CRAZY LUNATIC EXPERIMENTS
Summary: Hermione's aunt has been called to Hogwarts as she needs lots of children to be her 'guinea pigs' and of course, only Dumbledore is nice enough to let someone experiment with his students . . .
NARRATED BY MOI!
'=Thoughts "=speech
NO SPOILERS.
THANKS TO (AND SORRY FOR THE LONG WAIT):
~Alohilani Moon ~ Hey, yeah, the chapters are coming into focus on Little Draco (even this one I think) but only because he can help get some romance involved, as you shall know in the next chapter!!! HAHA!! Sorry, hyper, just been shopping you see! Thanks for the review!! (Oh and there will be more experiments after the next chapter, I PROMISE!) Oh and just to say, those little kids running around are kind of an experiment anyway!!! So, really, they're in an experiment all the time! (That's my excuse anyway)
~TOM-FELTON-IS-SEXY ~ Thanks for reviewing, and for what you said! I got kind of confused but HEY! I'M ALWAYS CONFUSED! Hehe . . . anyways, I really hope you like this chappie . . . please review also!
~Milocachica ~ Here's the update! I know I said two weeks, but really, it took such an effort for me to actually type all this from a notebook into here!!! OH SO HARD!! Anyways, thanks for the review, I hope you enjoy this (please do!!)
~Burgundyred ~ You were on holiday too? WHAT A COINCEDENCE!! (Or however you spell it) Hehe, where d'ya go anyways? I will still have Lil D around, but for the sake of another reviewer, I have to have some focus back on experimenting again! THANK YOU FOR REVIEWING!
~Natyslacks ~ Aw, thanks so much! I hope you don't wheeze too much, really, you'll be old and grey before twenty-two! Unless you already are twenty-two . . . in that case I'll say . . . forty-four? I dunno, anyways, I really hope you enjoyed this chapter as much as the last, or even more!
~Rupy ~ Thank YOU for reviewing this, it was so nice of you. Hope you enjoy this chapter (if you read and review it that is).
~ChIcKa ~ Hiya, thanks for reviewing and yeah, I hope I remember to email you too with this update . . . it took forever for me to just type this from my little notebook! Hehe, anyways, thanks again, I really hope you like this chappie!
~ Klee_babe ~ Heh . . . thanks!
~SiriuslyDelirious ~ *Cheesy grin * Yeah, I guess Hermi would really be freaking out about NEWTS, but I totally forgot about that, so it's not included! I'm just obsessed with Draco/Hermione, so that's why I always write them! Now I can't write anything else! Thanks for the review!
~Spaced out space cadet ~ Driving Draco insane is something I would love to do . . . if only Draco was REAL!!!! WAH!!! Sorry, I don't know how I got onto the topic of that in such a short time but who cares? I hope you really enjoy this chappie! THANKS!
~ShortStuff10 ~ Hiya Ding, hey, when I write my thanks, I think I might just put Ding instead of the other one, its so much easier!! Hehe, anyways, thanks for reviewing and for the suggestion! THAT'S SO NICE! Lol, sorry, hyper, bye!
~Openly Insane ~ Lol, you're so funny yourself nevermind the chapter! LOL. Anyway, thanks for reviewing, that was so nice of you! I'M SO HAPPY! Hehe, here's the update, sorry it took so long.
~ Happigolucki616 ~ Lol, thanks! Here's more, I am so sorry it took so long, longer than I thought it would take anyway. I mean, I thought I could update when I got back, but it took so long to type this up and thank all of these wonderful people, I lost track of time! THANK YOU!!!!!!
~Princess Faye ~ Hehe, you got me laughing too . . .
~Gina ~ that is so nice of you!!! You know, this is my first humour thing, and I'm so glad that it's done so well, I mean, I never did think this would make people laugh, I thought everyone was going to make fun of me! But you didn't! AND INSTEAD, gave me your support!! *Sniff * THAT MAKES ME SO HAPPY!! I SHALL WRITE MORE!!!
~Cereza ~ did you know, I did actually have a bubble bath lately . . . I don't normally have them you see! I have showers! Lol, useless information, but anyways, it might be useful one day! I don't know how, but YOU NEVER KNOW!!! Lol, and I agree, sugar does ROCK, and so does mango! Hehe
~Anonymous ~ Aw, thanks! Here's the update, if you are living on this fic, I hope you aren't dead yet! I know it took a LOOOOONG time!
