A/N: Happy anniversary to me, happy anniversary to me, happy-happy
anniversary, happy anniversary to me! *is celebrating two-year ff.net
anniversary* Enjoy the special anniversary updates! WARNING: contains
content not suitable for children or people involved with the FCC.
Chapter 17
He just knew, from the look on her face, that it was all over. He closed his eyes and sighed, waiting for her to say those dreaded words: I don't feel the same.
"You. are an unimaginable bastard," she began in a quiet voice. "How could you even think about just leaving me. after all I went through for you!"
He scratched at the back of his neck, and decided that he would try and defend himself so long as she didn't utter those five terrible words. "I thought it would be the best thing for you."
"You were just trying to take the easy way out!" she spat, her eyes boring into his own, even while the tears blurred her vision. "To leave, just so you wouldn't have to face rejection. it's selfish! You're selfish! You don't even know how I feel."
"Call it whatever the hell you want," he growled. "I'm not apologizing this time."
He started to stand up from the bed, but she locked her hand around his arm and pulled him back down with all her strength. "I said you weren't going anywhere, and I meant it!" she yelled. "Why couldn't you just have told me the truth?"
He turned his head away from her, eyes narrowed as he spoke in an angry whisper. "Things would have been awkward then. you wouldn't have wanted to be around me at all. I didn't want that. I know it's selfish, but I couldn't help it."
Rinoa couldn't help but laugh bitterly. "This has all been just one big terrible mess. So, tell me then, now that you have the chance. How do you really feel?"
He turned to look at her, eyes softening just slightly. He knew how he felt, and even knew how to put it into words. After all, he'd had a long time to contemplate it. Still, he just couldn't say it. It was too hard. "I. I can't."
He expected her to be angry, but instead, much to his surprise, she threw her arms around him and buried her face into his chest. "I don't understand you!" she cried. "Every time you have a chance to tell me, you just push me away! How was I supposed to know how you felt. when you told me to leave you." her voice trailed off into a quiet sob.
Squall squeezed his eyes shut, feeling her tears soak through his shirt and dampen his skin. He cursed himself when she began to shake in his arms, and decided he would try his best to make her understand. "I wanted you with me," he replied. "I wanted you. but you were going to just walk out of my life the next morning. It was bad enough that I needed you the way I did. but to surrender to that feeling, only to have you leave. I'm sorry, but I just couldn't."
Slowly, she nodded her understanding, growing still in his embrace. "I never loved Seifer. I accepted his proposal, because I thought you didn't feel the same. I thought maybe, overtime, I would forget. but every time he tried to hold me, the only thing I could think about was. you," she admitted in a hushed whisper.
He tightened his hold on her, gently running a hand through her hair as silence fell between them. She pulled back from him, just slightly, and stared up into his eyes before gently caressing his face with her hand. He closed his eyes once more, and trembled involuntarily beneath her touch. Rinoa stilled her hand upon his cheek, and titled her head to the side in question.
"I'm still scared," he confessed, almost inaudibly.
Rinoa giggled slightly. "Why? I promise I won't bite."
"I'm scared," he continued, "that I'll wake up one morning, and realize that you're gone... just like she."
Her lips silenced him before he could say anything more. The same blissful feeling she had known before was still there, her lips tingling as she gently brushed them against his. He returned the gesture with slight hesitancy, as if he were afraid that it was all just some wonderful dream that he would awake from at any moment.
She placed one last, firm kiss upon his lips before murmuring, "I can't promise you forever. but I can promise you that I will be here with you as long as my life is in my hands. And if I leave this world before you do, I will follow you as a ghost at your side for the rest of your life. But I will never leave you alone so long as I can help it."
Her lips brushed against him with every syllable that she spoke, and another tremor ran through his body. Whether it was the impact of her words, or the feeling of her warm breath dancing across his skin that invoked that reaction in him, he wasn't sure. He did know, however, that he liked it very much.
Squall leaned in and kissed her again, with more confidence this time. Rinoa slid her hands up his chest, and over his shoulders before pressing him harder against her. This time, she was determined to finish what they had started a year ago. She broke away from his demanding lips, before kissing along his jaw line and down his neck. The soft flesh beneath her mouth vibrated slightly as a small moan rose from his throat and reached her ears, sending shivers down her own spine. She raised her head, nipping at his bottom lip once more before capturing his earlobe.
