The sand storm had been like a persistent hyena, dogging them, snapping at their ankles every step of the way. Landmarks were hard to find, despite GPS assist. On a number of occasions, one or both of the transports got stuck, needing to be pulled out by cables held by the more sure-footed M9s.
Despite that, the screaming waves of airborne particulate matter would be their best friend. Sometimes, good fortune is even better than good planning. There was no way to predict a disturbance of this magnitude. Nonetheless, it would be the ideal cover.
Of course, the situation had its drawbacks too, but one had to make the most out of the opportunity at hand. Sousuke understood such things. He had been doing that as long as he could remember.
In the occasional gaps in the blanketing sand, Sousuke could make out the blurry images of the first of two temples at Abu Simbel. The great edifice had been built by Ramses II in ancient Nubia, as a show of his strength and divine nature. Four statues of him---each over sixty feet high---flanked the temple entrance. That would not be the way down to any secret base. Nor would the front entryway of the adjacent Temple of Hathor provide an easy point of insertion for the anxious and eager ground troops.
Sousule pictured a double-edge sword in his mind. The only question to him was whether they were the one weilding it, or whether someone else stood ready to use it against them. The weather would make it difficult for anyone to escape. However, it would also make it near impossible to track anyone who did manage to make it to a traversable roadway.
The Mithril troops ran out of their parked vehicles, carrying sophisticated equipment to predetermined sites around the temples. They would need to tip their hands. It was necessary to use sounding charges and echo triangulation devices to begin searching for large underground spaces.
Sousuke walked resolutely on perimeter guard duty. He would keep his eyes open for any evidence of enemy troops, and for any means that the adversary might use to enter and exit their places of concealment. He put away the Hellbore and armed himself with his Bofors 57mm. The strong gusts of winds would make aiming the Hellbore near impossible.
The never ending monotony on the M9's viewscreen caused Sousuke to lapse back into his trancelike state.
Aiming.
Aim
His innate talent was the thing that elevated him from the state of being refuse to the position of being a warrior. That had not come without a long and painful series of trials. trials
He had been caught stealing by the mujahadeen
Had he been stealing food, they would have slit his throat and left him as a meal for the wandering packs of wild dogs. Instead, he had been brazen enough to try and pilfer weapons. They admired his spunk and courage. Nonetheless, his place was with the domesticated canines of the camp. Where they slept, he slept. What they ate, he ate.
When the animals were sent out to patrol, he went with them. More than anything else, he was an expendable resource. He could be used to draw out enemy fire. He might find a mine that would have taken out a valuable fighter. If a water source was questionable, he drank. If the sand was potentially treacherous, he walked it.
He survived.
That impressed his keepers all the more. He also showed signs of cleverness. Food disappeared, but he was never caught. His skills were improving. But he had yet demonstrated the talents that would make him an adult at an early age.
Sousuke was not native to the land, but it was all that he remembered. The spilling of his family's blood made it his home more than any apartment, street address, or mail box ever could. It was his country now. He would fight for it. No, he would fight for vengeance. The mujahadeen first realized that, when Russian prisoners were dragged back to the camp, barely alive.
The first time a Russian captive passed close to Sousuke, he acted like little more than a beast, falling on the man with teeth and fingernails. No steel weapon at hand, he used a rock to bludgeon the man senseless. As a reward, he was given a knife, to do with as he pleased.
The memory shocked Sousuke back to full awareness.
Good.
No sign of the enemy yet. No word from any of the other team members. He was in a no man's land of a sort, physically. The same was true of his recollections. He could not keep away. His conscience kept dragging him back again.
The young boy that he had been stared at that knife for a number of moments, torn between the kind life he still remembered, and the rough life he now found himself growing more and more accustomed to. At first, he had been so driven by rage... he was certain he would kill the man. But, the Russian lay there helpless, moaning. His hand shook, raised above the man's throat. He looked up at the bearded men watching him. He asked silently for their help.
He had wanted to kill, but found he could not.
One freedom fighter walked over and placed his hand on Sousuke's. With a firm downward push, he forced the boys' hands---and the knife---downward. Spurting crimson stained the sand and brown earth. Looking at his hands, Sousuke did not flinch. Neither did he smile. He remained stoic, his face a living stone. It was what they had wanted to see.