~LythTaeraneth ~ HEY!!!! Nice to hear from you again! I haven't even talked to you for so long, sigh . . . anyway, thanks for reviewing, I've never babysat (although I have been babysat by someone . . .). It is fun to annoy the babysitter, hehe . . . thanks again for reviewing! (This and Gems)
~Paprika90 ~ Thanks for reviewing, and yes, she did faint! Hehe, thanks again, and I really hope you like this chapter (please do!)
~Some12 ~ Hehe, yeah, I guess if you didn't have any suggestions, others would help me with them, BUT, if everyone thought like you did, then I wouldn't get any help at all and this fic would come to a very sad and boring end. Now, no one would like that to happen, would they? Well I don't anyways so . . . hehehehehe, sorry, sugar!!!! Thanks for reviewing by the way.
~IceCristal ~ THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR SUGGESTION! I don't know if I will be using it, but nevermind, thanks anyway, and yeah, I do know that Little Draco is slightly perverted . . . you see why Big Draco is so demented now, lol.
~Smileyface1314 ~ Omg, did you know that about that V. potion thing, I had that exact same idea when I originally began this fic? THAT IS SO FREAKY. Lol, thank you for your suggestions, one will definitely be used! DEFINITELY!!! Thanks for reviewing too, YOU ARE SO NICE!!! HUGZY!!!
~the Lady Katherine ~ Hehehehehehehehe, now that you point it out, it is quite obvious that Little Draco is kind of becoming . . . older and still being small . . . oh well, everything is possible with magic! Well, almost everything, but still!!! He's a strange and mysterious, kid that one is . . .
~Mousas ~ Really hope I spelt your name right . . . anyway, thanks for reviewing, really hope you enjoy this chappie!!!
~Pyroprincess4rmeverwood ~ Lol, yeah . . . thanks for the suggestions, and really, I'm thinking the same thing as you . . . actually I'm not . . . I don't know what I'm thinking . . . hehehe, thanks again
~Midnight solitaire ~ Thanks for the review, here's the update, I am so sorry that it took like, forever, well, longer than it was supposed to anyway!
~Tinuviel Storm ~ Lol, my parents look at me like I'm a maniac everyday! Even though they don't admit it . . . hehehe, anyways, thanks for your review! It was super nice of you!!! : D
~Brainlessmuggle ~ Hmm, actually, no, I've never really heard of writing a Tom and Emma fic, basically cus' you know, they're real people and all. Plus, I don't really think it would be a good idea . . . basically cus you have no idea how many people have moaned to me about Emma stealing Tom away from his loving fans! But, I would support you if YOU wrote one! Lol, I'm so looking forward to the third movie, because of that slap or punch or whatever. Either way, I'm going to be amused, lol. Thanks for reviewing!
~BeanTaiPaw ~ Thanks, I never did think this story was original . . . I just thought it was weird and confusing, that's what everyone said! Lol, thank you for reviewing, I think Big and Little Draco rock as well!!
~Danielle ~ Thank you so much! My mum is like that when I read funny fics, its so nice to know that I'm not the only one . . ..
CHAPTER SIXTEEN: Hermi's dear Aunt.
DISCLAIMER: It's bad enough being on a major blockage when you have people waiting for you to deliver a fanfic, how bad would it be if I were JK and having a major blockage with people waiting for me to deliver a bloody HOUSE BRICK? Exactly, I would have gone mad by now! . . . not that you know that I'm writing this from my very own mental hospital . . .
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"Herm-own-ninny!!!!!!! HERM-OWN-NINNY!!!!!!!!!"
Hermione groggily sat up, dazed and confused (as if she always wasn't). Greeeat, first she realised she was beginning to like 'Coco', thinking of him as more than an odd thing with a really gross wig, and now she had some random little kid peering at her wearing a fake moustache (that looked suspiciously like Snape's hair . . .)
Next thing she'd know, a little kid dressed as granny hoo-ha would be coming in saying how much she needed teeth surgery . . .
"Don't even try asking."
Hermione looked to her left. Draco. There. Dressed. As. Her . . . . . . Ew.
"Tis your dear Auntie's birthday today," Draco said, leaning against some odd thing – meaning that random dude dressed as Viki, "And, guess what? SHE SUGGESTED A BLOODY FANCY DRESS PARTY."
"Well," Hermione began, trying her hardest not to stutter or show any signs of nervousness – not that she was (cough, cough), "That does explain that random kid dressed as Viktor I guess."
"I'm not random! I'm Ron Jr.!" said the dude with the moustache, obviously deeply offended.
"Same difference."
