A/n: Hello everyone! I'm really sorry that it's taken over a couple of months to get this chapter out, but I've been extremely busy with all of my schoolwork, not to mention the fact that I have a social life as well. Anyway, aside from that, I don't really have much to say except that this chapter's going to be in Emily's point of view, starting from dinner out. Enjoy and please review!
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Chapter Three: Lost in Translation
"So Emilio and I were in the kitchen and my parents weren't home, so we decided to mix a couple of drinks for ourselves. He was working the shaker for the martinis and I was opening a jar of olives when all of a sudden my mum walks in. So I'm freaking out, and I'm thinking 'Holy shit, she's gonna stick me with a cocktail umbrella.' I'm standing there, frozen, holding the jar with one hand and the cap in the other, and Emilio's having fun with the shaker and shit, basically just fucking around. All that my mom does is that she takes an olive, picks up a couple of photos that she left, and then goes, without saying anything," said Lily.
We all laughed at her story, just imagining Lily and her summer boyfriend, Emilio, both of them half drunk with her mother right there.
I self-consciously pulled my skirt down over my fishnets and re-adjusted my shirt. I'm going to have to start working out again. I've been gaining too much weight…
"I'm gonna go outside for a fag," said Sirius, standing up.
"Wait, I'll come with you," I said. I downed the rest of my drink in one gulp and left the table with him.
We squeezed our way out of the crowded restaurant and stood outside in the warm night air. You could hear the music from inside blasting out and pouring onto the street.
Sirius fumbled in his pockets for the pack and his lighter and finally produced them. He stuck two fags in his mouth, lit both, and then handed one to me.
"Thanks," I said. I inhaled and held the smoke in for a bit, savoring the feeling. God, I miss this, I haven't smoked in ages. This is so refreshing.
"So Em, when did you start smoking?" asked Sirius, leaning against the wall of the building. "You never did it before," he said, blowing out a cloud of smoke from his nostrils.
I shrugged and took another puff. "I started a couple of weeks ago when I found out that my aunt had committed suicide," I said unemotionally, then blowing a perfect smoke circle.
"I'm so sorry. I had no idea," said Sirius sympathetically, putting his hand on my arm.
"It's okay. I didn't tell anyone. I don't want anyone to know, so if you could just…keep this between us, I'd really appreciate it," I said. I looked away and brought the fag up to my lips.
In all honesty, Aunt Christy's death was a major blow that went straight to my inner being, even though I refuse to let it show and outwardly affect me. She was my favorite relative in existence and brought me around the world and generally through most countries in Europe when I was a little kid. Mum and Dad never had enough money to take me to Switzerland or wherever, but Aunt Christy always did. She'd broadened my horizons. Everything that she did was just so incredible to me, and I could never comprehend how someone could know so much. In fact, I still don't. She wrote a letter to me a couple of days before she died. She told me that she just couldn't handle the separation with Uncle Paul anymore, and that living in that huge house all alone didn't make things any better. She left me everything. Every single penny, jewel, and thread.
"So… do you want to talk about it?" asked Sirius, carefully expressing his thoughts. "You don't have to if you don't want to. If I were you, I don't know how I'd be holding up right now. Your aunt was one of the coolest people that I knew, and I'm pretty sure that I only caught a glimpse of what she's really like."
"I might as well… I mean, you're the only one who knows, so what the fuck, right?" I smiled at Sirius and looked into his eyes. "She was at her house in Sussex and she was in another depression, but this one left her completely distraught and miserable, much worse than all of her previous lows combined. According to one of her maids, Aunt Christy never left her room for two weeks. She wasn't eating what they brought to her, so she was basically starving herself. And then someone was sent to check on her one day, and they found her in the bathtub." I paused to take a breath. I closed my eyes briefly and then opened them again, successfully making my tears go away. I haven't cried in years. I'm not going to start now.
"What happened?" said Sirius in a tone so gentle, so comforting. I feel like I can tell him anything and everything and know that he would listen and keep it a secret if I asked.
I looked up into his gorgeous ice blue eyes and held his gaze. "They found her in the bathtub, with both of her wrists slit and an empty bottle of pills on the floor," I said simply. If only it were that simple to move on and forget the past.
"Oh love, I'm so sorry," said Sirius. He drew me into a hug and just held me for a couple of moments. "I'm really surprised that you've kept this from everyone for so long though. Especially from Lana," he said into my hair.
