TITLE: A Day in the Life of a Grim Reaper; Behind the Cloak and Sickle (Part 28of30)
AUTHOR: trista
DISCLAIMER: George and the concept is not mine, it belongs to MGM, showcase, Ellen Muth, and the creator of the series, the new characters are mine, but I don't think anyone will be borrowing them.
RATING: PG-13 (for language, but the kids these days…)
CONTENT: Reggie/Millie friendship, Mason/George romance
SUMMARY: George finds out Happy Time is still around, and gets some shocking news!
AUTHORS NOTES: it's nearing the end kiddies. Today's song is brought to you by one of my fave bands, used already, called Keep Yourself Good Company, and is called "don't forget" the haunting song seems perfect for this night, I hope you think it works too! I've been waiting a little while to post it, glad I finally could!! Please, please tell me that I have not put all these songs in in vain, email me if you want a CD!! (rockchicktristasympatico.ca)
I was so angry, so sick of being a reaper, a hundred years was long enough! Cruel fucking fate really had something against me. After my appointment that day just happened to walk past the old Happy Time building, surprised to see that it was still Happy Time! I picked up a rock, wanting to throw a rock at the place. It was the place that had caused me to be a grim reaper for a hundred years! If I hadn't gone to work at that god-forsaken place, if they had remembered my lunch I would have lead a normal life!
Well as normal a life as one can life in the Lass household. As I stood, holding my rock, thinking of my life, my real life, the eighteen year one, I realized that it wasn't really all that bad, I was just a mellow drama queen! Honestly, my life wasn't bad at all, my parents didn't do anything bad to me, I rebelled against them for loving me! What an idiot I was! I could hardly believe now that I had done that. All I wanted anymore was to tell them how sorry I was, just to see them again.
I wasn't sure if I had the choice if I would give up my life as a reaper because, to be honest I don't think I would have learned this lesson any other way. Not to mention I wouldn't want to know what life would have been like without the love of my (after)life, Mason. He really did open my eyes to a lot of things when we were together, and when he moved on. I didn't think that I was capable of loving anyone but myself until I started to see Mason. I didn't know much about myself until I met him, and I learned even more after I lost him.
I looked at the rock in my hand again, and put it down. I fully intended to just walk away from that building, and never looked back, but I found myself inexplicably drawn in. As soon as I went in, I realized other then being modernized with the times, the place hadn't changed much. Even Crystal's desk was the same as I had remembered it, other then instead of rather large mean looking lady sitting there, there was a skinny little man. Again, I didn't know what made me go where I went but ended up in the line to apply for a job.
"Hi," said, a chipper thirty year old woman. "I'm Darlie, how can I help you?"
"Hi, Darlie, I'm Sasha, I'm looking for a job, and I have a little problem."
"What might that be?"
"I don't really have a resume or anything."
"That's not a problem at all! Just fill this out and hand it back to me, all right?"
I nodded and she handed me a piece of paper. Why was I back here? Why was I applying for a day job? Maybe it had something to do with needing to get out my house for more then just appointments. My house had a revolving door, and I even had to resort to having to lock up anything I didn't want anyone else to see. Yes, some of the temps would go through my shit! I caught one of them with necklace that Mason gave me! It wasn't worth much, really, but it meant a lot to me because it was the first gift he had given me. I was furious, and for a while temps weren't even allowed in the house. Then Colt and I decided that it would be a good idea to just lock our shit up, and let the house be back to the way he was. He liked the chaos, and I just went with it.
So to escape the craziness of my house, here I was getting a day job I didn't need, and didn't really want. I filled out the sheet, lying about most of the information. Saying I had heard about the place from Millie. I handed Darlie the sheet of paper and went to walk away.
"Just a minute Sasha, would you be able to come back for an interview this afternoon, say at two?" she asked.
"I think so, that's awfully quick!"
"Here at Happy Time we don't see the point of having to make people wait to see if they are able to get a job, so we make sure that all applicants are seen as soon as we can fit them in," smiled another woman. "Now, Darlie, why did you send this young lady elsewhere without even buzzing me?"
"I'm sorry, I thought you said you'd be busy all morning."
"I did say that, but as luck would have it I was done early! Please, always buzz me when someone comes in to apply from now on, all right."