"You can't imagine how long I've dreamed of this," she breathed in his ear. "Since the first time I saw you, I."
Her voice trailed off as she felt strong, rough fingers pull the collar of her shirt to the side, exposing her shoulder to the merciless assault of his lips. He tasted the delicate skin with his tongue before devouring the vulnerable flesh of her neck.
"It can't be longer than I have," he replied.
Rinoa allowed her hands to run up his perfectly sculpted abs, underneath his shirt, before helping him pull it off over his head. She gently pushed him down, until his back was against the mattress, and traced every contour of his chest with her fingertips. Their lips met again, teasingly at first, until she finally parted her lips and allowed him entrance. He gently placed one hand against her face while the other found its way beneath her shirt, and up her back until his fingers were halted by her bra strap.
She sat up, giggling lightly. "You've never taken one off before?"
"I've never put one on," he answered dryly.
"Do my ears deceive me? Did I just hear Squall Leonhart joke?" she asked in mock astonishment as she slowly reached behind her and unhooked the offending object.
He said nothing, his attention now held by her movements. She reached up one sleeve, sliding down the silky white strap until her arm was free. She reached up the other sleeve and pulled the undergarment out from under her shirt completely, before tossing it away.
He reached up, a tiny smirk on his face, and started to unbutton her shirt. She laughed once more, and smacked his hand away, leaning down over him again. She kissed his mouth briefly, before straying lower down his neck, and chest. She covered his exposed body with small, tantalizing kisses, shooting a seductive glance up at him every now and then. Her silken locks fell softly against his skin, tickling him slightly while she unbuttoned the top of his jeans.
He sat up suddenly, pulling her up with him so he could try, once more, to rid her of her shirt. She took both his hands in hers, placing one on her thigh and lifting one to her face. She ran her lips over the pads of his fingers, stopping to lightly suck on the tip from time to time. Meanwhile, her other hand left his, and she took over the job of undoing her top, slipping each button through the hole with slow, deliberate fingers. After a small eternity, her shirt fell open, the sides just barely covering what he so desperately wanted to see.
He grabbed her around the waist, turning her over and laying her against the bed. He pinned her wrists above her head, cautiously placing his free hand on her flat stomach. His eyes searched hers, silently asking her permission. She nodded her head once, and he slowly pushed the cloth aside.
Her breath hitched in her throat as his palm brushed her erect nipple. He watched her reaction for a moment, before lowering his mouth to her hardened peak and giving it an experimental flick of his tongue. Her back arched, pushing her body against him as she let loose a small, surprised moan. He continued to torture her this way, before moving to the other one and gently grazing his teeth over the tip. A desperate whimper reached his ears, and she ran her fingernails over the back of his neck while trying to push herself closer to him.
Squall allowed his hands to slide down the rest of her body, stopping briefly to undo her pants before pulling them down and letting them drop to the floor. He started at her ankles and worked his way back up, raining kisses over the velvety skin of her calves and thighs. She couldn't help but squirm a little as she felt heat pool in her lower regions.
"Getting impatient?" he asked.
"You just wait until it's your turn," she replied breathlessly.
He returned to her lips, giving her a small, chaste kiss as he worked to remove the last bit of her clothing. He sat back to study her then, a rosy flush spreading down her body from both excitement and embarrassment. She had never felt so vulnerable in her life. She chewed her lip slightly as she watched him with growing unease.
"You're gorgeous," he whispered, as if reading her mind.
Her body relaxed slightly as he eased her legs apart, tracing kisses down her inner thighs. Rinoa's panting was interrupted by a sharp intake of air as she felt him try a tentative lick on her most sensitive area. Grinning to himself, he continued his delightful torment of her body, until her legs quivered, and she cried out his name.
She lay back, breathing heavily as waves of pleasure continued to roll through her body. He shifted away from her, and through the haze that clouded her mind she could hear the rustling of clothing.
"Are you sure about this?"
Rinoa nodded, hoping that the fear she felt didn't show through as he positioned himself above her. The locked in another kiss as he slid himself into her tight, slick passage, a groan rumbling through his throat. Dull pangs of pain pricked at her, as she tried to get used to this new, foreign feeling of sharing herself with someone else. Her breath caught as he squeezed her hand and crashed through the last bit of resistance that stood in his way. Pain flooded her senses, and the only way she could do to keep from crying aloud was to take several deep, even breaths.
