Chapter 14
She stared out at the world beyond the glass, every image rushing by too fast to really distinguish. There wasn't anything worth seeing, anyway. It all reminded her too much of the way life had been up until just yesterday. Everything blurred around her, none of it worth really caring about. Like being stuck in a crowd of faceless people that came and disappeared with every passing moment.
Sighing, Rinoa turned to her companion, who appeared to be asleep, chest rising and falling rhythmically, and face relaxed into an almost peaceful expression. So, there was one face that stuck out of the crowd. Now, if she could only keep him from disappearing.
Rinoa shifted uncomfortably in the bus seat, before gently resting her head against his shoulder, and hooking her arm around his own. She decided that with him sleeping, it probably wouldn't hurt if she got a little closer to him. She took a deep breath, enjoying that scent that was uniquely his, and nuzzled her face into his jacket.
"How did it ever come to this?" she whispered to herself.
"I'm sorry," came a quiet, almost inaudible reply next to her.
She started, surprised that he was awake, but dared to stay in the comfortable position she had chosen. "I thought you were asleep," she responded softly. "Don't be sorry. I don't regret anything. It's just that. I'd always imagined that we would meet again over happier circumstances, if I ever did see you again. Misfortune just seems to follow you around, huh?"
"Yeah. and now I've brought it upon you, too."
"Don't think of it that way. I would rather share your life of misfortune than." she stopped abruptly, realizing that she was just about to make her feelings very clear. She couldn't do that, not knowing that he wouldn't return the feeling. Instead, she struggled for a moment with different words to reply with. ". Than force you to bare it alone."
"I still don't quite understand why you care."
The corners of her lips tugged into a frown. "And me. do you care about me?"
"Yes," he answered without hesitancy, but with a small amount of fear. "But you've done everything for me. I've done nothing but drag you down with me."
"That's not true! Believe it or not, I do know how to put my foot down. I wouldn't have come with you if I hadn't wanted to."
"So why would you want to give up everything for me?"
"Because I care about you."
He rolled his eyes, though she couldn't see it. "Sometimes I think you purposely lead me around in a circle, just for the fun of it."
"What else are former patients for?" she asked with a small giggle. "You know. I hate to have to ask, but if we're going to get to the bottom of this, I have to know exactly what happened. Start with the night of the murder."
He sighed deeply, not wanting to return to the subject, but knowing she was right. "Everything went as normal. I started to feel a little bit drowsy after dinner, so I went to bed early. When I woke up, there were big guys in white suits digging through me and Zell's stuff. There was some big guy hovering over me. He jerked me out of bed and pushed me out into the hall. Before I was out of the room, though, I saw them pull something out of the dresser drawer very carefully. Later I found out it was the knife, hidden in my drawer. Anyway, all the other patients were standing around in the halls, and from what I could gather, none of them knew what was going on. Next thing I know, they throw both Zell and me into solitary confinement. They came back hours later and let him free, before announcing that the test results from the lab had revealed Quistis' DNA on the blade. and my DNA and fingerprints on the handle."
"So, whoever handled the knife before you must've worn gloves or something," Rinoa speculated. "Not that that really helps much. So, after that?"
"They put me under arrest. but being that I was already in a mental asylum, I guess that they figured putting me in jail was a bad idea. So they put me in solitary confinement on the ninth floor until my first court appearance."
"How long was that?"
"Three or four days. I couldn't tell for certain. No one ever came in, or anything, they just slipped food through one of those little slots."
"Three or four days?" she repeated in disbelief. "All alone. you always hated to be in there for even a few hours." She silently took his hand, entwining their fingers and giving him a comforting squeeze. She felt his pain, but also her own anger at whoever had put him through that.
"They came and got me, then. They put shackles around my wrists and ankles and put me in the back of an armored van. Of course, it was driven by a couple of low-level idiots. I told them I was feeling ill, and they came to check on me. I knocked them both out, took their key to my restraints, and that's how I was able to escape. I drove the van into the city, ditched it in an alley, and looked you up in the phone book. Your name was there, along with the various police station numbers."