He might prove useful to them.
Over time, he became their trained gyrfalcon. Where they pointed, he flew. When they signaled, he killed. He was not the largest predator in the encampment, but over the years, he became one of the most effective. The saying 'When you lay down with dogs, you wake up with fleas' held doubly true. In his early days, he picked up fleas from his stablemates. By the time he had earned his own tent, he was picking up every single bit of knowledge the older warriors had to offer.
His skill with weapons was exceptional. Especially his aim.
It earned him respect and false comraderie. That drove him to become better still. He learned unarmed combat from men who had been abroad. He earned more than his share of bruises and concussions. His teachers would not take it easy on him. But, he excelled at that as well. From the craftiest warriors, he learned tactics and strategy. From the eldest warriors, he learned about survival.
He was never truly accepted as one of their ranks
It did not matter to him consciously. They were not his true family. He had no true family. Friends were not a blessing or a luxury---they were a burden and a risk. Losing a friend hurt. Relying too much on a comrade might leave him open to betrayal. Harsh lessons made him a harsh man, before he had even reached manhood.
The women in the camp were not his mother.
That was not their fault, but he could not forgive them for it. Some tried to baby him---he hated them for it. Others treated him with ridicule and disrespect, despite his growing list of successes---he gave no heed to their thoughts or opinions.
Somehow, something of his prior life stayed alive despite all that he went through.
It lay dormant, patient. All it needed was opportunity... opportunity and men who would see his abilities and try to make something more out of him. He would still be a human weapon, but his goals would be different. Mithril wanted him to kill and destroy, but they were convinced that it was for the betterment of mankind. For some reason, that appealed to him.
Sousuke snapped out of his reverie, looking down at his hands. He expected to see them covered with blood. They were not. The faces of the men he killed paraded before his eyes. Their eyes burned deep into his very soul. His own cries of justification fell on deaf ears. He rubbed his eyes, but the visions wouldn't go away.
There were more sins to add to his ledger. So many sins.
Pride.
He developed an excessive belief in his own abilities. In the future, he would pay a cost for that mistake.
Envy.
Despite his skills and successes, he was never admitted to the inner circle of the mujahadeen. No one would introduce their daughters. His share of any bounty remained a greenback's share.
Gluttony.
At times he ate, just to be eating. He consumed food as if he had never eaten before, and might never eat again. The taste did not matter. The amount did. That terrible hunger would leave him, but the memory of those days still affected how he ate today..
Anger.
It might be less accurate to say he sinned than to say he became that sin. He embodied it. He drank it. It exuded from his pores. It pumped through his heart and pulsed through his veins.
Avarice.
Before it came to mean nothing too him, his greed for material goods threatened to consume him. He learned the fruitlessness of that desire. He began to covet one thing in particular. Better and more powerful weapons.
Words paraded before Sousuke's eyes, taunting him.
ARROGANCE. BITTERNESS. HATE. JUDGING. REVENGE. IMPLACABILITY. LUST FOR POWER. IMPATIENCE. PREJUDICE. LYING. BLASPHEMY. PERJURY. MALIGNING. BOASTING. RIDICULING. CURSING. FLATTERY. ARGUING. MURDER. STEALING. DISOBEDIENCE. TRESPASSING. CHEATING. INGRATITUDE. DISRESPECT.
He had seen evidence of all of those sins in others.. He learned from them. He twisted what he learned to his own benefit. It would take years, blood, sweat, and tears to wash them away. That, and people that though he might amount to something more than he had once been..
Now, looking back, Sousuke was torn.
His prior life had made him who he was. It had given him talents that he never would have had otherwise. But, without that upbringing, he would never have found himself in a situation where those talents were sorely needed.
As much as he tried to convince himself he was a different person now... no longer the pup[pet of those prior sins... he couldn't help but wonder if it was possible for him to regress. Could he again become an amoral and vengeful spirit, thinking only of survival and personal gain?
Because his prior sinful state was so all consuming, Sousuke had a difficult time seeing any virtues he might have possessed during those earlier days.
Conviction.
Had it existed, or had he simply been consumed with Obsession?
Self Reliance.
Did that count? It had been a necessity, not a choice.
Strength and Resoluteness.
