(AUTHOR'S NOTE: Four down, three to go...going to try and update every day for a week to see if I can do it. Wish me luck. And a quick shout-out to everyone who's reviewed! Thanks a bunch!)

(To Naoko Catgirl: maybe Kagome got the RPG from Mousse.)

EPISODE FOUR, A NEW DOPE: A MIDSUMMER NIGHT'S BAD DREAM

Miroku sat deep in meditation, his hands steepled in his lap. Inuyasha, some distance away, practiced with Tetsusaiga. And Sango and Kagome relaxed in the hot springs, guarded by Shippo. It was a warm summer evening.

Slowly, the monk opened one eye and looked around the campsite. He then opened the other eye and looked towards the village. It was completely dark, so the villagers had gone to bed, aside from a lantern burning here and there. Farmers went to bed with dusk and woke at dawn.

Miroku rose to a crouch, each movement carefully planned. He was completely silent. He glanced down the path, where a blur of red and silver marked where Inuyasha practiced. Miroku allowed himself a small smile, and then with infinite patience and slowness, he slowly stretched out so he was full-length on the ground. He began moving forward, checking the ground carefully for twigs and dry leaves. His night-colored purple and black robes melted back into the darkness like shadows. Miroku was on the hunt, and ten minutes later, his quarry was in sight.

"Oh, Sango, this feels wonderful," Kagome sighed blissfully as she sank up to her collarbones in the warm mineral waters. She could feel all the worries and grime of the day fading away.

On the other side, Sango nodded, leaning her head back against the rocks. She stretched her long legs out on a rock, then froze for a moment. "Kagome, is this safe?" The schoolgirl looked quizzically at her. "Miroku is within a day's journey of here, so I don't think he would pass up an opportunity to spy on us."

"He was meditating when we left."

"I'm sure," Sango said with heavy sarcasm.

"Shippo's on watch. He'll warn us of any perverts."

Miroku heard Kagome's voice from his perch slightly above the hot springs, safely concealed in underbrush, and smiled. Oh no, dear Kagome, he thought, I've taken care of our little kitsune. You're completely defenseless here. Luckily I, Miroku, am here to guard you from danger. The steam from the hot springs shifted slightly, away from the pond, and he had an uninterrupted view into the pool. Unfortunately, the girls were relaxing and not actively washing, so the water only lapped tantalizingly above the swell of their breasts. Damn. Well, they have to get out sometime. The steam closed in again, and Miroku gritted his teeth. Then he counseled himself, patience, Miroku, patience. The steam can't last forever, and if my instincts are correct, there is a nice breeze blowing. Like a blessing from the heavens, the steam parted again.

"Sango, could you get my shampoo? It's in my bag."

"Certainly, Kagome."

She's standing up! Miroku bit his lip to keep from letting out a shout of joy. While he liked Kagome as a friend, and the fact that her breasts were slightly larger than Sango's, his true affection was reserved for the demon-slayer. He would never turn down a glimpse of Kagome, but it was Sango he had risked life and limb to see. As Sango rose, she turned away, so all he could see was the beautiful curve of her back and the dark scar that marred it. He felt a pang of sympathy and then a pang of frustration as the pool was deep enough to hide anything below the cute dimples above her buttocks. But it gets shallower as it reaches the shore, Miroku knew, because he had checked it earlier. And then you'll have to turn around, lovely Sango, to hand the shampoo to Kagome. Ah, your curves are like the waves on the Eastern Sea, and your breasts are like the gentle hills north of Edo...

While Miroku was composing this lovely and slightly perverted ode to Sango, he had unconsciously risen up slightly to get a better view. As he did so, his hand slightly dislodged a few pebbles, which tumbled down the slope into the water.

"What was that?" a new voice said.

Who? Miroku thought. A third voice. That sounds like...

The third figure stood up and directly faced Miroku. His eyes widened, his mouth opened and closed a few times before letting out a tiny squeak, and then he shot backwards out of the bush like a horde of demons was on his trail.

Sango whirled around, her hand closing on a rock, which she fired unerringly into the foilage. There was none of the expected thwack of stone against skull, nor a cry of pain, or a glimpse of black monkish robes. "That was strange. Usually Miroku would have announced his presence by now, and Inuyasha isn't that perverted."

"Ah, it was probably yon kitsune, chasing his tail," Kaede replied. She turned away from the bush and sank gratefully back into the warm water. "This is good for these old bones. Thank ye for inviting me out here tonight, Kagome."

"It was no trouble, Kaede-sama," Kagome smiled. "Sango, don't forget the shampoo."

Inuyasha finished going through his practice and grinned as he slammed Tetsusaiga back into its scabbard. He wanted to practice his Wind Scar, but they were too close to Kaede's village. Feeling very full of himself, he sauntered back to the campsite. He didn't smell any of the girls or Shippo, so he figured they were still bathing. Miroku was there, though, but when Inuyasha saw the monk, his golden eyes started with alarm. He ran over to the monk's side. "Miroku! Are you all right?"

Miroku was pale as winter snow, eyes wide and staring, and his mouth hung slightly open. Inuyasha would have thought him dead except for the fact that his hands were trembling horribly. Inuyasha shook the monk. "Miroku! Snap out of it! What's wrong? Are there demons around?" Miroku's head shook from side to side slowly. "Is Kagome and the others all right?" This time the monk nodded, the horror never leaving his face. "Dammit, what's wrong, then?"

"I..." Miroku found his voice. "I have seen things nightmares are made of..."

Underneath a tree barely within earshot of the hot springs, Shippo finished eating and sighed in contentment. "I love chocolate. Kagome was so nice to give me that, and Miroku was so kind to bring it to me." He looked up at the stars. "Life is wonderful."