Chapter 3
Rinoa shifted again in her seat, the backs of her legs sticking to the burgundy leather from sitting in the chair so long. She dared to let her eyes wander up to her silent companion, then stared again at the toes of her shoes. She felt like the little kid in the principal's office.
Quistis finally slammed her notebook shut and sighed, removing her glasses to give Rinoa a disapproving look. "You froze."
She nodded. "Yeah, I did. I'm sorry. It was just difficult to-"
"There's no excuse," Quistis broke in. "If you can't stomach it, you're in the wrong profession. I can't afford to have an intern that chickens out at the sight of a little violence, because in a place like this, you'll be seeing plenty of it."
Rinoa nodded, forcing herself to meet the doctor's judgmental gaze. "I know, it's just. okay, maybe there's no excuse for it, but there's such a big difference between reading about it in a text book, and seeing it happen right in front of you."
Quistis' expression softened just slightly. "You're new, you're allowed to make mistakes. Just don't let happen again. Now, tell me how your appointment with Squall went."
She shrugged. "He didn't say much, but-"
"You mean he actually said something?" Trepe interrupted, her eyes widening.
"Well, yeah, he spoke a little bit."
"I can't believe it. When I get him in here he acts like he's mute. But he actually spoke to you? He said things?"
"Yeah. He said he'd keep coming once a week if I would. get him out of group therapy." Rinoa said the last part in a rush, her eyes falling once more to the floor.
"You what? You made a deal with him, did you? We have a little rule here between doctors and patients. We don't negotiate. If they had their way, they'd have lighters, razors, drugs, or whatever else they may have an addiction to. We can't allow it."
Rinoa resisted the urge to roll her eyes. After all, she already knew that most of the patients were capable of getting what they wanted on their own. "Look, I don't want to over-step my boundaries here, but I think this may be the only way he'll cooperate."
"We don't do negotiations, and that's final. You'll have to think of something else. Now, I've got an appointment of my own to keep. Meanwhile, I think it will do you good to sit in with some of the nurses while they give medication and injections. After that, I'll have them go over what to do if a patient is out of control."
Rinoa couldn't help but frown. One little incident and she was getting college lectures again. But her thoughts were more drawn to Quistis' 'no negotiations' rule. It bothered her that she was so strict, but more over she couldn't help but wonder how she would break the news to Squall. She felt like she was letting him down.
"Well, let me walk you to the nurses station and give them my instructions, then you're on your own for a little while."
The two women traveled down the polished, blank corridors, and Rinoa had to wonder why they had to make it look so much like a hospital. Okay, so it was a hospital, but this was one in which people lived, mostly against their will. Why couldn't they try to make it homier? After all, it wasn't their fault they were the way they were.
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It was after lunchtime when Rinoa finally got free of her lessons. The nurses had given her live demonstrations on how to control a patient, after making her watch the 'proper procedure' for medicating an uncooperative patient. She still shuddered slightly at the memory of that frail, screaming woman and the desperate look in her eyes as the nurses sunk the needle into her veins. She was beginning to wonder if Quistis was right. Maybe she didn't have the stomach for this occupation.
As she strolled aimlessly down the hall, she suddenly found herself face-to-face with Isabella, who was dressed in a pair of stretch sport pants and had a worn basketball tucked under her arm.
"Where are you going?" Rinoa asked, turning around and falling into step with her.
"It's one of our weekly, mandatory, 'outdoor recreation periods'. We go out to the recreation area, which is inside the gate of course, and spend some time in the great outdoors. Last time we had a tie game," she explained, attempting to spin the basketball on her finger, "so we're gonna finish it up today. Me and Zell against Georgia and Rob."
"Who's Rob?"
Isabella waved a hand dismissively. "Rob's in for substance-induced psychotic disorder. But he's made a lot of improvement. So much so that he'll be released in a few weeks."
"So does everyone go out?"
