TITLE: A Day in the Life of a Grim Reaper; Behind the Cloak and Sickle (Part 27of30)
AUTHOR: trista
DISCLAIMER: George and the concept is not mine, it belongs to MGM, showcase, Ellen Muth, and the creator of the series, the new characters are mine, but I don't think anyone will be borrowing them.
RATING: PG-13 (for language, but the kids these days…)
CONTENT: Reggie/Millie friendship, Mason/George romance
SUMMARY: George deals with aftermath of having to reap a friend.
AUTHORS NOTES: no emails about the cd yet, I know a couple of you said you were interested… so this is part 27, I can't believe I've written so much!! This is the conclusion of the last one, and if you needed ur Kleenex b4 you'll need it more now! The featured song, and inspiration for these last two part is called "Jacob's eyes" by an amazing Ottawa band called Wishpocket. As I said b4 I've wanted to do something with song for a while, and am glad that I was able to use it.
In other news I've just been laid off and in a couple of weeks I may be wanting to start a new series, I'm thinking something with a darker G&M relationship, with a stronger rating, if anyone thinks it's a good idea please tell me… and now the moment you've all been waiting for… drum-role please!! The fic!!!!! kermit the frog style YAAAYYY!!!!"
Everyone showed up at the house that morning, and sat down around the kitchen table. It was strange how routine everything was, even when someone new arrived. We all sat at the same places, and the only thing that ever changed was one face, and the off topic conversations. I wanted Anika to give me my damn post-it and let me go. I wanted to see how much of Jacob's wake I'd be able to go to. I couldn't not go, but I didn't want to show up and then leave, then come back.
"First order of business," Anika said.
Peachy, I thought, she's decided to have a quasi staff meeting. Just my rotten fucking luck! I wanted to be anywhere but there. I didn't want to hear Anika go on about things, that we probably should know, but didn't really care about either way.
She cleared her throat, realizing no one was listening. "First up, George you have the day off, since you had to take a soul on the day off, you get to have a real day off today. And I'm sorry about your little friend, but I'm only told who assign names to, I don't decide who gets 'em."
I nodded. "Well, I guess that's good news then."
"It is, and if you go to the wake I'd like you take another reaper along, just in case someone saw you yesterday."
"Whatever, who's free?"
"Colt's isn't till the evening, so I guess you two can go."
"Can I go now?"
"There's still more we need to cover."
I sighed, leaned back in my chair, and listened to her, even though I had heard it all before. Don't get me wrong, I liked Anika she was a good reaper, and a good friend, but as a team leader she went a little overboard. She liked to once a week remind us what we had to do. She seemed to forget that I had been a reaper longer then her, and I had even helped her out a little at first. It didn't matter how long the reaper had been around she insisted upon telling them the same thing. About how to look for danger areas, and how to look inconspicuous.
After that was over Colt and I went over to the funeral home. When I got there, Colt was my brick, and I was glad that he was there. I only stayed a few hours before I couldn't bare it anymore. It was a nice enough place and all, it was just so hard to deal with seeing Jacob in that box. I was also having trouble dealing with his mother who was a complete wreck. When we walked in there was another mother from the center talking to her, and everyone heard the whole thing.
"What were you thinking?" asked the first mother, Veronica.
"I was thinking I was going to give my son a bit of a normal life. He was more then old enough to go to his friend's houses alone," Jacob's mother, Lisa responded.
"He wasn't a normal child!"
"He wasn't stupid either!"
I knew Veronica she didn't let her son do anything, I was surprised he was even allowed to go to the center at all. She treated him like he was a small child and he was older then Jacob was. I wanted to say something, but knew it wasn't my place. Lisa simply walked away rather then explain her position on the matter. I went over to her, and hugged her.
"Hey, don't let her bother you," I told her.
She nodded. "It just hurts, she thinks that it was because I let him live that he died."
"She doesn't know what she's talking about. It was not because of what you did or said that it happened, it was because some dumbfuck decided the he was going to drive drunk."
"I know, but it's so hard."
"I can understand, I remember what my mother went through when she lost my sister. It was so hard on her. She blamed herself for what happened because she had forced her to go to work that morning."
"How did she get over it?"
"I think she realized that the action she took was the best for her, and that despite the outcome she was a good parent for sending her to work. Just as you are a good parent because you let your son go and do something that he's seen so many other children his age do."
Tears were rolling down her face. "I don't know what I'm going to do without him."
