Disclaimer:  I cud haf wun SQUARESOFT at a speilleng b butt I lawst.

Chapter XIV

There was definitely something wrong.  It was impossible.  Well, it was technically possible but … just, NO!  It couldn't be, unless my doctor lied about what he prescribed me, the asshole!  It must have been him … it could be no other … either that or nature was playing a fickle trick!  My body always freaking followed the schedule religiously … so how the hell could this even been minutely imaginable … it wasn't!

Well, to get my mind off this transgression committed by life and human biology, I decided to walk around aimlessly in my halls, patrolling them for lost little family members that I could murder and hide in my closet … oops, did I just say that aloud?  Scratch the last part … anyways, I finally made my way down to the kitchen where Squally-Wally and dear papa were having a conversation on the up-coming elections.  Boring. 

It wasn't until I saw my fiancée that I sorta-kinda realized how serious my situation really was.  I mean, how the hell was I supposed to explain this to him … how was I supposed to tell him.  Wait, I could always not tell him.  Oh yes, that would work … and nine months later - BAM!  SURPRISE!  Yeah, how 'bout some no?  It's nothing for sure anyways … I mean … well … um … ok, maybe it is for sure.  THIS CANNOT BE, DAMN IT … I felt ready to cry, right there in the doorframe.

Of course I didn't, or they would have sent me to some nut house.  Instead I plodded in and thrust open the fridge, "Morning." They both greeted in unison.  Fearing I may well damn explode in uncontrollable sobs, I replied with a mere grunt.  They returned to their bland and idle conversation, though I could see Squall watching me out of the corner of his eye.

My father suddenly stopped his sentence short and turned to me, "Aren't you dressed a little too casual for Christmas?"


I shrugged, really not caring about this at this given point in my life that was going through an immense turn-point that would revolutionize my future, concerning my career and romantic life, forever. "Am I here to impress someone?" I demanded curtly, pulling out the carton of orange juice.  Was there a problem with navy jeans and a darkish hoody that I usually wore when PMS struck … but I was WAY passed PMS and that's what worried me.

"Well, no … but for the sake of this conversation, yes."

Squall had seen this sweater and the purpose it served me.  And he also knew that he had dealt with my 'moods' a couple of days ago so he was severely confused … since I had once assured him that they would dissipate after a day or two.  So, feeling kind of bitchy, I turned to Squall and snapped, "Don't think too hard, sweetie, it might over-stimulate your mind."

The pondering look vanished from his face, "Woah … I'm having deja-vu." He replied smartly, "What is it that plagues you this morning?"

My father shrugged, "You mean she isn't always like this?"


This provoked a growl torn from my throat.  I slammed a glass down on the counter, glared at both of them.  What would they understand?  Males are such feeble creatures with simplistic minds that crash all the time.  Like Pentium II set up with Windows 95 … even opening Solitare causes the computer to explode.

It's true … enveloped in their masculinity; men don't realize the really important things in life.  They're swayed by the most unimportant things … like beer and sports.  And cheeseys.   I don't think it's that they don't feel, more like they just can't express it.  I've never met a poetic male in my life, not that I'm really up for the … poetry stuff but hell, at least I try to comprehend.  I think the most a poem's ever got from Squall was a chuckle and a, "Wow, someone was on crack when they wrote that …"

Not that I could ever reproach my 'baby' for something so stupid as failing to understand poetry, but I just wish he was better at … looking over his pride. 

Sex, beer, sports, food, crude jokes and burping contests.  Is that what the male race is all about?  It leaves me to ponder … why do they hide emotion so much?  I'm sure it would kill Squall if I made him declare his undying love (can you tell I'm trying to boost my ego?) for me in public … ok, the situation applies vice-versa.

Without poetic spirits, how could we ever expect them to literally 'grow-up' and look at things differently?  How could we ever expect them to understand something as complex and complicated such as … pregnancy, for a completely RANDOM example (or maybe in this case, not so random) and how can … I learn to deal and comprehend it for myself?