I let go of him. "No, you can't tell anyone. I don't want to be pitied and treated as if I'm going to break at a single glance. No, it's better if no one knows," I insisted. "Please, don't tell anyone."
Sirius nodded. "If you don't want me to tell, I won't."
"Thanks." We stood there for a couple of seconds, letting what I just said sink in. I felt as though the air and my surroundings were closing in on me. I felt trapped, like a caged animal. I sucked into smoke from my fag and closed my eyes, willing myself to get a grip on things.
"Any time. We should probably go back in now… They're probably wondering where we are," said Sirius.
"Yeah, okay," I said. I took one last drag from the fag and then flicked it away.
* * *
We Apparated from the restaurant in Hogsmeade to Blue, a club and bar in downtown London. We got several rounds of Stoli and Kamikaze shots before we joined the throng of people grinding and moving to the beat of the music.
Everyone immediately got up to dance, but Peter wandered off in the direction of a lonely looking girl, and Lexi and I stayed behind to have another shot.
"To the new school year," said Lexi, raising her shot glass.
"To the new school year and every wild and crazy thing that'll come of it," I shouted over the music, raising mine as well. We clinked our glasses, intertwined our arms and downed the shot.
"Come on, let's go," I said, jerking my head to where everyone's dancing.
We threaded our way through the crowd, amidst the anonymous sweaty bodies, dancing to the beat of the trance music blaring from the speakers. The floor's so packed that you can't move a single centimeter without touching someone else.
When we got to where our friends are, Sirius pulled me close to him and put his hands on my hips. "Let loose tonight. You deserve it," he whispered. I shivered slightly, feeling his hot breath on my ear. Then I grinned and continued to dance, following his movements.
~ * ~
"We should probably go back. It's almost 1:30 and we'll need time to walk up to the castle from the gates and then head back to the dorms," shouted Lana over the music.
The majority of our little group is seated at a booth, smoking, cuddling, or swirling around a cocktail.
"Someone go get them," I said, nodding towards Lily and James who're dancing really close.
Their eyes are glued to each other's and James's hands are on Lily's ass, while she's running her hands through his hair.
"I'll do it," offered Sirius. He heaved himself up off the couch and retrieved the two.
"Let's go before we all pass out," said Remus. "I feel like I'm gonna fall asleep any second now." He slung his arm around Lana's shoulders and led the way to the exit.
* * *
Ugh, what's this brightness in my face? It's too early for the sun to be out… God damn it, why did I sleep with my curtains open? Oh. I didn't even change. Haha, that's great. I don't remember half of last night. Everything's a blur after that third round of margaritas… Oh well, everyone else was pissed as well.
I slowly pulled myself up to a sitting position and stared at my clock for a while, seeing the numbers but not registering what they mean. After blinking a couple of times, the time was finally revealed to me—10:26. I kicked off my Manolos (borrowed from Lexi) and peeled off my shirt. I quickly changed into a pair of shorts and a long sleeved shirt before tossing my hair up into a ponytail.
"Alright, where's that potion," I muttered, looking through the cabinets in the bathroom. There's a box of tampons, some toilet paper, shampoo… Ah ha! I finally located the gigantic maroon potion bottle that we discovered two years ago. The concoction clears any hangover (no matter how big) in a matter of seconds with just one swig. I knocked down some of the stuff and felt a satisfying tingle in my body that instantly replaced my piercing headache and nausea.
~ * ~
The cool morning air felt refreshing on my face and legs as I ran around the edge of the forest and took a lap around the lake. Now that I've decided to exercise more, I'm gonna have to have a daily run since I'm not on the Quidditch team or anything.
After running, I propped myself up against an outcropping of rocks above the lake and lazily dipped my fingertips in the water and drew patterns on its surface. Despite the fact that it's almost midday, the dew could still be seen on the nearby blades of grass and the streaks of pink from the sunrise are just starting to fade away. It's actually quite odd to see all of these signs of the new day at this hour. It's like time has been delayed for the moment.
When people started to drift out onto the lawns, I decided to get up and leave. The aroma of bacon, warm toast and mint porridge wafted out of the Great Hall as I passed, and you don't know how goddamn tempting it is to go inside… But I stood strong and kept on walking. After all, I'm trying to lose weight, right? Eating fattening breakfast foods every day won't help me at all. So instead of going in and taking my usual seat at the Gryffindor table, I kept on walking straight to the main staircase and proceeded on my way up to Gryffindor Tower.
