Chapter Four
Disclaimer - Its not mine its JK Rowling's…(The quirky terms of phrase, weird underwear and anything else that seems odd does belong to me.)
"…And who would have thought, if they looked in my eyes,that the soul that once lived here no longer resides.
For sorrow has tarnished its once vivacious look,
Pain its sparkle savagely took…
And try as I might the tears do not fall,
For, I think the valleys have used them all.
It's only the shuddering that does now remain,
Its tremors my feeling's it quietly sustains…"
Extracts from the poem 'Tears' by Moira Helen Lawson
o-o-o-o-o-o
"Crook-shanks," she choked out, her lip beginning to wobble as the pain clutched her chest.
The ginger cat stopped in its investigation, lifted its head, and gave Hermione, an angry look. Then noticing the tears in his owner's eyes the cat sprang from the bed, and raced up to her.
Dropping to her knees Hermione caught the ginger fur ball, held him tightly, and buried her face into his fur. The cat gave a soft meow and began grooming her, making concerned noises as he tried to lick her bushy hair flat.
Hermione breathed the warm cat scent in, '….he smells like home,' she thought to herself. The pain in her chest made it hard for her to breath; she wanted to scream but the lump in her throat didn't seem to want to let any noise through.
'Why?' her inner self screamed, the inability to form any sound fuelling the anger and grief.
'For God sake, Hermione, you have already had this conversation with yourself this morning!' the ever apparent sarcastic voice replied.
'Now are you going to continue to decorate the floor, or are you going to get up and stop asking stupid questions?' it sneered.
'It hurts!' she silently screamed back.
'Yes it bloody well does! And it's entirely your own fault for not having the foresight to prepare. Oh wait, Hermione, you did prepare didn't you? No but you didn't act… the studious know it all… the failure that couldn't save her parents. Pah! You will end up just like them Granger… DEAD!' said the voice.
'I WON'T!' she vehemently declared, as she tried to push the voice back, concentrating on making it stop hurting.
'Oh….and what's the big bad, Hermione going to do? Snivel Voldemort to death? Oh no…don't tell us….wait… we know… you will tremble him to death. Yes, that's it, right, death by snot?' the voice spat.
'How am I ever going to get through this?' she asked herself, clutching Crookshanks to her heart.
'By getting your cold butt off this stone floor; and not strangling your cat to death, Hermione,' her inner voice answered again wearily.
'I understand that!' she spat back at herself. 'But understanding it doesn't make emptiness stop… it doesn't numb the pain….it does nothing!!'
'It gives you the next step,' the voice quietly answered.
Sighing, Hermione released her grip on the poor cat, though in all honesty he didn't seem to have minded too much. Giving her a lick on the nose, Crookshanks sauntered over to the bed and climbed beneath the sheets; he looked over his shoulder and fixed her with a look that demanded that she join him.
Hermione removed her cloak and slippers; the weariness and fear from the interrogation had robbed the last her of energy. Silently she climbed into bed and took a deep breath; turning to her side she threw her arm around the cat. Closing her eyes she tried to picture her mother and father's arms around her. Chasing that memory Hermione fell asleep.
o-o-o-o-o-o
Snape walked briskly down the corridor that lead back to Dumbledore's office. Shivers played along the back of his neck and shoulders; unease was turning in his stomach.Why had Granger's gaze unsettled him so?
The lines on the surly professor's face deepened, his lips thinned. He had witnessed many haunted features, hollow eyes, and tear stained faces. He had heard the screams of the victims, begging for the end of their torment, (his own included). What made this situation any different?
'You're getting sentimental with age?' offered a sarcastic voice.
That made him snort, 'Ah, yes, Severus, if it wasn't for your wonderful sense of humour you would have been dead years ago!' he joylessly informed himself.
Shaking his head, he neared the gargoyle that guarded the entrance to Dumbledore's office, giving the creature a disdainful glare as he announced the password.
"Pearl drops!"
o-o-o-o-o-o
Dumbledore lifted his eyes from the head of Cornelius Fudge and glanced at Snape, giving him a slight nod to indicate that he could enter. The pleading voice of the Minister continued through the Floo connection; growing increasing more agitated as the conversation continued to steer itself in the opposite direction of where he trying to direct it.
