Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VIII!
Note: For the plot to be somewhat coherent, part of this chapter must be in Rinoa's point of view. I will tell you when the POV changes.
Chapter XII never really liked keeping in contacts with my ex-boyfriends. Don't look at me like that, it's not as if I really have that many ex-boyfriends to keep in contact with. Well … maybe a few. But not all are serious ones. This one I had considered to be serious, unfortunately. It didn't really end on good terms either.
He really hadn't changed. He was still very, very good-looking. Well what? It's a trait you can't take away from him. No matter what he's like on the inside, it doesn't take away his outside beauty. So when I saw him, I tried my best to look unaffected. Which is quite the challenge …
"Hey." He greeted and smiled.
"Hello." I replied, trying my best to hide my suspicion at his presence and not sound constipated, "How are you?" I suppose it would be better than 'What are you doing here?' … I had already vowed to handle it like a civilized adult if ever I was stuck in a situation like this one.
"I'm great. You?" He kept looking at me smugly as if I
was standing on a landmine.
"Pretty good." DAMNIT, RINOA! You
should have said, 'My life is going on magnificently' or 'Never been
better'. So, just to add a punch from
my side I couldn't help adding, "How's Jessica?" Which was even worse because
it made it seem as if I still wasn't over it, WHICH I WASN'T, but it's image
that counts. Crap … that was
shallow.
"I wouldn't know." I could tell he was faking indifference, I can always tell, "How about Squall?"
Uh-oh … mirror question! What am I supposed to reply? The truth? *Gasp* But what if the truth wasn't good enough?! Ok, let's just rub on some exaggeration and everything will be fine, "He's doing amazing. He's really taken a liking to Balamb Garden."
"Funny that he should be doing amazing, while you're only doing 'pretty good'." He remarked smartly. Oh, the goddamn pain in the ass.
"Well, then again, he isn't the one who's face-to-face with you." Oh, shit! Too brutal! Goddamn, why can't I shut up? Now he'll be suspicious as to whether or not I really am over him or not. Well, I am over him. Just not what he did to me, or more importantly, my brother.
"Oh, that hurt, Rinoa. It really stung." He faked a hurt expression. Well good, jackass, it was supposed to. "Listen, Rinoa …" And so the excuses began, "Jessica was just a fling. A mistake, ok? I know you have the right to be pissed off and everything, but listen … I've tried to forget you but that's not possible." Oh, and what the Hell was I supposed to reply to that?
To tell you the truth, I was starting to get a soft spot for him. That's when things started to get really, really confusing for me. My mind is easy to mess with. No, I'm not retarded, but I get emotional really easily. I'm gullible. In summary, I'm a girl. Hey, don't fucking throw ROCKS at me! It's TRUE! It's hard not to have pity for males.
So he continued on with his speech, "I know I messed up but doesn't everyone deserve a second chance? 'You don't know what you had until you've lost it.' … that's true, Rinoa. Don't tell me you're actually happy with Squall." He shook his head, "His priorities lie with his work … he's an adult, serious and mature. Hell, I'm not saying those are bad traits but … you're not like that. I know you like to have fun and see people and what not. The guy's not meant for you. He's got you on chains."
Ok, so letting him talk was a mistake but it had already been made. No use crying over spilt milk, right? Well, that little lecture of his had actually made me doubt my heart's decisions. He had a few pointers … Squall and I were different. Comparable to my father and mother. Squall's priorities were his work. He was a serious kind of guy, more mature than any other guy I had dated. I was … like my mother. I was a 'social animal' … which had gotten me in trouble, more than once.
So, Squall and I were different. Big deal. My parents were opposites and they still have a strong, healthy marriage. Right? Well, I wouldn't know but I'm basing my claims on the fact that they didn't get a divorce yet. And isn't it a rule of electrostatics that opposites attract and like-charges repel? Of course, all that reasoning had been flushed down the toilet after his little dialogue.
"I am happy with
Squall." I managed to state without the least conviction in my voice. I'm sure he noticed, but that doesn't matter
now. He had swayed me to believe that
maybe … maybe, I was just an inexperienced little girl concerning love
affairs. 'Flings' don't count as
experience points so my level wasn't very high. In my 18 years of life, what had I learnt about romantic
love? Hell, not much! I still thought that sex would make
everything better, that it wasn't possible for people to belong together if
they weren't happy all the time. I
still thought that love revolved around one deciding factor: lust. I was inexperienced in love.