Again, without those, he never would have survived.
Vigilance and Endurance
Ditto.
Sousuke thought of Kaname. He found himself thinking about her strictly in the past tense, and purposely tried to put a stop to that.
Thinking of the future did not bring him any great hope or peace. He was a killer, in the strictest definition of the word. In the past, his picture could have showed up in a dictionary next to that term. He might have his old instincts corralled and tamed, but did that make him domesticated? Did that make him safe? Or, like a tiger or lion raised with love from a cub, was he still a wild beast at heart, capable of striking out at any moment?
It was not a pleasant thought.
He knew of no method to make certain one way or another.
As dreary as his thoughts had turned, there was still a ray of hope. He was capable of feeling new things... of seeing old things in a different way. His time with Kaname had begun to show him that.
He thought back to the kidnapping...the battle on the island... and the hijacking of the TDD-1. Gauron's name was easily the one which occupied the central spot in his memories. How could it be otherwise? That man had been more than a thorn in his side... no, he had been a tree... an entire forest.
Hopefully, that black-hearted bastard had seen his last days, blown to pieces with Venom, just beneath the surface of the sea.
A second name was nearly as prominent, for entirely different reasons.
Kaname
She had started off the trip to Kinawa angry, snubbing him. She had laughed and carried on, the center of attention, the sun that her friends spun around. Sousuke had been relegated to his own deserted corner of the galaxy, ignored. That had been fine... he had a job to do.
His feelings had not been as confusing then.
Then, he appeared, and threatened Miss Kagurazuka until Sousuke's staged accident broke the deadly moment. Kaname had bee taken away, to who knows where and who knows what. He followed. He was faced with a dilemma. The hostages had been assigned greater priority than Kaname Chidori. There was a bomb on the plane. He had notified Mithril of its existence, but could not diffuse it himself.
If he was going to make a bold move against enemy troops, shouldn't he try to get the captives off of the plane?
No, that action might draw a large scale response.
It was best to sit tight and wait for the rescue mission.
Similarly, how could he risk going after a single girl, Whispered or not? If he ran into resistance, might not his actions trigger the end of the passengers?
Yes. It could have happened that way.
But, Kaname was his charge. He would NOT abandon her. No matter what.
It was contrary to his directive. He did not debate. He acted. He had made his choice.
Disobedience.
It was not the first time.
The first and last time had been in Guatemala, and that incident had gone a long way towards curbing any thoughts of independent action. To disobey again might be understandable from an emotional standpoint, but there would have been no sympathy given him from a military stand point. He had probably used up his ration of mercy and forbearance.
Irresponsibility.
Yes, he had been responsible for Kaname. But, his greater duty lay with his classmates. He had left them in a precarious situation.
She had been in danger.
He reduced that danger.
They came under considerable attack together. They escaped that danger together. But, it was a text book case of 'out of the frying pan and into the fire.' Gauron found them, piloting Codarl. The rickety RK92 never stood a chance. He would be only a memory if Sgt. Weber hadn't glided in when he did.
It was strange though. With Kaname nearby, his feelings were not quite what they might normally have been even though he was back in battle, a place more confortable than the confines of a school building.
FEAR.
His fear had not been for himself... it had been for Kaname.
ANGER.
He had felt little. absent. Perhaps that had been due to shock and surprise... he had thought that a shot to the head had erased Gauron from this earth. Nonetheless, the anger did not build when he realized who he faced. It was more important to focus on Kaname, finding some way to help her escape while he died.
PRIDE.
It did not play a role. He did not make any last minute defiant gesture or move, convinced that he had to go down fighting. It was not a priority for him. Kaname had been there, and was in danger.
After Kurz' intervention, Sousuke and Kaname had made their way into the forest. They arrived back at the base too late... he rescue aircraft had left or were just about to leave. The two of them had run alongside, watching the final plane lift its ponderous bulk skyward. There was no time for them to mourn or cry.
Wounded, he lead her deep into the woods again, where they found Sgt. Weber, worse for wear after his encounter with the mysterious Arm Slave.
Kaname had not take kindly to some of his orders. They argued. Her attitude towards him took a new turn. They connected on an emotional level he had not known existed within him. It gave rise to feelings that he had no way to interpret. It was not merely friendship, and he had trouble enough with that concept.