"They treated you like a criminal, even before you'd been convicted."
"In their eyes, it was an open and shut case."
"I promise I'll get you out of this, Squall," she whispered. "No matter what it takes."
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He sat at his desk, vigorously going over all the research he had managed to dig up. He couldn't help but be worried. He had this gut feeling that something bad would happen to her unless he caught the crazy criminal from her old job.
At the thought of her, his eyes automatically wandered to the picture on his desk. He had his arm around her, dressed in his fancy officer's uniform and smiling as if it were the best night of his life. She smiled as well, but, although he had never really noticed until just that moment, her smile was forced, and painfully empty.
He frowned at the image, his mind briefly scanning over every moment they'd spent together, and every picture they'd ever taken. Perhaps that night, she'd simply had too much wine, and wasn't feeling well.
Slowly, Seifer Almasy realized that he had never seen a true, full smile from his own fiancé. It was one of those revelations that twisted your heart with a heavy steel chain. One of those realizations that you realized you should've seen before, but were just to busy enjoying the fake perfection to see the ugly truth beneath the glossy surface. He sighed inwardly. Was it really just too beautiful to be true?
He thought back to the night he proposed. Her eyes had glistened in the candlelight, with what he thought were tears of joy. He replayed the image in his head again and again, trying his best not to see that emptiness, and deep sorrow that had been hidden in her smile as she accepted the diamond ring onto her finger. It had all been locked away at some far corner of his mind, the knowledge of her true unhappiness staying trapped within his subconscious efforts to suppress it. He always knew, didn't he? He just wouldn't let himself see it before.
Seifer felt a sudden tightening in his chest, his mind racing as he wondered if it had all just been a lie. No. No, it just couldn't be! In a blind panic, he reached for the phone to call her and ask her the truth, but as his fingers touched the smooth plastic surface, it vibrated beneath his fingertips, and gave off a ringing cry of its own.
He picked up the phone with trembling fingers, willing his heart to slow down. "Hello?" he forced out, feigning a tone of complete calm.
"Seifer, this is Raijin."
His heart seemed to sink to the floor, and his stomach lurched, seeming to jump into his throat. At that moment, he knew. He knew what Raijin was going to say.
"Seifer, Rinoa's missing. her bedroom window's been left wide open. I think. I think she's been kidnapped.
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Waves gently rolled in and out, lapping at the off-white sand beneath creaking, iron grating that served as a boardwalk for the small town. Small buildings made of rusted sheet metal dotted the coastline, the furious ocean breeze rattling the thin walls. Small children played in the surf, and watched the massive fishing ships sailing on the horizon. It was the perfect setting for a lovers' getaway, or an old couple's retirement. Or, maybe even the perfect place to hide from the police.
"Maybe we could just stay here, and forget about all our problems," Rinoa mumbled beneath her breath as she stared out at the sapphire waters that seemed to stretch on forever, past the edge of the earth. "Just me, and you. nothing to worry about."
Squall studied her closely, the sun illuminating her skin and the sea winds playing in her hair. He couldn't help but feel guilty, for dragging her along with him. He felt ashamed. for once he had allowed himself to be selfish, wanting her to be with him even though it was dangerous to her. "I'll find some way to make this up to you," he found himself saying. "Anything you want."
She turned to look at him, a sad, indecipherable little smile on her face. It was painfully ironic. The one thing she wanted was the one thing he would probably never give her. But at least, she had his company. "I have everything I could ever really hope for," she replied, staring deeply into his eyes and trying her damnedest not to let the tears she felt swelling in her heart, show in her eyes.
Silence claimed the pair again as they walked along the iron path, held over the water by strong steel beams. Most of the buildings by the ocean appeared to be private residents, or small fishing companies, almost every one complete with a small boathouse next to the pier. After walking nearly half-way around the edge of the little bay side town, they came across a house made of brittle, sea worn wood with a sign out front that stated simply, 'Seaside Tavern'.