"It's going to be hard for a while, but you have a good husband, and great friends who will support you through the hard times."
"Have you ever lost anyone that was important to you?"
"I'm only twenty five, but I've lost a few people that meant a lot to me. Including the guy I thought I was going to marry."
She nodded. "Parents aren't supposed to bury their children."
I nodded. "But only the good die young, and he was a damn good kid. Had I had kids with my fiancé I would have wanted one just like Jacob."
"Only one that could walk."
"His disability shaped that child, he would not be the amazing young man he was had it not been for the way you treated him."
"Thank you, I needed hear that."
I nodded. "Look, I hate to leave, but this is just so hard. I'll see you at the funeral."
"Thank you for coming Leena."
"I couldn't not say goodbye to him."
"One last thing, will you be continuing your work at the center?"
"Probably not, I don't think I can go in there and not see him."
She started to cry again. I hugged her, and a few minutes later her husband had come back, and she turned to him for the shoulder to cry on. The whole time while I was at the wake I did not cry. Later even at the funeral I did not shed any tears, but as soon as I got home, and began talking to Colt the tears began to flow, a lot. We were in my room talking, glad that the temp didn't live there, and that Anika probably wouldn't be around till the next morning.
"So how are you holding up?" he asked me.
"This is hard, I feel like I enabled the whole thing," I responded.
"Could you live with the alternative?"
I shrugged. "Probably not, I just wish that…"
"You hadn't got his post-it."
I nodded. "Why does fate have to be so cruel! Not only was he a kid I knew him! He was a good kid that could have done so much good in the world!"
"I don't know why fate is like that, maybe it's to make you really ready for whatever is ahead for you."
"The way fate likes to fuck with me I'll be a reaper for fucking ever!"
"You didn't do anything to deserve that."
I shrugged. "Whatever."
"It's that mouth of yours that's gotten you into trouble."
I smiled. "Well.."
"I made you smile anyway."
"I hate to do this to you but my appointment is soon, I'll be back and we'll continue this."
I nodded, and curled in my bed, in hopes of having a nap, as I had not slept well the night before. Unfortunately sleep would not come, and ended up lying in bed staring at my ceiling thinking about what I could have done to save Jacob. I was also trying to find a way of getting out being a reaper without being punished. I wanted to be reunited with everyone I had lost along the way. What I wanted most of all was for Mason to be around to hold me. Somehow no matter how bad things got I felt that everything was going to be fine when Mason held me. I could even forget for a little while that there was something bad going on in my life, of course that took a lot more then him holding me.
I missed being able to talk to him before and after we had sex. I missed everything about him, and there was nothing I could do about it. It somehow whenever it lost someone the grief would always come back about Mason. I never really got over the pain of losing and thought I never would. He was the first person I loved. I only realized after they died that I did love my parents, and that was why it hurt so much to lose them twice. I loved Colt in a very different way, but he could not make me feel exactly the same as Mason had. I was glad that I at least had someone who would listen to me when I needed help. Everyone thinks that a girl and guy can't be just friends, Colt and I proved them wrong. I wanted nothing more from him then friendship.
My mind had wondered back to Jacob, laying there, looking asleep in his child sized coffin, it was so small, and I wanted nothing more then for him to open his eyes, and ask why all those people were around. But I knew that could not happen. I knew that I had taken his soul, and there was nothing that I could do to put it back in there, and even that would not bring him back to life! I heard the door open, and expected Colt to come up immediately, but it took him a few moments, when he got upstairs he was holding his guitar. I looked him curiously, wondering what he would need that for.
"I wrote a song in my head while I was waiting to reap the soul. I'm gonna play it for you," he informed me.
"I hope it sounds good out of your head as it does in it," I responded.
He laughed. "It usually sounds better once I get it out."
So he played me a song he had written, changing a few things around the first time, and then singing it entirely through the next. It was all about the day that we had just passed.
It was different from before when we'd go to see a box
I could tell that he was hurt by I'd never seen a drop
And it's not like he was the toughest guy in the world alive
He was doing just fine until they closed Jacob's eyes
Looking down the road, making a river flow
Looked into his eyes
First time I'd ever seen a man's eyes cry
This time when we got there the box was half the size
The population had doubled for his twelve years of life
The sky was heavier then the heaviest ever sky
We were all doing just fine till they closed Jacob's eyes
Looking down the road, making a river flow
Looked into his eyes
First time I'd ever seen a man's eyes cry
Why'd you have to take him? he was just a kid!