Little Draco came through the hospital doors. How very, very typical. Little Draco was dressed up as . . . dum-dum-dum . . . Big Draco.
"Oi mummy!!" Little Draco began, talking to a very confused Draco, "Where have you been for the past few hours huh? I couldn't find you anywhere in this dreaded castle!!!"
Hermione blinked, "Err . . . Little D, I'm over here."
Little Draco looked at her for a moment, and then looked back at Big Draco, and then back at Hermione once again.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! " He shrieked, waving his arms around in the air, carefully avoiding his well-gelled hair, "THE ALIENS ARE COMING!!! THE ALIENS ARE COMING!!!"
"I think it's the shock of seeing two people who look almost the same you know," Hermione said to herself. She looked in Draco's direction and found him glaring at her with an evil aura.
"TRY BEING ME HERMIONE."
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Hermione groaned. Aunts. Was it just hers, or did the entire world have to suffer with dear Auntie's that were as annoying as this . . .?
"Oh, Hermione dear!!! That looks wonderful on you!!! Green suits you oh so much, and the blonde brings out your lovely chubby cheeks!!! You know, you should dye your REAL hair that colour! Brown is just so . . . dull." And that was coming from a woman that had dyed her ginger/red hair to . . . brown.
"NO. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT, ever, EVER, copy my hair!! I know I'm wonderful and everything, but I already have this little midget being me. I don't need ANOTHER midget being make thank you very much." Draco said, staring at his manicured fingernails.
"Oi!!! I'm no midget!!! I'm just . . . FOUR!!!!!"
"Yeah, like THAT'S an excuse," Draco rolled his eyes while Little Draco pouted and hung onto Hermione's right arm.
"Daddy, I mean, mummy, I mean daddy, I mean . . . whatever! HE IS BULLYING ME!!!!!!!" Little Draco cried into Hermione's sleeve before looking up at her with puppy-dog eyes (which made him look like a duck).
Yes, it was just what she had feared. Her Aunt, HER OWN AUNT, had made her dress up as little Draco, who just looked exactly like Big Draco, except obviously shorter. Confusing, yes, as Little D has just proven . . .
"Come on children!!" Serena rushed in, wearing a red wig and stuck on freckles which just made her look as though she had chicken pox, "I can't wait until everyone sees me!!! I mean, isn't it like, SO, obvious that I'm dressed as Ron Weasley?"
'Yeah . . . if Ron had enormous scary freckles and long spiky hair that had gone out of fashion DECADES ago . . . ." Hermione thought to herself.
"COME ON ALREADY!!!!!!! THE FIRST COMPETITION IS STARTING SOON!!!!!!" Serena gabbled hurriedly, before rushing through the door and getting herself caught on the door knob (one of the many reasons why you shouldn't wear a long spiky wig AND some of Draco's hair gel *coughsupergluecough *)
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"Thank you all for this wonderful celebration!!!!!" Dr. Granger sniffed, "It was such a lovely surprise, even if I did organise everything myself!!!! And of course, my wonderful little niece has awoken, just in time for the fun!!!!"
FUN. NUF. UNF. FNU. Anyway you spelt it, Dr. Granger's vision of 'fun' just wasn't something you really wanted to know about . . .
"We shall have a series of competitions and events tonight to celebrate me turning . . . . oh-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!!!!! I nearly revealed my age!! Of course a lady of my standard should never reveal her age!!!!"
*Gasp *, indeed, Dr. Granger was a WOMAN.
"Now, first competition is . . ." Serena began, standing on the table so everyone could see her goofy face, "Who can guess who I'm dressed up as???"
Blank faces were obviously something Serena didn't want.
"Come on people!! It's not that hard!!!"
One hand rose from the crowd of brainless zombies – Harry's hand and arm to be perfectly precise.
"Yes, Mr Potter?"
"Errrr . . . Snape?"
Hermione snorted, spilling fruit juice over the nearest person – Little Draco. Little D shrieked in surprise and began to rub his head on the nearest thing possible – Big Draco. Big Draco, being in shock because of now having some odd thing rub his head on his nice clean robes, frowned and flicked his fingers at Little Draco like he was flicking some dead fly off a table.
"OW!!!!! CUT YOUR FINGER NAILS MISTER!!!!"
"Oh, yeah, like I'm going to listen to you, little-dude-who's-messed-up-his- hair-with-fruit-juice-that-someone-spat-out-ew!!!"
"I happen to have some rather revealing photos of you and . . . ANOTHER WOMAN!"
"What, OTHER WOMAN????????"
"MWHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She is more commonly known as HIM!!!!" Little Draco pointed to no other than . . . Harry, dressed up in a mini skirt as Padma Patil. The make-up and clothes suited Harry well . . . which made the whole situation all the more worse.
"What?????? I'd never be seen with him you . . . 'thing'!"
"Ohhhh . . ." Little Draco blinked, apparently deep in thought (snort), "You are mummy, right??"
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"Now, award for cutest couple is . . ." Serena began, before realising that she'd picked up the wrong envelope from the stack of golden envelopes that all looked exactly the same.
"Oh, stuff it! The award for the best family costume goes to . . . THE MALFOY FAMILY!!!!!!"
"SHE IS NOT RELATED TO ME!!!" Draco fumed, a vein on his forehead popping out scarily. Little Draco looked at it in amazement, poking it with his finger to see whether it would pop like one of those zits and spots.
Hermione banged her head against Draco's arm, only to find herself stuck in a bundle of bushy brown hair.
"HERM-GRAN!!!!! GET YOUR WIG OUTTA MINE!!!!!!!"
"It's not my fault Draco!!! It's all that stupid gel you put in your hair that's made mine like this – STUCK!!!!!!!"
"Oh and it has nothing to do with the fact that YOUR HAIR IS A HUMAN DISASTER!!!!"
"No, it doesn't actually. You just forgot to comb it."
"SHUT UP!!"
Hermione couldn't believe it. She has fallen for the most arrogant, argumentative, immature, spoilt man on earth. How so totally UNFAIR.
"Okay you guys," Serena sighed, waving her wand and actually getting a spell RIGHT for once, "Don't ruin Dr. Granger's fortieth, I mean . . . twenty-first!! Birthday! Just watch the stupid congrats tape!"
"I CAN'T SEE!!!!!!" Little Draco moaned before climbing onto Draco's bushy brown head of Rupunzel hair and sat on his shoulders, making him 'oomph' as Lil' D began picking bits off of Big Draco's wig.
The film began and Hermione could feel herself AND Draco go red with embarrassment, while Little D was just chuckling away to himself, meaning that someone had obviously spiked his drink.
The video started with all the arguments that Hermione and Draco had had (which they didn't even know had been taped and suspected that it wasn't ALL the argument as they had had too many to actually make anyone care that much to count – and yeah, I know that didn't make much sense), and ended with a close-up of them snogging, with the odd little person's hand at the edge of the screen of course.
Hermione was, as usual, horrified, just like Draco. She felt a soft pat on her shoulder as a voice from behind her spoke (this voice commonly known as Ron).
"Don't worry Hermione, Harry and me still like you, even if you are germilized now. Why do we still like you Herms you ask? Because YOU DE MAN!!!!"
She didn't exactly know whether to take that as a compliment or not . . .
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Okay dudes, I know this chapter was kind of confusing, feel free to ask anything you don't get!! Anyways, I'm sorry if it was kind of short, I have the next chapter planned so really, you can't blame me!! I'm sorry if it was short because I didn't have my computer with me on holiday, so I didn't know how long this was. To make it longer, I'm adding on one of my few dairy entries –
PS. This is for the record, I know I overuse exclamation marks and that sort of stuff, but I only do that to prove that this fic is NON-SERIOUS. If it was serious, the title wouldn't be CRAZY MUNATIC EXPERIMENTS FOR GODS SAKE! So I overuse stuff on purpose! GET THAT STRAIGHT!!! (Sorry, someone reviewed and pointed it out so I got annoyed)
(If you've read it, please type 'MAHA' in your review – please review – just to let me know you read it)
~*DIARY ENTRY ~ been on holiday for . . . two days.*~
So, being away from home, for, let's say, two weeks? There's a lot of stuff to deal with you know, like, having the right money with you, dealing with family, whether there are any fit people there, homesickness, and the fact that everyone looks as though they're about to murder you.
It's scary really, everyone looks at you in this REAL weird way, like I'm a freak and they're not. Plus, I haven't had ANY English TV (apart from Sesame Street, but that doesn't count), and the fact that I don't have a Discman with me to listen to some music I actually understand is driving me round the bend . . .
To top that, my homesickness is really getting to me. I mean, it even made my stomach hurt!! Although I suspect that was because I had eaten too much (what? The food was good . . .), BUT then again, that stupid aeroplane had so much blimmin' air conditioning, it made me freeze my butt off!!! But anyways, everything reminds me of HOME!!! I'M DYING!!!