The ringing of a small bell over the door announced their arrival, drawing the attention of an older woman at the bar, and two older men sitting at a table near the entrance. The woman, a serious-faced, slightly plump lady with dark hair gave a nod in acknowledgement. "What can I do ya for?"
"We need a room," Rinoa answered. At her words, Squall turned to her and arched his eyebrow, but his questioning look when unnoticed.
The woman gave another nod and handed them a key from behind the counter. "Cash only, no credit cards. We ain't too strict about checkout time, but we would like you out before noon. The fishing ships come in around dark, and the place will get pretty crowded then, just to let you know."
Rinoa accepted the key and the change back for the room before taking a quick look at her surroundings. It was mostly dark, and smelled strongly of fish and booze, as was to be expected. The walls were covered in fishing nets, mounted fish, and ship rigging, creating a rather trite fisherman's atmosphere, like the kind you'd see at a sea food restaurant hundreds of miles from the ocean. There were two doors on the opposite wall, one was a bathroom, the other was the door to the rooms. Rinoa quickly grabbed Squall's hand and led him to the other door, the pungent smells making her light-headed.
They found the room with ease, as there were only a total of seven, and entered, setting their one suitcase down next to the door and observing their small room. There was only one bed, barely big enough for two people, and a small table. A door on the other side of the other wall led to what they assumed was the bathroom.
"One room, huh?" Squall muttered with a slight frown.
Rinoa felt herself blush at the thought, but justified her actions. "Well, I thought, that if anything were to happen and we needed to get out of here fast, we would be able to do so faster if we were in the same room. If you want one for yourself though-"
"No!" Squall replied, and then kicked himself inwardly for sounding too eager. "No, it's fine. It's a good idea to stay close, anyway."
He watched Rinoa as she kicked off her shoes and flopped down on the bed that they would have to share for the night. Just when he thought things between them couldn't get more tense. more difficult. Now he had to share a bed with her, without touching her, or so much as letting on that he wants to. Even putting his arms around her would be going to far. Things would only get more awkward that way.
"After we prove your innocence, and you're acquitted of the charges, what will you do?" Rinoa asked, propping herself up on her elbows so she could look at him.
He leaned against the door and shrugged. "I don't know. They'll probably make me go back to the asylum, even if I'm not guilty."
"Yeah, but who will take care of you, with Quistis gone?"
"They'll probably hire someone to take her place."
"Someone that doesn't know anything about you," Rinoa pondered aloud. "I don't know what good I can do, but when everything is over, I'll see if I can't get you out of there for good. You can't spend the rest of your life in a place like that."
Squall's usual frown deepened as he thought about it for a moment. "But what would I do? I've spent most of my adult life locked up from the rest of the world. No bank account or savings to fall back on. Just what small bit of property my sister had. I don't really know what it's like to live in the real world, all alone."
"Well, I'll help you through that, too. You could even stay with me while you get settled."
"Yeah, your fiancé would love that," he retorted.
Rinoa frowned for a moment, looking toward the window as she tried to hide the pain she knew would show through to him. Finally, her eyes returned to his figure leaning uncomfortably against the door. "You know, you don't have to stand all the way over there," she said softly. "I promise I won't bite."
The look in her eyes, and the deep vulnerability in her voice made him quiver inside. Sometimes the way she spoke, or looked, and the things she said would give him hope, if only for a brief second, before reality set in. There was a sadness, a longing in her eyes, and he wanted so badly to believe that it was for him. Then he realized she was probably just missing her fiancé. Sighing, he pushed himself off the door and strode across the room, struggling with his own emotions and desires before sitting down on the bed next to her. So hard to be so close, and so far at the same time.
"You know, you're a lot nicer to me now than you used to be," Rinoa pointed out, reaching desperately for anything to talk about.