"Dumbledore, you can't possibly suggest that she stay at Hogwarts… her situation could put other students at risk…and there is the cost that you need to consider. Remember that she has no guardian and she has no way of funding the rest of her schooling… she would be better in Muggle care," argued Fudge.
Snape quietly stepped into the room, his robes silently swirling around him as he inconspicuously positioned himself by the armchair, just out of the Ministers line of sight.
"No, Cornelius, the students are at risk because Voldemort is back. Miss Granger's predicament is a direct result of the Ministry not responding quickly enough to the situation it was faced with a year ago. Placing her in Muggle care would expose her further," Dumbledore replied, his eyes growing cold and hard as the Minister shifted uneasily in the fire.
"Dumbledore, we both know about the…misunderstandings that were had. But surely you don't blame the Ministry for this? We alerted the Aurors, the Dementors have been removed from Azkaban; there was not really much else we could do," continued Fudge, as the flames continued to dance around his ears.
'You could have listened a year ago, you self serving, power hungry little maggot!' thought Snape, his eyes glittering darkly.
"Never less Minster, Miss Granger will continue her schooling here. I have contacted the officials responsible for her continued care. It has been decided that we will find a suitable person to act as Hermione's guardian until the time she does not require one," Dumbledore firmly stated.
"But Dumbledore…there is still the matter of her breaking the Decree for the Reasonable Restriction of Underage Sorcery, and the fact that she Apparated without a licence. Which, in itself, is completely unacceptable and…,"said Fudge, faltering at the look on Dumbledore's face.
"Her case falls under Clause Seven, Minster, and the fact she was able to successfully Apparate was a blind stroke of luck. This being the case, is there any need to take this discussion further?" Dumbledore flatly asked, a flash of annoyance appearing in his sparkling blue eyes.
The Minister looked thoroughly put out; he opened and closed his mouth attempt to find the words he was looking for, and after a moment he shook his head in defeat.
"…Fine! Dumbledore, do what you think is best for her, but if you want my advice she would be better off in Muggle care," declared Fudge sourly, before removing his head from the fireplace without the courtesy of a goodbye.
"Let me hex him," growled Snape softly. The arrogance and disrespect the Minister continued to treat the Headmaster with never failed in setting alight his anger.
The statement drew the Headmaster out of his thoughts. Looking at the surly professor he focused his mind back to the present, and began assessing the needs of the situation.
"Cornelius and his continual unfounded biases," complained Dumbledore, shaking his head in frustration.
"Dumbledore, Cornelius's asininity was venerable before he became Minister. Do you honestly expect that it would have improved with age?" asked Snape, as he stepped out of the shadows.
The corners of the Headmaster's lips quirked, "Severus, as always your assessments never fail to sum up the entire situation in the most creative way possible," chuckled Dumbledore.
"What actions are to be taken concerning Miss Granger?" Snape asked softly.
The Headmaster placed his long finger tips together and considered them for a long moment before answering. "Miss Granger's birthday is the nineteenth of September, and on that day she will officially be of legal age. Until then I will ask Minerva to act as her temporary guardian. As far as her finances are concerned, I have been in contact with the officials and they have informed me of her parent's will that puts the financial worries to rest. The accounts of her parents will all be moved to a vault in Gringotts; the property itself was destroyed."
Snape nodded. "That will be the best course of action. With the escape of the prisoners it will be dangerous to let anyone connected closely with Potter out with the grounds unsupervised." The Headmaster nodded in agreement at the veiled warning. Not lifting his glaze from his hands, that left him only one more issue to broach.
"The lines will need to be re-established Severus…."
Dumbledore looked at up at Snape sadly, "You know what I'm about to ask?"
"Of course!" was the clipped reply, as the Potions' Master's becoming icy and focused.
"You know that it has to be done," said Dumbledore softly, his eyes harbouring a silent apology.