Darlie nodded, and handed her the sheet of paper. She looked over it, and looked at me. "All right Sasha, if you'll come with me." I followed her into what used to be Delores' office.
"Hi, I'm Deena Herbig as in-" she went to say.
"Her big brown eyes?" I finished.
"Blue, for me, but you must have known a brown eyed Herbig!"
"I don't know her personally, my Aunt Millie knew Delores she used to work here."
"It's a shame you never knew Delores, although I guess you're probably too young to have known her, she died a number of years ago."
I nodded. "Yeah, my aunt died not long ago, but I remember her having fond memories of working here so when I was a in a pinch for a job I crossed my fingers and hoped it was still around."
She then proceeded to interview me, big surprise just like in the past they were always looking for people, and I was hired, to start the next day. I forgot how much it hurt to smile so much! It was funny had I not died I probably would have made fun of the place with my kids or nieces around the kitchen table, but if Millie had been a real person she probably would have talked somewhat highly of the place.
I was actually kind of glad to have a day job again, and maybe that was what was making me feel so miserable of late, that I didn't seem to be doing anything but taking souls, and dealing with people who were taking souls. A bunch of which were only around for a few weeks before they were allowed to cross on. Sure Anika, Drew, and Colt were still around, but a big part of me resented the temps for being able to move on. I knew that they had been around for a while, but since I had only seen them for a short time I felt like they had only been there for a little while, and I felt like I should be moving along before them.
I didn't have anyone left anymore except for Colt. Anika and I got along really well, but would hardly call us friends, step sisters or something maybe, but friends certainly not. Drew, for his part really only ever did anything with Anika, and it was funny that they never really told anyone weather or not they were more then just friends.
I left the happy time building looking at a lot of things. I had been there so many times when I first became a reaper, and I realized that for the most part not a lot had changed. Sure the names on the signs had changed, but nothing else had. People were essentially the same as they had been, even if they wore different clothes. Most of them were ignorant, or in a hurry. Very few were nice, and just going with the flow as I had decided to be. A lot of them were pretty stupid, and even without looking for risks, I still did it and noticed how many things people did in a day to put them in danger.
Going back to happy time reminded me of the first few times I was there, when I was still alive. I had hated my mother for making me go there and look for a job. I was even more angry when she made me go back and actually do the job. All she was doing was trying to make me grow up. She had bee right I couldn't just live with her forever, I had to do something with my life, no matter how much I thought it sucked and didn't want to do it. I was so stupid not to have realized anything I had in my life.
My mother spoiled me rotten. She had paid for my one semester of college that I hated going to, and only did because, well I don't know why I did it. I think my mother knew that I'd never stick with it, but she still paid for it. All she ever did was love me, and all I ever did was hate her! Why was I so stupid! Maybe you're like that when you're young, but I've met a lot of people that were my age, and they weren't like that. They had their issues with their parents, but usually they had damn good reasons to have issues.
I had met people whose parents had abused them, abandoned them, hurt them in ways I could only imagine, and hated their parents. I met people who's parents had made huge mistakes when raising them and still cared for them! And then there was me in life I didn't find the use of family. I didn't care about them until I lost them, and then I started missing them. People, I had no right to miss because I hadn't given a shit about them! But they cried for me, their lives were changed because I wasn't in them! And I was a selfish little bitch who thought that they had nothing to offer me.
Now, a hundred years later I still missed them, long after they were gone and there was no way to go back. I wanted to tell them that I was sorry, and that I loved them, and I couldn't. Someone had taken that away from me, or maybe I took it away from myself. That's right, it wasn't fate that was against me persay, it was that fate was just giving me the kick in the ass that I had tried to give it! Don't fuck with fate, fate has a way of fucking you up the ass!
Fate had been nice and had given me Mason, for a little while, but I thought that happiness never went away. I had a lot to learn! Happiness comes and goes, but love is forever, and that was something I had with my family, despite what I wanted to believe. They still loved me till the day they died, and I tried to deny my feelings of love, even after I died!
When I got home I went right up to my room. Part of me wanted to send off an email, but then I remembered that Reggie had died forty years ago! I had been alone, except for Colt for the last forty years. I was on my bed, wishing that I had something from everyone that I was thinking about so that I could feel close to them, but I never was that sentimental. I heard a light knock at the door, and knew that it was Colt, who let himself in, and sat down on the bed.