"Yeah, well, if you get angry at me now, and run off, I'd be up shit creek without a paddle, wouldn't I?"
"Is. is that the only reason? You don't wanna piss me off because you need me to help you? Is that the whole reason you came to see me that night?" Rinoa demanded, her voice rising with every question. "Tell me the truth!"
Squall opened his mouth to offer some explanation, but nothing would come. His instincts screamed to retreat back into his usual uncaring attitude and lie to her, for the sake of his pride, even if it would hurt her. Still, there was that throbbing ache eating away at his heart, tightening his throat and trying to squeeze the truth from him. Every waking moment, his mind was plagued with images of her smile, and the sound of her voice, whispering kind words to sooth the tortured and broken soul within him, left behind from years of solitude. Even his dreams offered no sanctuary from the persistent disease that threatened to swallow him, and he didn't care. He didn't want to be saved anymore.
(I finally let myself feel something, I finally feel like expressing something, and I can't. It would be humiliating, no matter how nice she would try and be about it. That's what would make it so hard. to have her smile at me like that while she told me that I'd find someone else someday. I can't do that. I can't give her my heart if all she'll do is crush it.)
"Yeah," he said finally, in a tone of forced calm. "Yeah, I guess that's what it all comes down to."
She stared at him for a short eternity, an indecipherable look coming over her face. He couldn't tell what she was thinking, but it made his heart wrench all the same.
(Yeah, so you spared yourself the rejection. and hurt her in the process. That's so much better) he thought to himself bitterly.
"Bastard," she whispered, so low he could hardly hear her. "I don't know why I ever thought you would change."
"I can understand. if you want to leave me now," he replied slowly.
"No. I made a promise that I'd help you. And, though I certainly can't understand why, I still care about you, even if I'm just a tool for you," she snapped.
"Rinoa," he began, desperate to take away that pain that was rooted so deeply in her eyes. He'd hurt her more than enough in the past, he couldn't stand to do it again.
"No," she interrupted, in a quiet but strong voice. "You've made everything very clear to me. I'm going for a walk, and then I'm going straight to bed when I come back. You stay on one side, and I'll stay on the other."
With that, she left the room, never once looking back at him. He wanted to follow her, to tell her he hadn't meant a word of what he'd said, but realized she'd probably never believe him.
(With all the things I've said before, how could she ever really believe a word that comes out of my mouth? I say I don't mean it, and say it again. She probably is better off with that other guy. I'm not worth all the pain I put her through.)
He took a long shower in the tiny bathroom next to their room, hoping that the scalding water would wash his problems, if only for a little while. It lessened the tension in his body, but did nothing for his low spirits.
When he came out, he noticed Rinoa passed out on the bed, sleeping like a peaceful child without a care. He felt his own drowsiness kick in at that moment, and wanted nothing more than to sleep next to her, arms tight around her, and holding her body close.
Giving a deep sigh, he shed all clothes but his boxers and a shirt, and slowly approached the bed, pausing for a moment to look down at the sleeping woman. He pulled the blanket over her, like a mother would to a child, and gave her a small, chaste kiss on her forehead, before getting settled onto his side of the bed.
"Goodnight, Rinoa," he whispered, staring at her back that she had probably turned to him purposely. "I'm sorry, and this time I swear I mean it. After this is over, I'll leave you alone for the rest of your live if that's what you want. I'll find some way to make you happy. That's my promise to you."
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A/N: Yeah, I know, those crazy kids. suffering so much over a little misunderstanding. But hey, that's how life goes, right? Sorry if you're getting sick of all the drama, and the uselessness of this chapter. I've been debating on whether they should get together before or after the mystery is solved, so I want your input. My fair readers, I ask you: before or after?
Next chapter: The manhunt is on, as well as the silent treatment. Can our heroes make it through? *dramatic drum roll* Tune in next chapter! (I'm not on anything it's just kinda late, okay?)
