Five For Fighting
Rated: PG-13
Disclaimer: I own nothing really
N.I.N.E.
Ponyboy had already disappeared down the hall before I'd remembered his promise to explain things to me at lunch. He had dropped me off in front of my Economics class which boring as it was, left me plenty of time to ponder the environment that I had just been thrown into as the teacher droned on about inflation. I scribbled notes absentmindedly, doodling in the margins until the bell rang and I was swept off by another friend of Ponyboy who brought me to Spanish with a wave and an invitation to get a coke after school with some buddies of his, Ponyboy too of course.
Mrs. Bermudez was eccentric to put it nicely, and insisted we speak only in Spanish, a feat I was not yet ready to conquer as my Spanish skills leave much to be desired. She made the class interesting though and I let my thoughts flow to fantasies of Mexico or Spain or some place where things made sense, or where I could just sit on a beach if they didn't.
I finished off the day with gym, wishing it were Art since I considered myself a decent artist and enjoyed painting, watercolors especially.
I decided to take advantage of my situation though and timidly advanced the gym teachers office after 35 minutes of girls basketball where we learned how to dribble, going back and forth across the gym a dozen times. On the other side of the gym we could hear the boys, and the girls frequently stopped to try and peek through the cracks in the divider to see the boys rough game, giggling to themselves and pointing.
I tugged on the hem of my uniform gym shorts that Mr. Adams had provided me with that morning in preparation for the class and knocked on the door as the other girls left to shower and change before going home. I had to meet Ponyboy in fifteen minutes, he was going to walk me back to the home.
"How can I help you Ms. Curtis?", Mrs. McMann asked me in a curt voice.
I had heard she was the advisor for the cheer team so I cleared my throat and tried not to look at my feet.
"I was wondering if I could possibly join the Cheerleading squad"
She narrowed her eyes and looked me up and down, "Yes, well, you'll have to wait till next year of course, the team is already set this year."
"I heard someone say about needing a replacement, a girl with a broken ankle" I said, "I have experience, I was head cheerleader for my team in Arizona."
"You're related to Ponyboy, Amber?"
I nodded, not sure what that had to do with the cheer team.
"I'm afraid there really isn't room on the squad for…your type"
She must have noticed my confused look because she went on, none to kindly, "Your brother and his riff-raff friends, I won't have them hanging around my girls, harassing them, killing their boyfriends, once is enough if you catch my drift."
I shook my head, "I'm sorry ma'am, I don't follow."
"Don't be daft girl, your brother and his no good friend killed someone in a fury of jealousy and spite, the boyfriend of someone on the squad, and I know she'll want nothing to do with you and your murderer brother."
I felt myself sway on my feet before I bolted out of the office, changing in a daze and then sprinting out the doors onto the street.
I didn't know where I was going, I didn't care, Mrs. McMann had spoken out of turn, she hated me, I didn't know why but it was enough that she would make up horrible lies about my brother and his friends.
Except Jake had called him a murderer too.
I stopped running, leaning over to catch my breath, hands on my knees.
Walking now, tears rimming my eyes I realized I was lost, late to meet Ponyboy, confused and miserable.
I needed someone to talk to, I needed Johnny but I had no idea where he lived except that it was only a few blocks from the vacant lot near my house.
I thought about the drive from my house to the home and figured I was about halfway in between and walked quickly in the direction that I thought would bring me towards my house.
Reaching the vacant lot half an hour later due to being picked up in a souped up Chevy with peeling paint and a lot of rust I made my way down the road looking around at the battered houses. My brother's house at least had a good roof, thanks to Darry. A lot of these houses looked like one gust of wind and they'd fall down.
The tiny A-frame house where I found Johnny was no different, He was sitting on his front porch smoking and reading a thick paperback.
I came stumbling up the stairs, tears clouding my vision and choked out his name in a strangled voice.
"Amber! What's wrong?" His eyebrows shot up under his thick black hair in surprise.
"I need to talk to you" I wrapped my arms around myself and he rolled himself into the house so I could sit on the sunk-in couch and be eye level with him.