He could do research on that feeling, but what would that do?
There was no written frames of reference comparable to his own. Just how many people had been through what he had?
Nonetheless, he had his suspicions. He would have to see how things evolved, one step at a time. He had to learn to walk before he worried about running.
FAITH.
He had put his faith in Kaname that afternoon.
RESTRAINT and MODERATION.
He had held back at he wish and on her accord.
There had been another moment that now hung before his eyes, tantalizingly close, but still lost in the dusty wreckage of time.
When he had visited her in the hospital---and she finally realized he had been standing there---her reaction was that of great joy.
For him.
Since that time, part of him wanted to see that reaction again. Kaname's treatment of him had changed somewhat, back at school. It was still her domain after all, and she continued to act accordingly. But, there was something in her behavior that pulled at him an emotional current that was dragging him away from the familiar safety of the shore.
HOPE, DESIRE, and EXPECTATION.
They were still small seedlings, but something had been planted. What did he feel for the blue-haired girl? What good could possibly come from it?
TRUST.
They had begun to trust one another more and more. Not just with their safety. Not simply with their expertise in various situations. But, also with their feelings.
It was not smooth walking, however.
Relationships...... like life itself...... seem to have variable topography. He had made Kaname ecstatic by asking her to an island. She turned rigid and unfriendly when she found out it was Mithril's island. She had shown him great kindness and concern when he had returned from an abortive fight with Gauron. He had reacted badly.
He had hurt her.
Guilt.
It seemed foolish now, but he had wanted to take the whole world on his shoulders, to protect everyone. He found he could not, and allowed himself to sink into a sucking swamp of self-recrimination.
Bitterness.
He had cursed his new situation... an Arm Slave with fluky technology... the inability to protect his friends... dissatisfaction with everything that had happened when he took on his assignment guarding Kaname.
Thoughtlessness.
His mood would not allow anyone to point out the irrational nature of his thoughts. His handling of Kaname had been rough, unkind, and uncalled for.
But, they had reconciled.
He had found it within himself to apologize. Furthermore, after they had saved each other , he had gone on to share his feelings with her.
Generosity.
He hadn't known he was capable of that, not in such a manner.
Not only had he given her a heartfelt apology, he took her to his favorite fishing place. He had planned that activity before the unexpected and harrowing experiences they both went through.
Hope, Faith, and Charity.
He had woven them all together when he admitted that he felt like he could do anything when she was around. It felt true. He had never felt that way towards anyone ever before.
That had been before Ayame was taken ill.
That had been before Kaname had lashed out at him and spoken such harsh words.
People had been angry at him before... even some allies had even been angry enough to want to kill him at times. Their reactions had meant nothing. Kaname's reaction had him turned inward... treading in places he had never walked before... going further, perhaps, than it was wise to go.
Could he make his way back out again?
Sousuke purposefully smashed his fist hard against the corner of the control console. It hurt. It hurt a great deal. That helped him focus on the mission at hand. Kaname was not here. She wasn't even on the same continent. Like so many other things, she may only be a memory now.
He had to move on.
---------------------------------------------------------------
"Urzu 7, this is Urzu 2, do you copy?"
"This is Urzu 7. I hear you, Sgt. Major. Over."
"Do you see anything in your area, Soususke? The troops have found an opening...... blown it...... and headed inside. If there's any shit to hit the fan, we should expect the crap to start flying pretty soon now. Keep a sharp eye out. "
"Understood. No movement yet, Urzu 2. The radar is severely hampered, and the hot sand has blurred the infra-red. But, we can assume the enemy will face similar handicaps."
"The GPS is still working. You should be able to tell my location and that of Urzu 6. Contact me immediately the moment you see anything, even a single person. Urzu 2, out."
Sousuke continued his patrol.
He was somewhat annoyed, and that blunted his thoughts of the past for a while. Here he was at Abu Simbel...... a dream location...... and he literally couldn't see anything. For a moment, he thought that he would gladly face three Arm Slaves on a clear sunny day, just as long as he could at least get an unobstructed view of the temples.
As it turned out, he was able to get part of his wish.
