A/N: Well, there is a little bit of drama in this chapter, but not a lot! Hell, with a story like this, it's kinda hard to escape. But, the rest is action, romance, and suspense as promised.
Chapter 10
I don't feel a thing
And I stopped remembering
The days are just like moments turned to hours
Mother used to say
If you want you'll find a way
Bet mother never danced through fire showers
Walk in the rain, in the rain, in the rain
I walk in the rain, in the rain
Am I right
Or am I wrong
And is it here that I belongTiny sparkling dots drifted slowly to the icy pavement below, like stars falling gracefully from the black winter sky. The world was frozen in silence, only a speeding blur of movement cutting through the stillness. The quiet roar of the motor was the only sound within the vehicle, save the muffled, static screeching of the out of tune radio, turned to a low volume. The clock and other dashboard fixtures cast an eerie green light throughout the car, illuminating one side of his face and casting the other in complete shadow.
It had been a long evening of traveling down the desolate road between the home they used to share and the small apartment she'd called home ever since she'd gone off to medical school. She'd been so tied up in her studies that she'd missed spending Christmas with her family, but she at least intended to enjoy what was left of the holidays with them. At the moment, she was leaned comfortably back in the passenger seat, sleeping her exhaustion away. He smiled slightly at the peacefulness of the moment, glad to be able to see her again. The house had seemed awfully empty since she had left.
With his free hand he rubbed his eyes, feeling his own fatigue beginning to catch up with him. He'd had the opportunity to stop off at a hotel and rest, but he thought it unnecessary. Now he was regretting his decision, but there was nothing he could do about it now. The next town was still several miles away.
He gripped the steering wheel tightly, trying to keep his heavy eyelids from lowering any further. It was a battle he was quickly loosing. In the distance he vaguely noticed a blur of bright white lights coming closer, but couldn't rouse his brain from the depths of slumber enough to register what it was. The bright lights came closer, wandering gradually on to his side of the road. It seemed he wasn't the only one plagued by sleepiness.
The blaring horn of a semi-truck in close proximity sent his mind into over-drive, and forced his eyes wide open. He slammed on the brakes, trying to steer off the road but the pavement was slick with ice, and the tires slid with a mind of their own, until their journey was cut short by a fierce collision with the front of the truck.
The world became nothing more than a haze of crippling pain, as the sound of screeching tires and shattering glass played on in the background. When his senses slowly returned, he found himself lying on his back in red tinted snow. He tried to get up, to stumble to the wreckage and search for her, but he couldn't move, and little by little, he stopped caring. Warm liquid trickled down his forehead, around the bridge of his nose, and down his frostbitten cheeks like crimson tears. His senses dulled once more, something within going numb as he stared up at the dark canopy of midnight above. Snowflakes rained down around him, like heaven's frozen sorrow pouring down from the sky, descending in slow motion, as his eyes finally began to close. He took another shaky breath, steam rising from his lips as he strained for the next one. The world drifted away, becoming irrelevant. He took one last look at the black winter sky above, the tiny sparkling dots falling softly upon his face, before closing his eyes to the hell around him, and expecting it to be the last thing he saw.
His eyes snapped open, fists clutching at the sheets as he relived the painful memory he'd tried so hard to forget. He gently ran his fingers over the scar across his forehead, and cringed slightly. It was as if he could still feel it bleeding.
He sat up in his bed, knowing that sleep would not come for him a second time that night, and rested his elbows on his knees. His chest rose and fell erratically, the well-sculpted muscles glistening with sweat in the light of the half-moon. For nearly two years after it had happened, he'd seen it play in his mind over, and over again, until finally he could take it no longer. He shut away all his memories of her, hoping to rid himself of the guilt as well. Instead, he forgot all the things that had been so important in his life, and was consumed by his guilt, until he was left to dwell in the pit of his own darkness.
With shaking limbs he climbed out of bed, ignoring the shiver that climbed up his spine as his bare feet touched the icy linoleum floor. He stepped over to the window, not even feeling the bite of the cold as it closed in on his bare chest and ate away at the warmth he'd had from being curled up beneath his blanket. He stared through thick glass and steel bars that covered the window, searching the realm beyond the prison he knew to be his own. The sky, a deep black, ringed with navy blue at the edges, appeared to be completely clear of clouds, yet still, the small white flakes plummeted to the earth and sprinkled the dead, frozen grass below. A single tear drifted down Squall Leonhart's cheek as he thought to himself how much he hated the snow… and how it was the snow, that turned him so cold.
