, KISS, KISS, KISS, KISS, KISS!!!" All the little kids began to shout, much like some drunken hooligans might shout 'FIGHT!' at a dog and a chicken that have absolutely no idea what on earth they're on about.
Draco and Hermione tried their best to stay strong, but alas, they could not, and neither could you if you had a bunch of screaming kids looking like clones of your 'friends' except smaller . . . * shudder*
Little Draco yawned from some odd corner in the room and drawled, "Look guys, just shove their heads together and God will do the rest."
Now, when Draco was younger, he was small, and thin, maybe even slightly wimp-ish (although he would never have admitted it). He was spoilt rotten, taught to be evil, manipulative, and use his money well. But the most important thing ever, was that all other little kids did as he told them to, basically because their parents had told them that Lucius would kill them if they didn't. And as Little Draco was the exact replica of Draco when he was small, now was no exception.
Having two or three small children clinging onto your head is not a comfortable thing, and may lead to suffocation. Do not try at home.
"Come on people! SHOVE!"
And they did - the result? Is it not obvious? A kiss, or rather, lips meeting when they didn't want to meet, and staying there in that uncomfortable position because the kids would not stop pushing them together.
'OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAR.' Was all that Hermione could think as she stared, wide eyed, into those blue eyes of Draco Malfoy. He looked just as scared as her, much to her amusement . . .
Then all of a sudden, Hermione had a brilliantly gross plan. By brilliantly gross, she meant . . . brilliantly gross. What if . . . she snogged Malfoy, like, snogged, SNOGGED, and then the little kids, seeing that they 'liked' the kissing would then stop pushing! Like she said, brilliantly gross.
And so, using all the will power in her, she forced open his mouth, making him even more surprised than he already was. She explored his mouth (much to her disgust) and soon realised that Malfoy was reacting – all too well. He had his hand on her waist and was edging closer to her, maybe even too close for her to bare.
Slowly, little people began to slip off them like runny eggs, but when Hermione tried to edge away, she found that she couldn't. Maybe because of Malfoy holding her too tightly, or maybe just because she didn't really WANT to pull away. Either way, this was bad.
She prodded him in the stomach, making him open his eyes. She gave him a glare and hoped he could read her mind – 'Let go of me or die.'
Draco, scared of getting the oh so famous 'wrath of Hermione' let go at once, clearing his throat as he did so. The entire classroom was now staring at them.
"Heh . . . Hermione, is there something wrong with you?" Neville asked quietly.
"NO!!! OF COURSE THERE ISN'T!!! I'M PERFECTLY FINE THANK YOU!! SPIFFING!!!! JOLLY GOOD!!!!"
Neville leaned towards his partner, Susan Bones, "See, I knew it wasn't because she didn't like me. Its just cus' she's hit herself too hard on the head with some kind of virtual saucepan. Now it all makes sense!"
Right at that moment in time, Hermione felt no stronger urge than to strangle Neville.
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"This warm up isn't really to train your brains at all. It is for us, the professionals (Hermione snorted), to see what your view of your partner is. Now, for some pairs, it is all too obvious what you think of one another, and I'm not looking at anyone in particular," Dr Granger said as she watched Hermione and Draco desperately try not to look at each other.
"Now, Miss Granger, Mr Malfoy, you're to go first with Betty and Stanley and yes, they have become professionals over night." Serena smiled happily as Hermione and Draco got up, heading towards a black door where their psychotherapists were sure to be waiting.
"Now dear," Betty waddled over with her shaky, bony, wrinkly, bony, wrinkly, hideous, and downright UGH hand stretching to tap Hermione's shoulder, only to make her lean onto Draco who in turn, crashed into a table behind me at the touch of Hermione against him and incidentally made a large bowl of water splash onto him so that it looked as though he'd wet himself.
"Mummy, I think you better buy better nappies for daddy. See, his pee pee has just seeped straight through!!!"
Hermione shuddered at the thought of changing Draco's 'nappy'.
"In here children! Canvas' don't paint themselves you know!"
"Well, technically Stanley, with a few adjustments with our wands, they would."
Stanley stared at Betty for a while. "Yes . . . well . . . I . . . SHUT UP!! We have an experiment to begin!!!"
"Well, technically, it's a warm up."
It was lucky for Stanley that today, Hermione had more . . . feelings to deal with than the annoyingly frustrating voice of an eighty-eight year old man screaming like a parrot.