"Do you want a glass of water or anything?"
I shook my head "I need answers Johnny, no one will talk to me."
He sighed with a nod and took my hand in his "Amber I don't even know where to start"
"Why do they keep calling Ponyboy a murderer? Why do they tell me he's trash and I'm better than him? Why are people surprised that Ponyboy is my brother and use words I don't know or understand?"
Johnny had gone white with my first question and let go of my hand, rolling over to his coffee table and searching through some papers, pulled out a thick essay looking paper stapled in the left corner.
"It's Ponyboy's" He said in explanation "He had to write it for your English class after…well you'll see, I think it'll explain things pretty well."
I looked up at him, his eyes were full of pain but still held that glint of knowledge and he nodded in encouragement.
So I read my brother's essay, I read about the Socs and Greasers, I read about him being jumped, the movies, Darry hitting him, the park, the kids who tried to kill him, and Johnny pulling the knife.
Johnny had been quiet the whole time, just letting me read, read things that I did not want to know even though they were right in front of my face all day.
I sank to my knees, putting my hands on Johnny's knees.
"This isn't true, it isn't" I said looking down at the paper I had dropped on the ground like it were burning hot when I got to the murder of Bob Sheldon.
"Yes it is Amber" His words were final "I killed that boy."
"No you didn't, you didn't!" I yelled, tears pouring down my cheeks
He grabbed hold of my flailing arms "I had to Amber, they would have killed Pony" He looked desperate and I buried my head in my arms, on his legs so I wouldn't see those eyes of his.
His hand was real gentle smoothing my hair, over and over. Not the hands of a murderer, they were the hands of a boy who should not be stuck in a wheelchair the rest of his life over a fight in the park.
Because Johnny could walk before all this happened, I didn't know what had happened that he couldn't now, but he could.
I looked up into his eyes and ran a hand down his face, the raised scar that was whiter than the rest of his face felt too real under my fingertips and I had to remove my hand before I got sick all over his lap.
"Oh, Johnny…why? Over money?"
"I've asked myself a thousand times, why, Amber, why? There is no answer."
"What happened to you?" I whispered
"Our hideout caught fire with some kids in it, Pony and I pulled them out but I broke my back in the process, it was worth it though, for those kids. They've got more going for them than me"
He gazed around his house, signs of a shattered home and family lay around the house, it was ill-kempt and few things in the house weren't broken.
"Things haven't been so bad since Dad took off, he couldn't handle me in this chair. Mom doesn't talk to me much."
"So people think, that because of my clothes that I'm a…soc, but when they find out who I am they put me into the category of a greaser, and never take the time to really get to know who I am?" I asked.
Johnny nodded "Pathetic ain't it? Darry who works as hard as he does and is smarter than anyone I know is marked lousy because he doesn't have the money other boys do. Soda with his funny personality and how nice he is an all, they don't care, 'cept the girls who just like to look at him, they'd never date him though. And Ponyboy, Pony is a good kid, real brainy, Darry wants him to have a future and is sacrificing himself to make sure he does, but none of that matters here."
"But if we know we're good people, then why should we care if they don't like us?"
"I don't think Darry and Soda mind much, but it bugs Ponyboy something awful, like it's going to bother you. All you can do is try to make do with what you're given."
I nodded, swiping an arm across my red eyes.
"Just be yourself Amber, it's a good person to be, specially for you" he said blushing slightly.
I leaned over and hugged him fiercely as Ponyboy came bursting through the door.
"Johnny have you seen Amber?" He asked, skidding to a halt when he saw me.
"Where were you? I've been worried sick!" He exclaimed.
I wondered if he knew how much he sounded like Darry.
"Sorry Pony, I needed my questions answered, you wouldn't answer them directly so I found another source." I showed him his English essay and he looked at me as though he thought I would no longer want to be his sister.
I sniffed back another spell of tears and hugged him with all my might "It's ok Ponyboy, everything will be ok"
I didn't know how anything would ever be ok again, but in my brother's arms I felt as though I could at least handle and accept the truth in which I was faced with.