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Rinoa pushed her way through the hall to the nurses' station and leaned tiredly on the counter. "Mad rush today, huh?"
Margaret looked at her and smiled over the top of her clipboard. "You're telling me. Everyone's in such a hurry to get out of here."
"Will you be leaving for home today?" Rinoa asked politely.
"Oh, no, definitely not. Someone has to stay and look after the place, after all. Of course, there will hardly be anyone left here to watch over." She glanced at her clipboard. "There are only ten patients left on this floor, and there are still people in line ready to go. Most of the people cluttering the halls and trying to get their things together and catch the elevator. There's only one, you know."
Rinoa nodded. "Can I see the list?"
Margaret handed her the list. Rinoa scanned over the remaining names until she struck upon one that was very familiar. She quickly handed it back to her and turned to follow her employer as she made her way to the elevator with a suitcase in her hand. "You couldn't have at least given him Christmas off?" she called to Quistis.
Quistis turned around, a weary look in her eyes. "You know as well as I that he has no one to go home to. If I did check him out, he'd have to stick with me all week, and you know there is nothing he'd hate worse than that."
Rinoa nodded as she watched Quistis step into the elevator. "Hey, Quistis!" she called after a moment.
"Yes?"
"Have a nice holiday."
Quistis smiled tiredly at the younger woman as the elevator doors slid closed. "You, too."
Rinoa was beginning to feel slightly out of place amongst the celebrating crowd when she felt a light tap on the shoulder. She turned to see Isabella grinning behind her, with a tall, curly-haired blonde standing next to her. "I'm glad I caught you before I left!" she exclaimed. "Merry Christmas! Hey, I'm thinking of dying my hair red and green for the occasion, what do you think?"
She laughed at her friend's excitement. "Stick with the purple."
Shouting one last goodbye, her friend headed toward the elevator, asking her guardian for a match for her cigarettes. Not but a few moments later, Zell went shooting by her in an attempt to catch Isabella before she left. Rinoa shook her head as she watched it all happen, suddenly feeling very alone, and isolated within the crowd. Was she the only one that didn't have someone?
No, she decided. She wasn't. There was another very lonely person that would be left behind here as well. Unfortunately for both, he wanted to be alone. She thought briefly of visiting him, but instead headed for the cafeteria for lunch. Her feelings were still slightly sore from their confrontation the day before.
Inside the cafeteria, there were one or two clusters of patients sitting together and talking, and one in particular that sat off to himself. Rinoa grabbed her tray and watched him from behind for a long moment, debating on whether or not she was feeling brave enough to face him again today. Settling on the thought that being with anyone was better than being alone, she slowly made her way toward his table and sat down in front of him.
"What do you want?" he growled, barely looking up from his food at her arrival.
"Company," she replied. "I thought maybe today you'd be in a better mood, what with Christmas coming up and all."
"What's so exciting about that?" he asked as his eyes wandered over to the window.
She followed his gaze, a serene smile playing on her lips as watched the gentle descending on the snow. "It's gorgeous, isn't it? It seems so cold, and void of life, yet there's a strange, almost melancholy beauty about it. An exquisite sadness, that seems to freeze time in its place."
(Kind of like you) she added silently as she watched the blizzard of emotions in his glacial eyes.
"I hate it," he finally said.
She turned to him, surprised at the animosity in his voice. "How could you hate something so wonderful… so beautiful?"
"What's so beautiful about something so cold, something so deadly?"
She studied him carefully, taking every feature into her memory as she spoke. "I guess it has an appeal all it's own. Something so cold, needs something to warm it, don't you think?"
"No," he replied. "I hate it. Everything about it."
A stray lock of hair fell in his face as he turned to stare at his food once more, and suddenly, she couldn't resist the urge to reach out and touch him. Without thinking, she raised her hand to his face, pushing the hair from his eyes, as her icy fingers gently brushed the scar on his forehead. She felt him shudder beneath her fingertips, and quickly withdrew her hand, heart pounding as she wondered what she'd just done.
The screeching sound of tires and the feel of blood pouring over his face flashed through his mind, resurrecting the memory that had haunted his dreams that night. "Don't touch me," he growled. "Ever."