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Oh and I named my Gran's turtle Bob, hehe
Summary: Hermione's aunt has been called to Hogwarts as she needs lots of children to be her 'guinea pigs' and of course, only Dumbledore is nice enough to let someone experiment with his students . . .
NARRATED BY MOI!
'=Thoughts "=speech
NO SPOILERS.
THANKS TO (AND SORRY FOR THE LONG WAIT):
~Alohilani Moon ~ Hey, yeah, the chapters are coming into focus on Little Draco (even this one I think) but only because he can help get some romance involved, as you shall know in the next chapter!!! HAHA!! Sorry, hyper, just been shopping you see! Thanks for the review!! (Oh and there will be more experiments after the next chapter, I PROMISE!) Oh and just to say, those little kids running around are kind of an experiment anyway!!! So, really, they're in an experiment all the time! (That's my excuse anyway)
~TOM-FELTON-IS-SEXY ~ Thanks for reviewing, and for what you said! I got kind of confused but HEY! I'M ALWAYS CONFUSED! Hehe . . . anyways, I really hope you like this chappie . . . please review also!
~Milocachica ~ Here's the update! I know I said two weeks, but really, it took such an effort for me to actually type all this from a notebook into here!!! OH SO HARD!! Anyways, thanks for the review, I hope you enjoy this (please do!!)
~Burgundyred ~ You were on holiday too? WHAT A COINCEDENCE!! (Or however you spell it) Hehe, where d'ya go anyways? I will still have Lil D around, but for the sake of another reviewer, I have to have some focus back on experimenting again! THANK YOU FOR REVIEWING!
~Natyslacks ~ Aw, thanks so much! I hope you don't wheeze too much, really, you'll be old and grey before twenty-two! Unless you already are twenty-two . . . in that case I'll say . . . forty-four? I dunno, anyways, I really hope you enjoyed this chapter as much as the last, or even more!
~Rupy ~ Thank YOU for reviewing this, it was so nice of you. Hope you enjoy this chapter (if you read and review it that is).
~ChIcKa ~ Hiya, thanks for reviewing and yeah, I hope I remember to email you too with this update . . . it took forever for me to just type this from my little notebook! Hehe, anyways, thanks again, I really hope you like this chappie!
~ Klee_babe ~ Heh . . . thanks!
~SiriuslyDelirious ~ *Cheesy grin * Yeah, I guess Hermi would really be freaking out about NEWTS, but I totally forgot about that, so it's not included! I'm just obsessed with Draco/Hermione, so that's why I always write them! Now I can't write anything else! Thanks for the review!
~Spaced out space cadet ~ Driving Draco insane is something I would love to do . . . if only Draco was REAL!!!! WAH!!! Sorry, I don't know how I got onto the topic of that in such a short time but who cares? I hope you really enjoy this chappie! THANKS!
~ShortStuff10 ~ Hiya Ding, hey, when I write my thanks, I think I might just put Ding instead of the other one, its so much easier!! Hehe, anyways, thanks for reviewing and for the suggestion! THAT'S SO NICE! Lol, sorry, hyper, bye!
~Openly Insane ~ Lol, you're so funny yourself nevermind the chapter! LOL. Anyway, thanks for reviewing, that was so nice of you! I'M SO HAPPY! Hehe, here's the update, sorry it took so long.
~ Happigolucki616 ~ Lol, thanks! Here's more, I am so sorry it took so long, longer than I thought it would take anyway. I mean, I thought I could update when I got back, but it took so long to type this up and thank all of these wonderful people, I lost track of time! THANK YOU!!!!!!
~Princess Faye ~ Hehe, you got me laughing too . . .
~Gina ~ that is so nice of you!!! You know, this is my first humour thing, and I'm so glad that it's done so well, I mean, I never did think this would make people laugh, I thought everyone was going to make fun of me! But you didn't! AND INSTEAD, gave me your support!! *Sniff * THAT MAKES ME SO HAPPY!! I SHALL WRITE MORE!!!
~Cereza ~ did you know, I did actually have a bubble bath lately . . . I don't normally have them you see! I have showers! Lol, useless information, but anyways, it might be useful one day! I don't know how, but YOU NEVER KNOW!!! Lol, and I agree, sugar does ROCK, and so does mango! Hehe
~Anonymous ~ Aw, thanks! Here's the update, if you are living on this fic, I hope you aren't dead yet! I know it took a LOOOOONG time!
