Chapter 9

The sound of singular footsteps echoed through the mostly empty halls at a steady rate after leaving the carpeted floor of the elevator. It was another morning in which she had woken before the rise of the sun, and she was now on her way to check her schedule before heading to Quistis' office. Her eyes were trained on her feet, her mind too tired to register anyone or anything else, until she noticed the multi-colored blurs spotting the edges of the floor. She looked up, for the first time that morning noticing her surroundings. The main lights in the hall were turned off, and Christmas lights were strung up along the walls, casting an eerie glow throughout the hall.

"What the hell." Rinoa mumbled.

Margaret poked her head out from around the corner, a string of Christmas light wound around her arm. She flashed a smile. "Next week is Christmas. Don't you remember? We decorate every year, and try and get everyone in the spirit. Of course, it's somewhat of a useless task. The depressed ones couldn't care less, and the other ones. sometimes they get a little too excited."

Rinoa leaned against the wall and watched as Margaret tacked up another few inches of lights. "I don't imagine that too many people here get excited. After all, they have to stay shut up in this place, all alone. They can't go out and see their families or friends. It must be horrible."

"Quite the contrary. We have a special little rule here for Christmas. Patients can be checked out for Christmas by the ones that checked them in. Well, at least the patients on this floor can. Many of them will be going home for Christmas, as well as many of the doctors. Dr. Trepe will be leaving next week. What about you, Ms. Heartilly?"

Rinoa frowned slightly, and offered a half-hearted shrug. "I don't know. Maybe I'll stay around and look after things while she's gone."

Margaret shrugged. "Suit yourself. Thing will get pretty boring about now."

As the words left her mouth, a loud beep sounded from down the hall. It was a familiar sound, undoubtedly a flat-line. But who on this hall would be hooked up to a heart monitor?

"Molly," Margaret mumbled before running off, Rinoa not far behind.

By the time they reached the room, it was too late. She was old, and had been in poor health for so long. A simple heart failure had been her end. That morning, as the patients awoke one by one, they stepped out of their rooms to see the hall was crowded with paramedics, and a zipped up body bag on a stretcher. Quistis stood, leaning against the wall with Molly's files in her hand, a slightly saddened look upon her face. Rinoa came to stand next to her, and for an agonizingly long moment, not a single word was spoken.

"It's sad, isn't?" Quistis said finally. "She spent the past few years in this place, her life nothing more than a denial-enforced delusion."

"You don't sound awfully torn up about it," Rinoa pointed out, her voice distorted with tears. "I mean, I didn't really know her, but."

"But, she went just in time," Quistis interrupted. "We received a new patient just this morning. We didn't have a place to put her before, but now we have a room available for her." She turned and studied Rinoa's expression, which was one of pure horror, and disbelief. "I know what you're thinking Ms. Heartilly. Why am I brushing this off as if her life were nothing? As if she were just wasting our space? I've been meaning to have this discussion with you for quite a long time, and now is a good time, I think. It's textbook Rinoa. you don't get too involved with your patients. They spend years in college drilling that into your head, but it seemed you discarded the lesson the minute you walked through that door. I know you want to be their friend, but you can't. Some of these people are dangerous, you-"

"They're not criminals!" Rinoa interjected, her voice rising in anger.

"I never said they were. But they can become criminals. It's best not to get attached to them anyway. Eventually they'll either get better and leave, or they'll die here like Molly did. You'll never see them again. So don't get too involved, Rinoa. It's dangerous, and unethical. It's supposed to be a business-like relationship, only."

She glared at Rinoa pointedly, and for a brief moment paranoia overcame her, and she wondered if Quistis knew how she really felt. She quickly regained her previous anger, however, and decided now was as good a time as any to ask the big question that had haunted her mind for so long. "So, if that's the case, then how did you know Squall before you admitted him? It couldn't have been a business-like relationship," she countered with a satisfied smile.

Quistis gasped, and her eyes widened. "I. how did you.?"

"You thought if you buried the past it would never come to light? Well I'm sorry to disappoint you, but it doesn't work that way. Don't you realize what could've happened as a result of you hiding those files? No can ever help him when they know nothing about him, and he sure as hell wouldn't talk about it himself. You jeopardized his well-being so that you wouldn't have to face whatever mistake it was that you made with him!" Rinoa accused.