~*~

And so by the time the phone rang calling him back to Balamb where there must have been the outbreak of syphilis because Zell was literally crying on the phone, I was completely freaking out and wondering (out loud, might I add) how the hell I would survive with this fucking zoo called family without any sanity left to cling onto.  Of course, Squall attempted feebly to 'shush' me but that didn't work and then I started to get hysterical.  How would you feel if your boyfriend ditched you on Christmas day, the same day you just found out you were …

"Rinoa, I promise I'll be back by New Years … it's just this temporary thing, I'll just go and help Zell get everything under control then I'll be right back here." He held a finger to my lips and used a soothing voice that a parent would on his temper-tantrum flaring child.  Yes, I was getting that bad.

I slapped his hand from my face angrily, "You conniving liar, I know you're bullshitting me!"  I must have been flushing raging red colors because he was at lost for words.


Squall stuttered helplessly as if being contracted with cold feet, "I … well, I … no, I swear I'm not!  You're imagining things again!  I swear … I promise, cross my heart and hope to die, I'm coming back New Years … New Years eve and earlier if I can.  Why don't you just come with me?"

My eyebrow shot up, "You're being stupid!  I don't like stupid people, Squall!" I stopped short to let Summer pass by the doorway without suspicion that anything was going on.  She paused and I glared so she moved right back on her way, "I have to stay here like a good little girl and entertain my arrogant, self-contained-" I suddenly switched tones as I heard my grand-mother bickering in the hall, "Wonderful, life-loving, perfect family." I smiled and felt my face was going to crack.

It was his turn to do the funky eyebrow thing, " … Whatever.  Look, sweetie, I need you to understand this … I don't have a choice.  If it were up to me, I wouldn't leave your side for a minute but this is a case of extreme emergency … they let out a damn T-Rex from the training center!  Baby, it's Jurassic Park all over again!  I need to get there!  Zell really needs me there right now before he has a breakdown …"

I put on a puppy face, "Who needs you more, Zell or me?"

He sighed and ran his hand through his hair, and my sweet expression turned sour.  Then I did the most childish thing I could think of, "Fine… I don't love you anymore."

"Yes, you do." He bent down and kissed me softly.

I broke it off triumphantly, "Ooh, new argument … who holds out better in bed, Zell or me?"  I was getting really, really, really desperate, if you've failed to notice.

For a couple of seconds, he just had this crooked grin on his face until he shook his head, "Under normal circumstances, that would've convinced me … but no."

"'No' wasn't part of the options list, Squall." I made sure my voice tingled with seduction.  He just picked the best moments to be headstrong and focused, didn't he?

"That's … not … going to work." He playfully pat my arm, a very evil and sly smirk on his gorgeous face.


Then, I decided to have a breakdown of my own, "You can't leave me like this … not with them!"  I clung onto the front of his shirt and pleaded, begged and prayed, "You can't do this to me, Squall, you can't … not when …" I trailed off aimlessly and just shut myself up before I said anything else.

"Not when what?"  Squall sighed and wrapped his arms around my waist, "You've been dealing with your family for eighteen years now, you're a big girl … what could be so bad and scary about them now?"


The truth was, it wasn't just them.  It was me.  It was something inside me.  It was thousands and thousands of cells multiplying at a frightening rate in a very specific place … something so physical, but something that just tore my heart out in two, split my conscious to different paths and divided my remaining, life-shattering choices. "Ok … fine … come … come back as soon as possible."  I threw in the towel.

~*~

After my boyfriend/fiancée abandoned me and practically threw me in the open jaws of the wolves, I had to endure annoying criticism from practically everyone except my father, mother and brothers (and that isn't saying much).  Of course, when supper came … everything eventually got worse.

"You know, Rinoa," Uncle Rob began with a quirky smile, "You should never trust a lover who scampers off like that." 


