Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy VIII, blee, blaa, bloo …

Chapter X

I awoke in the morning earlier than usual (considering yesterday's circumstances), 9 a.m. to be exact, because I felt something furry brushing up against my leg.  Now, don't misinterpret that statement, it was something alive because it was distinctly making squealing sounds.  I nudged Squall, "Mmm … baby, d'you feel that?" I asked groggily.
He grumbled a bit, "No, what're you talking about?" And shoved his face back in the pillow.  Figures, you can never count on Squall to get to the bottom of something if it doesn't remotely concern him.

"Squall, there's something alive in the bed."

"Yes, you and I for example." He replied and I could tell he was getting annoyed at me.  Well it wasn't my fault!  There was something moving under the covers and unless he was playing a bad joke, the culprit had evil intentions because time and time again I would hear a hiss.

"Squall, there's seriously something-" Then I felt sharp, rodent teeth digging into my leg.  I screamed really, really, really loud and jerked up right.  Thinking it would be a very, very, very bad idea to start kicking at whatever that thing was I stood frozen still while my good for nothing boyfriend finally realized that something was wrong with me.

"What, what was that?  Are you ok?"  He was sitting up too and was looking at me like I had mental issues.

People thundered up the stairs and down the hall.  Before I knew it, my room was crowded with my parents, my brothers and my grandparents from dad's side who had decided to arrive early.  Good job mom, let them come into my room and see I share a bed with Squall so they can flip out and call it unlawful to have premarital sex.  Hello?  Do none of my family members think once in a while?
"What the hell is wrong?" My father demanded to know. 

"You!" I pointed vehemently to Mikey, "I'm going to kill you and your little guinea pig too!" By then I had realized that it was the freaking mink that was tormenting me.

"What did I do?  And I don't even own a guinea pig."

"Get your stupid animal out of my bed!" I yelled back at him.

Squall's gaze just shifted back and forth between me and the rest of the mob that had invaded my room.  "Well, are you naked under there or something?" He asked tentatively.  I think I was ready to kill him and roast him BBQ style.

"NO!" I roared back at him, "GET YOUR DUMB MINK OUT OF HERE!"

"Well, I can't really do anything.  He's been really mean lately so I think it's just better if he's left alone."  Mikey did look earnest but that still didn't take away the violent urge I had to stab him.

"You mean there's a rabid rodent in my bed that just bit me?" I screeched louder than I meant to, "Why, God, oh why do you punish me so?" I cried out to the heavens and this confirmed to my parents, my brothers and my boyfriend that I had indeed gone mad.

My grand-ma, however, took it as an excellent opportunity to reprimand my behavior, "Because you're a sinner, child.  Adultery is frowned upon."

"Adultery?" I had to keep myself from killing her at this moment, "God wants to punish me for adultery so he sends a mink to crawl around in my bed?  How ironic." It was a joke but no one seemed to catch on because an immense silenced ballooned up in the room.
My father walked up to the foot of my bed and observed the scene (yes, I know that sounded odd).  Suddenly his fist came crashing down on a bump in my bed.  My eyes watered up and you'll know why in just a minute.  For those of you who assumed my father was a man who wore suits and signed papers day in and day out, well you're wrong.  Dad is an army general.  That means he's undergone training just as intense as Squall.  And we all know how strong Squall is right?  Well … what my father assumed to be the mink was actually my foot. 

The mink panicked due to the sudden jerk of my pained foot and he just bit it again.  Not to mention that something else I hadn't noticed before started to move as well.  This time it was scaly.  Any guesses?  Enter stage left, Stu's iguana.

"Did I get it?" My father looked up at me.
"No …" I said in a tiny, squeak.

"What's the matter?" He actually looked concerned.

"That was my foot." I was nearly in sobs, "And it's not just a mink under there."

"Why don't we just lift the covers and shoo them away." My mom suggested lightly.

"Because Rinoa's leg would probably get torn off." Mikey answered prompty.

"We are getting that thing put down!" My father snapped and looked at Squall, "Your turn, do something."
"I tell you, it's God smiting her." Good old grand-ma had to put in her two cents worth.

"Bridget, just drop it, ok?" My mom said in unison with my father's, "Just shut up, mother."  Sometimes I love my parents more than I normally do.  This was one of those times.  You should have seen the look on the old woman's face.  She looked like she was about to drop dead in shock at the rude comments.

I don't know what happened but the mink went wild and started spinning around like crazy.  It shot out from under the covers until my dad stepped on its tail and Mikey begged for its mercy.  It received none as my father literally threw it out of the room. 

"Oh holy shit!" The words slipped from my before I had a chance to stop them.  The impact it had on grand-ma was monstrous.  She nearly keeled over and had a heart attack.  You know 'holy' and 'shit' put together is an obscenity and disrespectful to the church, bla bla bla … 'cause you know, God is holy and shit is excrement and yeah, make the connection for yourself.

Well, anyways, the use of those words were to inform everyone that the iguana was crawling up my leg.  Very uncomfortable, if you know what I mean.  "It's crawling up my leg!  Are you just going to stand there like an idiot?"  I turned to Squall accusingly.

"Ok, ok … calm down." He started feeling my shins but it was already too late, "Rinoa, there's nothing there."

"It migrated north." I squealed.  A PERVERTED IGUANA, WHO'S HEARD OF SUCH A THING? 

"You mean … like … your knees?" He asked hopefully.