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". . .And a little bit of green in the hair, a bit of yellow in the eyes . . . and I'm nearly done!" Draco exclaimed as he put down the tray of watercolour paints that he had been using. He stepped back to take a look.
"Daddy, you forgot the wart on mummy's nose."
"Oh yes, thank you little me."
"I DO NOT HAVE A WART!"
"You do in my world HERMIONE."
"Well I'm sorry to break this to you DRACO, but your world is –
"This world, so SHUT UP."
Draco and Hermione's eyes met for a second in their angry exchange of stupid insults. Whoopsies . . . the past came once again to haunt, HAHAHAHA!!!!!
"Daddy, why is mummy red? Did she spray paint on her face to make herself prettier?" Little Draco asked, getting more and more confused by the second. If he thought Hermione was red, he nearly fainted when he looked at Draco, "DADDY!! You're face has gotten demented!! WE NEED WATER PEOPLE!! LOTS AND LOTS OF WATER!!!"
Little Draco ran towards the door to try and get Betty and Stanley into the room. Little did he know that he had to OPEN the door first before running through it. The result? A small person lying on the floor with a rather red head.
"Do you think we should help little me up?"
"No, he's even more annoying than you."
"He is me."
". . . shut up."
Hermione blushed again, as did Draco. She didn't even know why she was blushing. She felt stupid about the fact that she was blushing. It WAS STUPID the fact that she was blushing. Why was she even blushing? Ahhhh . . . it was all so confusing . . .
It was just the fact that everytime she actually realised that it was DRACO, yes, DRACO that she was talking to (unbelievable I know . . .) she remembered how he had kissed her so passionately and then the redness would pay her ANOTHER visit. She tried to shake it off.
'I am not blushing because of Draco Malfoy . . . I only blush because I LIKE someone, not because of Draco Malfoy . . .' She blushed even more, then felt the sudden urge to punch herself in the face. She looked up at Draco, wondering whether he was thinking the same thing as her, only to see that he was punching himself in the face.
She sighed, this was great wasn't it? There were two fainted Draco's on the floor, and she was blushing like there was no tomorrow. Oh what would Betty and Stanley say if they came in and saw that she hadn't finished her painting yet . . .
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I really hoped you enjoyed this people! I was on such a major blockage (yes, it's still bugging me) while writing this!! So please review with any suggestions or anything whatsoever to help me out here!
By the way, I have decided that I don't really want a beta reader EXACTLY. Maybe somebody who could just decide whether something was funny (so not really reading on my mistakes, my grammar, and punctuation etc.).
THANK YOU; THIS IS A MAYBE THOUGH, MAYBE!!!!
Summary: Hermione's aunt has been called to Hogwarts as she needs lots of children to be her 'guinea pigs' and of course, only Dumbledore is nice enough to let someone experiment with his students . . .
NARRATED BY MOI!
'=thoughts "=speech
NO SPOILERS.
THANKS A BUNCH OF BANANAS TO THE FOLLOWING:
~ Harmonic Friction ~ Chapter two is 'inappropriate' huh? How very, very interesting . . . lol, thanks for reviewing, or even bothering to try and read this! HUGS DUDE!! AND THANKS TOO!!!
~ Burgundyred ~ First thanks for reviewing, second, hehe, I do love chaos, makes the world more adventurous and funny, no? And little kids are so cute, I didn't think it would be fair to everyone else if they couldn't have little nightmares running around the house like maniacs . . . the reason why Draco was wearing a dress was because Dr Granger was trying to make everything fun for Hermi, therefore having a girly day where girls can do whatever they want! Now for some disappointment in me . . . WHY??? WHY OH WHY ARE YOU NOT UPDATING DELUSION? It's not my all time favourite out of all your fics, the post Hogwarts one is, but PLEASE, please update soon, you have no idea how much that would mean to me.
~ Milocachica ~ Lol, thanks! For reviewing this, and also for reading my ficcys! I'm so happy! Anyways, I like little D too, he's so . . . nice and funny to write about, so I hope that he is the same to read about too! Here's the next chapter, hope you enjoy it!!
~ LythTaeraneth ~ Okay, thanks, I wasn't exactly sure whether they were muggle-born or not, basically because I'm kind of, well . . . not very attentive. Lol, anyways, thanks for reviewing, I hope you like this chapter, but if you're disappointed, you're welcome to give me a few pointers (wink, wink, nudge, nudge) Lol, anyways, thanks again.
