Disclaimers: I do not own Final Fantasy VIII and probably never will … so what are you going to do about it, sue me? *Heads in the crowd go up and down in a 'yes' motion*
Chapter IIIThe problem with weekends is that they fly by faster than a gopher with its ass on fire. I find that particularly sad. And weeks seemed to inch by slowly, painfully … evil things! I woke up on Saturday with a hangover, lazed around all day with my girlfriend, woke up Sunday, drove Rinoa back to Balamb so she could take the ferry to Dollet and went back 'home' to indulge myself with painkillers.
And yet Monday I had taken my usual seating behind my polished desk. It was a wonderful office … you know, the pretty ones that the president inhibits. No, I'm exaggerating … its not that pretty.
I've got some pretty cool supplies though. A freaking lime green highlighter, now who the hell doesn't like that? I've got a heavy-duty stapler, a fountain pen … a nice computer with broadband connection to the internet.
Did I forget to mention a cannibal paper shredder? I got my shoelace stuck in there once and the outcome was not pretty. It's attached to the outside of the desk and the plug is on the other side of the room. I had to call Zell for help … and made him swear an oath not to tell anyone of my situation. Come on, who trusts a commander who gets his shoelace stuck in the shredder? I mean, good Hyne!
I've also got handcuffs that I lost the keys to, so it's not really helpful unless you want to chain a convict forever. And I never even have convicts in my office so I really don't know what the hell I'm supposed to do with them. Stupid Headmaster Cid … I had to physically restrain that man from bringing a miniature fridge in here … 'in case I got thirsty'. That man is far beyond crazy.
Anyways, the morning was going relatively well … I signed papers, twiddled my thumbs, read blonde jokes on a site, signed more papers and told the Balamb senate that I was against man and beast marriages. Not that they really need my opinion; those assholes can do anything they want with the goddamn laws.
Everything was going peachy when Zell buzzed me on the phone, "Yo man?"
"Commander Leonheart …" I corrected him through clenched teeth, and just for good measure I repeated, "Commander Leonheart …"
"Right, Commander Leonheart …" He replied lamely and I heard a twinge of sarcasm as well, "Anyways, Mr. Ludlum got injured in the training center while he was teaching a class today. He's got another class in ten minutes and we can't find a suitable replacement … you're up, man … I mean … 'Commander Leonheart'."
The room seemed to shrink around me and all I wanted to do was crawl into bed, under the sheets, and tell anyone who comes near that I have malaria or something. "You mean I have to teach stupid shitfaced kids how to slice monsters?"
"That would be it …"
"What if one shits their pants?"
"I don't know, you could always tell proudly to Rinoa that you changed a diaper and then she'd go 'Ooh, Squall, you're such a caring, family guy … let's elope and get married and have hot, sweaty, monkey se-'"
"SHUT UP!" I snapped at him, breaking into a cold sweat, "Christ … do I have to?"
"Uh … well, yes." He answered stupidly. I would be stuck with evil children for a whole two hours in the training center … with my gunblade! So the temptation to slice an' dice 'em was going to be doubled! Oh … woe is me … I want to cry …
I sulked out of the room, passed Zell's desk, plodding my way through. This was beyond torture. I can't remember what I'd done that was so bad. I hadn't coveted my neighbor's goods or wife … I hadn't committed the sinful act of adultery … wait … scratch that last one. It's not my fault; Rinoa was the one doing the tempting! Actually … no, she was the one telling me she had a headache. Not all the time, but most of the time. Ok, fine … not most of the time but it does annoy me when she gives me that excuse.
The trip from my office to the training center seemed painfully long. God was increasing my torture. Who knew adultery was that bad of a crime? Well now I do. It's not that horrible when you come down to the facts. I'm a guy, she's a girl … a very pretty one that stimulates many feelings and hormones within me and so I find it perfectly normal that -
"I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES! I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES AND THIS IS HOW IT GOES …" Squeaky voices blared from the training center. I was not even halfway in and I could hear them.
"I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES!" It only seemed to get louder as I approached and it kept repeating over and over again.
"Woah, look! It's the Commander guy!" My jaw clenched as one perky looking boy pointed his stubby little finger at me. I've only been called the 'Commander Guy' once in my life before this and it wasn't by someone that I hold a very fond memory of.
However, it did quiet the atmosphere as all the spawns turned their little, empty heads to look at me. Some of their jaws were ajar as if they'd never seen a human being before. I was stared at for about five minutes like I had just walked out of a spaceship in a bright, fluorescent pink outfit with little bells.
When I finally found a strong authority in my voice I snapped up, "Mr. Ludlum couldn't be present today so I'll be replacing him. I understand you're currently working on your Draw skills?"
"Hey, hey, Mr. Commander Guy!" A snotty nosed little kid spoke up with a smug ass look on his face, "Could we like, see you kill a T-Rex?"
"I'm afraid that's not part of the program." I replied icily. They were beginning to get on my nerves. Who were they to be making the demands?
There were sighs of depression. I grimaced; I should be the one to sulk in my own misfortune. I was stuck with them for a whole two hours. Stupid children! Spawn of the devil! I swear it upon … upon … upon … I swear it upon Sly Cooper's head that I will never have children! Not even if Rinoa asks me! Well … if she gives me that puppy look, bats her eyelashes and coax me into bed then I'll have to go back on that.