"Just about. Like I said, it's kinda mandatory, but it's one of the few things that Dr. Trepe shows any leniency towards. A lot of us get by without going. Ironically enough, however, our infamous therapy evader does attend these things."
"You mean Squall? He actually goes outside?" Rinoa questioned.
Isabella nodded. "He certainly does, though even then he keeps to himself. He likes to go out there and sketch or something. We've invited him to play before, but he just ignores us, so it's always been a four- person game. Molly's in poor health, and Mr. Jenson has taken up bird watching. as opposed to watching girls through their windows like he used to. So, why don't you come out with us?"
"I don't know of I should."
"Oh, come on! You don't have anything to do right now, do you? Besides, Margaret could always use the back-up."
Rinoa sighed. "And who's Margaret?"
"She one of the head nurses around here. And one of the nicer ones. So are you coming or not?"
"I guess," Rinoa gave in reluctantly. Knowing Squall would be there just furthered her reluctance. She knew that when she saw him she'd have to tell him.
Several people piled into the elevator together, heading down to the first floor and taking a hidden back door to the afore mentioned 'recreation area'. It looked just like any community park, save the giant chain link fence surrounding it. There was a basketball hoop hanging from the side of the building with ample space around it for a large game. On the outskirts of the area were wooden picnic table and benches. Rinoa took a seat on one directly across from the basketball hoop then slowly looked around, studying the tall pines trees looming over head, and the clusters of wild flowers growing just on the other side of the fence.
"Hey, Rinoa, wanna play?" Isabella inquired, offering her the ball.
"Nah, I'm not much of a basketball player," she replied. "Besides, that would make the teams uneven, right?"
She nodded slowly. "Yeah, I guess, but we wouldn't mind. If you change your mind."
Rinoa just nodded, flashing her a tiny smile before looking around again. Most of the people there were patients that she didn't recognize, but she did notice a few that she was familiar with. There was Mr. Jenson, sitting on one of the benches with some binoculars over his eyes, aimed at the trees. Molly watched her 'adopted' daughter play in the game. And then, she spotted one dreadfully familiar person sitting off to himself. His back was turned to her, so she was unable to see his face, but there was no doubt in her mind that it held it's usual cold scowl. He wore a pair of dark jeans and a tight black T-shirt that caused the corners on Rinoa's mouth to twitch in admiration.
"Ooooh, looks like someone's got a crush," Isabella teased, suddenly sitting beside her.
Rinoa jumped, startled from her silent exploration of the exquisite form in front of her. "What? No! I was just. thinking is all, and he happened to be in my line of vision."
"Yeah right," she rolled her eyes.
"Don't you have a game to play?" Rinoa reminded, desperate to get the attention off of her.
"Game's over. Me and Zell creamed 'em. Besides, I thought you could use some company. Of course, I see now that my presence is not needed."
Rinoa heaved a reluctant sigh. "Well, your presence is much appreciated, but I've got something I have to do. I better go now before I lose my nerve."
Isabella just nodded and watched her marched grudgingly toward Squall's table, with her head hung and shoulders slumped like an inmate on death row, walking his last mile.
Rinoa put on her best smile as she walked around the table, for the first time that day seeing his face. Isabella was right. He was bent over a sketchpad with a pencil, focusing intently on his creation of lead. Her interest suddenly piqued, she made a grab for his drawings, but his reflexes were too fast for her.
"What do you call yourself doing?" he demanded.
She smile grew, and she took a seat beside him. "I was just curious was all. What are you drawing?"
"None of your business."
She was silent for a moment, her playful nature starting to kick in, then, made another quick grab for his drawing pad, this time proving successful. She jumped up from her seat and tried to take off with it, but felt a strong pair of arms reach around her waist and pull her back. She sucked in a deep breath as she felt her back hit his chest and stretched out her arm as far as she could to keep him drawings away from him. He had the advantage of longer arms however, and easily took hold on the notebook. She wasn't going to let it go that easy however.