At this point I was sensitive to everything, "Yeah, obviously you would know what you're talking about."  You could have heard a pin drop.  My grandmother ceased to cut at her turkey, my father was glaring at me and I could tell I was in for it and meanwhile I had these ecstatic grins of encouragement from my mother and my brothers.

Uncle Rob and Caroline looked at each other and back at me, their children (aka: spawns) obviously had no idea of what I was referring to.  So to get me out of this one, I chose to remain silent and take immense interest in the contents of my plate … peas, potatoes, turkey, gravy, stuffing … yummy goodness, ohh, now let's stare and avoid meeting eyes with anyone.


This tactic of mine worked very well and everyone returned to their plates, obviously assuming they had imagined the words that had flew out of my big, fat mouth.  Fifteen minutes went by with awkward and detached conversation until my grandmother remarked, "This turkey is awfully dry, Julia … how did you cook it?"


Naturally, I completely lost verbal control, "It's turkey and turkey is dry, grandmother … that's why we add gravy.  I think it's just freaking fine."  This provoked a flinch from everyone but you could tell that even my father was getting annoyed, and it wasn't at me this time.

When my loving grandma finally found some words, she lost no time in trying to smack me one on the face too, "You're being mouthy.  You want to be mouthy then speak, darling, how're your studies?"

Unfortunately for the ol' bird … I was feeling very smart that night, "They're going fine, though I think I'll change programs next year."


She sniffed disdainfully, "Drifter." I had to smirk, "What're you going into then?"

I spoke only one word, and relished in the shock and fear that appeared upon their faces, "Journalism."


The only thing I think the Caraway family ever feared.  Nosey, pecking journalists that destroyed their reputation until there was nothing left but debris.  The worst part is that I was drop dead serious.  Caroline let off a shriek that was supposed to pass off as a laugh and Rob laughed nervously.  Grandma looked as if she was about to give herself an aneurysm, literally.

"You're joking!" She spat out disgustedly.

"Actually, quite serious." I replied coolly.  I brought food to my mouth, chewed and swallowed as if nothing was.

"HAH!" She snapped hysterically and waved her arms in the air.  You could tell this was a combat between her and I only since no one else dared to speak, "Next thing you'll be telling us is that you're getting married to that fling you call a boyfriend-"

Something really sparked as she said those words and I just dropped my utensils to my plate with a clank, "Actually-"

"And that you're two weeks pregnant with him!"

"Wow!  Right fucking on, grand-ma!" I yelled out in false congratulations.  Screeching my chair back, I got up, "If you'll excuse me, I'm feeling a little homicidal right now." I threw my 'serviette' that had previously been resting on my lap on my chair.  Then I decided it would be a really good idea to storm out the room and prevent further drama.

It was funny how they immediately assumed that I was kidding, that it was on the spur of the moment that I had sarcastically blurted out lies.  It was ironic how I knew they had assumed wrong.  All I said was true.

"Why the hell do you test her goddamn limits like that?" I heard my father rage as I sprinted up the stairs.

In a way, it comforted me, to know he was behind me and another part of me was pissed off at his defense.  I didn't need shelter from anyone, if I'm in a target range then I expect to have bullets whiz by.  I'm not 'that special little girl' anymore that has a 'caution' sign around her neck because she's different, because she's not like everyone else.  I know I'm not a little girl.

I got to my room and threw my bag on the bed.  Then, I proceeded to wrenching drawers open, taking out what I needed and snapping them shut again.  My bag was only half full when I zipped it closed, everything else I needed was in Balamb … the most important thing was in Balamb and that was exactly where I was going.


I swung the light-ish bag over one shoulder and was about to leave my room when a firm body planted itself in the doorframe.  My father took me by the shoulders and pushed my back, "Put down the bag, Rinoa.  I'm sorry … I'm sorry for everything.  I'm sorry for the last few years, are you?"