"I-I'm sorry," she mumbled, feeling a mixture of fear and rejection swell in her throat. "I didn't mean-"
"I don't care what you meant to do, or what you didn't mean to do," he interrupted, his voice a soft, silky rumble that was even more frightening than his yell. "Get away from me, now."
She didn't dare speak another word, but instead just gathered her things and hurried away. She dumped her unfinished meal in the garbage, never once looking back. She wouldn't allow him to see the tears glistening in her eyes once more. She had already forsaken her pride with the tears she'd shed in front of him before. She refused to suffer the humiliation again.
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He looked out at the endless sea of white below, mind still churning with thoughts. A dull ache throbbed in his heart as he thought about the look on her face, the rejection in her eyes. He really hadn't meant to snap at her the way he did, but the memories that resurfaced when she touch him that way was too much to handle. Now he sat at his window anxiously, waiting for her to return.
Hours ago, as he gazed out the window again, he saw her walk through the gates to the parking lot outside. She got in her car, which she had barely used in the months that she'd been working there, and drove away, down the ice-ridden road. He felt himself tremble inside at that scene, fear rising within him that she would never come back…
"Why should you care? She's nothing more than an annoyance."
He shook the voice away and ventured into the darkened corridor in search of the rec room. He was thirsting to death, not having had the heart to finish his meal or his drink at lunch earlier, and he knew there was a vending machine in the rec center.
It was after dark, meaning he should have been in his room until morning, but with so few nurses still on duty he wasn't worried about it. As he was passing the doorway that opened up into the main hall where the nurses' station was located, he heard a voice that made him stop in his tracks.
"Yeah, I splurged on dinner tonight. I used some of the money I've been saving since working here, and I really shouldn't have."
The only nurse left on duty just laughed. "It's only right to treat yourself to something on the holidays. It's just a shame you hadn't anyone to accompany you. Tomorrow evening, I'll probably-" she was cut short as the phone rang as she rush to answer it. There was a long pause before she turned to Rinoa, and sighed. "There's a problem, it seems. So kind of technical difficulty on the ninth floor. Some of the patients' doors have come open. They're short on staff, and they want you to go up and see if you can't sedate any of the patients that might be lose."
Rinoa was silent for a long moment, her heart thumping in fear, but slowly she began to remember a promise she'd made not long before. "All right. I guess I have no choice."
"Just a moment, I'll get you some tranquilizer shots," the nurse replied before heading into the storage room. She returned shortly with several loaded needles, which Rinoa slipped into her coat pocket before heading into the elevator.
As the door closed, sealing away his view of her, Squall sunk back into the shadows, his worry for her only increasing.
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Rinoa slid her I.D. card through the slot next to the keypad before punching the number nine button. The elevator slowly lurched upward, making each moment feel like an eternity before the doors finally slid open with a small 'ding'.
She stepped slowly out into the hallways, studying the dirt-stained, black-checkered flooring, as it was bathed in dim bluish light that shone in through the double barred windows. The click of her heels echoed against the slick white walls, as if the entire floor were empty, and abandoned.
With shaking hands, she brought the note that Selphie had given her from her coat pocket and studied it in the light so that she could see the name and room number written on the front. It was addressed to an Irvine Kinnease, room A6.
She glanced around until she saw a small plastic sign on the wall marking the letter of the hallway, and the room numbers on it. The sign was cracked, barely hanging on to the wall with something like red marker spelling out all sorts of rude sayings. It looked more like a sign in a high school bathroom than in a mental asylum.
She slowly began walking again, searching for the proper room number. The shadows drifted in and out around her, like dancing little demons that reached out for her, hoping to draw her into their darkness. A thundering crash sounded from the wall on her left, causing her to jump and stumble back, nearly loosing balance and falling to the floor. Somewhere down the hall, a demented scream sounded, and bloodied fingers poked through the tiny bars at the top of the door, desperately clawing at the solid metal and reaching out to the world beyond. It was like something out of a horror movie, but she found little comfort in that thought. Unlike a movie, all of this was real.
An ear-splitting screech shattered the eerie silence, as a door swung open in front of her, and banged against the wall. She stopped in her tracks, a sickening, cold feeling spilling through her limbs. She turned on her heels and hurried back the way she came, but she didn't make it very far. A hand clamped over her mouth, and strong arms drug her back into the open room. As she was thrown to the floor she heard the door slamming shut, and then a pair of heavy footsteps quickly approaching her.