"Let go of it," he growled, suddenly finding himself in a game of tug- of-war.
She shook her head, shimmering black locks rippling in the sunlight, and said, "First you have to promise me that you won't get mad."
He stopped pulling for a moment. "Get mad about what?"
Rinoa sighed again, all playfulness gone from her expression. "I asked Quistis to cancel your group therapy, and she flat out refused. I'm sorry."
"Then forget it. The deal's off."
"Please, Squall," she began in a desperate tone, "I just wanna help you, I promise." She let go of his notebook and, without thinking, brought her hand up to his cheek. "I told you before, I just wanna help you get out of here. Don't you want that?"
He didn't move, just stared at her long and hard before finally saying, "I don't care if I ever get out of here. I have nowhere else to go. So take your 'help' and get the fuck away from me!"
With these words he shoved her hand away from her and pushed her back, allowing him to get up and stomp off. Rinoa placed a hand over her eyes, attempting to shield the tears that were forming in her eyes, and collapsed on the bench where he had been sitting. A few moments later, she felt an arm drape over her shoulder, and squinted through blurry eyes to see Isabella smiling a sad little smile back at her.
"That's just the way he is," she whispered.
"No. I just. I can't do this. I'm not helping anyone, I'm just pushing them away! Quistis was right. I'm not good at this."
Isabella shook her head; mentally making a note to knock Squall over the head next time she ran into him, and gave Rinoa's shoulders a squeeze.
Already upstairs and in the safety of his own room, Squall stared out through his window, watching the woman below suffer the pain that he had caused her. With a furious, frustrated growl he stepped back from the window and through his sketchpad across the room, watching with blazing eyes as it hit the opposite wall and fell to the ground. Something within him was wrong. if only he could figure out what.
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A/N: Well, I know this chapters kinda short, and uneventful, but bear with me. Next chapter is mostly going to focus on Squall, and what life is like through his eyes.
Rinoa shifted again in her seat, the backs of her legs sticking to the burgundy leather from sitting in the chair so long. She dared to let her eyes wander up to her silent companion, then stared again at the toes of her shoes. She felt like the little kid in the principal's office.
Quistis finally slammed her notebook shut and sighed, removing her glasses to give Rinoa a disapproving look. "You froze."
She nodded. "Yeah, I did. I'm sorry. It was just difficult to-"
"There's no excuse," Quistis broke in. "If you can't stomach it, you're in the wrong profession. I can't afford to have an intern that chickens out at the sight of a little violence, because in a place like this, you'll be seeing plenty of it."
Rinoa nodded, forcing herself to meet the doctor's judgmental gaze. "I know, it's just. okay, maybe there's no excuse for it, but there's such a big difference between reading about it in a text book, and seeing it happen right in front of you."
Quistis' expression softened just slightly. "You're new, you're allowed to make mistakes. Just don't let happen again. Now, tell me how your appointment with Squall went."
She shrugged. "He didn't say much, but-"
"You mean he actually said something?" Trepe interrupted, her eyes widening.
"Well, yeah, he spoke a little bit."
"I can't believe it. When I get him in here he acts like he's mute. But he actually spoke to you? He said things?"
"Yeah. He said he'd keep coming once a week if I would. get him out of group therapy." Rinoa said the last part in a rush, her eyes falling once more to the floor.
"You what? You made a deal with him, did you? We have a little rule here between doctors and patients. We don't negotiate. If they had their way, they'd have lighters, razors, drugs, or whatever else they may have an addiction to. We can't allow it."
Rinoa resisted the urge to roll her eyes. After all, she already knew that most of the patients were capable of getting what they wanted on their own. "Look, I don't want to over-step my boundaries here, but I think this may be the only way he'll cooperate."
