A/N: You might need to refer back to the prologue, as this chapter picks up right where it left off.
Chapter 12
In the present…"So tell me. Did I really make a difference here?"
Her limbs trembled slightly, her fists tightening on the paper she gripped in her hands until it began to crumple at the edges. "He… he couldn't have. He was never the type to do such a thing!"
Xu shrugged. "You knew him, huh? Well, the evidence against him is damning. He killed his therapist, a doctor," she paused long enough to scan the paper for information, "Dr. Quistis Trepe. Stabbed her ten times with a knife. I'm afraid there's no denying it, his fingerprints were found all over the murder weapon."
"Of course you did. Whether I want to admit it or not… you changed me. For the better."
"No…" Rinoa whispered to herself. "He said I changed him." Tears slowly spilled down her pale cheeks and she leaned against the wall for support. "I thought I'd done something, that I'd made a difference in him! How could this… how could he…?"
"You worked with Dr. Trepe, didn't you?" Xu asked gently. Rinoa could only nod her reply. "Well, her funeral is tomorrow, if you want to go. Maybe it will help you… deal with things."
"So you won't forget me? And everything I've told you?"
"No, never. I promise."
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"Alright, but… Will you stay with me for a while?"
She swallowed hard, her heart pounding wildly in her chest. These were the kinds of moments she'd secretly dreamed of, the fleeting instances when his voice was quiet and kind, and his eyes were soft and desperate. "I'm not sure… I mean, I've caused enough damage."
"You can't just leave like this, though. You can't just walk away forever without really saying goodbye."
Rinoa bit her lips slightly. (It's probably the last time I'll ever see him… what could it hurt?)
"Okay," she answered softly, offering her hand.
He stared at her hand for a moment, fear evident in his eyes before he finally reached for her. Hand in hand, he guided her through the darkened halls until he reached an all too familiar door. Silently, he rejoiced in the fact that Zell was still away on vacation, as he opened the door slowly and led her inside.
There was no lamp in the room, and turning on the overhead light would catch the attention of any nurses roaming the halls. Instead, he led her over to the window, where bright, silver rays of light spilled in from the full moon above. He reluctantly let her hand slip from his and she smiled up at him, tears glinting in her eyes.
"You're certainly acting a lot different than usual," she said with a tone of light humor.
"Well, I guess… you're leaving changes everything," he answered, looking away from her.
"You can't lose hope because of this. There are still other doctors here."
"But they're not like you," he replied, almost inaudibly. "They don't really care what happens to me, or anyone else here. Everything is black and white to them. You went out of your way for me… even when I practically slapped you in the face for it."
She wanted to pull him into her arms; wanted so bad just to reach out and touch him, but fear stopped her from doing so. Even as different as he seemed at the moment, she doubted that he would allow her that freedom.
"So, tell me. Did I really make a difference here?"
He looked at her again, with those eyes that made her tremble. Normally, they were cold, and expressionless, but now they held a deep sadness, and the simple fact that it was all for her brought tears to her eyes.
"Of course you did. Whether I want to admit it or not…" his voice trailed off for a moment, his eyes searching the heavens above for the words to continue on. "You changed me. For the better."
"No matter what happens… I'm glad to at least have had that opportunity."
"What will you do after this?" he asked.
She shrugged, seating herself casually on his bed. "I don't know who will want to hire me after this, but… You know, I haven't thought about it at all until now. When I first went into this job, I thought I'd stay here for a year or two, then open up my own office in the city. It was the perfect dream for me, to come home from helping people all day to a nice, peaceful little family. My own little piece of golden paradise. Suddenly, that dream doesn't seem so bright anymore. I… I would give anything just to stay here." She looked up at him, her cheeks flushed and her lips curled into a longing smile. "You're the only one I've ever talked to about this," she admitted.
He crossed his arms over his chest, fighting a whirlwind of conflicting emotions within. Part of him wanted her to leave him there, in the dark sanctuary of his room where he could hide away from the world and all its injustices. Another part of him was thrilled at the fact that she was there with him, honoring him with her own secret hopes and dreams, sharing hidden parts of her soul without hesitation. It was the gift of a true human connection, something he hadn't had since that fateful night on an ice-ridden road.
"So, what was your dream for the future?"
He drew in a deep breath to keep himself from snapping at her. After all, that was his natural reaction when anyone tried to pry into his life. But she wasn't just anyone. She shared a part of herself with him, and the best way he could express his gratitude was to return the favor. "I'd always wanted to be an artist, or a writer, or something. I'm not any good at it, though."
"You know," she whispered faintly, "You never did show me your drawings."