Why'd you have to take him? he was just a kid!
It was different from before when we'd go to see a box
I could tell that he was hurt by I'd never seen a drop
This time when we got there the box was half the size
The population had doubled for his twelve years of life
Looking down the road, making a river flow
Looked into his eyes
First time I'd ever seen a man's eyes cry
Looking down the road, making a river flow
Looked into his eyes
First time I'd ever seen a man's eyes cry
I cried after he played it for me. But I was glad that he had, and after that whenever I needed to stop thinking about Jacob I would ask Colt to play me that song, and it got all of the emotions that I felt about loosing him out of me. Somehow the song had so much power, and I was glad that he had shared it with me, because Colt didn't ever let anyone hear a lot of his music.
"The guy I'm talking about is Jacob's dad," he explained. "I have never seen a grown man so grief stricken. I understand why, but most men try to hide their real feelings about things that happened. I was glad to see that he was brave enough to show everyone what he felt."
"I understand," I replied. "Do you see me as weak for not crying at the wake?"
"No, George, you are the type of person who simply keeps her cool at those kinds of things because you've been to so many. I know that you are grieving for him, but you like to grieve in private. Plus he wasn't your kid. There's something else on your mind."
"It's just that whenever I loose anyone it makes me think of how I felt when I lost Mason, and reminds me that I'm not really over it."
"I don't think you ever will, he was the first guy you ever loved, that's something you never really heal from."
I nodded. "I just wish… I just wish that I could remember everything. I remember a lot, but there are holes in so much of the stuff now!"
"That would happen even if he was here."
"I know, but…"
"But?" he prompted.
"I don't want to forget anything about him, because then I might forget how much I love him."
"Your heart doesn't forget, only your mind does."
Colt was a really smart guy, and I was glad to have him to talk to. "As much as I love talking to you, and having you around, Anika has been showing up here pretty early, and I've hardly slept, so I think I wanna just try and get some sleep."
He hugged me and went to bed. I fell asleep a few hours later, my thoughts and dreams filled with both Jacob and Mason. I really wondered how much longer I could deal with losing people, and if I would ever be able to open my heart again even for friendship. I had Colt, who else did I need?
End
End notes: so I really am making the next time jump… part 28 is almost done…. Three more to go… can you believe it?????? Hugz and kissez trista aka the dustytiger
AUTHOR: trista
DISCLAIMER: George and the concept is not mine, it belongs to MGM, showcase, Ellen Muth, and the creator of the series, the new characters are mine, but I don't think anyone will be borrowing them.
RATING: PG-13 (for language, but the kids these days…)
CONTENT: Reggie/Millie friendship, Mason/George romance
SUMMARY: George deals with aftermath of having to reap a friend.
AUTHORS NOTES: no emails about the cd yet, I know a couple of you said you were interested… so this is part 27, I can't believe I've written so much!! This is the conclusion of the last one, and if you needed ur Kleenex b4 you'll need it more now! The featured song, and inspiration for these last two part is called "Jacob's eyes" by an amazing Ottawa band called Wishpocket. As I said b4 I've wanted to do something with song for a while, and am glad that I was able to use it.
In other news I've just been laid off and in a couple of weeks I may be wanting to start a new series, I'm thinking something with a darker G&M relationship, with a stronger rating, if anyone thinks it's a good idea please tell me… and now the moment you've all been waiting for… drum-role please!! The fic!!!!! kermit the frog style YAAAYYY!!!!"
Everyone showed up at the house that morning, and sat down around the kitchen table. It was strange how routine everything was, even when someone new arrived. We all sat at the same places, and the only thing that ever changed was one face, and the off topic conversations. I wanted Anika to give me my damn post-it and let me go. I wanted to see how much of Jacob's wake I'd be able to go to. I couldn't not go, but I didn't want to show up and then leave, then come back.
"First order of business," Anika said.
Peachy, I thought, she's decided to have a quasi staff meeting. Just my rotten fucking luck! I wanted to be anywhere but there. I didn't want to hear Anika go on about things, that we probably should know, but didn't really care about either way.
She cleared her throat, realizing no one was listening. "First up, George you have the day off, since you had to take a soul on the day off, you get to have a real day off today. And I'm sorry about your little friend, but I'm only told who assign names to, I don't decide who gets 'em."
I nodded. "Well, I guess that's good news then."
"It is, and if you go to the wake I'd like you take another reaper along, just in case someone saw you yesterday."
"Whatever, who's free?"