* * *
"Did you eat brekkie yet?" asked James as he came down the stairs.
I looked up from my Arithmancy homework that I actually decided to start. "Yeah, I had some earlier after my run while you lazy bums were all asleep," I lied.
"Ah yes, but we all need our beauty sleep after a night out, don't we?" said Lexi, coming into the common room and plopping down onto the couch beside me, laying her golden head on my shoulder.
"Anyway, what are we going to do today because I honestly don't feel like sitting around indoors all day doing my homework," I said, scribbling down a couple of figures as I spoke.
James shrugged. "I was planning on getting started on making plays for Quidditch. The season's going to start in two weeks, so I have to start making game plans and practice routines and shit."
"I'm actually still kinda tired," said Lexi, fighting a yawn but losing her battle. "I'm also ravenous right now…"
"Yeah well, aren't we all," said Lily, coming down the stairs. "If anyone wants to come, I'm on my way to the Great Hall," she said, walking through the common room, stopping briefly to say hello.
"I'm coming!" said Lexi. She jumped up and joined Lily to go and eat.
I shook my head and went back to my work.
"So Emily, how've you been?" asked James. His entire body is spread out on a couch near my chair, playing with a Snitch.
"However you want me to be, James," I said. I glanced up and winked at him.
"Obviously that's not true since you aren't completely naked, waiting for me with open arms…among other things," grinned James.
"That can be arranged," I said slyly. Maybe if I subtract this number from the first equation, this problem will work out for me…
"Ooh, yes, please," said James, licking his lips seductively.
I rolled my eyes. Just let me get back to my work so I can get this fucker done. "Well, you'll just have to wait because right now, I have other things on my mind, and I want to give you all of my focus and attention." I can't believe that I'm actually flirting with James Potter.
"Consider it a date, then. Just don't forget your promise," said James.
"Pick me up at 7?"
"Whenever you want, love."
"Awesome." Okay, this problem isn't making any sense to me… "I'm gonna head over to the Hufflepuff common room. I need to find Olivia. I'll see you later," I said. I stood up and gathered my books, throwing them into my bag.
"Ciao, babe," said James, sending me an air kiss.
I rolled my eyes and held up my hand as I walked by. Okay, so I need to finish this Arithmancy homework, which I can do with Olivia. Then I have Ancient Runes, Muggle Studies, and History of Magic. Jesus, what the hell was I thinking when I chose these classes? History of Magic? The one year that I can screw over Binns is the one year that I decide to take his class. Again. For the seventh year in a row. God, I'm on crack.
* * *
"Wait, let me get this straight. James Potter just asked you out and totally flirted with you?" asked Olivia, practically falling off of the couch.
"Liv, don't get your knickers in a twist. He was most likely joking when he asked me out, and am I honestly that unattractive to not have guys flirt with me?"
"Of course you're attractive and of course guys would love to go out with you! I'm just saying that it's quite odd that James asked you out, just like that," said Olivia, snapping her fingers.
"Like I said, he was probably just joking. Besides, I'm not interested in him," I said.
"Which means that you obviously have someone on your radar, because how could you turn down James Potter, the sexiest bloke on campus?"
"First of all, Sirius Black could definitely give James a run for his money. Secondly, I'm not quite sure if I fancy someone or if it's just a random attraction," I said.
"Well, who is it? Come on, tell me! Pretty please?"
I shook my head and mimed zipping my lips. "I'm not exactly interested in anyone right now, and even if James is serious, I'm going to turn him down because he just isn't my type of guy. He's too perfect. I need someone more real, someone I can relate to."
"Like…" said Olivia, trying to get me to dish.
"I don't know. Some hot man who has that tragic, starving poet look to him," I said, listing certain characteristics that I just happen to find sexy and enthralling. I'm so going to regret that later, and it's going to bite me in the ass. I just know it.
"Speaking of which…" said Olivia, watching as Will Corley walked across the common room.
Fuck. I knew that I shouldn't have said anything. Instant fucking karma. And it isn't my fault that today Will just happened to be wearing a black sweater while holding a little black notebook and looking all I'm-lost-without-you-will-you-please-give-me-a-hug-and-lots-of-kisses?
"No, it's not him!" I said desperately, mentally cursing myself for God knows what.