~ Natyslacks ~ Thank you for the review! Yeah, I got the idea of having Draco in a dress when I was playing my PS2 game, The Simpsons Hit and Run, I always loved dressing Homer up in either the devil suit, or that little blue dress, hehe . . .
~ Some12 ~ Sorry about the shortness . . . lots of people commented on that too, but considering the fact that I'm still blocking, I reckon it's pretty good. Lol, anyways, I wish I did have enough money to go to America, or maybe Canada, I reckon they're both good. Lol.
~ Smileyface1314 ~ Thanks for reviewing! And yeah, I love Austin Powers too, I haven't watched all the films, but I kind of want to! Thanks again!
~ Loah ~ Okay . . . sorry if I don't pick up the pace, I kind of like things to go slowly, when it's rushed things get really . . . well, BAD. But I guess I kind of have stalled enough for me to go on and take a BIG step forward . . . I'll try to speed stuff up, but it's hard cus' I'm not exactly sure how to bring the romance in, or how to end this thing either.
~ Gina ~ Yes, Draco in a dress! I'm happy you found that funny! Thanks for reviewing, and hopefully enjoying all these thingys I write, lol.
~ Summery-ice ~ Thank you so much for the review, and all the nice comments you said about the chapter, and the fic! Lol, thank you so much, and also I love Little Draco too, and yes, he shall be sticking around for quite a bit.
~ Anonymous ~ little people are real cute, aren't they? I'll try to fit them in somewhere in further chapters, I don't think that there's really any specific parts with them in it . . . but yeah, they are in this chappie! Hehe . . .
~ Paprika90 ~ Lol, thanks so much! I mean, most people would have called it the Austin Powers bit, but I like how you put it in your review – the 'note to self' part, lol. Thanks again!
~Dracoluver2009 ~ Well, the reason it's so short is because I'm a major blockage so it's a surprise I got ANYTHING out within my time limit, hehe . . . sorry about the shortness anyway, I just hoped you enjoyed it, and you weren't disappointed . . .
~ Princess Faye ~ Hey, nice name, and thanks, for reviewing and the 'good'. Lol
~ Fluff ~ Thanks for reviewing dude, lol, yay! I'd love it if you could update ASAP, and anyways, I love the craziness of this chapter . . . writing it anyways! Hehe . . . it does say so in the title of this fic, right? Lol, thanks for the specific detail in your review, detail so totally rocks.
~ Strawberry bonbon ~ Hehe, thanks! But really, most of the ideas and things in this fic, are due to the suggestions my loving readers made! Lol, and my mates of course, but yeah, I guess some are mine, SOME. Thanks again!
~ Klee_babe ~ Lol, okay, I get the hint! Here's the next chappie, I hope it's longer than the last . . . HOPE. I'm sorry about the shortness of the last chapter, but major blockages are not something easy to get through. Thanks for reviewing!
~ Angel-dolphin 1 ~ Thank you for reviewing! Thank you very, very much! I hope you read and enjoy AND also, review this chappie, that would be nice.
~ Happigolucki616 ~ Yes . . . the subject of the shortness comes up once again! Lol, anyways, thanks for the review, and what you said in it! HUGZ!!!!!!!! Thank you again! You always review and that's always so nice of you!!!!
~ Pyroprincess4rmeverwood ~ Thanks, I thought it was cute-sey too! Even though you just said cute, lol, here's the update, hope you enjoy it! Please review afterwards too!
~ Rupy ~ Hey, out of interest, where did you get the inspiration to call yourself rupy? Just wondering, cus' I really like the sound of that name . . . it has a real nice . . . 'ring', lol, thanks anyways, I'm glad you loved it! Here's the next chappie, enjoy!
~ Princess Faye ~ Thanks! Lol, I'm glad you think so (not to mention extremely happy, but I'll skip that)
~ Cereza ~ Heheheheheheh, I don't think I really should be telling you anything, but yes, he does get Draco and Hermione into very difficult . . . events, as you shall see in this chappie. Hahahahahaha, I feel truly evil and inspirational, hopefully that means I shall be writing more! I'm trying to get more romance between Draco and Hermi, but also trying to get everyone to laugh – trust me, not an easy job, lol.
~ Tears-That-Fall ~ Thank you for the review! Did you actually enjoy chappie eleven then?
CHAPTER FOURTEEN: Evil Colin
DISCLAIMER: Why oh why am I actually typing this again and again and again and again when I hate these things so? I do not know, I guess I'm just really, really weird. Either that or I actually love these things deep down inside! HA!! Yeah right . . . when that happens, I'll be old and wrinkled I tell you! WRINKLED!
