All I could was watch as my life-long friend gave up his life to protect me from the onslaught of demons. I wanted to be by his side, but I was pinned to the ground. I hated myself for getting into this situation of utter uselessness, like every other time. Ever since we fought the androids, I became less and less able to keep up with everyone else. I guess it was that hatred of idleness that got me into this mess in the first place.
Part1: Need Is a Strange Emotion
Life was almost normal on Earth. Buu was defeated, the people still worshiped Satan, but at least he gave credit where it was supposed to be. There is a Tenka'ichi Budokai this year... But I am saddened to not be participating. I just wouldn't be able to hold my own against the Saiyan fighters. It's been made painfully clear to me whenever I sparred with Gohan. I knew he held back his power. I say almost normal because I am not used to taking a back seat. It was hard enough admitting I was 'second best' to Goku, but I dealt with that relatively easy enough. But admitting defeat to Vegeta and Gohan... admitting defeat to someone whom I was once stronger than them... is something I'm still not very comfortable with. I know I am stronger than the Earthlings, but that's not very impressive. I always have been.
So I contemplate what it'd be like if I weren't around. Most of the people I know wouldn't care if I died, Hell, some of them would be happy. But I know it would almost destroy Gohan. I say almost because he has family and friends to help him. But right now the only thing holding me here is Gohan.
He has a daughter now, Pan. She reminds me so much of the Sons. Free spirited, innocent, and seemingly famished. She eats as much as her daddy and grandpa do. She's participating in the adult category. Good thing, because she'd easily win in the children's division.
I'm sitting in the bleachers with the rest of the non-participants. Yes sitting, me of all people. My usual stance just won't command the kind of attention as it used to. Simply another painfully obvious reminder that I am no longer needed.
Needed. Need is such a strange emotion, and emotions are strange enough on their own. I used to think that all Need ever applied to were the basic requirements to live. But my definition drastically changed the day Gohan stepped into my life. He taught me how to need someone and what it felt like to be needed. But ever since Videl came into his life, I have slowly forgotten what it feels like to be needed, and my need for someone has strengthened.
I stare at the ring in a daze, trying to remember 'happier' times. I can truthfully say I was never happy except when it was just me and Gohan alone, it didn't matter what we did, as long as it was just him and I. And those days were the happiest of my life. I slip into meditation, trying to hold on to the few memories of mine that brought me comfort.
I manage to meditate throughout the entire competition. Us spectators say our congratulations, the more social of us plan a get together, and then we all take off. And I head in the opposite direction. I can't stand being near most of them for any longer than I have to.
I find a secluded spot in some woods. And then I just sit there and think. What if...? What if I never trained Gohan. What if I never refused Kami's help? What if I never denounced my demonic heritage? Would I have been stronger if I never gave up on my quest to kill Goku? Would I have been stronger if I had nothing to do with emotions? Am I regretting my actions?
Is there anyway I can change all this?
Disclaimer: I do not own Dragonball Z and all affiliated characters.