How many serious boyfriends? And I
apply the term 'serious' in the way that love was involved. Well, that would be our Commander Squall
Leonheart. He was the first, and the
only. The only reason I could possibly
consider Jake as 'serious' is because we were together for nearly two months
and yes, for a while I thought that I loved him. Why? Because he was a
good kisser. I know … my reasons are so
intelligent … sarcasm, sarcasm.
"You're happy? Are you sure?" Jake asked, moving closer towards me and taking me by the shoulders. He gave me those 'pretty eyes', "Baby, don't lie to me. I know you too well." As the coup de grace, he bent down to my lips …
***
P.O.V. Squall -
She called me at 2 p.m. on Monday, claiming she hadn't been to any of her classes today. This surprised me because she usually attends them religiously. I asked her why and she told me she wasn't feeling well. When I asked her what was up, she completely ignored the question and swerved onto a different topic, "Are you busy?"
"Yeah, kind of … why?" I answered truthfully. After all, the phones had been ringing off the hook all morning and I had barely gotten a fifteen-minute lunch break. Things were getting hectic with the holiday season breathing down our necks threateningly. Everything had to be organized for the students to go home to their families, and the few that were remaining here had to be looked after. Cafeteria service and all …
"Oh, never mind then … we'll talk about it later, if it's too chaotic now." She sounded as if she had gone for a ride in the blender and had hit the propellers more than once, "I'll leave you to it then, bye …" She was about to hang up but I caught her in time.
"Hey, wait! No, I have time. What's the matter, you sound dead." I twiddled with my pen a bit and leaned back in my chair.
She seemed hesitant for a bit and then sighed, "Look, could we meet somewhere? I don't want to talk on the phone." I begun to get very suspicious of her mood. She sounded depressed. Basically, she didn't sound like Rinoa at all. You see, Rinoa can sound like various different things. There is the 'Annoying Rinoa' where she makes Kraft Dinner just to spite you and messes your hair up. There is 'Romantic Rinoa' where she curls up next to you and let's you kiss her. There is 'Passionate Rinoa' where … uh … well, let's not get into that. And there is 'Angry Rinoa' where she bites your head off and tells you to "Shut the fuck up." However, there is no 'Depressed Rinoa'. At least, I've never known of one.
"Are you ok?" I asked despite my conscious telling me that
she had already informed me that she would not discuss this on the phone.
I heard her sigh again, "I'm fine. So
do you have enough time to meet or is it not a good time for you?" I heard some
sort of snappish tone in her voice.
"Yeah, I'm sure I can formulate an excuse to get out of here." I answered, contemplating on how I was going to escape this inferno. It would be a difficult task under the watchful eyes of Cid Kramer, "Where do you want to meet?"
"Your little apartment in Dollet?" She suggested in a small voice.
"Ok, no problem." I replied, and got up from my chair, "I'll see you there in 45 minutes. Ok? Bye …"
"Ok, bye." I heard the click of her hanging up and did the same. Heaving a sigh, I strode out my office in the hopes of not being seen. As I took two steps out, I remembered something and walked back into my office. I opened the second drawer, stared at its contents and pondered. I smiled, withdrew the contents and dropped it in my pocket. We'd see if the moment played out.
***
When I got to the apartment, she was already there, obviously. She was leaning on the kitchen counter and definitely looked like she hadn't slept in a while, "Hey, so what's up?" I shut the door behind me and went towards her, "Are you ok?" I touched her arm but she grabbed my wrists.
She pulled my hands down, "Don't touch me, I'm not feeling well." She 'greeted' me, "I've got the biggest migraine ever." She sighed and walked past me. Well, I was completely dumbfounded. Rinoa had a migraine? Wasn't she usually the one who gave people the migraines and then fed on their pain? Yes, I was joking … and was soon to find out that she was far from in a laughing mood.
"Uh … ok … so, what is it that you want to talk about exactly?" I followed her to the couch and sat down next to her. She looked as if she was going to pass out on me, which frightened me because … Hell, what was I supposed to do if she did? Take her to the emergency? 'Hi doctor, my girlfriend passed out when she was trying to explain something very complicated to me. No, she doesn't have record of Down syndrome.'
"I'm … confused." She admitted almost hesitantly. Well, gee, so am I. You aren't making things easier either, Rin. She began to study me.