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It was the now the next day after the lovely dress Hermione had made for Draco. She awoke once again in her enemy's bed, luckily not ON him this time. By the time Draco awoke, she was already clean, fully dressed, and smelled nice (unlike him).
"Grang-Hermione, why did you not wake me?"
Hermione was surprised that Draco could even remember what her first name was, let alone remember that he was supposed to call her by it.
"I'm not exactly in a rush to meet up with my over-excited Aunt thank you very much, but you better hurry up. I, Hermione Granger, have never been late before, well, not that late anyway."
Draco snorted and began to get up. He quickly had a shower, and just as he came out, Little Draco (also fully dressed) stood in front of him, his hands behind his back and a wide grin on his face.
Draco raised a carefully plucked eyebrow, "You – I've never looked that innocent before, what exactly do you want?"
"Well, daddy, you know you have to do everything I say?"
Draco nodded slowly as Little D shuffled slightly on his feet.
"Weeeell, I was wondering daddy . . ."
"Spit it out little person-who-stole-my-name."
"Could you wear the dress mummy made you yesterday?"
Draco stood, eyes wide like he'd been petrified while Hermione stood and watched, all the while thinking 'If only he'd been petrified'. After about five minutes, Draco finally blinked and looked straight at Hermione.
"Hermione, ugh, I still hate your name, why, pray tell, do I, WE, have to listen to this child's demands? Potter and Weasley's children don't seem so demanding and they don't have to do whatever their child wants!"
Hermione sighed, "Its because your 'child' as you put it, is a replica of you when you were younger Draco, obviously, you were a spoilt demanding little child, even more so than you are now and that's saying something."
Draco scowled and took the dress in Little Draco's out stretched hands.
"Why am I so annoying???"
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"Draco, hurry up! I thought you were fit as well!"
"Well how nice of you to say so, but I'm sorry that I'm slowing you down, its not like I'M CARRYING A BIG HEAVY LUMP THAT'S STOLEN MY NAME!!!!"
They were now about half an hour late for breakfast and Hermione just knew that her dear Aunt Emi would notice in a mere ten seconds. As they passed the students heading to their first lesson of the day, Draco tried to ignore their giggles of seeing him in a dress, while Hermione was too rushed to even notice this (shame, she would have loved to encourage the laughter).
"Well I never told you to carry Little Draco! And he did not steal your name! He IS you!!"
"No he is not me, I is me!!"
They finally reached the muggle classroom and as Hermione pulled the door open, she met with many, many eyes. Hermione smiled awkwardly as Draco rushed in, immediately dropping Little Draco onto the floor, breathless. Draco didn't even bother to look up to know that people were now laughing at him, basically because he was not deaf (no matter what Hermione said) and laughter can be heard, believe it or not.
"Mummy, daddy, LOOK!!!!!!!"
Little Draco handed Hermione a picture that he had snatched off some odd little kid that was now crying. She didn't even bother to try and comfort the little kid, what she saw was enough to make her barf for a week.
Draco peered over her shoulder and gasped. The picture, the PHOTO was of him, and HER. Her meaning Hermione of course. And what were they possibly doing that could make them both want to puke? Ohhhh nothing but a bit of groping, hugging, snogging and most types of physical contact - with clothes on.
Draco began to rip the picture up before glaring at every single person in the room.
"And may I ask how many people have seen this 'PHOTO'?"
"Don't worry Drake," Goyle said, bits of someone's cardigan falling out of his mouth, "Only the year group, a few professors, all those little kids in front of you and some sixth years, that's all."
"THAT'S ALL??? THAT'S ALL??? HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT, THAT IS ALL????"
Goyle nodded, "Yeah, that's all."
Draco seethed with anger as he continued to glare around the room. A loud thump could be heard before Draco saw something coming towards him.
"Excuse me, coming through here people! People in shock, need medical attention!!!"
Two people in white coats rushed past with two heavy people commonly known as Harry and Ron piled on top of each other, apparently unconscious. Draco raised an eyebrow and turned his head. The position that the two boys were in seemed . . . ew . . . and . . . WRONG.
"COUGH, COUGHMALFOYCOUGHGETBACKTOTHEPHOTOCOUGH!!!!" Hermione soughed and hacked and wheezed etc. etc. etc.
Draco frowned for a few seconds before finally realising what she had said. It was kind of hard, even though she had spluttered the words out with a few chokes, coughs and splutters.