"It's none of your damn business what happened!" Quistis yelled back. "And I suggest you drop that insubordinate tone with me. In case you've forgotten, you're still just an intern here, and it's well within my power to fire you!"

"I'm not gonna drop the subject until you tell me what happened," Rinoa growled out in a low voice.

Quistis sighed heavily before turning on her heel and hurrying down the hall. "I don't have time for this right now!"

Rinoa took off after her. "You're not gonna get out of it that easily!" She was cut off suddenly as she bumped into some thing tall, and hard.

Rinoa stumbled back a few steps, having lost her balance, and was just about to fall flat on her ass, when a pair of strong arms caught her and steadied her. She drew her eyes up until they met with a pair of amused, crystal blue ones. "In such a hurry to get away from me?"

Rinoa felt the all too familiar heat spread over her cheeks as she shook her head. "No, I was trying to ask Quistis a question, and she blew me off."

Squall nodded. "Probably better off not having to talk to her."

"It was kinda important," she explained. "I guess it's gonna have to wait now, though. So, where are you headed?"

"Outside. I figure I might as well enjoy the outside world while I can. even if it is inside a twenty-foot chain-link fence."

Rinoa shook her head, about to say something, when the sketchbook tucked beneath his arm caught her attention. "So. are you finally going to let me have a look at your drawings?"

He began walking toward the elevator again, knowing that she would follow him. "Why would you be interested in it? I'm not any good."

She rolled her eyes. "That's not the point, though knowing you, you're probably not giving yourself enough credit. I just want to get to know my patient is all. And, you happen to be a very interesting person, believe it or not." He cast her an annoyed glance, but said nothing. "Ah- ha! You're getting more sociable, I can tell! A week or so ago, you would have told me to leave you alone."

They stepped into the elevator together and were silent for a moment as the doors slid closed. "Well, if you must know the truth." Squall began. "You were so damn persistent I gave up on trying to put you off."

"You're mean," Rinoa stated simply.

"And you're loud," Squall replied.

There was a moment of silence as the elevator slowly made it's way down to the bottom floor. They both leaned comfortably against the back wall, as far apart as they could get though neither one seemed to have taken too much offense to their earlier exchange of insults.

"I told Quistis I found your file," Rinoa said at last. "That's why I was chasing her. She panicked and ran. She didn't want to answer my questions."

"Try cornering her in her office later."

"I plan to," she replied, then turned to look at him with an amused look on her face. "You know, you're the last person I expected to get help from on this."

He shrugged. "Whatever shuts you up."

She didn't say anything, the corners of her mouth twitching until finally she finally couldn't hold back her laughter any longer.

"What's your problem?"

"It's just that your insults have been so half-hearted lately. I think maybe I'm getting to you." She laughed some more, edging closer to him. "If I didn't know any better I'd say you liked me!"

A small 'ding' sounded, and the elevator doors slid open once more. "I hate everyone," he replied, walking out into the main lobby with her following closely behind.

She just laughed again. "If you say so."

He stopped and turned to look at her, more than a little annoyed this time. "Stop trying to pretend you know me!"

She sobered up immediately and walked past him. "You're in a rather foul mood this morning. I guess I'll quit bothering you."

He watched her walk away, his face twisted into an angry frown. He slowly followed suit, opening the door to the outside, and taking a seat at a bench in the far corner. He scanned the area, a habit he'd had since as far back as he could remember, though now it was for a different reason. He spotted his target on the other side of the basketball court, sitting alone while she watched her friends have fun. Even with the melancholy expression on her face, she shone with an extraordinary beauty.

Taking his pencil into his hand, and flipping his sketchbook open to a clean page, he was suddenly struck with inspiration.

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"You know you can't hide from me forever."

The door slammed shut with a loud crash, bringing whatever peaceful moment had been there to a halt.

"You're just not going to give it up, are you?" she asked quietly, dull blue eyes staring tiredly up at the intruder. "It's true, I don't want to tell you, I've been avoiding it all day. But you won't call it quits until you know the big dark secret, huh?"

"Exactly. It's time to share your secret."

"Fine then. But once I've told you, I don't want to hear another word about it. Do you understand me?" Upon seeing Rinoa's nod, she sighed, and pointed to the leather chair where she sat during sessions. "Take a seat then."

