A/N: Heylo! This is the second chapter of the Rocky Harry Picture Show! WOOOO! PARTAY! Isn't everyone the HAPPIEST?! ::Throws balloons in the air::
... Ahem... Thanks to ALL of my reviewers, because without you the world would be a HORRIBLE place with little Serial-Killer Hobbits running around with meat cleavers and Led Zeppelin would run out of song writing ideas and be forced to cover Neal Diamond songs, and OOOOOOHHHHHH! –Horrible- So thank GOD for those reviewers, eh?
Disclaimer: Don't own Rocky Horror, don't own Harry Potter. If I did I'd share them with the WORLD!
WARNING: THIS IS SLASH. THAT MEANS THAT MEN ARE INVOLVED IN ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS WITH EACHOTHER. IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, DON'T READ IT.
Dedicated to: My friend Megan M., who will always be OBSESSED with Rocky Horror AND, with love, to my reviewers.... Because you're DIRTY, DIRTY people for wanting to see Severus Snape dressed in women's clothing (Well, you just couldn't get enough after the Bogart incident in Book # 3 did you?) and since I'm writing it that's makes me the DIRTIEST of all! YAY!
Also, if you're reading this, Marilyn, My Bitterness inspired me to write this fic with a review she'd left on Dazed and Confused about a teenage Snape dancing to The Cure's "Just Like A Dream" in his underpants like Tom Cruise danced to Bob Seger's "Old Time Rock N' Roll" in Risky Business. I started thinking about that one day in the car and then I was listening to The Rocky Horror Picture Show soundtrack and in popped this delightful image of our favorite Professor gettin down to "Sweet Transvestite From Transsexual Transylvania"... and then it went on from there. Please ENJOY!
-The Absynth Fairy-
In the last THRILLING installment of The Rocky Harry Picture Show (insert dramatic echo here):
Sirius popped the big question to Remus, and, no, it wasn't "Are you taking the Pill?".
She got hers, now he'll get his!
Dammit, Remus, Sirius loves you!
AND miracles really DO happen!
EPISODE TWO: He's just a sweet Transvestite...
Harry was disoriented for a split second before he realized that another scene in his dream had begun to unfold, so he sat back and enjoyed it while it lasted.
Lupin and Sirius sat calmly in their muggle car as they sped quickly down a long, winding road, the rain drumming the glossy windshield and pounding the hood rapidly.
Remus turned his head as a motorcyclist zipped past the car, widening his eyes just a little as he threw an apprehensive glance at Sirius, who was seated beside him in the driver's seat. "Gosh, Sirius, that's the third motorcycle that's passed us. They sure do take their lives in their hands, what with the weather and all."
Sirius glared through water plastering the windshield. "Yes, Remus, life's pretty cheap to that type."
They drove on, until Sirius halted the car quite suddenly in front of a diamond shaped sign that read: DEAD END. Harry heard someone hum the theme to the Twilight Zone.
Harry, like all good Science Fiction movie watchers (Of which he has seen a lot of, thanks to Hermione and her research on the muggle film industry), identified this as a sign of danger. Harry then concluded that the next predictable course of action would be for the victims to, of course, turn around.
"Hmm... well I guess we should turn back." Sirius said simply and began to back his vehicle out of the corner. Harry knew in a matter of seconds something else would happen, like a blown radiator, or a flat tire, which would be the second sign of impending doom.
Only moments later did Sirius, Remus and the Viewer (Harry, who isn't that anonymous) hear a loud popping noise, which must have signaled The Second Sign Of Danger.
Lupin squealed. "Oh! What was that bang?"
"Must've had a blowout, dear. DAMMIT," Sirius hit the wheel with his fist. "I knew I should have gotten that spare tire fixed. Well, you just stay here and keep warm and I'll go find help."
"But where will you go in the middle of nowhere, Sirius?"
Harry predicted that there must have been a very creepy house, barn, castle, or some other type of erected building that they had passed a while back, usually housing a phone where the poor victims would contact help for their disabled car. The third sign of danger would not be far off.
Sirius smiled suddenly. Oh, no. This was the Third Sign of Trouble. "Didn't we pass a castle back down the road a few miles? Maybe they have a telephone we could use."
"I'm going with you."
Sirius took Remus' hand gingerly. "Oh, no, darling, there's no sense in both of us getting wet."
"Well, I'm going with you!" Remus decided, "The owner of that phone might be a beautiful woman ('He is!') and I might never see you again." Harry heard someone say, "You should be so lucky!"
They climbed out of the car, Sirius taking time to kick the front tire harshly, and walked down the road. Remus had been carrying a newspaper and decided that it could be put to better use, placing it over his head as a sort of make-shift umbrella as the rain poured down on their heads.
Harry felt a song coming. He knew that it was due time for another musical number. And Harry said, Let there be music, and there was.... But he couldn't say it was good....
Lupin and Sirius finally, by some magical stretch of time, found the castle and warily walked in through its mysteriously open gates. Upon which was hung a curious sign that read: "ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK". Lupin eyed it apprehensively, obviously the only one in the pair that had some bit of common sense, but, as Harry predicted, Remus ignored the warning and set off into the large castle courtyard behind his fiancé.
Lupin dodged a stray tree branch, as there were many trees in this dark and damp courtyard and began to sing.
"In the velvet night...
Burning bright, there's a morning star.
No matter what or who you are..."
Sirius, to Harry's amusement, joined in and they sang together.
"There's a light...
Over at the Frankenstein place.
There's a light...
Burning in the fireplace.
There's a light...."
The grand finale was coming up....
"In the darkness...of everyone's life," They sang, looking up at the well-lit castle over-dramatically.
Harry, of course, knew that there would be more to come.
Teaser for next episode...... Our next installment will include:
Creepy Handy-Men
Stuffed birds
A TIME WARP!
Decadence with extra salt
AAAAAAANNNND slightly suggestive pelvic movements, WOOOO!
APRIL FREAKIN' FOOLS!
This doesn't actually include transvestites at all, in fact, I DID intend to include some, but, being an absolute wench, I decided that my chapters would have one song each. So, in a couple of episodes, Snape will make his GRAND appearance and everyone will be HAPPY.
With love, The Absynth Fairy