She stared out at the world beyond the glass, every image rushing by too fast to really distinguish. There wasn't anything worth seeing, anyway. It all reminded her too much of the way life had been up until just yesterday. Everything blurred around her, none of it worth really caring about. Like being stuck in a crowd of faceless people that came and disappeared with every passing moment.
Sighing, Rinoa turned to her companion, who appeared to be asleep, chest rising and falling rhythmically, and face relaxed into an almost peaceful expression. So, there was one face that stuck out of the crowd. Now, if she could only keep him from disappearing.
Rinoa shifted uncomfortably in the bus seat, before gently resting her head against his shoulder, and hooking her arm around his own. She decided that with him sleeping, it probably wouldn't hurt if she got a little closer to him. She took a deep breath, enjoying that scent that was uniquely his, and nuzzled her face into his jacket.
"How did it ever come to this?" she whispered to herself.
"I'm sorry," came a quiet, almost inaudible reply next to her.
She started, surprised that he was awake, but dared to stay in the comfortable position she had chosen. "I thought you were asleep," she responded softly. "Don't be sorry. I don't regret anything. It's just that. I'd always imagined that we would meet again over happier circumstances, if I ever did see you again. Misfortune just seems to follow you around, huh?"
"Yeah. and now I've brought it upon you, too."
"Don't think of it that way. I would rather share your life of misfortune than." she stopped abruptly, realizing that she was just about to make her feelings very clear. She couldn't do that, not knowing that he wouldn't return the feeling. Instead, she struggled for a moment with different words to reply with. ". Than force you to bare it alone."
"I still don't quite understand why you care."
The corners of her lips tugged into a frown. "And me. do you care about me?"
"Yes," he answered without hesitancy, but with a small amount of fear. "But you've done everything for me. I've done nothing but drag you down with me."
"That's not true! Believe it or not, I do know how to put my foot down. I wouldn't have come with you if I hadn't wanted to."
"So why would you want to give up everything for me?"
"Because I care about you."
He rolled his eyes, though she couldn't see it. "Sometimes I think you purposely lead me around in a circle, just for the fun of it."
"What else are former patients for?" she asked with a small giggle. "You know. I hate to have to ask, but if we're going to get to the bottom of this, I have to know exactly what happened. Start with the night of the murder."
He sighed deeply, not wanting to return to the subject, but knowing she was right. "Everything went as normal. I started to feel a little bit drowsy after dinner, so I went to bed early. When I woke up, there were big guys in white suits digging through me and Zell's stuff. There was some big guy hovering over me. He jerked me out of bed and pushed me out into the hall. Before I was out of the room, though, I saw them pull something out of the dresser drawer very carefully. Later I found out it was the knife, hidden in my drawer. Anyway, all the other patients were standing around in the halls, and from what I could gather, none of them knew what was going on. Next thing I know, they throw both Zell and me into solitary confinement. They came back hours later and let him free, before announcing that the test results from the lab had revealed Quistis' DNA on the blade. and my DNA and fingerprints on the handle."
"So, whoever handled the knife before you must've worn gloves or something," Rinoa speculated. "Not that that really helps much. So, after that?"
"They put me under arrest. but being that I was already in a mental asylum, I guess that they figured putting me in jail was a bad idea. So they put me in solitary confinement on the ninth floor until my first court appearance."
"How long was that?"
"Three or four days. I couldn't tell for certain. No one ever came in, or anything, they just slipped food through one of those little slots."
"Three or four days?" she repeated in disbelief. "All alone. you always hated to be in there for even a few hours." She silently took his hand, entwining their fingers and giving him a comforting squeeze. She felt his pain, but also her own anger at whoever had put him through that.
"They came and got me, then. They put shackles around my wrists and ankles and put me in the back of an armored van. Of course, it was driven by a couple of low-level idiots. I told them I was feeling ill, and they came to check on me. I knocked them both out, took their key to my restraints, and that's how I was able to escape. I drove the van into the city, ditched it in an alley, and looked you up in the phone book. Your name was there, along with the various police station numbers."