Walking his M9 near to a sheer sandstone rock face to the west of the temples, he caught sight of some faint lights. They highlighted a rectangular space. Moving closer, he could tell it was an opening. Huge metal doors, disguised to match the rock, had swung open. There were human figures standing in the opening. They looked to have various types of detection equipment. The IFF system did not identify them as friendlies.
Sousuke would save them the trouble of detecting him.
Two shots from his Bofors cleared the area of intact living bodies.
"Urzu 2, this is Urzu 7. Do you copy?"
"This is Urzu 2, do you have something sergeant?"
"Yes." Sousuke described the particulars. "The gate and hallway beyond appear large. The echo imaging system is not fully functional, but the passageway seems to be broad enough and high enough for Arm Slave Traffic. What are my instructions, Sgt. Major?"
There was a pause in the conversation. As Sousuke waited for a reply, he noted something on his radar. Two possible blips suggested something heading up the passageway in his direction.
"Urzu 2, I think I have company coming. I am at a disadvantage here, can I step inside the structure and face them on equal terms? I believe the element of surprise had been preserved despite my earlier actions. If they get much further, they will see the aftermath of my actions."
"Sousuke, Kurz is on his way. ETA is five minutes, tops. Do what you feel is right, but DON'T bite off more than you can chew. Do you understand me?"
"I understand, Sgt. Major. I'm going in. Urzu 7, out."
"Time . . . is less likely to bring favor to the victor than to the vanquished. . . an offensive war requires above all a quick, irresistible decision."
That quote from Carl Von Clausewitz had always been engraved in Sousuke's heart. He made use of it both in battle, and at school. It had saved him in the former. It earned him no end of trouble in the latter.
No doubt, that was because the famous Prussian's work was titled On War, and not On School."
On this day, 'On War' was just what he needed. He tore through the two Arm Slaves without too much resistance. The Shadow class mechas were formidable machines, but the pilots were unimpressive. He had the advantage in surprise and intention. The only thing in their favor was numbers.
On entering the doorway to the tunnel, Sousuke couldn't help but recall a quote from Judges 1:19:
"And the Lord was with Judah; and he drave out the inhabitants of the mountain; but he could not drive out the inhabitants of the valley, for they had chariots of iron."
For a moment, he had felt the quick pulse of fear, until he realized that he too sat in a modern chariot of iron. Also, he had no desire to drive his adversary out of the mountain. If things worked the way he wanted, this would serve as a tomb for them.
The iron behemoths on both sides were armed with guns and missiles. None had Lambda driver technology. Their speed and armor were about equal. The M9 auxiliary features were superior, but would not play a role in close quarters.
"Presence of mind . . . is nothing but an increased capacity of dealing with the unexpected."
That quote from Clausewitz, was a good indication of the superiority Sousuke had over his adversaries.
The two enemy pilots froze when confronted with an unexpected threat. One Arm Slave remained unmoving, blocking the fire zone for the one behind it. Rather than act, the obstructed pilot was content to follow his partner's lead. His partner never had the chance to lead.
Sousuke's first volley of cannon fire was aimed to destroy or disable the enemy's hand held weaponry. He did that swiftly and efficiently. With tunnel integrity an important consideration, he refrained from firing missiles. Charging in abruptly after firing, he pushed the first fumbling Shadow firmly against the other, hampering its ability to fight. A well placed series of stabs with the Anti-Armor dagger destroyed both man and machine.
Walking his M9 around the first machine, he paid no attention to the blood mixed in with the gusher of escaping hydraulic fluid. Checking first for additional threats, he watched coldly as the second Shadow extricated itself from the wreckage of its fellow.
The pilot no doubt saw Sousuke standing over him, 57mm cannon poised to end his life. The enemy mecha raised its arms---the pilot was trusting in the universal signal of surrender. It wouldn't have mattered if he had waved a white flag.
On this mission, no one was to be left standing, and no machine was to be left in one piece.
The morality of the situation battered at Sousuke. He kept asking himself 'what would Kaname think?' That question had no place here. Only one thing mattered: the objective.
The justification was simple, supplied by a quote from Thucydides in his History of the Peloponnesian War :
"The strong do what they can and the weak suffer what they must."
Sousuke decided to save ammunition. Armed again with the Anti-Armor dagger, he finished off the second A.S. and its pilot. He felt sick for a moment. His recent soul searching had left him open to the arrows and stings of conscience, thinning the layers of emotional armor he had wrapped himself over the years.