"We don't do negotiations, and that's final. You'll have to think of something else. Now, I've got an appointment of my own to keep. Meanwhile, I think it will do you good to sit in with some of the nurses while they give medication and injections. After that, I'll have them go over what to do if a patient is out of control."
Rinoa couldn't help but frown. One little incident and she was getting college lectures again. But her thoughts were more drawn to Quistis' 'no negotiations' rule. It bothered her that she was so strict, but more over she couldn't help but wonder how she would break the news to Squall. She felt like she was letting him down.
"Well, let me walk you to the nurses station and give them my instructions, then you're on your own for a little while."
The two women traveled down the polished, blank corridors, and Rinoa had to wonder why they had to make it look so much like a hospital. Okay, so it was a hospital, but this was one in which people lived, mostly against their will. Why couldn't they try to make it homier? After all, it wasn't their fault they were the way they were.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
It was after lunchtime when Rinoa finally got free of her lessons. The nurses had given her live demonstrations on how to control a patient, after making her watch the 'proper procedure' for medicating an uncooperative patient. She still shuddered slightly at the memory of that frail, screaming woman and the desperate look in her eyes as the nurses sunk the needle into her veins. She was beginning to wonder if Quistis was right. Maybe she didn't have the stomach for this occupation.
As she strolled aimlessly down the hall, she suddenly found herself face-to-face with Isabella, who was dressed in a pair of stretch sport pants and had a worn basketball tucked under her arm.
"Where are you going?" Rinoa asked, turning around and falling into step with her.
"It's one of our weekly, mandatory, 'outdoor recreation periods'. We go out to the recreation area, which is inside the gate of course, and spend some time in the great outdoors. Last time we had a tie game," she explained, attempting to spin the basketball on her finger, "so we're gonna finish it up today. Me and Zell against Georgia and Rob."
"Who's Rob?"
Isabella waved a hand dismissively. "Rob's in for substance-induced psychotic disorder. But he's made a lot of improvement. So much so that he'll be released in a few weeks."
"So does everyone go out?"
"Just about. Like I said, it's kinda mandatory, but it's one of the few things that Dr. Trepe shows any leniency towards. A lot of us get by without going. Ironically enough, however, our infamous therapy evader does attend these things."
"You mean Squall? He actually goes outside?" Rinoa questioned.
Isabella nodded. "He certainly does, though even then he keeps to himself. He likes to go out there and sketch or something. We've invited him to play before, but he just ignores us, so it's always been a four- person game. Molly's in poor health, and Mr. Jenson has taken up bird watching. as opposed to watching girls through their windows like he used to. So, why don't you come out with us?"
"I don't know of I should."
"Oh, come on! You don't have anything to do right now, do you? Besides, Margaret could always use the back-up."
Rinoa sighed. "And who's Margaret?"
"She one of the head nurses around here. And one of the nicer ones. So are you coming or not?"
"I guess," Rinoa gave in reluctantly. Knowing Squall would be there just furthered her reluctance. She knew that when she saw him she'd have to tell him.
Several people piled into the elevator together, heading down to the first floor and taking a hidden back door to the afore mentioned 'recreation area'. It looked just like any community park, save the giant chain link fence surrounding it. There was a basketball hoop hanging from the side of the building with ample space around it for a large game. On the outskirts of the area were wooden picnic table and benches. Rinoa took a seat on one directly across from the basketball hoop then slowly looked around, studying the tall pines trees looming over head, and the clusters of wild flowers growing just on the other side of the fence.
"Hey, Rinoa, wanna play?" Isabella inquired, offering her the ball.
"Nah, I'm not much of a basketball player," she replied. "Besides, that would make the teams uneven, right?"
She nodded slowly. "Yeah, I guess, but we wouldn't mind. If you change your mind."