She could see him start to tense at her words, and for a moment, she wished she'd never said it at all. He turned away from the window, and she felt a pain shoot through her chest, thinking that he was going to leave her there, without so much as another word. Instead, he went to the dresser and pulled open the top drawer. He returned moments later with a beaten and worn sketch book in his hands. Wordlessly he placed it in her hands and stepped back, frowning as he watched her gingerly flip back the front cover. This was yet another piece of himself he was revealing, and he hated the vulnerable feeling that came with it.
Her smile widened unknowingly, as she flipped through the skilled sketches of the distant skyline that loomed on the horizon, and of colorful sunsets taken from the sky and etched into eternity on the formerly blank piece of paper. The last drawing she came across, colorless, but still filled with life, made her gasp. "It's… me."
Squall's blush deepened, though it was hard to tell in the pale moonlight, and he rubbed at the back of his neck again. "It's… no big deal."
"It's amazing. It looks just like me. When did you do this?"
"The other day… outside. You were mad at me, and had walked away. I don't know why I drew it, I just did."
"I'm flattered to be worthy of your artistic skill," she said, a note of true joy in her voice. "Can I… keep it?"
He shrugged. "If you want."
"Thanks," she replied, gently tearing it out of the notebook. "Could you sign it for me too?"
He seemed about to protest, but once again he kept silent, and signed the bottom of the paper with his pencil. "I guess now, at least, you'll have this to remember me by."
"What about me?" she asked. "You don't have anything to remember me by."
He shook his head. "I don't need anything to remember you."
"So you won't forget me?" she questioned. "And everything I've told you?"
He sat down next to her on his bed, feeling those familiar urges begin to tug at his control once more. "No, never. I promise."
She drew in a shaky breath as he leaned closer to her, her chest tightening in anticipation. Yes, this was her new dream, the one thing that she longed for with her entire being, other than staying with him. In her mind she couldn't believe his words and actions, but her heart, as well as her body, cried in happiness.
His lips gently caressed hers, coaxing a satisfied sigh from her mouth. He took the opportunity immediately, and deepened their kiss, his tongue dancing playfully with hers. She couldn't help but moan as she felt a delightful heat spreading through her body. Her trembling limbs slowly lifted until they circled his neck, and she clung to him, feeling hopelessly weak. Nothing had ever felt that way before.
He pulled away from her unwillingly, gasping for air as he stared into her eyes. A shudder rocked his body as she whispered his name, and he slowly backed away from her. "Leave," he breathed in a husky voice.
"What? But why?"
"Just go," he replied in a tone reflecting pain. "Please. Go!"
Casting one last tearful look in his direction, she picked up his drawing of her and ran from the room, sorrow and confusion quickly draining away her energy.
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Rinoa bit deeply into her bottom lip as she stared down at the drawing in her hand. It seemed like an eternity had passed since then. Still, she remembered everything as clearly as if it had happened that very day. She had gone back to her room and cried, her heart too distressed from all the different emotions to hold out anymore. She'd gotten up early the next morning and packed her bags before making her way into the lobby, where Quistis stood waiting for her. After having a night to think about it, the older woman had decided she could at least write her a recommendation. Rinoa took the news with a grateful nod, and a forced smile. Squall was nowhere to be seen.
Placing the drawing carefully back in the drawer of her desk, she stood from the chair and straightened the plain black dress that she wore. "Squall," she murmured to herself. "Is this really the path that you've chosen?"
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The gray sky stretched on endlessly, creating the perfect atmosphere for an occasion such as this. Rows upon rows of people adorned in black stood at attention, facing a small wooden casket at the front. Cold gray stones jutted up from the green earth, marking the presence of lives long since forgotten. On the other side, a tall brick church rose from the ground, the steeple reaching forth into the heavens. Lingering near the wrought iron gates that enclosed the holy ground, a lone woman stood with her arms crossed protectively over her chest. She felt she had no place there, but she had come anyway, out of respect.
"Rinoa?"
Rinoa picked her head up from its intent study of the ground to search for the source of the voice. Her eyes landed on a smiling young woman, with short blue hair framing her face. "Isabella!"
"Rinoa, it's been such a long time!" Isabella said as she rushed up and embraced her friend, before pausing to take a look at their surroundings. "Come on. This really isn't the place for cheerful reunions."
The two entered the church and seated themselves somewhere in the middle of the completely empty chapel.
"It's so great to see you again!" Isabella exclaimed, barely stopping herself from hugging her friend once more. "I wasn't sure I'd ever see you again."
Rinoa nodded. "Yeah, I'm sorry I never called or anything. I was just so upset for such a long time…" Rinoa allowed her voice to trail off, before gently tugging a strand of her hair. "You changed the color."