"Colt's isn't till the evening, so I guess you two can go."
"Can I go now?"
"There's still more we need to cover."
I sighed, leaned back in my chair, and listened to her, even though I had heard it all before. Don't get me wrong, I liked Anika she was a good reaper, and a good friend, but as a team leader she went a little overboard. She liked to once a week remind us what we had to do. She seemed to forget that I had been a reaper longer then her, and I had even helped her out a little at first. It didn't matter how long the reaper had been around she insisted upon telling them the same thing. About how to look for danger areas, and how to look inconspicuous.
After that was over Colt and I went over to the funeral home. When I got there, Colt was my brick, and I was glad that he was there. I only stayed a few hours before I couldn't bare it anymore. It was a nice enough place and all, it was just so hard to deal with seeing Jacob in that box. I was also having trouble dealing with his mother who was a complete wreck. When we walked in there was another mother from the center talking to her, and everyone heard the whole thing.
"What were you thinking?" asked the first mother, Veronica.
"I was thinking I was going to give my son a bit of a normal life. He was more then old enough to go to his friend's houses alone," Jacob's mother, Lisa responded.
"He wasn't a normal child!"
"He wasn't stupid either!"
I knew Veronica she didn't let her son do anything, I was surprised he was even allowed to go to the center at all. She treated him like he was a small child and he was older then Jacob was. I wanted to say something, but knew it wasn't my place. Lisa simply walked away rather then explain her position on the matter. I went over to her, and hugged her.
"Hey, don't let her bother you," I told her.
She nodded. "It just hurts, she thinks that it was because I let him live that he died."
"She doesn't know what she's talking about. It was not because of what you did or said that it happened, it was because some dumbfuck decided the he was going to drive drunk."
"I know, but it's so hard."
"I can understand, I remember what my mother went through when she lost my sister. It was so hard on her. She blamed herself for what happened because she had forced her to go to work that morning."
"How did she get over it?"
"I think she realized that the action she took was the best for her, and that despite the outcome she was a good parent for sending her to work. Just as you are a good parent because you let your son go and do something that he's seen so many other children his age do."
Tears were rolling down her face. "I don't know what I'm going to do without him."
"It's going to be hard for a while, but you have a good husband, and great friends who will support you through the hard times."
"Have you ever lost anyone that was important to you?"
"I'm only twenty five, but I've lost a few people that meant a lot to me. Including the guy I thought I was going to marry."
She nodded. "Parents aren't supposed to bury their children."
I nodded. "But only the good die young, and he was a damn good kid. Had I had kids with my fiancé I would have wanted one just like Jacob."
"Only one that could walk."
"His disability shaped that child, he would not be the amazing young man he was had it not been for the way you treated him."
"Thank you, I needed hear that."
I nodded. "Look, I hate to leave, but this is just so hard. I'll see you at the funeral."
"Thank you for coming Leena."
"I couldn't not say goodbye to him."
"One last thing, will you be continuing your work at the center?"
"Probably not, I don't think I can go in there and not see him."
She started to cry again. I hugged her, and a few minutes later her husband had come back, and she turned to him for the shoulder to cry on. The whole time while I was at the wake I did not cry. Later even at the funeral I did not shed any tears, but as soon as I got home, and began talking to Colt the tears began to flow, a lot. We were in my room talking, glad that the temp didn't live there, and that Anika probably wouldn't be around till the next morning.
"So how are you holding up?" he asked me.
"This is hard, I feel like I enabled the whole thing," I responded.
"Could you live with the alternative?"
I shrugged. "Probably not, I just wish that…"
"You hadn't got his post-it."
I nodded. "Why does fate have to be so cruel! Not only was he a kid I knew him! He was a good kid that could have done so much good in the world!"
"I don't know why fate is like that, maybe it's to make you really ready for whatever is ahead for you."
"The way fate likes to fuck with me I'll be a reaper for fucking ever!"
"You didn't do anything to deserve that."
I shrugged. "Whatever."
"It's that mouth of yours that's gotten you into trouble."
I smiled. "Well.."
"I made you smile anyway."
"I hate to do this to you but my appointment is soon, I'll be back and we'll continue this."
I nodded, and curled in my bed, in hopes of having a nap, as I had not slept well the night before. Unfortunately sleep would not come, and ended up lying in bed staring at my ceiling thinking about what I could have done to save Jacob. I was also trying to find a way of getting out being a reaper without being punished. I wanted to be reunited with everyone I had lost along the way. What I wanted most of all was for Mason to be around to hold me. Somehow no matter how bad things got I felt that everything was going to be fine when Mason held me. I could even forget for a little while that there was something bad going on in my life, of course that took a lot more then him holding me.