~LythTaeraneth ~ HEY!!!! Nice to hear from you again! I haven't even talked to you for so long, sigh . . . anyway, thanks for reviewing, I've never babysat (although I have been babysat by someone . . .). It is fun to annoy the babysitter, hehe . . . thanks again for reviewing! (This and Gems)
~Paprika90 ~ Thanks for reviewing, and yes, she did faint! Hehe, thanks again, and I really hope you like this chapter (please do!)
~Some12 ~ Hehe, yeah, I guess if you didn't have any suggestions, others would help me with them, BUT, if everyone thought like you did, then I wouldn't get any help at all and this fic would come to a very sad and boring end. Now, no one would like that to happen, would they? Well I don't anyways so . . . hehehehehe, sorry, sugar!!!! Thanks for reviewing by the way.
~IceCristal ~ THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR SUGGESTION! I don't know if I will be using it, but nevermind, thanks anyway, and yeah, I do know that Little Draco is slightly perverted . . . you see why Big Draco is so demented now, lol.
~Smileyface1314 ~ Omg, did you know that about that V. potion thing, I had that exact same idea when I originally began this fic? THAT IS SO FREAKY. Lol, thank you for your suggestions, one will definitely be used! DEFINITELY!!! Thanks for reviewing too, YOU ARE SO NICE!!! HUGZY!!!
~the Lady Katherine ~ Hehehehehehehehe, now that you point it out, it is quite obvious that Little Draco is kind of becoming . . . older and still being small . . . oh well, everything is possible with magic! Well, almost everything, but still!!! He's a strange and mysterious, kid that one is . . .
~Mousas ~ Really hope I spelt your name right . . . anyway, thanks for reviewing, really hope you enjoy this chappie!!!
~Pyroprincess4rmeverwood ~ Lol, yeah . . . thanks for the suggestions, and really, I'm thinking the same thing as you . . . actually I'm not . . . I don't know what I'm thinking . . . hehehe, thanks again
~Midnight solitaire ~ Thanks for the review, here's the update, I am so sorry that it took like, forever, well, longer than it was supposed to anyway!
~Tinuviel Storm ~ Lol, my parents look at me like I'm a maniac everyday! Even though they don't admit it . . . hehehe, anyways, thanks for your review! It was super nice of you!!! : D
~Brainlessmuggle ~ Hmm, actually, no, I've never really heard of writing a Tom and Emma fic, basically cus' you know, they're real people and all. Plus, I don't really think it would be a good idea . . . basically cus you have no idea how many people have moaned to me about Emma stealing Tom away from his loving fans! But, I would support you if YOU wrote one! Lol, I'm so looking forward to the third movie, because of that slap or punch or whatever. Either way, I'm going to be amused, lol. Thanks for reviewing!
~BeanTaiPaw ~ Thanks, I never did think this story was original . . . I just thought it was weird and confusing, that's what everyone said! Lol, thank you for reviewing, I think Big and Little Draco rock as well!!
~Danielle ~ Thank you so much! My mum is like that when I read funny fics, its so nice to know that I'm not the only one . . ..
CHAPTER SIXTEEN: Hermi's dear Aunt.
DISCLAIMER: It's bad enough being on a major blockage when you have people waiting for you to deliver a fanfic, how bad would it be if I were JK and having a major blockage with people waiting for me to deliver a bloody HOUSE BRICK? Exactly, I would have gone mad by now! . . . not that you know that I'm writing this from my very own mental hospital . . .
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"Herm-own-ninny!!!!!!! HERM-OWN-NINNY!!!!!!!!!"
Hermione groggily sat up, dazed and confused (as if she always wasn't). Greeeat, first she realised she was beginning to like 'Coco', thinking of him as more than an odd thing with a really gross wig, and now she had some random little kid peering at her wearing a fake moustache (that looked suspiciously like Snape's hair . . .)
Next thing she'd know, a little kid dressed as granny hoo-ha would be coming in saying how much she needed teeth surgery . . .
"Don't even try asking."
Hermione looked to her left. Draco. There. Dressed. As. Her . . . . . . Ew.
"Tis your dear Auntie's birthday today," Draco said, leaning against some odd thing – meaning that random dude dressed as Viki, "And, guess what? SHE SUGGESTED A BLOODY FANCY DRESS PARTY."
"Well," Hermione began, trying her hardest not to stutter or show any signs of nervousness – not that she was (cough, cough), "That does explain that random kid dressed as Viktor I guess."
"I'm not random! I'm Ron Jr.!" said the dude with the moustache, obviously deeply offended.
"Same difference."