"No, higher." Do you know how embarrassing it is to say that in front of your grandparents and your brothers?  My father as well.  My mom, not that bad, cause you know … but … yeah.  I felt like instantly disappearing on the spot.

"Oh … oh, Hell no.  You're on your own.  Take it off yourself …" I can't believe he just forfeit like that!  The sonofabitch!

"I can't touch that thing!  A little help please!" I yelled at him.

"Oh man …" He rubbed the back of his neck.  Right now, I wanted to kill him along with my brother.  "Ok … uh … well you see, uhm …" He stumbled with his words like a stupid little GUILTY child trying to come up with an excuse.

I mustered up the courage to poke it (the iguana, not my … you know) and it scratched me!  Not anywhere vital … yeah, this is awkward to say.  "Come on, stop being an idiot!" I snapped at my good for nothing jackass.

"Fine, fine … uhm … specifically where is it?" He asked like a dumb little fuck.

I felt like replying something out of place like, 'Oh gee, we have penetration!' or 'Hey that feels kind of good.' But I reconsidered as my grandparents, parents and brothers were here.  Had it only been him and I, he would have gotten a stupid answer to his stupid question.

"It's in my lap." I replied though clenched teeth, but proud of myself at the way I had worded it.

"Oh, ok …" He looked relieved.  Where the hell else would it be, Squall?  It doesn't fit anywhere else!

Well, I don't think we should go into any more vivid details on the rest of this event.  Why I don't think we should?  Just because.  Anyways, let's get to the outcome, shall we?  Well there, wasn't any real outcome.  Squall grabbed the thing off of me with the comforter and that was the end of that episode.  Ok, well, grand-ma bitched a bit like the good old woman she is.  I wanted to kick her.

My mom's parents eventually showed up to celebrate Stu's coming of age.  What is he now, six or something?  Might be seven.  I'll have to ask him.  I'm such a model sister.  Ok, anyways … Uncle Rob couldn't come over.  This may sound evil but I was kind of hoping he wouldn't show up.  With Summer and Jeremy and auntie Caroline … pshh … I'd have killed them all.  And who names their child 'Summer'?  Oooh, if only I'd have the guts to make fun of her.

Yeah, so after being reunited under one roof you can Insert Embarrassing Moments Here.  Well Mikey got his face shoved in cake by Stu, mom nearly died under grandma Caraway's 'You aren't doing this right dear.' 'Oh my, you put so much salt.' 'Julia, I think this is under-cooked' 'Oh honey, Caroline can do that so much better than you can.' Poor mom kept looking at me with a pleading look on her face.  Hey, it's not like I could do anything.

Auntie Caroline … shall I go into a brief discussion of her now?  Well, since Bridget brought her up, I think I shall.  The woman is flawless.  To grand-ma's eyes she does everything right, everything!  Ok, statement: My mother is beautiful.  I've wanted my whole life to look like her.  But her beauty is simple.  She's got a pretty face, nice eyes, a nice frame.  Aunt Caroline however, can make men drop dead and roll on the floor drooling.  She's got the kind of looks Quistis has … 'Goddess looks', I call them.  Yes, I am envious.   Just by smiling, she can get what she wants.  So, while Caroline stands on a pedestal of Godly heights, my mom's the simple, comely girl from the regular planet Earth.  In a word, the Judgment Day was unfair.

Well, she does have a flaw that grand-ma doesn't seem to be aware of because she's oh-so-naïve.  Frankly, I don't think I'm the only one who realized it.  I'm sure my parents know, as does Uncle Rob and I have told Mikey before.  Hey, with beauty comes arrogance.  How about that commandment there, grandma, what was it?  Thou shalt not commit adultery?  Looks like Caroline's not perfect either then.  No further comments, I'm getting carried away … she's such a freaking skank!  Oh, there I go … Uncle Rob is the biggest jackass I ever met!  He used to take the kids every Sunday to our place and stay for a drink with my father claiming that Caroline had a head-ache.  Every Sunday?  You just didn't know where the hell your wife was, you moron!  She was probably in a hotel room with a richer, better guy than you.  Who knows, maybe your second chromosome had a certain default** … oh, I can't believe I just said that.  Ew … gross visuals. 

Back to the point!  What was my point?  Wait … did I even have a point in the first place?  Ok!  Well, after the relatives left, my mom was left to rest in peace.  She made a beeline for her room.  Poor mommy, probably had a splitting headache.  Squall and I said goodbye and left for Dawson College.

"That was an interesting encounter." Squall admitted while we were driving towards Dollet, "Very … very interesting."

"If that's what you call it."  I replied tiredly.  I was about to pass out.  First a handful of kids then my family?  I'm surprised that I even survived!

I think I slept the rest of the way through … I'm not really sure anymore.  But we did get to Dawson.  "Bye." I mumbled sleepily and kissed him. 

"See you." He called back, "What's happening with Christmas?"

"I … don't know." It hit me like a ton of bricks.  Christmas was in two weeks.  Oh … not the family again, "Probably going to my parents'."

"No problem, bye."

I shut the door with what seemed to be my last remaining strengths and somehow managed to get into my dorm without collapsing anywhere.  My bubbling roommate greeted me, "There's a really sexy guy waiting for you." She whispered in my ear.  I got to the 'living room' of the dorm and saw him.

Enter stage, Jake Asselin.

Sabam: Yeah, I'm a bitch.  What can I say?  Read and review or else you'll never know what happens.  Never.

**Reference to chromosome 2.  There is a disease that originates from a mutation in chromosome 2 called 'Micro Penis'.  Who can't figure that one out??