"You know what? I'm going to go outside and find a nice tree to sit under so that you can have some alone time with your 'tragic, starving poet'. Ciao, darling," said Liv. She blew a kiss and left the common room.
What's with everyone blowing kisses these days?
Dear lord, I need some coffee and a nice little sticky bun or something. My brain's fried and I'm slowly digging myself a huge hole that I won't be able to get myself out of. But of course, I do this to myself every year; in a different and more elaborate and fucked up way as time progresses. Oh, how I love growing up. It's fabulous, glamorous, and a hell of a lot of fun. By the way, note the sarcasm that every letter and syllable is laced with.
"Emily Grant," said a deep, husky voice. I looked up, straight into the grayish blue eyes of, you guessed it, none other than William Corley. The tragic, starving poet, the I'm-lost-without-you-will-you-please-give-me-a-hug-and-lots-of-kisses man himself.
"Will, hi!" I said, plastering a smile onto my face. If I keep it there long enough, maybe I can slowly back away…
"What brings you to our neck of the woods these days?" he asked, seating his lithe body on an overstuffed armchair adjacent to the couch that I'm seated on.
"Nothing really," I said. "I just came to ask Olivia a question about the Arithmancy homework, but she decided to ditch me for something tall, dark, and handsome."
"And that is?"
"A tree," I said simply.
"Ah, yes. I should have known. Is she off to go and talk to the tree pretending that it's her boyfriend and is the only one who'll listen to her ramblings?" asked Will.
"Actually, I think that she just wanted to get some air," I said flatly.
"That works, but I like my musings better. More entertaining," said Will, laughing a bit. "Anyway, I was wondering if you wanted to meet up in the library later for a little study session for that Ancient Runes test coming up."
Bloody hell. My heart just stopped. This attraction to Will is disgustingly confusing and isn't helping me in any way. Okay, think clearly. It's just a study date. Nothing romantic or enticing about it. Just say yes, and I'll do well on the test.
I looked up and smiled. "Sure. What time will we meet?"
"Around 4? I'll bring some stuff that we can snack on," said Will.
"Awesome. Well, I have to go. I'll see you then?" I said, standing up and re-tying my ponytail.
"Sure. Go to the section by the windows on the east side of the library," said Will.
"Alright, cool. Bye!" I said, and walked, nay, ran out of the common room.
* * *
"Holy fuck, what time is it?" I asked, running into the dorm and throwing my stuff onto my bed.
"Whoa, hey. What's up?" asked Lexi, looking up from her issue of Cosmopolitan that her mum sent.
"Need to shower really fast. Okay, it's only 2.30. I have time," I said. I kicked off my shoes, took off my jumper and ran into the bathroom.
I jumped into the shower and turned on the water, quickly getting my hair wet and reaching for the shampoo.
"Em, is everything okay?" said Lexi, poking her head into the bathroom.
"Yeah, everything's perfect. I'll explain later," I said. Gah, shampoo in eyes. Ouch!
"Alrighty then," said Lexi. She closed the door and left.
~ * ~
"So what was up with the incoherent sentences and mad dash into the bathroom?" asked Lana when I finally emerged from the loo.
"Well, you know how I had to go and ask Liv about some stuff for Arithmancy homework?" I said. I pulled open a drawer and began rifling through my clothes, looking for something to wear for my study date. I really need to go shopping. I have nothing here. Absolutely nothing, except for rubbish. "I ran into William in their common room, and he asked me on a study date, which is in like an hour."
"Ooh, really?" squealed Lexi. "That's awesome!"
"Oh my god, can I dress you?" asked Lily, jumping up from her bed. How I love Lily, she's always ready for the opportunity to help someone who has a horrid collection of clothes.
"Oh, yes please! I have absolutely nothing to wear. I'm looking for smart-casual-chic," I said.
Lily tossed me a pair of trousers and a cashmere jumper the second I finished my sentence.
"That's bloody perfect, Lil," I said. I jumped up onto my bed and closed my curtains for privacy.
"So what's your study date for?" asked Lexi as I wriggled into the pair of cords. Fuck, these are a bit snug. I'm afraid that they'll rip. Damn that skinny bitch.
"We have an Ancient Runes test coming up. I think that it's on Thursday," I said. I opened my curtains and jumped down from my bed. "Well, what do you think?" I asked, standing in front of the mirror and adjusting the jumper. Please god, please don't make me ruin Lily's cords.