Was he any better off for all of his judging, or had he made himself weaker, more vulnerable? He was mentally and emotionally exhausted, but he had to push forward.
His mind had fixated on quotes he had accumulated over the years. One rang clear and true, the missive of an anonymous Spartan:
"Any man can fight refreshed and full of rest. A great soldier is when they fight valiantly drained of all strengths, whom is cold and tired, who also have not eaten or drank in weeks."
In a strange way, Sousuke felt a kinship with that man, and countless other faceless soldiers who had striven for some goal at some time in history.
How many of them had been hardened killing machines?
Had they all been destined to a short life of violence and death?
Was their very participation in battle a sin?
Or, were they valiant men doing what they must...... making sacrifices in spirit as well as body in order to reach their objectives?
Was there any place for a man like that---or a boy like that---amongst individuals who did not fight and did not kill?
Did he have any right to even think about Kaname? She was not tainted with the stains and stench of war.
Would she remain that way if he stayed close to her? Could she suffer something worse if he did not?
"War is an evil thing; but to submit to the dictation of other states is worse.... Freedom, if we hold fast to it, will ultimately restore our losses, but submission will mean permanent loss of all that we value.... To you who call yourselves men of peace, I say: You are not safe unless you have men of action on your side."
Those words of Thucydides touched a nerve in Sousuke. Some truths were as strong in 400 B.C. as they were now.
Another quote from the ancient Greek general and historian spoke to him personally. It might also serve as an unspoken mission statement for Mithril:
"The likeliest way of securing peace is this: only to use one's power in the cause of justice, but to make it perfectly plain that one is resolved not to tolerate aggression."
Sousuke knew that he did not enjoy killing, and was fully aware that he found no satisfaction in the pain and suffering he caused. He did not see himself as a monster, or freak. He did what needed to be done!
"War is just when it is necessary; arms are permissible when there is no hope except in arms."
Niccolo Machiavelli, had written that phrase in The Prince. Sousuke would judge this mission to be a necessity. It was not a matter of national posturing. It had nothing to do with the never ending contest over power and resources that the larger states held amongst themselves. A small group of men and women were risking their lives to avert an unfathomable catastrophe.
"The condition of freedom is risk."
Yes. Goethe's claim rang true. If no one was willing to take the risk, the privileges and pleasures that many people took for granted would fall by the wayside. No doubt they would then wonder why no one stepped forward to help them, when the made no such effort themselves.
There was no doubt what could happen if truckload after truckload of Destroying Angel mushroom...... or processed and concentrated Amanitin...... made it into the hands of fanatics and schemers.
Walking his M9 deeper into the tunnel system, Sousuke pondered a major point.
Did he make a difference?
If he were not sitting in this Arm Slave, would someone else be?
If he went on to choose, exclusively, a world of school, bus trips, art class, and amusement parks, would the world suffer from his absence as a skilled and dedicated fighter. Would innocent people be killed or injured, because his place was taken by someone with a chip on his shoulder, or a hole where a conscience once was?
He knew all too well what could happen if incompetent soldiers were handed a task beyond the level of their skills.
Even good soldiers could run into serious troubles when they were out- manned or were on the short end of the technology stick. His mind naturally traveled back to his adoptive homeland. The faces of Gray, Jackson, Maejest, Bill, and Andy floated past. He remembered some of the words they had shared, good and bad. He recalled a quote from Rudyard Kipling:
"When you're wounded and left on Afghanistan's plains,
And the women come out to cut up what remains,
Jest roll to your rifle and blow out your brains,
An' go to your Gawd like a soldier."
They had gone to their graves like soldiers, fighting to the end.
None of them had no means to successfully fight Gauron. That maniac had a Lambda Driver equipped A.S. None of them did. Sousuke's absence form the immediate vicinity spelled all of their dooms.
It was not the point of eternal guilt he was drawn to. It was the fact that he was the only one who could pilot Arbalest. Perhaps there were people in the higher command who simply viewed him as a precious commodity because of that fact. Could he afford to think of himself in such terms? Could the world afford him not to?
Kaname was a valuable commodity too, in some peoples' eyes.