I missed being able to talk to him before and after we had sex. I missed everything about him, and there was nothing I could do about it. It somehow whenever it lost someone the grief would always come back about Mason. I never really got over the pain of losing and thought I never would. He was the first person I loved. I only realized after they died that I did love my parents, and that was why it hurt so much to lose them twice. I loved Colt in a very different way, but he could not make me feel exactly the same as Mason had. I was glad that I at least had someone who would listen to me when I needed help. Everyone thinks that a girl and guy can't be just friends, Colt and I proved them wrong. I wanted nothing more from him then friendship.
My mind had wondered back to Jacob, laying there, looking asleep in his child sized coffin, it was so small, and I wanted nothing more then for him to open his eyes, and ask why all those people were around. But I knew that could not happen. I knew that I had taken his soul, and there was nothing that I could do to put it back in there, and even that would not bring him back to life! I heard the door open, and expected Colt to come up immediately, but it took him a few moments, when he got upstairs he was holding his guitar. I looked him curiously, wondering what he would need that for.
"I wrote a song in my head while I was waiting to reap the soul. I'm gonna play it for you," he informed me.
"I hope it sounds good out of your head as it does in it," I responded.
He laughed. "It usually sounds better once I get it out."
So he played me a song he had written, changing a few things around the first time, and then singing it entirely through the next. It was all about the day that we had just passed.
It was different from before when we'd go to see a box
I could tell that he was hurt by I'd never seen a drop
And it's not like he was the toughest guy in the world alive
He was doing just fine until they closed Jacob's eyes
Looking down the road, making a river flow
Looked into his eyes
First time I'd ever seen a man's eyes cry
This time when we got there the box was half the size
The population had doubled for his twelve years of life
The sky was heavier then the heaviest ever sky
We were all doing just fine till they closed Jacob's eyes
Looking down the road, making a river flow
Looked into his eyes
First time I'd ever seen a man's eyes cry
Why'd you have to take him? he was just a kid!
Why'd you have to take him? he was just a kid!
It was different from before when we'd go to see a box
I could tell that he was hurt by I'd never seen a drop
This time when we got there the box was half the size
The population had doubled for his twelve years of life
Looking down the road, making a river flow
Looked into his eyes
First time I'd ever seen a man's eyes cry
Looking down the road, making a river flow
Looked into his eyes
First time I'd ever seen a man's eyes cry
I cried after he played it for me. But I was glad that he had, and after that whenever I needed to stop thinking about Jacob I would ask Colt to play me that song, and it got all of the emotions that I felt about loosing him out of me. Somehow the song had so much power, and I was glad that he had shared it with me, because Colt didn't ever let anyone hear a lot of his music.
"The guy I'm talking about is Jacob's dad," he explained. "I have never seen a grown man so grief stricken. I understand why, but most men try to hide their real feelings about things that happened. I was glad to see that he was brave enough to show everyone what he felt."
"I understand," I replied. "Do you see me as weak for not crying at the wake?"
"No, George, you are the type of person who simply keeps her cool at those kinds of things because you've been to so many. I know that you are grieving for him, but you like to grieve in private. Plus he wasn't your kid. There's something else on your mind."
"It's just that whenever I loose anyone it makes me think of how I felt when I lost Mason, and reminds me that I'm not really over it."
"I don't think you ever will, he was the first guy you ever loved, that's something you never really heal from."
I nodded. "I just wish… I just wish that I could remember everything. I remember a lot, but there are holes in so much of the stuff now!"
"That would happen even if he was here."
"I know, but…"
"But?" he prompted.
"I don't want to forget anything about him, because then I might forget how much I love him."
"Your heart doesn't forget, only your mind does."
Colt was a really smart guy, and I was glad to have him to talk to. "As much as I love talking to you, and having you around, Anika has been showing up here pretty early, and I've hardly slept, so I think I wanna just try and get some sleep."
He hugged me and went to bed. I fell asleep a few hours later, my thoughts and dreams filled with both Jacob and Mason. I really wondered how much longer I could deal with losing people, and if I would ever be able to open my heart again even for friendship. I had Colt, who else did I need?
End
End notes: so I really am making the next time jump… part 28 is almost done…. Three more to go… can you believe it?????? Hugz and kissez trista aka the dustytiger