"If I were a guy, I'd totally fuck you right now. You look hot," said Lana.
"Shut up!" I laughed, throwing a nearby pillow at her.
"Hey, it's true," said Lana.
"Whatever," I said, shaking my head. "Alright. Next problem: hair. Up or down?"
"Messy bun," said Lexi, coming towards my head with a brush in hand.
"Okay," I said. I let her do my hair as I dabbed on a bit of make up.
"Em, you look amazing. Now go, have lunch, and then go to your date!" said Lily, glancing at the clock. "It's only 3.30, so you have plenty of time to eat and do whatever you need to. And don't forget to be fashionably late."
I rolled my eyes. "Of course! Besides, when am I ever on time?"
* * *
I wandered outside after leaving the common room. Despite my stomach's rumblings and protests, I decided to skip lunch and just have a smoke instead. I spotted Sirius and Remus walking by the greenhouses, so I picked up my pace to catch up to them.
"Hey guys, what's up?" I asked, falling into stride with them.
"Procrastinating and hiding from James," said Sirius.
I raised my eyebrow in response.
"Neither of us want to do our homework, and James has been going crazy about the Quidditch plays," said Remus.
"But you're not on the team…" I said.
Remus shrugged. "He attacks me anyway. Trust me, I don't understand the workings of James's mind either. Crazy bastard."
"You look particularly nice today. What's the occasion?" asked Sirius, eyeing me up and down.
"Oh," I said, blushing a bit. "I have a study date later." God damn it, why do I feel embarrassed about saying this to Sirius?
"Really? With who?" said Sirius, drawing out his words and making the vowel sounds twenty times longer than they should be.
"Does it matter?" I asked.
"Of course it does! We can't let our Emily out without knowing where she'll be at all times and/or with who," grinned Remus.
I rolled my eyes. "You'll need to give me more reason than that." I grabbed Remus's wrist and looked at his watch. "Anyway, I gotta go. I'm late as it is. I'll catch you later, kids."
"But we need to know who you'll be with!" shouted Sirius as I walked away.
I shook my head, laughed, and kept on walking.
* * *
"Hey William, sorry I'm late," I said breathlessly, dropping my stuff on a chair.
"Yeah, it's no problem. Glad you could join us," said Will.
I froze. 'Us'? Who's 'us'? And then it hit me. William's best friend, Adam Pelham was sitting to his left. Of course Will wouldn't ask me out on a date… I feel so stupid.
"Oh, yeah, of course. Besides, we all want to do well on our first test, no?" I said, forcing a smile and sitting down. Okay, I'm handling this gracefully so far. 'So far' being the key phrase…
"So should we snack first or snack later?" asked Adam, nodding towards the pile of goodies on the windowsill. Croissants, muffins, brownies and cookies were piled on a napkin, with several Butterbeers standing nearby, waiting to be cracked open.
"I say snack first. I'm famished," I said, grabbing a buttery croissant. Fuck my new diet, I need comfort food and I haven't eaten anything since last night. Besides, I can just throw it up later.
"Excellent. I'm with her," grinned William, reaching for the pile as well.
I can feel my ears turn bright red with fucking embarrassment. Honestly, how could I have been so stupid? Will would never ask me out. He just doesn't see me that way. In the meanwhile, I'll just concentrate on getting my books out of my bag without any problems. Hopefully I won't fuck up and fall off my chair. I can see it happening now… I bend down, in my chair, mind you, and reach into my bag to get my books out. But in the process of leaning over, the chair moves as well because of my shifted weight, and I topple off the chair. There'll be a big commotion, what with my swearing and the chair falling, but then, to top it all off, there's gonna be a horribly loud sound—the sound of my pants tearing in my ass area, and the sound of even more swearing. By the end of this afternoon, I won't have any confidence or self-esteem left. Bloody hell…
To my luck, my book retrieval went smoothly, with the exception of dropping a sheaf of parchment. But fear not, because that worked out quite nicely. After a quiet little 'oops!' from yours truly, Will bent down and picked it up for me.
"So, what did you guys do last night?" I asked, making conversation as I tear into a second croissant.
"Well, we had a late dinner in Bridgehampton and then got piss drunk in London," said Adam. "Got to take advantage of these new liberties, eh?"
I laughed. "Yeah, I know what you mean. I hardly remember what happened after 11. It's bloody ridiculous." I reached for a bran muffin and devoured it within a couple of seconds. Christ, I'm hungry. "Anyway, shall we commence the translations?"