Little Draco came through the hospital doors. How very, very typical. Little Draco was dressed up as . . . dum-dum-dum . . . Big Draco.
"Oi mummy!!" Little Draco began, talking to a very confused Draco, "Where have you been for the past few hours huh? I couldn't find you anywhere in this dreaded castle!!!"
Hermione blinked, "Err . . . Little D, I'm over here."
Little Draco looked at her for a moment, and then looked back at Big Draco, and then back at Hermione once again.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! " He shrieked, waving his arms around in the air, carefully avoiding his well-gelled hair, "THE ALIENS ARE COMING!!! THE ALIENS ARE COMING!!!"
"I think it's the shock of seeing two people who look almost the same you know," Hermione said to herself. She looked in Draco's direction and found him glaring at her with an evil aura.
"TRY BEING ME HERMIONE."
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Hermione groaned. Aunts. Was it just hers, or did the entire world have to suffer with dear Auntie's that were as annoying as this . . .?
"Oh, Hermione dear!!! That looks wonderful on you!!! Green suits you oh so much, and the blonde brings out your lovely chubby cheeks!!! You know, you should dye your REAL hair that colour! Brown is just so . . . dull." And that was coming from a woman that had dyed her ginger/red hair to . . . brown.
"NO. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT, ever, EVER, copy my hair!! I know I'm wonderful and everything, but I already have this little midget being me. I don't need ANOTHER midget being make thank you very much." Draco said, staring at his manicured fingernails.
"Oi!!! I'm no midget!!! I'm just . . . FOUR!!!!!"
"Yeah, like THAT'S an excuse," Draco rolled his eyes while Little Draco pouted and hung onto Hermione's right arm.
"Daddy, I mean, mummy, I mean daddy, I mean . . . whatever! HE IS BULLYING ME!!!!!!!" Little Draco cried into Hermione's sleeve before looking up at her with puppy-dog eyes (which made him look like a duck).
Yes, it was just what she had feared. Her Aunt, HER OWN AUNT, had made her dress up as little Draco, who just looked exactly like Big Draco, except obviously shorter. Confusing, yes, as Little D has just proven . . .
"Come on children!!" Serena rushed in, wearing a red wig and stuck on freckles which just made her look as though she had chicken pox, "I can't wait until everyone sees me!!! I mean, isn't it like, SO, obvious that I'm dressed as Ron Weasley?"
'Yeah . . . if Ron had enormous scary freckles and long spiky hair that had gone out of fashion DECADES ago . . . ." Hermione thought to herself.
"COME ON ALREADY!!!!!!! THE FIRST COMPETITION IS STARTING SOON!!!!!!" Serena gabbled hurriedly, before rushing through the door and getting herself caught on the door knob (one of the many reasons why you shouldn't wear a long spiky wig AND some of Draco's hair gel *coughsupergluecough *)
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"Thank you all for this wonderful celebration!!!!!" Dr. Granger sniffed, "It was such a lovely surprise, even if I did organise everything myself!!!! And of course, my wonderful little niece has awoken, just in time for the fun!!!!"
FUN. NUF. UNF. FNU. Anyway you spelt it, Dr. Granger's vision of 'fun' just wasn't something you really wanted to know about . . .
"We shall have a series of competitions and events tonight to celebrate me turning . . . . oh-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!!!!! I nearly revealed my age!! Of course a lady of my standard should never reveal her age!!!!"
*Gasp *, indeed, Dr. Granger was a WOMAN.
"Now, first competition is . . ." Serena began, standing on the table so everyone could see her goofy face, "Who can guess who I'm dressed up as???"
Blank faces were obviously something Serena didn't want.
"Come on people!! It's not that hard!!!"
One hand rose from the crowd of brainless zombies – Harry's hand and arm to be perfectly precise.
"Yes, Mr Potter?"
"Errrr . . . Snape?"
Hermione snorted, spilling fruit juice over the nearest person – Little Draco. Little D shrieked in surprise and began to rub his head on the nearest thing possible – Big Draco. Big Draco, being in shock because of now having some odd thing rub his head on his nice clean robes, frowned and flicked his fingers at Little Draco like he was flicking some dead fly off a table.
"OW!!!!! CUT YOUR FINGER NAILS MISTER!!!!"
"Oh, yeah, like I'm going to listen to you, little-dude-who's-messed-up-his- hair-with-fruit-juice-that-someone-spat-out-ew!!!"
"I happen to have some rather revealing photos of you and . . . ANOTHER WOMAN!"
"What, OTHER WOMAN????????"
"MWHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She is more commonly known as HIM!!!!" Little Draco pointed to no other than . . . Harry, dressed up in a mini skirt as Padma Patil. The make-up and clothes suited Harry well . . . which made the whole situation all the more worse.
"What?????? I'd never be seen with him you . . . 'thing'!"
"Ohhhh . . ." Little Draco blinked, apparently deep in thought (snort), "You are mummy, right??"
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"Now, award for cutest couple is . . ." Serena began, before realising that she'd picked up the wrong envelope from the stack of golden envelopes that all looked exactly the same.
"Oh, stuff it! The award for the best family costume goes to . . . THE MALFOY FAMILY!!!!!!"
"SHE IS NOT RELATED TO ME!!!" Draco fumed, a vein on his forehead popping out scarily. Little Draco looked at it in amazement, poking it with his finger to see whether it would pop like one of those zits and spots.
Hermione banged her head against Draco's arm, only to find herself stuck in a bundle of bushy brown hair.
"HERM-GRAN!!!!! GET YOUR WIG OUTTA MINE!!!!!!!"
"It's not my fault Draco!!! It's all that stupid gel you put in your hair that's made mine like this – STUCK!!!!!!!"
"Oh and it has nothing to do with the fact that YOUR HAIR IS A HUMAN DISASTER!!!!"
"No, it doesn't actually. You just forgot to comb it."
"SHUT UP!!"
Hermione couldn't believe it. She has fallen for the most arrogant, argumentative, immature, spoilt man on earth. How so totally UNFAIR.
"Okay you guys," Serena sighed, waving her wand and actually getting a spell RIGHT for once, "Don't ruin Dr. Granger's fortieth, I mean . . . twenty-first!! Birthday! Just watch the stupid congrats tape!"
"I CAN'T SEE!!!!!!" Little Draco moaned before climbing onto Draco's bushy brown head of Rupunzel hair and sat on his shoulders, making him 'oomph' as Lil' D began picking bits off of Big Draco's wig.
The film began and Hermione could feel herself AND Draco go red with embarrassment, while Little D was just chuckling away to himself, meaning that someone had obviously spiked his drink.
The video started with all the arguments that Hermione and Draco had had (which they didn't even know had been taped and suspected that it wasn't ALL the argument as they had had too many to actually make anyone care that much to count – and yeah, I know that didn't make much sense), and ended with a close-up of them snogging, with the odd little person's hand at the edge of the screen of course.
Hermione was, as usual, horrified, just like Draco. She felt a soft pat on her shoulder as a voice from behind her spoke (this voice commonly known as Ron).
"Don't worry Hermione, Harry and me still like you, even if you are germilized now. Why do we still like you Herms you ask? Because YOU DE MAN!!!!"
She didn't exactly know whether to take that as a compliment or not . . .
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Okay dudes, I know this chapter was kind of confusing, feel free to ask anything you don't get!! Anyways, I'm sorry if it was kind of short, I have the next chapter planned so really, you can't blame me!! I'm sorry if it was short because I didn't have my computer with me on holiday, so I didn't know how long this was. To make it longer, I'm adding on one of my few dairy entries –
PS. This is for the record, I know I overuse exclamation marks and that sort of stuff, but I only do that to prove that this fic is NON-SERIOUS. If it was serious, the title wouldn't be CRAZY MUNATIC EXPERIMENTS FOR GODS SAKE! So I overuse stuff on purpose! GET THAT STRAIGHT!!! (Sorry, someone reviewed and pointed it out so I got annoyed)
(If you've read it, please type 'MAHA' in your review – please review – just to let me know you read it)
~*DIARY ENTRY ~ been on holiday for . . . two days.*~
So, being away from home, for, let's say, two weeks? There's a lot of stuff to deal with you know, like, having the right money with you, dealing with family, whether there are any fit people there, homesickness, and the fact that everyone looks as though they're about to murder you.
It's scary really, everyone looks at you in this REAL weird way, like I'm a freak and they're not. Plus, I haven't had ANY English TV (apart from Sesame Street, but that doesn't count), and the fact that I don't have a Discman with me to listen to some music I actually understand is driving me round the bend . . .
To top that, my homesickness is really getting to me. I mean, it even made my stomach hurt!! Although I suspect that was because I had eaten too much (what? The food was good . . .), BUT then again, that stupid aeroplane had so much blimmin' air conditioning, it made me freeze my butt off!!! But anyways, everything reminds me of HOME!!! I'M DYING!!!
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Oh and I named my Gran's turtle Bob, hehe