"They treated you like a criminal, even before you'd been convicted."
"In their eyes, it was an open and shut case."
"I promise I'll get you out of this, Squall," she whispered. "No matter what it takes."
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He sat at his desk, vigorously going over all the research he had managed to dig up. He couldn't help but be worried. He had this gut feeling that something bad would happen to her unless he caught the crazy criminal from her old job.
At the thought of her, his eyes automatically wandered to the picture on his desk. He had his arm around her, dressed in his fancy officer's uniform and smiling as if it were the best night of his life. She smiled as well, but, although he had never really noticed until just that moment, her smile was forced, and painfully empty.
He frowned at the image, his mind briefly scanning over every moment they'd spent together, and every picture they'd ever taken. Perhaps that night, she'd simply had too much wine, and wasn't feeling well.
Slowly, Seifer Almasy realized that he had never seen a true, full smile from his own fiancé. It was one of those revelations that twisted your heart with a heavy steel chain. One of those realizations that you realized you should've seen before, but were just to busy enjoying the fake perfection to see the ugly truth beneath the glossy surface. He sighed inwardly. Was it really just too beautiful to be true?
He thought back to the night he proposed. Her eyes had glistened in the candlelight, with what he thought were tears of joy. He replayed the image in his head again and again, trying his best not to see that emptiness, and deep sorrow that had been hidden in her smile as she accepted the diamond ring onto her finger. It had all been locked away at some far corner of his mind, the knowledge of her true unhappiness staying trapped within his subconscious efforts to suppress it. He always knew, didn't he? He just wouldn't let himself see it before.
Seifer felt a sudden tightening in his chest, his mind racing as he wondered if it had all just been a lie. No. No, it just couldn't be! In a blind panic, he reached for the phone to call her and ask her the truth, but as his fingers touched the smooth plastic surface, it vibrated beneath his fingertips, and gave off a ringing cry of its own.
He picked up the phone with trembling fingers, willing his heart to slow down. "Hello?" he forced out, feigning a tone of complete calm.
"Seifer, this is Raijin."
His heart seemed to sink to the floor, and his stomach lurched, seeming to jump into his throat. At that moment, he knew. He knew what Raijin was going to say.
"Seifer, Rinoa's missing. her bedroom window's been left wide open. I think. I think she's been kidnapped.
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Waves gently rolled in and out, lapping at the off-white sand beneath creaking, iron grating that served as a boardwalk for the small town. Small buildings made of rusted sheet metal dotted the coastline, the furious ocean breeze rattling the thin walls. Small children played in the surf, and watched the massive fishing ships sailing on the horizon. It was the perfect setting for a lovers' getaway, or an old couple's retirement. Or, maybe even the perfect place to hide from the police.
"Maybe we could just stay here, and forget about all our problems," Rinoa mumbled beneath her breath as she stared out at the sapphire waters that seemed to stretch on forever, past the edge of the earth. "Just me, and you. nothing to worry about."
Squall studied her closely, the sun illuminating her skin and the sea winds playing in her hair. He couldn't help but feel guilty, for dragging her along with him. He felt ashamed. for once he had allowed himself to be selfish, wanting her to be with him even though it was dangerous to her. "I'll find some way to make this up to you," he found himself saying. "Anything you want."
She turned to look at him, a sad, indecipherable little smile on her face. It was painfully ironic. The one thing she wanted was the one thing he would probably never give her. But at least, she had his company. "I have everything I could ever really hope for," she replied, staring deeply into his eyes and trying her damnedest not to let the tears she felt swelling in her heart, show in her eyes.
Silence claimed the pair again as they walked along the iron path, held over the water by strong steel beams. Most of the buildings by the ocean appeared to be private residents, or small fishing companies, almost every one complete with a small boathouse next to the pier. After walking nearly half-way around the edge of the little bay side town, they came across a house made of brittle, sea worn wood with a sign out front that stated simply, 'Seaside Tavern'.