"Might as well. I mean, that's what we're here for, no?" said Will.
~ * ~
Oh my god, my brain is so fucking fried. We've been sitting here for…almost 2 hours now, and we haven't taken any breaks whatsoever. Jesus Christ. I knew that Hufflepuffs are all ambitious and whatnot, but honestly, all work and no play? Definitely not healthy in any way. Heehee, I just rhymed in my mind. Awesome. Anyway, whenever Olivia and I study together, we take breaks tons of times. In fact, we're studying for less than half the time that we're together studying.
My gaze shifted from my book and drifted across the table until it fell upon William's hands. Hmm… He's a lefty. Lefties are hot. Hey, Sirius is a lefty as well. Interesting similarity there. My eyes moved up to his lips. I was about to embark upon what kind of a kisser he'd be, when a movement to my right caught my eye. I ceased staring at William and inclined my head, looking for the source of disruption. I turned just in time to see the heel of a foot turn the corner, past the lofty bookcase and into the next aisle, where I lost my visual.
"I'll be right back, you guys," I said to Will and Adam, excusing myself. I need to figure out who that was and possibly even what they were doing. Besides, it's a perfect excuse to get up and stretch my legs.
"Yeah, sure," said William, looking up just briefly enough to smile and nod at me.
I got up from my chair and ventured down the aisle, as noiselessly as possible. Who the fuck is stalking me? Or maybe I'm just going insane, which is completely a possibility. God knows what goes through my mind. Hell, even I don't comprehend my train of thought. Pssht.
I turned down the aisle and into the next one, only to find Sirius and Remus peeking through the spaces in between books. I rolled my eyes. They can't possibly be spying on me. Crazy gits. I tip toed up to them and quietly cleared my throat. No reaction.
"Is there any reason why you two are so interested in…" I reached for a book, "'The Mating Calls and Sexual Rituals of Water Newts'?"
Sirius and Remus jumped. "Christ on a fucking stick, Emily. What are you doing?" said Remus, spinning around.
"The question is: what are you doing? Planning on shagging a couple of unsuspecting newts?"
"Er… yes. Exactly that. Now if you would be so kind and hang back my cheat sheet to turning on a lady newt…" said Sirius, holding out his hand to retrieve the book from my grasp.
I raised my eyebrows in response. "Try again." I crossed my arms and leaned back against the opposite bookshelf.
"We just wanted to see who you were with," said Remus nonchalantly, shrugging his shoulders.
"Well, lucky for you, it wasn't a one-on-one session," I said, turning away.
"Hey, come on. It's not like we wanted your date to not go as planned," said Sirius. "Anyway, from what we saw, they can handle being on their own for the rest of the day or for however long they're gonna study. Wanna ditch them and go back to the Tower with us?"
I shrugged. "Sure, whatever. I can't look at those bloody books anymore anyway. Let me just go and say goodbye."
I turned to go and Remus smacked my ass with 'The Mating Calls and Sexual Rituals of Water Newts'. "You horny wolf," I said, winking.
Remus grinned. "You bet your ass I am," he said, and howled.
I shook my head, grinning and walked over to the table where Adam and Will are studying like there's no tomorrow. "Hey guys, I'm gonna take off. I just realized that there are some people waiting for me in the common room," I said. I began to put my sheets of parchment together and put my quill and ink away.
"Oh, okay. Well, see you later then," said Adam.
"Yep," I said, swinging my bag over my shoulder. I reached out to get my Runes textbook and William put his hand over mine. My eyes flew up to meet his, searching for something unnamed in his eyes. I felt a funny little flip in my stomach and I felt my ears turn a shade of red. For a split second, time stood still and I just stood there, staring at his eyes.
"Will I see you later?" he asked, keeping his hand there.
My eyebrows rose in surprise. Okay, play it cool. "Yeah, sure. Drop by the Tower if you want. I don't think we're going out tonight, except maybe for dinner or something."
"So I guess I'll just see you around, then," said Will, removing his hand from mine.
I glanced back down at my hand and then looked up at his face. "Yeah. See you," I whispered.
I turned around and started walking to where Remus and Sirius were waiting for me, and I can feel his eyes on my back. I'm so confused right now. I can't quite figure out if he likes me or not because he brought Adam with him, but on the other hand, maybe he does like me because of that whole ordeal that happened just now. I shook my head. There are just too many subliminal messages that I'm getting from him. I reached the guys and we walked out of the library and headed back towards Gryffindor Tower.