Her eyes wandered from my eyes to my forehead, my nose, my cheeks … what was she doing? "You're freaking me out. Stop doing that." Her eyes fell to nowhere in particular, just the floor.
"Sorry." She apologized and let out a small sigh.
"Don't be. Just tell me what's wrong." I stared at the black television screen and awaited her answer that was the same as her last.
"I'm confused." She repeated, "I mean, I don't know who I am anymore and you know … what are we?" Well, that was sure as Hell a stumper. What are we? We're many things … humans, for once.
"We're … humans." I stated stupidly and she rolled her eyes at me as if to say 'You didn't get my point'. Well, I didn't after all. "Well, we're a couple … we're just people. I don't understand the question, Rinoa."
"Neither do I. I told you I was confused." She reminded me and her fingers brushed over my hand. She seemed to be holding back and then, finally let it go, "So, I saw Jake yesterday …"
"AHA!" I yelled out triumphantly, "I've been looking for a good reason to beat his ass in!" I jumped to my feet and was about to scamper to the door but she had already gripped my wrist and forced me to sit down again.
"That's not a good reason!" She snapped at me viciously.
I blinked, ten times more confused than before, "What? Why the Hell not? He came in close proximity to you! I can plead jealousy and possessive attitude!" She had better have a good reason for stopping me from ripping his face off.
"Because that's only half of the reason why I have to talk to you!" Her voice was rising as if she was beginning to be angry with me, "Squall, we're not going anywhere with this! I mean 'us' … I don't know what's happening with it anymore!" So is this being dumped? "I know I love you, I just don't know how I can keep this up! This has never happened to me before and I don't know how to handle it!"
I just stared at her dumbfounded as my mouth went dry. When I finally spoke, it was in a very confused voice, "So … where's this conversation leading up to?"
"I'm just … scared of how much it's going to hurt if we don't belong together." She was whispering her words, she wasn't looking at me. I was freaking out, "What if … we fall out of love?"
"And what if we don't?" I was getting pissed off at her now. Why do women have to think about so many goddamn things and come up with all kinds of 'what ifs'? What if I'm so fucking in love with you that I can't stop thinking about you? What if you're the only goddamn thing that matters to me? What if I can't fall out of love with you because you're my freaking life support? What if, Rinoa, what if? What if it's all fucking true?
"How the Hell can you be so sure of that?" She demanded to know, "Can you guarantee me, Squall, that we'll live together till we die and have kids to form the perfect little family?"
"Live together till we die? No problem!" I answered curtly, practically in a state of rage, "We can have a conversation about 'kids' later on! Damn it, everything was fucking fine until you started thinking about it! Stop making things so damn complicated!"
She looked me, her eyes burning holes into my own, her voice was barely a whisper, "Squall, I want to believe you … but I don't want to get hurt."
I stared back at her fiercely, pleadingly, "Damn it, Rinoa … you're hurting me."
She placed her hands delicately on each side of my face, "I can't help it …" Her eyes were beginning to well up with tears.
I couldn't help leaning towards her, "Don't question my love for you. Never. You're everything to me." I closed the gap between our lips. Her lips were soft, addictive. I wish she could really know how I can't live without her. I wish she could know just how much I really do love her.
***
I had never really fallen asleep. I just watched her sleeping in my arms, her half-angelic face buried in my chest. Suddenly, her eyes fluttered open and she stared up at me, "Hi." She said and cuddled closer.
"Hey." I answered, "Are you hungry?" It was nearing six o'clock and my half a sandwich had done a mile. She nodded, still half-asleep. I brushed some locks of hair from her cheeks and gave her a quick kiss, "We could take out."
"M'kay …" She replied and her eyes drooped closed again, "Squall?"
"Yeah?" I kissed her forehead, guessing that she'd be out cold in another minute.
"What now?"
"I don't know. Whatever comes next." I answered lightly, "Why?"
"I want to know … what's next?"
This was it … I could say it now. This would be it then, here it goes. I took a deep breath, "Well … you could marry me." Her eyes opened and she smiled, clearly thinking I was joking, "No … I'm dead serious. The ring's in my pocket."
Sabam: *Sighs dreamily* Ahh … that was so romantic. REVIEW! I worked HARD on those romantic scenes, I'll have you know! I wish I was Rinoa …
**Edited Version Note: Yes, I realized that I made a typo … but do you realize how late it was when I wrote this chapter? Heh, well, anyways …