Not daring to open her eyes, Rinoa scrambled away from the sound until she felt the wall behind her. She crushed her back into the wall, as if attempting to hide in the corner of the room, and reached for her tranquilizer with wildly trembling hands.
"No, no, no," a deep, dark voice murmured as it closed in on her. "I don't think you want to do that."
A whimper escaped her throat as the needle was roughly torn from her hands and stabbed into the soiled padding on the wall beside her head.
"Look at me!" he commanded, and she was too scared to do anything but comply.
She allowed her eyes to crack open, and stared up at her attacker. He was a tall, and broad shouldered, with long, unkempt hair tangled around his head. His eyes glistened dangerously in the faint light of the room. He bent down and grabbed her small wrists roughly in his calloused hands and jerked her up from the wall. She pulled with all her strength, hoping to get at least one hand free to grab another tranquilizer, but this only made his hold on her tighten painfully.
"Sorry, sweetheart, but I want you fully awake for this."
Another anguished cry escaped her lips as he roughly began to grab at her. She squeezed her eyes shut, sobbing, when suddenly the grip on her wrists loosened. Opening her eyes, she found her attacker laid out on the floor. Without questioning, she pulled another loaded needle from her pocket and stabbed into his arm.
Tremulously, she began to fall back into the wall, her strength leaving her, but another strong pair of hands grabbed her by the shoulders, this time much more gently, and steadied her. She lifted her tear-stained face, studying with fearful eyes her new enemy. Her eyes were met with a familiar pair of icy blue ones.
"S-Squall…" she stammered. "What are you doing here?"
"Never mind that now," he replied, gently taking her by the hand and starting to lead her out of the room. He paused as he felt another pair of eyes upon him, and looked down to see the demented man glaring at him. Squall kicked him in the face before pulling Rinoa out the door again.
Once they were in the safety of the elevator again, Rinoa collapsed into the wall and turned her head to look at her hero. "How did you ever get up here? How did you know I was up here?"
He jerked his thumb at the keypad on the wall, which was barely hanging on by a few wires. "Just a simple rewiring job. Basic stuff, really. I overhead the nurse asking you to go up there."
Rinoa laughed, relief still thick in her voice. "Yeah, that stuff must be easy for you. What were you doing out of you room at a time like that, anyway? Oh, never mind. It doesn't matter. What matters is that you were there. I… I don't know how to repay you."
Squall had his head leaned back and his eyes closed while she spoke. He could feel himself slipping away, into that ever-present daydream at the back of his mind. Ever since that day in Rinoa's office, he had made sure never to let go of reality in her presence again, but he just couldn't help it this time. He opened his eyes and pushed himself up from the wall, coming to stand before her.
Her breath caught in her throat, as he came close enough to her that she could feel his breath on her lips. Part of her was afraid, and part of her was hopeful. Afraid that he would do something unexpected, as was typical for him, hopeful that he would do what he appeared to be doing.
He placed a hand beneath her chin, lifting her face up to his. Slowly, at an excruciatingly slow pace to her, he brushed his lips across hers, before pressing them more firmly down. His lips moved softly against hers, teasing her with the gentle sensations, making her long for something more.
He slowly broke away from her, whispering, "Now we're even," before backing away and leaning against the wall in the same place he was before. He took several, deep, even breath and closed his eyes once more before coming back to reality and saying, in his normal, heartless tone, "Don't worry about it. I just did it so I wouldn't have to have Quistis as my doctor again."
Before she could question his words or his actions, the elevator opened, and he stepped out, leaving her in a dazed awe behind him. She stuck her head out of the elevator for a brief moment turning to the nurse who was watching Squall walk down the hallway with a perplexed look on her face. "Tell the people upstairs I sedated the patient I found. I'm off to bed now," Rinoa murmured before turning back into the elevator and pushing the button for the ninth floor. As the doors closed, as she was left to herself, she gently touched her lips with her fingertips, and sighed dreamily.
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A/N: Hmmm, looks like Squall had a momentary lapse of reality. I just know I've pissed someone off with this. Oh well! Next chapter: Rinoa does the unthinkable, at least in a certain someone's eyes, and Squall finally gets some closure on an issue that's haunted him for years.