My breaths were quick, shallow and obviously very unnerving, "Yes." I whispered, barely audibly but somewhere in me, something said that no matter how many apologies were uttered, no matter how many of them were true, nothing between him and I could really be mended.  We were too different, we were just both the same. 

Everything was ripped at the seams in advance, to save us the trouble. 

"Dad …" I began hesitantly, "We are getting married." My right hand subconsciously went to my necklace where the ring Squall gave me hung, " … And … I am pregnant … a week and a half." Probably amongst the most serious words I've ever said to my father, probably the only ones where I was pleading for his support, though I didn't get it.

He pushed my back a little bit.  An eternal silence ballooned up.  It was so loud that you couldn't hear anything else … just dead … omnipresent lack of noises.  Everything seemed so long, seconds stretched into hours until I couldn't take it anymore.  I ran out of the room, out of the house after hastily grabbing my coat and shoes.  I didn't know what I was running from, or why but I had an instinctive feeling that whatever it was, it was dangerous.

I didn't have any trouble at all getting to the train station where I immediately purchased a direct ticket to Dollet where I would just barely make the ferry to Balamb.  I numbly calculated in my mind that I would arrive at 10:20 p.m. 

"Don't worry about it." Mikey's voice was suddenly by me, "They're a bunch of stupid shits anyways.  It doesn't really matter.  If you wouldn't have snapped, I would've."

I smiled gratefully, "Thanks." My little brother … following me to the train station, it all had an eerie, comforting, sibling-love moment.  Of course, he wouldn't get me to admit that until the day I died.  The fact that I appreciated his presence had to remain hidden beneath the floorboards …

"You know … I find it cool.  That you're with Squall, y'know … I don't find it gross or … unholy or anything.  Rinny, you're my sister and I just wanted to tell you that … I … I like you, sort of … in that … brotherly kind of way where arguments, physical wrestles and other such activities are of the norm … and you know, I'll always-"

I didn't exactly let him finish.  Well what?  I was under a lot of emotional strain and … I just … couldn't help hugging him.  He was just my little brother, the annoying kid who woke me up at half past midnight because he had had a nightmare, the kid I felt the need to protect when he scraped his knee playing tag … he was just a kid … that was almost taller than me now.

"Yeah, yeah, I know you love me, who doesn't?" I tried to joke lightly, despite my obvious emotion overload.


 … Funny a world, ain't it?  Irony certainly has its place.

~*~

He seemed surprised to see me.  Whether or not that was a good thing, I was slightly too tired to care at this point in time.  I contented myself of falling into his arms, "So what made you change your mind?" He murmured softly.

"Grandma hit a nerve." I muttered back, burying my head in his chest.

"Ah, I see." The phone on his desk rang and I couldn't help groan.  I should have known before I walked in his damn office that it would be a lion's den.  "Hello?" He picked it up and paused, "Yeah … back to their dorms and that's it for tonight.  No, I'll take care of it tomorrow.  Bye." He hung up.

I sat on the edge of his desk and sighed, "How much longer?"


He smile, "I'm done …"

I was preoccupied with my incessant shuffling through his drawers.  "Why do you have handcuffs in here?"  I narrowed my eyes suspiciously at him.

He shrugged, "I have no saintly idea."  I took them out and played around with them, "Yeah, Rin, you may not want to play with those."  I gave him an amused look and slapped a cuff on his wrist, "Because I don't have the keys, damn it!" 

I had to stifle a laugh, "Oops!  Sorry!"  I covered my mouth in case he saw my big, wide smile that I simply could not suppress, "You could have told me that before!" I took a paperclip and unwound it expertly. 


Squall seemed impressed, "Wow, professional pick-pocket, now aren't we?"


I smiled at him, "Doesn't it frighten you?" I began to work at the lock and after enough wriggling around and such nonsense, the cuff clicked back open.