"Oh yes . . . ahem . . . WHO'S KIND OF SICK IDEA FOR A JOKE IS THIS????"
"HAHA!!! TWAS MINE!!!!! THAT'S WHAT YOU GET WHEN YOU DEAL WITH COLIN, KING OF CAMERAS!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!"
Draco, Hermione and everyone else in the hall turned to see Colin Creevey standing and laughing evilly, despite himself. Draco glared at him, making him run away in terror.
"Mr Little Draco's daddy, why don't you really kiss Little Draco's mummy? REAL LIFE IS ALWAYS BETTER THAN STINKY PICTURES!!!" One little kid cried.
Hermione could just about hear Colin shriek from down the corridor 'NO!!!! ALL MUST WORSHIP THY CAMERA!!!!'
"NO!! Get lost freaky little dude!" Draco shrieked, trying to swat him away.
"Come on Mister!! Little Draco's always boastin' bout how his mummy and daddy are so loved up!!! WHY DON'T YOU SHOW US THEN???"
"Yeah daddy! There's nothing to be afraid of!!! DECLARE YOUR LOVE TO THE ENTIRE WORLD!!!"
Draco gritted his teeth as more and more little kids began to crowd around him. He began to feel slightly freaked out. They reminded him of some freak zombies that were gaining in on you and taking up all the room around you so that all you had to stand on was a teeny tiny gap.
'Deep breaths now Draco . . .' He thought, 'you are not scared of small spaces . . you are not . . . NOT . . . NOT . . . AHHH . . . NOOOOOOT . . . . AHHHHH . . . . NOT!!!" . . . And so it continued.
"KISS, KISS, KISS, KISS, KISS, KISS, KISS, KISS, KISS, KISS, KISS, KISS, KISS, KISS, KISS, KISS, KISS, KISS, KISS, KISS, KISS, KISS, KISS, KISS, KISS!!!" All the little kids began to shout, much like some drunken hooligans might shout 'FIGHT!' at a dog and a chicken that have absolutely no idea what on earth they're on about.
Draco and Hermione tried their best to stay strong, but alas, they could not, and neither could you if you had a bunch of screaming kids looking like clones of your 'friends' except smaller . . . * shudder*
Little Draco yawned from some odd corner in the room and drawled, "Look guys, just shove their heads together and God will do the rest."
Now, when Draco was younger, he was small, and thin, maybe even slightly wimp-ish (although he would never have admitted it). He was spoilt rotten, taught to be evil, manipulative, and use his money well. But the most important thing ever, was that all other little kids did as he told them to, basically because their parents had told them that Lucius would kill them if they didn't. And as Little Draco was the exact replica of Draco when he was small, now was no exception.
Having two or three small children clinging onto your head is not a comfortable thing, and may lead to suffocation. Do not try at home.
"Come on people! SHOVE!"
And they did - the result? Is it not obvious? A kiss, or rather, lips meeting when they didn't want to meet, and staying there in that uncomfortable position because the kids would not stop pushing them together.
'OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAR.' Was all that Hermione could think as she stared, wide eyed, into those blue eyes of Draco Malfoy. He looked just as scared as her, much to her amusement . . .
Then all of a sudden, Hermione had a brilliantly gross plan. By brilliantly gross, she meant . . . brilliantly gross. What if . . . she snogged Malfoy, like, snogged, SNOGGED, and then the little kids, seeing that they 'liked' the kissing would then stop pushing! Like she said, brilliantly gross.
And so, using all the will power in her, she forced open his mouth, making him even more surprised than he already was. She explored his mouth (much to her disgust) and soon realised that Malfoy was reacting – all too well. He had his hand on her waist and was edging closer to her, maybe even too close for her to bare.
Slowly, little people began to slip off them like runny eggs, but when Hermione tried to edge away, she found that she couldn't. Maybe because of Malfoy holding her too tightly, or maybe just because she didn't really WANT to pull away. Either way, this was bad.
She prodded him in the stomach, making him open his eyes. She gave him a glare and hoped he could read her mind – 'Let go of me or die.'
Draco, scared of getting the oh so famous 'wrath of Hermione' let go at once, clearing his throat as he did so. The entire classroom was now staring at them.
"Heh . . . Hermione, is there something wrong with you?" Neville asked quietly.
"NO!!! OF COURSE THERE ISN'T!!! I'M PERFECTLY FINE THANK YOU!! SPIFFING!!!! JOLLY GOOD!!!!"