The ringing of a small bell over the door announced their arrival, drawing the attention of an older woman at the bar, and two older men sitting at a table near the entrance. The woman, a serious-faced, slightly plump lady with dark hair gave a nod in acknowledgement. "What can I do ya for?"
"We need a room," Rinoa answered. At her words, Squall turned to her and arched his eyebrow, but his questioning look when unnoticed.
The woman gave another nod and handed them a key from behind the counter. "Cash only, no credit cards. We ain't too strict about checkout time, but we would like you out before noon. The fishing ships come in around dark, and the place will get pretty crowded then, just to let you know."
Rinoa accepted the key and the change back for the room before taking a quick look at her surroundings. It was mostly dark, and smelled strongly of fish and booze, as was to be expected. The walls were covered in fishing nets, mounted fish, and ship rigging, creating a rather trite fisherman's atmosphere, like the kind you'd see at a sea food restaurant hundreds of miles from the ocean. There were two doors on the opposite wall, one was a bathroom, the other was the door to the rooms. Rinoa quickly grabbed Squall's hand and led him to the other door, the pungent smells making her light-headed.
They found the room with ease, as there were only a total of seven, and entered, setting their one suitcase down next to the door and observing their small room. There was only one bed, barely big enough for two people, and a small table. A door on the other side of the other wall led to what they assumed was the bathroom.
"One room, huh?" Squall muttered with a slight frown.
Rinoa felt herself blush at the thought, but justified her actions. "Well, I thought, that if anything were to happen and we needed to get out of here fast, we would be able to do so faster if we were in the same room. If you want one for yourself though-"
"No!" Squall replied, and then kicked himself inwardly for sounding too eager. "No, it's fine. It's a good idea to stay close, anyway."
He watched Rinoa as she kicked off her shoes and flopped down on the bed that they would have to share for the night. Just when he thought things between them couldn't get more tense. more difficult. Now he had to share a bed with her, without touching her, or so much as letting on that he wants to. Even putting his arms around her would be going to far. Things would only get more awkward that way.
"After we prove your innocence, and you're acquitted of the charges, what will you do?" Rinoa asked, propping herself up on her elbows so she could look at him.
He leaned against the door and shrugged. "I don't know. They'll probably make me go back to the asylum, even if I'm not guilty."
"Yeah, but who will take care of you, with Quistis gone?"
"They'll probably hire someone to take her place."
"Someone that doesn't know anything about you," Rinoa pondered aloud. "I don't know what good I can do, but when everything is over, I'll see if I can't get you out of there for good. You can't spend the rest of your life in a place like that."
Squall's usual frown deepened as he thought about it for a moment. "But what would I do? I've spent most of my adult life locked up from the rest of the world. No bank account or savings to fall back on. Just what small bit of property my sister had. I don't really know what it's like to live in the real world, all alone."
"Well, I'll help you through that, too. You could even stay with me while you get settled."
"Yeah, your fiancé would love that," he retorted.
Rinoa frowned for a moment, looking toward the window as she tried to hide the pain she knew would show through to him. Finally, her eyes returned to his figure leaning uncomfortably against the door. "You know, you don't have to stand all the way over there," she said softly. "I promise I won't bite."
The look in her eyes, and the deep vulnerability in her voice made him quiver inside. Sometimes the way she spoke, or looked, and the things she said would give him hope, if only for a brief second, before reality set in. There was a sadness, a longing in her eyes, and he wanted so badly to believe that it was for him. Then he realized she was probably just missing her fiancé. Sighing, he pushed himself off the door and strode across the room, struggling with his own emotions and desires before sitting down on the bed next to her. So hard to be so close, and so far at the same time.
"You know, you're a lot nicer to me now than you used to be," Rinoa pointed out, reaching desperately for anything to talk about.