"No." He dropped the cuffs on the desk and leaned in to kiss me, "Only wimps are afraid of their wives."


I gasped and pushed him away, "Wimp!" I accused sourly, "You're nothing but a scared little boy." The phone rang yet again and this time I glared at him, "Is it not possible to tell the world to fuck off once in a while?" I got off his desk and prowled around for something to beat upon while he answered his call.

"Uhm … kind of busy right now, Zell … who?" I looked at him and he mouthed 'your father', "Yeah… ok … sure." He hung back up and turned to me, "You're father's here."


I gaped at him, "And you just let him in the office!?  WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!?" I had a feeling that my father was in a very bad mood after that last little discussion I had with him.  And it was, without a doubt, that 'last little discussion' that he wanted to discuss now and since Squall didn't know about the second part of the first 'little discussion' I had the strange feeling that my life was going to end shortly.

My father stalked into the room as if it were his own living room, "Squall … Rinoa." He greeted, "Ok, see, this speech has been running through my mind because honestly, I have a lot to get off my chest.  First, I'd like to tell you that I'm ok with your decision to marry … honestly, I'm not thrilled about it but I have no objection …" He took a deep breath while Squall registered the fact that I had told my father about the whole entire marriage thing. "Now about the second thing, I mean … I doubt you two are ready to face such an extensive responsibility and frankly-"

"We haven't decided yet, dad, Christ!  STOP!" I yelled out as if my life was hanging on by a thread, and really it was.  I wasn't planning on announcing anything to Squall yet and the only reason my father knew was because it was on the spur of the moment, a clear conscious with at least him.

"Decided what?  What's this responsibility?"  Squall stared back and forth between me and my brilliant, impulsive father, confused as hell, "What is this?"


Caraway looked at me as if to say, "You wicked woman of Lucifer's hand!" And I just took a deep breath and look towards Squall, "I was going to tell you, I swear I was … just … the time wasn't right and everything is just so complicated and all at once."

The words were brittle from his mouth, "What … were … you … going to tell me?"

"That-that-that … I … well … uhm … we're going to have to move into a bigger house, basically … is … it." I wondered if he'd be able to figure it out on his own.

It's Squall, obviously not … "What does this have to … what?"

I let out a sigh and in a fit of frustration I snapped, "I'm pregnant, you dolt!"  Well, that was certainly not how I had planned to announce it to him but I suppose it was out now, a lesser burden on my shoulders.  Unfortunately, I never got a real response.  He just stared at me as if I had sprouted an extra eye on my forehead.


My father cleared his throat, "Under normal circumstances I would find this amusing but now … just … no.  I will definitely exit."

"Squall?" I asked meekly, unsure of what I was about to face, "Are you mad because I called you a dolt?"


His loose jaw snapped shut, "Yes.  But that will be taken care of later … holy shit, you're pregnant." I had experienced this before … when he was so taken aback that he simply repeated facts over and over, "So … in … 9 months we're going to have a kid?"

"Generally … that's the way it works." I whispered hoarsely, "Anyways…"


He let out a demented chuckled that scared the living daylights out of me, "Are you serious or is … this just one weird … prank?  No … you wouldn't do that … but holy shit … wow, a kid … it's a boy, right?"


It took a while for me to fully register what he had just asked, "I don't know."  I replied dumbly, "Too … early to tell."

"This is great!  Ok, so … we'll just move into Balamb in a nice little house and … what's the matter?" He looked towards me with concerned.


In all truth and honesty, I didn't expect him to respond like this to a kid.  Through my tears of relief … of fear of what's to come … of indecisiveness, I replied, "No, everything's fine."

I'm not a strong believer in God … but there are certain times when I believe there is someone up there 'in the sky' writing this all out and blessing me with Squall Leonhart, with a happy ending.

Sabam: THIS IS NOT THE LAST CHAPTER!  READ AND REVIEW ANYWAY!