Rinoa did as she was instructed, and waited patiently as her boss took a big sip of her coffee, as if to calm her nervousness. "So, you want to know about my relationship with Squall before he was admitted? Well, it's not what you're probably thinking it is. I was his sister's best friend, originally. Since we were in the fourth grade, we were inseparable. Right away, I noticed her adorable little brother, three years younger than we were. Even when he was young, he was quite the little genius. Being somewhat of a child prodigy myself, I was quite interested." She paused for a moment, taking another long sip from her mug. "It turned from interest, into somewhat of an obsession. As we got older, I suppose you could say that I. developed feelings for him." She looked away for a moment, staring off into blank space. When she spoke again, her voice was quivering. "I only wanted the best for him."

Sensing that Quistis was having trouble continuing, Rinoa gently urged her to carry on. "So, what happened?"

"Everything he did. I was always there, looking over it, making sure it was done correctly. As I said, I only wanted the best for him. I saw so much potential in him, much of it he wasn't using. He didn't really care, but I did. I had always thought I was doing the right thing, encouraging him. I never realized that I was pushing him too hard. Never realized how much resentment was building within him. That's why he hates me now. No matter how well he did, it was never good enough for me. At least, that's the way it seemed to him. It pissed him off even more because he didn't believe it was any of my business, and he was probably right. But, back then, I thought I knew everything."

"How did it happen, then?" Rinoa asked gently. "It couldn't have just been that that brought him to this place. What happened?"

"Squall may have hated me, but he loved his sister very much. She was really the only family he had left. I tried to become part of that family, too, but it only made things worse. Anyway, just a year before he was admitted, there was an accident. I don't know exactly what happened, the only thing I know is that Squall was driving the car, and his sister was in the passenger seat. Something happened. there was a horrible accident. He was injured, knocked unconscious. His sister was pronounced dead on arrival. When he woke up, I had to break the news to him. Something in him turned numb that day. He thought it was all his fault. Because he was driving the car, because he swore that he did something wrong. He couldn't forgive himself. He felt so guilty, he couldn't even bring himself to go to the funeral, he couldn't face all the people that had lost someone because of his mistakes."

"So, that's what it was all about? He still blames himself for his sister's death. he never even went to the funeral, never got any closure."

Quistis nodded. "Yes, exactly. As time slowly wore on, it only got worse. He became. suicidal. Couldn't live with the guilt. I went to his apartment one evening, and knocked on the door, but he wouldn't answer. I had taken it upon myself to get an emergency key, so I finally just let myself in, only to find that he had slit his wrists, and was on the verge of passing out. I bandaged him up, waited until he felt better. then I let him know just how furious I was with him. Told him he had too much potential to waste in such a way, and that his sister would've been furious as well. He went crazy then. I don't remember all the things he said, but it was something along the lines of me trying to takes his sister's place. I left that night so upset, and by the time I'd reached home, I'd made up my mind to bring him here. I had it in my mind that I would save him from himself. But bringing him here only made him hate me more. He feels like I took his freedom away, and I guess he's right. I had convinced myself over the years, that any doctor he'd be forced to deal with would make him feel the same way. But then you came along. I can see a change in him already."

Rinoa shifted uncomfortably as the silence closed in. She didn't know what to say after a confession like that. At least everything seemed to make a lot more sense.

"So, now you know," Quistis said. "Are you happy now?"

"I'm not sure that's the right word for it. I'm glad that now I know, so I can help him better, but."

"Well, I've told my story, there's nothing more to talk about. So, if you would be so kind as to leave me to my own thoughts for awhile, I would really appreciate it."

Rinoa nodded slowly, as she stood from her seat. Without another word, she left the room, quietly closing the door behind her with no particular destination in mind. She drifted through the halls, her mind too cluttered to process the information she'd just received. Thoughtlessly she made her way toward the cafeteria, her instincts telling her that it was time for lunch. The moment she stepped into the cafeteria, her eyes fell upon a familiar figure, and felt an immediate heaviness in her heart.

"I'll make things better for you. I swear it. This isn't just professional anymore."

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A/N: Sorry this wasn't too exciting, or anything. Next chapter is all about the action! Well, a little action, a little romance, and a little suspense. And, a bit of a break from all the drama while we're at it. Be sure to read on!