Snape emitted an empty laugh, "Ah, and who better, than a subject that has had the most extensive…experience." he mockingly stated.
"I would take a different route if it was possible," said Dumbledore softly.
"It would not be as reliable nor as effective. There is no other way!" said Snape, feeling uncomfortable with the Headmaster's unexpected condolence.
"You have my support should you need ever feel the need to use it," Dumbledore softly remind him.
Snape's eyes became empty and hollow, "There will be no need, Headmaster! I'm more than adept at… coping." He gave the Headmaster a twisted smirk, "That's the reason I'm the one doing it," replied Snape softly.
The blue sparkling eyes held Snape's gaze, "You're the only one - capable, Severus." said Dumbledore his voice demonstrating the depth of his respect and appreciation.
Snape bowed his head and allowed the undercurrents of the statement to wash over him; needing the acknowledgement; yet, hating the reality that course of action would entail.
'Pull yourself together Snivellus – the dragon awaits.' With that self deprecating thought, Snape gave Dumbledore a short nod and exited the office.
o-o-o-o-o-o
Hermione was pulled out her light slumber by a hand placed gently on her shoulder. Giving a shriek she turned, withdrew her wand, and pointed it at the offender. She was presented with a startled McGonagall, who stepped back and gave Hermione a confused look."My apologies, Miss Granger, but there are some issues that need to be addressed." said McGonagall softy, her eyes full of pity.
Hermione blushed and lowered her wand, her hand trembling slightly as she let out a shaky breath. "Sorry, Professor,"
McGonagall shook her head and waved off the apology, taking a seat next to the hospital bed and placing her walking stick on the floor. "Miss Granger, due to your current circumstances we have been placed into a difficult situation. It's not the normal practise for one of the Professors to act as guardian to a …a student in need, but since your birthday is in a few weeks the individual would only have to act as a temporary guardian."
McGonagall drew herself up and lifted her eyes to meet Hermione's. "The Headmaster and I have discussed the situation, and we have agreed that I would act as your temporary care giver."
Hermione's mouth dropped open in shock. This was all moving too fast, they still had to plan a funeral. What about her parent's house… what about her belongings?' Hermione felt like she was on a train running at five hundred miles per hour, and she had somehow missed her stop.
"But what about my parents funeral?" she asked, her voice wobbling.
"Miss Granger, the Ministry sent officials out after… last night's incident. I'm very sorry, but there was nothing left," said McGonagall shakily, tears appearing at the corners of the old woman's eyes.
Hermione stared blankly at McGonagall. Inside she felt numb. 'Nothing left…there is nothing left…nothing,' the voice echoed around in her mind. Shaking her head she looked down at her clenched fists, as though expecting to find the blood. 'You should have protected them Hermione, you failure…Dead! It's your fault… nothing.'
The older witch watched helpless as her best student's features went blank with grief. "Miss Granger, I'm sorry for your loss….I can only promise you that I'll do my best for you," said McGonagall determinedly. The old woman got up from her seat and sat on the edge of the bed, pulling Hermione into her arms and holding her like a mother would.
"You're not alone, Hermione, please don't let this pull you under. Don't let him win!" whispered McGonagall passionately, hoping that her words would give some relief to the trembling girl in her arms.
o-o-o-o-o-o
Hermione was perched on the edge of the bed, still sitting in the same position that Professor McGonagall had left her in. She hadn't responded to the Professor's words or gentle embrace; no… she had been too busy trying to get her normally effective brain to catch up with situation.'Why is she looking at me like that?' Hermione detachedly wondered, not really registering the pity, or understanding the finality that McGonagall's tone had held.
Before McGonagall left she spoke to Pomfrey, informing the nurse that Hermione was going to be currently residing at Hogwarts. The nurse had raised her eyebrows at this very unusual practise, but refrained from commenting. Knowing better than to ask questions, she had agreed to release Hermione after doing a final check.
"Miss Granger?" asked Madam Pomfrey.
Hermione didn't hear her. The previous evening's events were replaying in her head. The crash - her mother's scream - the Death Eaters in the doorway.