Isabella laughed. "Yeah, it was time for a change. But my hair's not all that's changed," the younger girl broke into a grin. "I've been released from the asylum!"
Rinoa laughed, feeling a wave of true happiness for her friend. "That's great! What about Zell?"
"He'll be getting out soon. When he does, I'm planning on getting an apartment near his house. That way we'll still be able to see each other a lot. We've gotten a lot closer, you know, and because of that, Zell's gotten a lot better. He talks to me more than he does Chester now. So, how's your life been?"
The smile on Rinoa's face slowly faded, and she looked away. With a shaky sigh, she allowed her eyes to flutter closed, and two crystal tears slowly dripped down her cheeks.
"What's wrong?" Isabella questioned, brows furrowed in concern.
"It's nothing like I wanted," she replied quietly. "I wanted my own office… but that takes money, lots of it. I didn't even know where to begin. There was already an abundance of them in this city, anyway. I had to settle for a job as a criminal profiler. I always wanted to help people with my job, but everything I do just seems so useless now. I hate it. And then… then there's this," Rinoa finished, her voice cracking at the end. She held up her left hand and revealed a sparkling diamond on her ring finger.
"You're engaged?!" Isabella nearly yelled, jerking Rinoa's hand closer to her face so she could study the ring. "But Rinoa, that's great! Isn't it?"
Rinoa's body shook with silent sobs, and more tears fell. "No! I mean… I like him, otherwise I never would have agreed to it, but… every time he goes to hug me, or whenever he tries to kiss me, I keep seeing someone else."
"Then why are you with this other guy, if you're obviously in love with someone else?"
"Because I'll never see him again!" Rinoa cried.
Isabella's eyes widened in realization. "Oh, Rinoa…" she wrapped her arms around the raven-haired girl in a comforting embrace.
"Do you think he really did it?"
"I honestly can't say. I was in the lobby checking out the morning they discovered Quistis' body. I thought things seemed kinda weird that morning, but I had no clue why. It wasn't until Zell called me later and told that I found out. I didn't know him personally, but… Squall never seemed the murdering type. But the evidence against him is hard to argue. And…"
"And what?" Rinoa pressed.
"After you left, he stopped talking as much again. Quistis put him back in group therapy, but that, as you already know, was a useless effort. He didn't know that it was Quistis that fired you, though."
Rinoa nodded. "I left that part out on purpose, last time I talked to him."
"Well, he found out eventually. It was inevitable, I suppose. After that, he literally went mute. He wouldn't acknowledge anyone, much less talk to them. Quistis tried, but he wouldn't look at her, no matter what she said or did. So, she gave up, let him do his own thing. It had been that way for months when this happened, all of a sudden."
"Mute…"
Isabella nodded. "Yeah, in fact, the last time I personally ever heard him talk, was right after I got back from vacation. He walked up to me with this look in his eyes… I can't describe it, but it was heart breaking. He said 'Rinoa was fired. She won't be coming back'. Then he just walked away."
Rinoa felt fresh tears swell in her eyes. "It was bad enough that I had to be miserable because of this, but him too? I don't know what to do. It's too much to think about. Too much to take… I somehow feel guilty for Quistis' death now…"
"Don't. After all, she was the one that fired you." Isabella couldn't help but chuckle slightly. "I know it's not right to speak ill of the dead, but still… it's like some kind of divine retribution, isn't it?"
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Rinoa took her hair down and shook it out as she traveled down the desolate hall to her office. She'd had the day off because of the funeral, and moreover, it had long since been after hours. She should have been heading for home, but just wasn't in the mood for it. She just couldn't stand being there in that mostly empty apartment, surrounded by pictures of her and the wretched life she'd been forced to live. She could stand to sleep there in that room again, with that photograph of him that she was beginning to hate.
She opened the door, kicking off her high-heeled shoes and closing the door behind her before turning on the light. As she did so, she felt a strong arm grab her from behind, and a hand clamped over her mouth as she went to scream.
He heart pounded in her ears as she struggled futilely to get away from her attacker. Whimpers escaped her throat as she felt warm breath upon her ear and neck. She squeezed her eyes shut, trying once more to scream for help, as she was certain that she was about to meet some horrible fate.
"Shhh…" a deep, soothing voice whispered in her ear. "Don't scream, it's just me."
She suddenly felt herself being freed from her attacker's grasp. Sucking in a deep breath to steady herself, she whirled around, only to lose her bearings again. "S-Squall?"
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A/N: Well, I hope you enjoyed. I tried to make their moments together as intimate as possible without there being too much physical activity. Not time yet. Well, I hope to have the next chapter up as fast as I had this one.