"Hey, George, what's wrong?" he asked.
"Same as always, and I realized I'm stupid," I replied.
He laughed. "What did you do?"
"I got a day job."
"Why?"
I shrugged. "I was outside happy time, and before I knew what was going on I was inside applying for a job."
He laughed. "You're a strange bird George, you know that?"
"I guess I am."
"I can hardly believe the place is still around!"
"I was pretty fucking surprised myself."
We talked for a little while longer, I found that somehow Colt seemed to make things better. I always felt a little less frazzled after talking to him. He was my best friend, and even though I had lost so much I knew that at the end of the day I could get through it as long as I knew that he would be there when I got home. I was glad that I hadn't dated him because of the whole Mason thing, because we would not have had the same relationship, and that was the kind of relationship I needed after loosing so much.
I heard a faint knocking on the door, and then the bell ring. I went downstairs, surprised to find Anika on the doorstep. Not because she didn't come often, but because she never came during the day. She didn't even say anything, and sat down on my couch. She looked pissed off, and really out of whack.
"What's wrong?" I asked, concerned.
"Everything! I'm loosing my best reaper!" she exclaimed.
"The world will go on, it always has when we've lost reapers."
"I've lost reapers before, but not my regular team since I became the team leader!"
"Will you like calm down already. Tell the person, they'll be happy that they are leaving, and then freak out at them about being your best reaper, and the first reaper you've lost on your watch."
"I guess it's a little late for that." She handed me a post-it. "This is your last soul, you collect him at one o'clock tomorrow."
"Fuck!" I looked at the post it. "I hope I'm on lunch then."
"What the hell are you talking about?"
"I just started back at Happy Time."
"What's Happy Time?"
"The place I worked for a half a day when I died the first time, and worked as a day job when I first became a reaper and still had scruples. I call them my pre-Mason days!"
"Well, tomorrow you won't have to worry about all that, you'll take your last soul and finally be able to see what all the fuss about moving on is about."
I laughed. "I can hardly believe that this day is coming."
"Well believe it George, and you've been a reaper a long time, and I don't know what I'm going to do to train a new person without you."
I shrugged. "You'll figure it out, that's why you got the job."
"Well there was a better candidate, I think, but I guess fate liked them a little bit better."
I laughed. "I doubt that fate can hate you more then me."
"Probably not."
It seemed like she was keeping something from me. I think it was one of the longer conversations we had had since she had become team leader. For some reason after she got promoted we just didn't get any closer. It wasn't like she had changed, she just tended to be too busy for us to have girl chats anymore. I missed those days, but soon I would be going on to bigger and better things. I kept looking at the post-it and thinking that there was nothing different about it. But this person. T. Kavindish was going to be a new reaper, and I would be going off into the great unknown.
That night I lay in bed unable to sleeping, thinking about the next day. How it would feel to finally be free of reaper duties. I wanted more then anything to be free of them for a long time, and now that the day was on it's way. I could only think of bad things that could happen to me in the after life. It kept me up a good part of the night. As I was lying in bed listing to the radio a song came on the radio by the same band as Mason and my song. I listened to it, and it really spoke to me.
It's raining in the courtyard of her dreams
Now her machine is dying
Las month it was ripper apart
And fueled on the emptiness that no one cares anymore
No can see through her lies
Don't forget you promised nothing would change without me
Just don't forget you promised it
She's off her leash lost in the seas there's panic all around
The rain will hide her swollen tears and save her from her uslessness
She says don't forget you promised it, nothing would change without proper reason
Time can't do nothing anymore cause time's just a waste and we sit by ourselves and wait for nothing
And she crawls down to her secret underground
She says don't forget you promised it, nothing would change without proper reason
Time can't do nothing anymore cause time's just a waste and we sit by ourselves and wait for nothing
I didn't know who the you was, but for it really touched on my fear of change, as I didn't know what was ahead, and maybe things would change for the worst, rather then the better. It was really great song, and I was glad I had heard it. Shortly after I fell asleep, and I think the song that got stuck in my head, the chorus mostly had helped with that. I knew the song wasn't spirtual or anything, and that the band never would have thought it would mean so much to an undead girl who was finally going to get her chance at moving on, but I was glad I had heard it. I really was going to miss a lot of things this life, or afterlife had to offer.