'Nothing…Dead…Failure!' echoed around mercilessly in her ears; it was a dreadful soundtrack to accompany the images that were floating past her eyes.
"Miss Granger?" Pomfrey asked more loudly, as she approached Hermione's still form.
Hermione still didn't respond; the dancing images with they're frightful tune blocked out any sound.
"Miss Granger!" she stated finally, as she placed a gentle hand on Hermione's shoulder.
"DON'T TOUCH ME!!" Hermione shrieked as she started from the nurse's touch, frightening Crookshanks and causing him to jump off the bed.
Hermione stood wide eyed and shaking, as the astonished Madam Pomfrey lowered her hand and fixed her with a looked mixed with confusion and sympathy.
"Please…just don't touch me," Hermione choked out, her voice hoarse with the strain of keeping tears and tremors back. She looked at the floor and clenched her fists, her shoulders slightly shaking with the force of emotion she was trying to contain.
"Okay," the nurse softly reassured, as she stepped forward, visually checking the young girl's face, assessing what was left of the bruises.
"How are your ribs?" the nurse enquired, not making any attempt to remove or touch the dressing gown in cased the movement distressed her patient further.
"Fine," Hermione softly replied, her head still bent and shoulders hunched.
"Your head? Any shooting pains?"
"No," said Hermione, her breathing deepened as she began to control her emotions.
"And your fingers?" the nurse asked, looking at the slightly swollen fingers on Hermione's right hand.
"Fine," said Hermione as she looked up and unclenched her fists; her tone was flat and resigned as she came back to herself.
Madam Pomfrey extended her hand and lifted her eyebrows, a silent yet clear signal that she wanted to inspect the young woman hands.
Hermione sighed and produced her hands for inspection. She was as shocked as the nurse to see the dried blood on her hands. The half moon circles had been etched into the soft skin, a bitter reminder of the morning's reality.
The nurse looked deeply into the young woman's eyes, both questioning and reprimanding at the same time. Once she was satisfied that her meaning was understood and her warning noted, she flicked her wand, simultaneously cleaning the blood and healing the skin.
Hermione flushed in embarrassment, 'Stupid, idiot!' she thought to herself; she hadn't even noticed what she had done.
Satisfied with her inspection, Pomfrey cast a cleaning charm on Hermione's gown; she didn't trust girl to wash herself alone just yet.
"Miss Granger, I want you to take some Dreamless Sleep potion," said the nurse, as she removed a bottle from the trolley next to Hermione's bed.
Hermione opened her mouth to protest; she didn't want to sleep. She wanted her parents to be alive. She wanted something, anything, to fill the gaping hole that was currently occupying the area her sanity used to be.
But before Hermione could get a word out, Madam Pomfrey placed a glass of Dreamless Sleep potion in her hand, and fixed her with a stern look, killing any attempt at protest instantaneously. Closing her mouth Hermione climbed into the bed and drank the potion.
Summoning the screens, the nurse placed them back around the bed as Hermione settled back into it. Crookshanks threw the nurse a dirty look and settled into the chair next to the cot.
Standing over Hermione the nurse took the glass from the young woman's hands; she gave the girl a look of pity before adjusting the last screen, shielding her from the rest of the ward.
'You don't deserve this Hermione…you should be dead! Nothing… Failure!' chanted the voice in a never ending mantra.
'Did Pomfrey know about the voice?' wondered Hermione absentmindedly. Her eyes became heavy as a feeling of warmth travelled down her body, chasing away the edgy trembling. 'Perhaps the dreamless sleep potion was not so much to keep away nightmares, but a way to silence the inner self.' Unfortunately Hermione did not get any further in her musings; because her last thread of consciousness frayed, causing her to slip into the warm darkness.
o-o-o-o-o-o
Authors Notes:
A massive thank you to Persephone who spent four hours correcting this and finding the 167 errors that this text contained. Another massive thank you to Estrilda who has helped me pick up mistakes from chapter one right through to chapter three, Thank you babes!A massive hug to Elosia, who is my personal guru. Her support, good humour, and damn silliness has kept me entertained and focused.
Again thank you to all that have reviewed!