"I'm sorry."
She shook her head, feeling the pain slowly ebb away. "It's alright. I wanted this."
He stilled himself within her for several long moments, until she finally nodded her approval. He moved slowly at first, clamping down on his instincts. Small moans and sighs escaped her lips, assuring him that she was enjoying it just as much as he was, yet still, he moved at a painfully slow rate, as if trying to demonstrate his self control.
"Squall," she whimpered as she dug her nails fiercely into his back. "Faster."
"Say please," he replied in a low, husky rumble.
"Bastard," she moaned, thrusting her hips against him in an attempt to speed him along.
He pressed her hips into the mattress, chuckling a bit. "I don't think so."
She pouted, running her tongue along the edge of his ear before whispering, "You'll get tired of this eventually."
He sped up for a moment, causing her body to writhe in ecstasy before he slowed his pace once more. "I've waited a year," he panted. "Another few minutes aren't going to kill me."
"Bastard. please!"
"I knew you'd see it my way."
Rinoa had to wrap her arms tightly around him to keep herself steady against his sudden forcefulness. Now that she had given in, he wasn't wasting any time, proving to her that he needed it just as badly as she did.
She could feel herself teetering on the edge as her limbs began to tremble. Her body was reaching out for something, silently begging for the release it craved. She vocalized her need with another desperate moan, the age-old rhythm driving her into a frenzy of desire. He answered her with an animal-like growl of his own, feeling her body tense beneath him.
An explosion of color danced before her eyes, as his name tore from her throat one last time, in the form of a delighted scream. A feeling of absolute bliss rolled through her body, and he followed closely behind her, howling her name as if in answer to her cry.
They collapsed beside each other in an exhausted, sweaty heap. As soon as she had caught her breath enough to talk, she said, "So, that's what I was missing out on all this time," in between gasps.
Squall pulled her body close to his, a feeling of peace and contentment lulling him into a sleep-like state as he reveled in the simple feeling of having his arms around her. "Don't worry," he replied in a low, slightly hoarse voice. "I promise I'll make it up to you."
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A/N: Sorry if it sucked. I wasn't really in the 'mood' to write this, but I wanted to get it posted today, so I forced myself to continue. Hope you enjoyed somewhat.
Chapter 17
He just knew, from the look on her face, that it was all over. He closed his eyes and sighed, waiting for her to say those dreaded words: I don't feel the same.
"You. are an unimaginable bastard," she began in a quiet voice. "How could you even think about just leaving me. after all I went through for you!"
He scratched at the back of his neck, and decided that he would try and defend himself so long as she didn't utter those five terrible words. "I thought it would be the best thing for you."
"You were just trying to take the easy way out!" she spat, her eyes boring into his own, even while the tears blurred her vision. "To leave, just so you wouldn't have to face rejection. it's selfish! You're selfish! You don't even know how I feel."
"Call it whatever the hell you want," he growled. "I'm not apologizing this time."
He started to stand up from the bed, but she locked her hand around his arm and pulled him back down with all her strength. "I said you weren't going anywhere, and I meant it!" she yelled. "Why couldn't you just have told me the truth?"
He turned his head away from her, eyes narrowed as he spoke in an angry whisper. "Things would have been awkward then. you wouldn't have wanted to be around me at all. I didn't want that. I know it's selfish, but I couldn't help it."
Rinoa couldn't help but laugh bitterly. "This has all been just one big terrible mess. So, tell me then, now that you have the chance. How do you really feel?"
He turned to look at her, eyes softening just slightly. He knew how he felt, and even knew how to put it into words. After all, he'd had a long time to contemplate it. Still, he just couldn't say it. It was too hard. "I. I can't."
He expected her to be angry, but instead, much to his surprise, she threw her arms around him and buried her face into his chest. "I don't understand you!" she cried. "Every time you have a chance to tell me, you just push me away! How was I supposed to know how you felt. when you told me to leave you." her voice trailed off into a quiet sob.
Squall squeezed his eyes shut, feeling her tears soak through his shirt and dampen his skin. He cursed himself when she began to shake in his arms, and decided he would try his best to make her understand. "I wanted you with me," he replied. "I wanted you. but you were going to just walk out of my life the next morning. It was bad enough that I needed you the way I did. but to surrender to that feeling, only to have you leave. I'm sorry, but I just couldn't."