End
End notes: the first bit has been written for a while… George gets to move on in the next ep stay tuned!!!!
AUTHOR: trista
DISCLAIMER: George and the concept is not mine, it belongs to MGM, showcase, Ellen Muth, and the creator of the series, the new characters are mine, but I don't think anyone will be borrowing them.
RATING: PG-13 (for language, but the kids these days…)
CONTENT: Reggie/Millie friendship, Mason/George romance
SUMMARY: George finds out Happy Time is still around, and gets some shocking news!
AUTHORS NOTES: it's nearing the end kiddies. Today's song is brought to you by one of my fave bands, used already, called Keep Yourself Good Company, and is called "don't forget" the haunting song seems perfect for this night, I hope you think it works too! I've been waiting a little while to post it, glad I finally could!! Please, please tell me that I have not put all these songs in in vain, email me if you want a CD!! (rockchicktristasympatico.ca)
I was so angry, so sick of being a reaper, a hundred years was long enough! Cruel fucking fate really had something against me. After my appointment that day just happened to walk past the old Happy Time building, surprised to see that it was still Happy Time! I picked up a rock, wanting to throw a rock at the place. It was the place that had caused me to be a grim reaper for a hundred years! If I hadn't gone to work at that god-forsaken place, if they had remembered my lunch I would have lead a normal life!
Well as normal a life as one can life in the Lass household. As I stood, holding my rock, thinking of my life, my real life, the eighteen year one, I realized that it wasn't really all that bad, I was just a mellow drama queen! Honestly, my life wasn't bad at all, my parents didn't do anything bad to me, I rebelled against them for loving me! What an idiot I was! I could hardly believe now that I had done that. All I wanted anymore was to tell them how sorry I was, just to see them again.
I wasn't sure if I had the choice if I would give up my life as a reaper because, to be honest I don't think I would have learned this lesson any other way. Not to mention I wouldn't want to know what life would have been like without the love of my (after)life, Mason. He really did open my eyes to a lot of things when we were together, and when he moved on. I didn't think that I was capable of loving anyone but myself until I started to see Mason. I didn't know much about myself until I met him, and I learned even more after I lost him.
I looked at the rock in my hand again, and put it down. I fully intended to just walk away from that building, and never looked back, but I found myself inexplicably drawn in. As soon as I went in, I realized other then being modernized with the times, the place hadn't changed much. Even Crystal's desk was the same as I had remembered it, other then instead of rather large mean looking lady sitting there, there was a skinny little man. Again, I didn't know what made me go where I went but ended up in the line to apply for a job.
"Hi," said, a chipper thirty year old woman. "I'm Darlie, how can I help you?"
"Hi, Darlie, I'm Sasha, I'm looking for a job, and I have a little problem."
"What might that be?"
"I don't really have a resume or anything."
"That's not a problem at all! Just fill this out and hand it back to me, all right?"
I nodded and she handed me a piece of paper. Why was I back here? Why was I applying for a day job? Maybe it had something to do with needing to get out my house for more then just appointments. My house had a revolving door, and I even had to resort to having to lock up anything I didn't want anyone else to see. Yes, some of the temps would go through my shit! I caught one of them with necklace that Mason gave me! It wasn't worth much, really, but it meant a lot to me because it was the first gift he had given me. I was furious, and for a while temps weren't even allowed in the house. Then Colt and I decided that it would be a good idea to just lock our shit up, and let the house be back to the way he was. He liked the chaos, and I just went with it.
So to escape the craziness of my house, here I was getting a day job I didn't need, and didn't really want. I filled out the sheet, lying about most of the information. Saying I had heard about the place from Millie. I handed Darlie the sheet of paper and went to walk away.
"Just a minute Sasha, would you be able to come back for an interview this afternoon, say at two?" she asked.
"I think so, that's awfully quick!"
"Here at Happy Time we don't see the point of having to make people wait to see if they are able to get a job, so we make sure that all applicants are seen as soon as we can fit them in," smiled another woman. "Now, Darlie, why did you send this young lady elsewhere without even buzzing me?"
"I'm sorry, I thought you said you'd be busy all morning."
"I did say that, but as luck would have it I was done early! Please, always buzz me when someone comes in to apply from now on, all right."
Darlie nodded, and handed her the sheet of paper. She looked over it, and looked at me. "All right Sasha, if you'll come with me." I followed her into what used to be Delores' office.
