OHOHOH SONGFIC! dies this is to save me from writing more chapters. This is the chapter before last. This song just had perfect lyrics ....OO I've been on New Found Glory and Green Day for weeks. And when I noticed the lyrics to this song it just clicked. So this is Truth of My Youth by New Found Glory. I don't own the song or the band. Don't sue. Warning: SUBJECT LEAPING

There was a time and place where I never thought I'd leave my own hometown But those days finally are dead and gone It was never my intention to stay there, oh no...

When I was a kid, I never dreamed of leaving home. No way. I'd stay home forever with Mom and Al and we'd all be one big happy family forever. But Dad left, and Mom died, and Al and I were forced- no, we weren't forced, but we decided to leave home. Our future was far from Rizenbul, but I never thought that I'd fall for the Colonel from that first glance I got of him while my eyes blurred by pain. But sure enough, after a while in the military, something sparked inside me and...I'm glad I didn't stay home with Winry and Grandma Pinako. Even if we had stayed one big happy feeling, I couldn't have stayed at home forever, could I have?

There was a conscious effort played by me To disown anything I see There was a girl I knew way back when who says she doesn't know me anymore.

It was hard leaving town, that's true enough. But I had changed since the transmutation, and I couldn't stay there anymore. I don't care if I go back and nobody recognizes me. I won't be surprised if they won't wanna associate with the military's dog. I know it will hurt, but it won't be surprising.

These are the lies, the things you never mention. These are my past mistakes I'll stay away from.

I live a constant lie just to be in this organization. The books are helpful to say the least but other than that, I'm only in it to be nearer to Colonel Roy Mustang. It's interesting, the way our feelings get in the way of our morals sometimes. I had always been taught to never to become a dog of the military and now, because of a need for information and an annoying crush, I have gone against my teachings and become a living lie. I have to hide my past constantly. "Yeah, I was in an accident and had to get automail" I'll always say to all those who see it and ask. It's getting easier and easier to lie, and it scares me. But for Roy, I'd lie every day of the week.

These are my thoughts written down on paper

It's my only savior from not saying what I wanna say.

These are the thoughts that are on my mind Moments that haven't yet been defined

And I don't know if you will ever understand

These are the things I can't say when we're alone.

I've written a total of 15 letters to you, all of them filled with my hopes for the future, with all my wants and all my needs, all my fears and all my angst. They make me feel better about who I am and how I feel. Every letter takes a little bit of the burden from my soul. I've imagined and dreamed of so many moments between us two, but they won't come true. I will always just be a dreamer. I've always had urges to tell you things whenever you and I are alone in your office with the door closed, just you and me, but I won't ever have the boldness to say something as strong as "I love you" unless I am sure of it. I'm a scientist and I won't say or believe in anything unless I am positive of its being and existence.

There were countless hours on the telephone, My ears were ringing from the dial tone

I call you often and I'm so nervous when I do, hoping I will be able to stay on topic and not drift off into other, more dangerous ones. I hope every time that I will be able to control myself. And I always dial your office and we spend hours on the phone, talking about the mission and what has happened so far in any given town. I was so tense talking to you at first, but now there is much lighter and easier conversation. Of course, if I stray TOO far off topic I get yelled at and threatened, but that's just how the Colonel is. I could spend forever listening to his smooth voice, though I hate phones because they distort it a bit.

There were flashing lights People staring and there was nothing I could ever do

Alchemy always stuns people. This particular taboo fascinates people to an extreme level. The bright lights and flashing colors always seem to get them. I don't like when people stare at me even though I love attention. I'm afraid they will see right through me. Instead I prefer to talk to people and have eye contact with them.

However, I use alchemy openly because it helps the public and it isn't about my comfort level. I save a lot of people, but there are those times when I can't do anything. And in those moments, I am totally lost and depressed, pushing myself harder than I can go, and by the end I'm so worn out and depressed that all I can do is either pass out or start crying. I usually succeed at both before I even think about using alchemy again. And usually when this happens, I write another letter to "Audrey" aka the Colonel.

This is the truth, the only time you'll hear it I'll write it down because it seems so hard to say it. These are the things I can't say when we're alone.

I will never say anything out loud, and so he won't ever hear the truth behind truths unless he finds those letters and just HAPPENS to figure out that I used a code name. I wouldn't put it above the Colonel, but I hope that he never figures it out. I hope we can live our normal ruitine and that I can still catch that glimps of him every so often and hear his voice over the phone, same as always. I don't want things to change because in my experience change is usually a bad thing. So sorry, Colonel, I guess you'll never know.

ONE MORE CHAPTER TO GOOOOO. Sorry if the lyrics were annoying but man do I love the song. SUBJECT JUMPING IS FUN NO? XX Ok I'm done now.