Slowly, she nodded her understanding, growing still in his embrace. "I never loved Seifer. I accepted his proposal, because I thought you didn't feel the same. I thought maybe, overtime, I would forget. but every time he tried to hold me, the only thing I could think about was. you," she admitted in a hushed whisper.
He tightened his hold on her, gently running a hand through her hair as silence fell between them. She pulled back from him, just slightly, and stared up into his eyes before gently caressing his face with her hand. He closed his eyes once more, and trembled involuntarily beneath her touch. Rinoa stilled her hand upon his cheek, and titled her head to the side in question.
"I'm still scared," he confessed, almost inaudibly.
Rinoa giggled slightly. "Why? I promise I won't bite."
"I'm scared," he continued, "that I'll wake up one morning, and realize that you're gone... just like she."
Her lips silenced him before he could say anything more. The same blissful feeling she had known before was still there, her lips tingling as she gently brushed them against his. He returned the gesture with slight hesitancy, as if he were afraid that it was all just some wonderful dream that he would awake from at any moment.
She placed one last, firm kiss upon his lips before murmuring, "I can't promise you forever. but I can promise you that I will be here with you as long as my life is in my hands. And if I leave this world before you do, I will follow you as a ghost at your side for the rest of your life. But I will never leave you alone so long as I can help it."
Her lips brushed against him with every syllable that she spoke, and another tremor ran through his body. Whether it was the impact of her words, or the feeling of her warm breath dancing across his skin that invoked that reaction in him, he wasn't sure. He did know, however, that he liked it very much.
Squall leaned in and kissed her again, with more confidence this time. Rinoa slid her hands up his chest, and over his shoulders before pressing him harder against her. This time, she was determined to finish what they had started a year ago. She broke away from his demanding lips, before kissing along his jaw line and down his neck. The soft flesh beneath her mouth vibrated slightly as a small moan rose from his throat and reached her ears, sending shivers down her own spine. She raised her head, nipping at his bottom lip once more before capturing his earlobe.
"You can't imagine how long I've dreamed of this," she breathed in his ear. "Since the first time I saw you, I."
Her voice trailed off as she felt strong, rough fingers pull the collar of her shirt to the side, exposing her shoulder to the merciless assault of his lips. He tasted the delicate skin with his tongue before devouring the vulnerable flesh of her neck.
"It can't be longer than I have," he replied.
Rinoa allowed her hands to run up his perfectly sculpted abs, underneath his shirt, before helping him pull it off over his head. She gently pushed him down, until his back was against the mattress, and traced every contour of his chest with her fingertips. Their lips met again, teasingly at first, until she finally parted her lips and allowed him entrance. He gently placed one hand against her face while the other found its way beneath her shirt, and up her back until his fingers were halted by her bra strap.
She sat up, giggling lightly. "You've never taken one off before?"
"I've never put one on," he answered dryly.
"Do my ears deceive me? Did I just hear Squall Leonhart joke?" she asked in mock astonishment as she slowly reached behind her and unhooked the offending object.
He said nothing, his attention now held by her movements. She reached up one sleeve, sliding down the silky white strap until her arm was free. She reached up the other sleeve and pulled the undergarment out from under her shirt completely, before tossing it away.
He reached up, a tiny smirk on his face, and started to unbutton her shirt. She laughed once more, and smacked his hand away, leaning down over him again. She kissed his mouth briefly, before straying lower down his neck, and chest. She covered his exposed body with small, tantalizing kisses, shooting a seductive glance up at him every now and then. Her silken locks fell softly against his skin, tickling him slightly while she unbuttoned the top of his jeans.
He sat up suddenly, pulling her up with him so he could try, once more, to rid her of her shirt. She took both his hands in hers, placing one on her thigh and lifting one to her face. She ran her lips over the pads of his fingers, stopping to lightly suck on the tip from time to time. Meanwhile, her other hand left his, and she took over the job of undoing her top, slipping each button through the hole with slow, deliberate fingers. After a small eternity, her shirt fell open, the sides just barely covering what he so desperately wanted to see.
He grabbed her around the waist, turning her over and laying her against the bed. He pinned her wrists above her head, cautiously placing his free hand on her flat stomach. His eyes searched hers, silently asking her permission. She nodded her head once, and he slowly pushed the cloth aside.