Anyways, back to the brats. "Alright, let's go." I entered in the depths of the training area. They followed like a mound of bacteria after their victim (which was me, by the way). It wasn't long into our trek that Bite Bug showed up (latest addition to our collection).
I pulled up the shortest kid to the front. He had thick glasses, an upturned nose and dirty blond hair, "Draw some Scans." I ordered gruffly. He only stared back at me and the vivid image of me having to clean up shit became more realistic, "What're you looking at me for? Go!"
He turned towards the creature, outstretched his arms and … one spell came to him. God, why do kids suck so much? I stepped out in front of him and without doing any stupid shenanigans eight Scans came my way and added themselves to my plentiful collection. "Stop making useless movements and just concentrate." I snapped at him.
He nodded his head, shaking from head to toe. "Uh … Mr. Leonheart … could we do something else?"
"Not as long as I have my gun." I hissed back threateningly, "Mr. Ludlum was working on Draw spells and we will henceforth continue the lesson."
I heard murmurs of disappointment and I heard a girl say, "And who said substitutes were fun?" I was ready to kill something. My prayers were fulfilled.
"COMMANDER, COMMANDER!" A shriek rose and I turned around just in time to see a mother T-Rex come charging out of nowhere. Fresh blood …
I took my gunblade and ran at the thing. Letting off negative energy. Swung my blade vertically across the creature's body … and that was my séance of anger management. To my great misfortune, I turned from the monster a little too soon since as a last breath, it clawed at my shoulder and ripped off some flesh.
Oh great … blood. I stared at my wound for some minutes. I realized I wasn't the only one staring. Beady little eyes fixated on my shoulder, "I'll be fine." I said, more to reassure myself than them. To tell the truth, it was really, really painful. I'd had worse but the claws had cut inch deep and the blood provided an overall uncomfortable feeling.
"Man, what the Hell?" Seifer came up from behind me, Zell must've sent him to help me deal with these kids. "What happened to you?"
"T-Rex …" I pointed to the back of me. "Anyway, I'll be fine."
"Go to the infirmary now." He replied, looking at the wound as if it was poisonous or something.
"I'm fine."
"No, you really aren't!" He was arguing with me the little fucker. As soon as I could get to the papers I'd fail him on the SeeD qualification exam. He shoved me out of the center and repeated, "Go! I'll cover for you."
I walked to the infirmary, which is inconveniently far from the training center. However, I made it just fine. "Dr. Kadowaki?" I called out.
She came from the examining room and gasped. Ok, my wound wasn't that bad, why did people act like I had lost a limb? "Could you sort of patch me up?" For some reason my vision was going all blurry.
"Joseph, Mary and Jesus in a flower shop!" She cried out and shoved me into a room. Why was everyone shoving the wounded?! Christ's sake! "There's been heavy blood loss." She informed me and she made me lie down on the bed, "Goodness God!"
"Ok, let's cool it … I don't feel that bad." I told her. Fucking eyes, I blinked, why is everything so fucking unfocused? "Doctor, I think I'm becoming a little near sighted. Or far sighted … or both …"
I think that's the part where I passed out cold.
***
And awoke supposedly a day later. This was information according to Rinoa Heartilly, who was conveniently by my bedside when I came to. "Hey." I greeted her.
She only glared back, "Good job, jackass." Was the first thing she said to me.
"Well … I guess I could have let the T-Rex devour those poor, innocent children." I replied. She was already fighting with a wounded guy.
"You were trying to act all cool! When you fight a big monster you pay attention until it's not breathing anymore!" A feisty, aggressive, sexy, angry woman. Answer: What is my girlfriend. A million dollars just went to the guy with the immense pain at the shoulder.
"Ok, fuck! I'm sorry." I apologized in the most sincere of manners (Sarcasm, sarcasm …)
"You made me come over here from Dollet! I have classes tomorrow and I could be sleeping right now but no, jackass had to get himself hurt! I was here yesterday and here I am again today beside your hospital bed."
"If you're trying to make me feel guilty it's working, just to tell you." I replied.
"Good!" She snapped back and sat on the side of the bed, "Jackass."
My left shoulder was still numb so I used my right hand to reach for her arm and draw her closer. Did I mention she has a bad habit of leaning in towards me, brushing her lips against mine but pulling away before I can kiss her? Yeah, just to tempt me … "You piss me off." She stated in a calmer voice than before.
"Ok, fine." I agreed but that wasn't exactly what was on my mind, "Can I kiss you now?"
"No … I just said you pissed me off!" She crossed her arms. I pouted.
She'd drive anyone crazy, up the wall. And yet I'm in love with her so deeply and truthfully. Finally, she smirked in the silence, bent down over me and kissed me slowly. I slipped one hand onto her waist and kissed back.
Anyone crazy. Crazy for her but I'd never dream of leaving her. Do you know what it feels like to be powerless to a girl like Rinoa Heartilly? Obviously not, she's isn't your girlfriend. To be powerless to her is a bittersweet fantasy.
Sabam: Woah … getting carried away, aren't we Squally? Heh heh, anyways! I hope you all enjoyed this chapter and if you did I beg of you to perform your readerly duties and review! Please? Pretty please?