"Yeah, well, if you get angry at me now, and run off, I'd be up shit creek without a paddle, wouldn't I?"
"Is. is that the only reason? You don't wanna piss me off because you need me to help you? Is that the whole reason you came to see me that night?" Rinoa demanded, her voice rising with every question. "Tell me the truth!"
Squall opened his mouth to offer some explanation, but nothing would come. His instincts screamed to retreat back into his usual uncaring attitude and lie to her, for the sake of his pride, even if it would hurt her. Still, there was that throbbing ache eating away at his heart, tightening his throat and trying to squeeze the truth from him. Every waking moment, his mind was plagued with images of her smile, and the sound of her voice, whispering kind words to sooth the tortured and broken soul within him, left behind from years of solitude. Even his dreams offered no sanctuary from the persistent disease that threatened to swallow him, and he didn't care. He didn't want to be saved anymore.
(I finally let myself feel something, I finally feel like expressing something, and I can't. It would be humiliating, no matter how nice she would try and be about it. That's what would make it so hard. to have her smile at me like that while she told me that I'd find someone else someday. I can't do that. I can't give her my heart if all she'll do is crush it.)
"Yeah," he said finally, in a tone of forced calm. "Yeah, I guess that's what it all comes down to."
She stared at him for a short eternity, an indecipherable look coming over her face. He couldn't tell what she was thinking, but it made his heart wrench all the same.
(Yeah, so you spared yourself the rejection. and hurt her in the process. That's so much better) he thought to himself bitterly.
"Bastard," she whispered, so low he could hardly hear her. "I don't know why I ever thought you would change."
"I can understand. if you want to leave me now," he replied slowly.
"No. I made a promise that I'd help you. And, though I certainly can't understand why, I still care about you, even if I'm just a tool for you," she snapped.
"Rinoa," he began, desperate to take away that pain that was rooted so deeply in her eyes. He'd hurt her more than enough in the past, he couldn't stand to do it again.
"No," she interrupted, in a quiet but strong voice. "You've made everything very clear to me. I'm going for a walk, and then I'm going straight to bed when I come back. You stay on one side, and I'll stay on the other."
With that, she left the room, never once looking back at him. He wanted to follow her, to tell her he hadn't meant a word of what he'd said, but realized she'd probably never believe him.
(With all the things I've said before, how could she ever really believe a word that comes out of my mouth? I say I don't mean it, and say it again. She probably is better off with that other guy. I'm not worth all the pain I put her through.)
He took a long shower in the tiny bathroom next to their room, hoping that the scalding water would wash his problems, if only for a little while. It lessened the tension in his body, but did nothing for his low spirits.
When he came out, he noticed Rinoa passed out on the bed, sleeping like a peaceful child without a care. He felt his own drowsiness kick in at that moment, and wanted nothing more than to sleep next to her, arms tight around her, and holding her body close.
Giving a deep sigh, he shed all clothes but his boxers and a shirt, and slowly approached the bed, pausing for a moment to look down at the sleeping woman. He pulled the blanket over her, like a mother would to a child, and gave her a small, chaste kiss on her forehead, before getting settled onto his side of the bed.
"Goodnight, Rinoa," he whispered, staring at her back that she had probably turned to him purposely. "I'm sorry, and this time I swear I mean it. After this is over, I'll leave you alone for the rest of your live if that's what you want. I'll find some way to make you happy. That's my promise to you."
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A/N: Yeah, I know, those crazy kids. suffering so much over a little misunderstanding. But hey, that's how life goes, right? Sorry if you're getting sick of all the drama, and the uselessness of this chapter. I've been debating on whether they should get together before or after the mystery is solved, so I want your input. My fair readers, I ask you: before or after?
Next chapter: The manhunt is on, as well as the silent treatment. Can our heroes make it through? *dramatic drum roll* Tune in next chapter! (I'm not on anything it's just kinda late, okay?)