"So what have you guys been up to all afternoon? Aside from avoiding James?" I asked.
Sirius shrugged. "Same old, same old. Went to the kitchens and got some snacks, wandered around the grounds, you know. Nothing out of the ordinary."
"Well, we went down to the Shrieking Shack to do a bit of light dusting and to make an attempt to tidy up the place before the next full moon, and apparently a niffler gave birth in the lower level of the shack," said Remus.
"Are you serious? That's adorable! I remember seeing nifflers for the first time in what was it, fourth year? Yeah, I think. Anyway, I remember thinking that they were one of the cutest, fluffiest little things that I've ever seen. I can only imagine what a baby niffler would look like! Aw, that's so precious," I said.
"You should come down tomorrow or something. I can show them to you if you like," said Sirius. "They're probably something like a week old. Tiny little buggers."
I laughed. "Yeah, I'll bet they are."
* * *
I opened the door to the dormitory and was relieved to see that Lexi and Lily weren't home. Lana was downstairs cuddling with Remus, so she probably won't be up for a while. I dropped my bag off on my bed and walked into the bathroom.
I looked at myself in the mirror and took in every aspect of my face. Every freckle, every eyelash, every blemish. I just don't understand why I somehow repel guys. I mean, sure, there was Luke over the summer, but that's an entirely different story. I'd known him all my life. We'd work shifts together at my parents' bed and breakfast. We shared our first kiss together, told each other our secrets. He's one of the few people back home who knows that I'm a witch. And this past summer, we experimented with our relationship; took it further than the 'just-friends' level. We lost our virginity together. But what we had… To me, what we had isn't something that I would call a lasting relationship. As much as I hate to admit this, and as much as it would kill him if he knew that I was thinking this, he'd be heart-broken, even though I know that he understands this too. But the thing is, we can't ever be something that's more than friends. I mean, sure, the sexual tension might arise every now and then, but dating each other would just never work out. The situation, whatever it is, just won't allow it.
I pushed the thoughts of my summer and Luke out of my mind and searched my face for something. Something that would give me the answers to my problems. I found nothing and stripped down to my underwear and continued to critique my body. I turned to the side and looked at my stomach. God, I feel like such a bloody whale. I sucked it in and looked back at the mirror. If I lost enough weight for my stomach to look like that, then I'll be happy. I conjured a scale and weighed myself—48 kilograms. If you think about it, I guess that weighing 48 kilograms isn't so bad if I'm 5'6, but I'd still be happier if I trimmed down to something like 44 or 45 kilograms.
I looked back into the mirror and all of a sudden a wave of nausea hit me as I remembered shoving those croissants and muffins into my mouth earlier during my distress. I knelt over the toilet and stuck my finger in my mouth, ridding my body of those disgusting pastries. I continued to cleanse my body until I was sure that there was nothing left.
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A/n: Well, I hope that you guys enjoyed the chapter! I know that it's disgustingly late and completely over due, but like I said, I have schoolwork to attend to and I do have a social life. Anyway, now that I'm on spring break (finally!), I'll have time to work on the story. Or, at least, I'll have 4 days to work on the story before I leave for France. But anyway, I'll do my best to write as often as I can. I just hope that I won't get stuck in a rut anytime soon. So, if you please, send me your feedback on this chapter, on previous chapters, and the direction that the story's going in, in general. Thanks!
Not Pretty Enough
Kasey ChambersAm I not pretty enough
Is my heart too broken
Do I cry too much
Am I too outspoken
Don't I make you laugh
Should I try it harder
Why do you see right through me
I live, I breathe
I let it rain on me
I sleep, I break
I try hard not to break
I crave, I love
I've waited long enough
I try as hard as I can
Am I not pretty enough
Is my heart too broken
Do I cry too much
Am I too outspoken
Don't I make you laugh
Should I try it harder
Why do you see right through me
I laugh, I feel
I make believe it's real
I fall, I freeze
I pray down on my knees
I hope, I stand
I take it like a man
I try as hard as I can
Am I not pretty enough
Is my heart too broken
Do I cry too much
Am I too outspoken
Don't I make you laugh
Should I try it harder
Why do you see right through me
Why do you see
Why do you see
Why do you see right through me