"Hi, I'm Deena Herbig as in-" she went to say.
"Her big brown eyes?" I finished.
"Blue, for me, but you must have known a brown eyed Herbig!"
"I don't know her personally, my Aunt Millie knew Delores she used to work here."
"It's a shame you never knew Delores, although I guess you're probably too young to have known her, she died a number of years ago."
I nodded. "Yeah, my aunt died not long ago, but I remember her having fond memories of working here so when I was a in a pinch for a job I crossed my fingers and hoped it was still around."
She then proceeded to interview me, big surprise just like in the past they were always looking for people, and I was hired, to start the next day. I forgot how much it hurt to smile so much! It was funny had I not died I probably would have made fun of the place with my kids or nieces around the kitchen table, but if Millie had been a real person she probably would have talked somewhat highly of the place.
I was actually kind of glad to have a day job again, and maybe that was what was making me feel so miserable of late, that I didn't seem to be doing anything but taking souls, and dealing with people who were taking souls. A bunch of which were only around for a few weeks before they were allowed to cross on. Sure Anika, Drew, and Colt were still around, but a big part of me resented the temps for being able to move on. I knew that they had been around for a while, but since I had only seen them for a short time I felt like they had only been there for a little while, and I felt like I should be moving along before them.
I didn't have anyone left anymore except for Colt. Anika and I got along really well, but would hardly call us friends, step sisters or something maybe, but friends certainly not. Drew, for his part really only ever did anything with Anika, and it was funny that they never really told anyone weather or not they were more then just friends.
I left the happy time building looking at a lot of things. I had been there so many times when I first became a reaper, and I realized that for the most part not a lot had changed. Sure the names on the signs had changed, but nothing else had. People were essentially the same as they had been, even if they wore different clothes. Most of them were ignorant, or in a hurry. Very few were nice, and just going with the flow as I had decided to be. A lot of them were pretty stupid, and even without looking for risks, I still did it and noticed how many things people did in a day to put them in danger.
Going back to happy time reminded me of the first few times I was there, when I was still alive. I had hated my mother for making me go there and look for a job. I was even more angry when she made me go back and actually do the job. All she was doing was trying to make me grow up. She had bee right I couldn't just live with her forever, I had to do something with my life, no matter how much I thought it sucked and didn't want to do it. I was so stupid not to have realized anything I had in my life.
My mother spoiled me rotten. She had paid for my one semester of college that I hated going to, and only did because, well I don't know why I did it. I think my mother knew that I'd never stick with it, but she still paid for it. All she ever did was love me, and all I ever did was hate her! Why was I so stupid! Maybe you're like that when you're young, but I've met a lot of people that were my age, and they weren't like that. They had their issues with their parents, but usually they had damn good reasons to have issues.
I had met people whose parents had abused them, abandoned them, hurt them in ways I could only imagine, and hated their parents. I met people who's parents had made huge mistakes when raising them and still cared for them! And then there was me in life I didn't find the use of family. I didn't care about them until I lost them, and then I started missing them. People, I had no right to miss because I hadn't given a shit about them! But they cried for me, their lives were changed because I wasn't in them! And I was a selfish little bitch who thought that they had nothing to offer me.
Now, a hundred years later I still missed them, long after they were gone and there was no way to go back. I wanted to tell them that I was sorry, and that I loved them, and I couldn't. Someone had taken that away from me, or maybe I took it away from myself. That's right, it wasn't fate that was against me persay, it was that fate was just giving me the kick in the ass that I had tried to give it! Don't fuck with fate, fate has a way of fucking you up the ass!
Fate had been nice and had given me Mason, for a little while, but I thought that happiness never went away. I had a lot to learn! Happiness comes and goes, but love is forever, and that was something I had with my family, despite what I wanted to believe. They still loved me till the day they died, and I tried to deny my feelings of love, even after I died!
When I got home I went right up to my room. Part of me wanted to send off an email, but then I remembered that Reggie had died forty years ago! I had been alone, except for Colt for the last forty years. I was on my bed, wishing that I had something from everyone that I was thinking about so that I could feel close to them, but I never was that sentimental. I heard a light knock at the door, and knew that it was Colt, who let himself in, and sat down on the bed.
"Hey, George, what's wrong?" he asked.