Neville leaned towards his partner, Susan Bones, "See, I knew it wasn't because she didn't like me. Its just cus' she's hit herself too hard on the head with some kind of virtual saucepan. Now it all makes sense!"
Right at that moment in time, Hermione felt no stronger urge than to strangle Neville.
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"This warm up isn't really to train your brains at all. It is for us, the professionals (Hermione snorted), to see what your view of your partner is. Now, for some pairs, it is all too obvious what you think of one another, and I'm not looking at anyone in particular," Dr Granger said as she watched Hermione and Draco desperately try not to look at each other.
"Now, Miss Granger, Mr Malfoy, you're to go first with Betty and Stanley and yes, they have become professionals over night." Serena smiled happily as Hermione and Draco got up, heading towards a black door where their psychotherapists were sure to be waiting.
"Now dear," Betty waddled over with her shaky, bony, wrinkly, bony, wrinkly, hideous, and downright UGH hand stretching to tap Hermione's shoulder, only to make her lean onto Draco who in turn, crashed into a table behind me at the touch of Hermione against him and incidentally made a large bowl of water splash onto him so that it looked as though he'd wet himself.
"Mummy, I think you better buy better nappies for daddy. See, his pee pee has just seeped straight through!!!"
Hermione shuddered at the thought of changing Draco's 'nappy'.
"In here children! Canvas' don't paint themselves you know!"
"Well, technically Stanley, with a few adjustments with our wands, they would."
Stanley stared at Betty for a while. "Yes . . . well . . . I . . . SHUT UP!! We have an experiment to begin!!!"
"Well, technically, it's a warm up."
It was lucky for Stanley that today, Hermione had more . . . feelings to deal with than the annoyingly frustrating voice of an eighty-eight year old man screaming like a parrot.
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". . .And a little bit of green in the hair, a bit of yellow in the eyes . . . and I'm nearly done!" Draco exclaimed as he put down the tray of watercolour paints that he had been using. He stepped back to take a look.
"Daddy, you forgot the wart on mummy's nose."
"Oh yes, thank you little me."
"I DO NOT HAVE A WART!"
"You do in my world HERMIONE."
"Well I'm sorry to break this to you DRACO, but your world is –
"This world, so SHUT UP."
Draco and Hermione's eyes met for a second in their angry exchange of stupid insults. Whoopsies . . . the past came once again to haunt, HAHAHAHA!!!!!
"Daddy, why is mummy red? Did she spray paint on her face to make herself prettier?" Little Draco asked, getting more and more confused by the second. If he thought Hermione was red, he nearly fainted when he looked at Draco, "DADDY!! You're face has gotten demented!! WE NEED WATER PEOPLE!! LOTS AND LOTS OF WATER!!!"
Little Draco ran towards the door to try and get Betty and Stanley into the room. Little did he know that he had to OPEN the door first before running through it. The result? A small person lying on the floor with a rather red head.
"Do you think we should help little me up?"
"No, he's even more annoying than you."
"He is me."
". . . shut up."
Hermione blushed again, as did Draco. She didn't even know why she was blushing. She felt stupid about the fact that she was blushing. It WAS STUPID the fact that she was blushing. Why was she even blushing? Ahhhh . . . it was all so confusing . . .
It was just the fact that everytime she actually realised that it was DRACO, yes, DRACO that she was talking to (unbelievable I know . . .) she remembered how he had kissed her so passionately and then the redness would pay her ANOTHER visit. She tried to shake it off.
'I am not blushing because of Draco Malfoy . . . I only blush because I LIKE someone, not because of Draco Malfoy . . .' She blushed even more, then felt the sudden urge to punch herself in the face. She looked up at Draco, wondering whether he was thinking the same thing as her, only to see that he was punching himself in the face.
She sighed, this was great wasn't it? There were two fainted Draco's on the floor, and she was blushing like there was no tomorrow. Oh what would Betty and Stanley say if they came in and saw that she hadn't finished her painting yet . . .
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I really hoped you enjoyed this people! I was on such a major blockage (yes, it's still bugging me) while writing this!! So please review with any suggestions or anything whatsoever to help me out here!
By the way, I have decided that I don't really want a beta reader EXACTLY. Maybe somebody who could just decide whether something was funny (so not really reading on my mistakes, my grammar, and punctuation etc.).
THANK YOU; THIS IS A MAYBE THOUGH, MAYBE!!!!