For Sousuke, she had grown to be more than a mission.
Was that a mistake?
If he did not resume his mission at Jindai High School, Kaname would no doubt still be protected by someone, as long as Mithril felt that the benefits outweighed the cost and the risk.
Would he be able to resume his role as bodyguard?
For how long?
Would he have another emotional scar when he was moved on to his next long term assignment, somewhere other than Tokyo?
Didn't he have a large enough collection of such scars already?
Pride, Wrath, Hate and Revenge.
Those had brought him scars.
Irresponsibilty, Impatience, and Selfishness.
They had left their mark as well.
There were plenty of soldiers who never learned those lessons, or simply did not care.
His earliest days as an Arm Slave pilot were not all about knights......their horses...... shining armor...... and pretty maidens. He may have taken to thinking of himself as a crusader for justice and freedom, but he had no qualms at using whatever method seemed likely to get the job done. Orders were followed because they set forth a goal that paralleled his own desires and sense of need.
The battle in Guatemala was a wake up call for him.
He had come close to being expelled from Mithril. He might have spent the rest of his life in a foreign prison, if the truths had not been uncovered. Kurz and Melissa had been driven to put their own careers on the line to expose the lies spread by the political criminals..
It could have gone worse than that. The captives had already been killed. But, had they been alive, his attack against orders could have led to their death. He was forced to consider the potential ramifications of his rebellious rush into battle.
Obedience wasn't a shield, however. It did not protect one from sinning or making mistakes.
He had been following orders in Columbia.
Drug runners were routed at their laboratories. Kingpins were dragged from their homes. The enemy forces had been large in number but short on modern war equipment. Even so, the mission had anything but a cake walk.
All of his attention had been focused on the destruction of as many evil men as possible...... the protection of his squad mates...... and his own welfare.
Arrogance and Self-Righteousness.
The sheer destructive potential of the M9 had left him drunk on power.
Prudence, Temperance, and Justice.
He had made certain to load his weapons with sufficient rounds. There had been no negligence in his pre-fight systems check-ups. But, he had forgotten to pack common sense and the necessary vgilance.
Too intent on chasing and silencing an armored car, he never saw the woman and her baby. In a hurry, he vaulted a series of low huts, landing in what a brief and hurried large scale radar scan had showed was an empty street.
The street had not been empty.
The mangled and bloody remains showed that much. That terrible event, as drastic and unfortunate as it was, eventually served as a teaching point. But it took a while for the lesson to sink in.
Fortunately for him---and the countless men and women who he would fight for across the years---the incident also started Sousuke down a path where he began thinking about the welfare of other people than himself. That journey would take time.
Others would suffer before he reached his destination.
There was no question that he had been acting within mission parameters in Cambodia.
The terrorist base had situated in the middle of a small village, but the villagers were not supporters of the cause. The fighting had been fierce, thanks to clever tricks and traps in the difficult terrain. The battle was taking the lives of innocents---there was no doubt of that. But, the Mithril troops had broadcast a warnings and had allowed some time for escape.
Melissa became pinned down by multiple groups of enemy combatants, heavily armed with ATGMs. Her M9 was stuck, its leg caught in a deep pit.
Sousuke did not bother surveying the surroundings. His eye went quickly and solely to one particular structure. Once he the notion, he acted. The only thing on his mind was rescuing his squad leader, no matter what price he had to pay. There were certain costs he did not have time enough...... or compassion enough...... to reckon.
A huge multi-story tower had been erected, used as an observation point and a platform for snipers and long range interdiction weapons. Kurz had cleaned out that rat's nest early in the battle. The structure stood near the entrenched groups of men threatening Sgt. Major Mao. A number of hits on the nearest legs of the tower---accomplished by volleys of Javelin missiles---brought the edifice crashing down on the enemy.
He had saved Melissa.
The falling tower had also crashed through the roof of the village hospital. Most of the patients had been ambulatory and were gone. But, not all of them. The few that had been too serious to move died that day.
Sousuke thought about Kaname again.
Were his earlier actions around her cut from the same cloth?
Had he inconvenienced her or hurt her by rushing ever onward, oblivious to her thoughts and desires?
Did his slow-growing understanding of her come too late?
Was there any reason she should want to see him again?