Rinoa just nodded, flashing her a tiny smile before looking around again. Most of the people there were patients that she didn't recognize, but she did notice a few that she was familiar with. There was Mr. Jenson, sitting on one of the benches with some binoculars over his eyes, aimed at the trees. Molly watched her 'adopted' daughter play in the game. And then, she spotted one dreadfully familiar person sitting off to himself. His back was turned to her, so she was unable to see his face, but there was no doubt in her mind that it held it's usual cold scowl. He wore a pair of dark jeans and a tight black T-shirt that caused the corners on Rinoa's mouth to twitch in admiration.
"Ooooh, looks like someone's got a crush," Isabella teased, suddenly sitting beside her.
Rinoa jumped, startled from her silent exploration of the exquisite form in front of her. "What? No! I was just. thinking is all, and he happened to be in my line of vision."
"Yeah right," she rolled her eyes.
"Don't you have a game to play?" Rinoa reminded, desperate to get the attention off of her.
"Game's over. Me and Zell creamed 'em. Besides, I thought you could use some company. Of course, I see now that my presence is not needed."
Rinoa heaved a reluctant sigh. "Well, your presence is much appreciated, but I've got something I have to do. I better go now before I lose my nerve."
Isabella just nodded and watched her marched grudgingly toward Squall's table, with her head hung and shoulders slumped like an inmate on death row, walking his last mile.
Rinoa put on her best smile as she walked around the table, for the first time that day seeing his face. Isabella was right. He was bent over a sketchpad with a pencil, focusing intently on his creation of lead. Her interest suddenly piqued, she made a grab for his drawings, but his reflexes were too fast for her.
"What do you call yourself doing?" he demanded.
She smile grew, and she took a seat beside him. "I was just curious was all. What are you drawing?"
"None of your business."
She was silent for a moment, her playful nature starting to kick in, then, made another quick grab for his drawing pad, this time proving successful. She jumped up from her seat and tried to take off with it, but felt a strong pair of arms reach around her waist and pull her back. She sucked in a deep breath as she felt her back hit his chest and stretched out her arm as far as she could to keep him drawings away from him. He had the advantage of longer arms however, and easily took hold on the notebook. She wasn't going to let it go that easy however.
"Let go of it," he growled, suddenly finding himself in a game of tug- of-war.
She shook her head, shimmering black locks rippling in the sunlight, and said, "First you have to promise me that you won't get mad."
He stopped pulling for a moment. "Get mad about what?"
Rinoa sighed again, all playfulness gone from her expression. "I asked Quistis to cancel your group therapy, and she flat out refused. I'm sorry."
"Then forget it. The deal's off."
"Please, Squall," she began in a desperate tone, "I just wanna help you, I promise." She let go of his notebook and, without thinking, brought her hand up to his cheek. "I told you before, I just wanna help you get out of here. Don't you want that?"
He didn't move, just stared at her long and hard before finally saying, "I don't care if I ever get out of here. I have nowhere else to go. So take your 'help' and get the fuck away from me!"
With these words he shoved her hand away from her and pushed her back, allowing him to get up and stomp off. Rinoa placed a hand over her eyes, attempting to shield the tears that were forming in her eyes, and collapsed on the bench where he had been sitting. A few moments later, she felt an arm drape over her shoulder, and squinted through blurry eyes to see Isabella smiling a sad little smile back at her.
"That's just the way he is," she whispered.
"No. I just. I can't do this. I'm not helping anyone, I'm just pushing them away! Quistis was right. I'm not good at this."
Isabella shook her head; mentally making a note to knock Squall over the head next time she ran into him, and gave Rinoa's shoulders a squeeze.
Already upstairs and in the safety of his own room, Squall stared out through his window, watching the woman below suffer the pain that he had caused her. With a furious, frustrated growl he stepped back from the window and through his sketchpad across the room, watching with blazing eyes as it hit the opposite wall and fell to the ground. Something within him was wrong. if only he could figure out what.
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A/N: Well, I know this chapters kinda short, and uneventful, but bear with me. Next chapter is mostly going to focus on Squall, and what life is like through his eyes.