"Same as always, and I realized I'm stupid," I replied.
He laughed. "What did you do?"
"I got a day job."
"Why?"
I shrugged. "I was outside happy time, and before I knew what was going on I was inside applying for a job."
He laughed. "You're a strange bird George, you know that?"
"I guess I am."
"I can hardly believe the place is still around!"
"I was pretty fucking surprised myself."
We talked for a little while longer, I found that somehow Colt seemed to make things better. I always felt a little less frazzled after talking to him. He was my best friend, and even though I had lost so much I knew that at the end of the day I could get through it as long as I knew that he would be there when I got home. I was glad that I hadn't dated him because of the whole Mason thing, because we would not have had the same relationship, and that was the kind of relationship I needed after loosing so much.
I heard a faint knocking on the door, and then the bell ring. I went downstairs, surprised to find Anika on the doorstep. Not because she didn't come often, but because she never came during the day. She didn't even say anything, and sat down on my couch. She looked pissed off, and really out of whack.
"What's wrong?" I asked, concerned.
"Everything! I'm loosing my best reaper!" she exclaimed.
"The world will go on, it always has when we've lost reapers."
"I've lost reapers before, but not my regular team since I became the team leader!"
"Will you like calm down already. Tell the person, they'll be happy that they are leaving, and then freak out at them about being your best reaper, and the first reaper you've lost on your watch."
"I guess it's a little late for that." She handed me a post-it. "This is your last soul, you collect him at one o'clock tomorrow."
"Fuck!" I looked at the post it. "I hope I'm on lunch then."
"What the hell are you talking about?"
"I just started back at Happy Time."
"What's Happy Time?"
"The place I worked for a half a day when I died the first time, and worked as a day job when I first became a reaper and still had scruples. I call them my pre-Mason days!"
"Well, tomorrow you won't have to worry about all that, you'll take your last soul and finally be able to see what all the fuss about moving on is about."
I laughed. "I can hardly believe that this day is coming."
"Well believe it George, and you've been a reaper a long time, and I don't know what I'm going to do to train a new person without you."
I shrugged. "You'll figure it out, that's why you got the job."
"Well there was a better candidate, I think, but I guess fate liked them a little bit better."
I laughed. "I doubt that fate can hate you more then me."
"Probably not."
It seemed like she was keeping something from me. I think it was one of the longer conversations we had had since she had become team leader. For some reason after she got promoted we just didn't get any closer. It wasn't like she had changed, she just tended to be too busy for us to have girl chats anymore. I missed those days, but soon I would be going on to bigger and better things. I kept looking at the post-it and thinking that there was nothing different about it. But this person. T. Kavindish was going to be a new reaper, and I would be going off into the great unknown.
That night I lay in bed unable to sleeping, thinking about the next day. How it would feel to finally be free of reaper duties. I wanted more then anything to be free of them for a long time, and now that the day was on it's way. I could only think of bad things that could happen to me in the after life. It kept me up a good part of the night. As I was lying in bed listing to the radio a song came on the radio by the same band as Mason and my song. I listened to it, and it really spoke to me.
It's raining in the courtyard of her dreams
Now her machine is dying
Las month it was ripper apart
And fueled on the emptiness that no one cares anymore
No can see through her lies
Don't forget you promised nothing would change without me
Just don't forget you promised it
She's off her leash lost in the seas there's panic all around
The rain will hide her swollen tears and save her from her uslessness
She says don't forget you promised it, nothing would change without proper reason
Time can't do nothing anymore cause time's just a waste and we sit by ourselves and wait for nothing
And she crawls down to her secret underground
She says don't forget you promised it, nothing would change without proper reason
Time can't do nothing anymore cause time's just a waste and we sit by ourselves and wait for nothing
I didn't know who the you was, but for it really touched on my fear of change, as I didn't know what was ahead, and maybe things would change for the worst, rather then the better. It was really great song, and I was glad I had heard it. Shortly after I fell asleep, and I think the song that got stuck in my head, the chorus mostly had helped with that. I knew the song wasn't spirtual or anything, and that the band never would have thought it would mean so much to an undead girl who was finally going to get her chance at moving on, but I was glad I had heard it. I really was going to miss a lot of things this life, or afterlife had to offer.
End
End notes: the first bit has been written for a while… George gets to move on in the next ep stay tuned!!!!