Her breath hitched in her throat as his palm brushed her erect nipple. He watched her reaction for a moment, before lowering his mouth to her hardened peak and giving it an experimental flick of his tongue. Her back arched, pushing her body against him as she let loose a small, surprised moan. He continued to torture her this way, before moving to the other one and gently grazing his teeth over the tip. A desperate whimper reached his ears, and she ran her fingernails over the back of his neck while trying to push herself closer to him.
Squall allowed his hands to slide down the rest of her body, stopping briefly to undo her pants before pulling them down and letting them drop to the floor. He started at her ankles and worked his way back up, raining kisses over the velvety skin of her calves and thighs. She couldn't help but squirm a little as she felt heat pool in her lower regions.
"Getting impatient?" he asked.
"You just wait until it's your turn," she replied breathlessly.
He returned to her lips, giving her a small, chaste kiss as he worked to remove the last bit of her clothing. He sat back to study her then, a rosy flush spreading down her body from both excitement and embarrassment. She had never felt so vulnerable in her life. She chewed her lip slightly as she watched him with growing unease.
"You're gorgeous," he whispered, as if reading her mind.
Her body relaxed slightly as he eased her legs apart, tracing kisses down her inner thighs. Rinoa's panting was interrupted by a sharp intake of air as she felt him try a tentative lick on her most sensitive area. Grinning to himself, he continued his delightful torment of her body, until her legs quivered, and she cried out his name.
She lay back, breathing heavily as waves of pleasure continued to roll through her body. He shifted away from her, and through the haze that clouded her mind she could hear the rustling of clothing.
"Are you sure about this?"
Rinoa nodded, hoping that the fear she felt didn't show through as he positioned himself above her. The locked in another kiss as he slid himself into her tight, slick passage, a groan rumbling through his throat. Dull pangs of pain pricked at her, as she tried to get used to this new, foreign feeling of sharing herself with someone else. Her breath caught as he squeezed her hand and crashed through the last bit of resistance that stood in his way. Pain flooded her senses, and the only way she could do to keep from crying aloud was to take several deep, even breaths.
"I'm sorry."
She shook her head, feeling the pain slowly ebb away. "It's alright. I wanted this."
He stilled himself within her for several long moments, until she finally nodded her approval. He moved slowly at first, clamping down on his instincts. Small moans and sighs escaped her lips, assuring him that she was enjoying it just as much as he was, yet still, he moved at a painfully slow rate, as if trying to demonstrate his self control.
"Squall," she whimpered as she dug her nails fiercely into his back. "Faster."
"Say please," he replied in a low, husky rumble.
"Bastard," she moaned, thrusting her hips against him in an attempt to speed him along.
He pressed her hips into the mattress, chuckling a bit. "I don't think so."
She pouted, running her tongue along the edge of his ear before whispering, "You'll get tired of this eventually."
He sped up for a moment, causing her body to writhe in ecstasy before he slowed his pace once more. "I've waited a year," he panted. "Another few minutes aren't going to kill me."
"Bastard. please!"
"I knew you'd see it my way."
Rinoa had to wrap her arms tightly around him to keep herself steady against his sudden forcefulness. Now that she had given in, he wasn't wasting any time, proving to her that he needed it just as badly as she did.
She could feel herself teetering on the edge as her limbs began to tremble. Her body was reaching out for something, silently begging for the release it craved. She vocalized her need with another desperate moan, the age-old rhythm driving her into a frenzy of desire. He answered her with an animal-like growl of his own, feeling her body tense beneath him.
An explosion of color danced before her eyes, as his name tore from her throat one last time, in the form of a delighted scream. A feeling of absolute bliss rolled through her body, and he followed closely behind her, howling her name as if in answer to her cry.
They collapsed beside each other in an exhausted, sweaty heap. As soon as she had caught her breath enough to talk, she said, "So, that's what I was missing out on all this time," in between gasps.
Squall pulled her body close to his, a feeling of peace and contentment lulling him into a sleep-like state as he reveled in the simple feeling of having his arms around her. "Don't worry," he replied in a low, slightly hoarse voice. "I promise I'll make it up to you."
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A/N: Sorry if it sucked. I wasn't really in the 'mood' to write this, but I wanted to get it posted today, so I forced myself to continue. Hope you enjoyed somewhat.