Mind Games 4

He saw the bright light and noticed he was drifting towards it. He felt calm and at peace. And yet, a small part of him was feeling sorrow at leaving his family behind. He kept hearing Abbey's pleading voice in his head. He could not get it out of his mind. Even after all he had done to her she still wanted him to stay with her. Maybe, maybe he had been wrong. Maybe this wasn't right after all. He was getting closer to the light but now he didn't feel so calm anymore. "No, no this is wrong. I want to go back."

"Josiah."

He froze and did not move a muscle as someone appeared to him from inside the bright light. "Mom?" He was perfectly still as the figure got closer and soon was standing next to him. He shivered slightly as he saw him mother taking his hands in his. "Mom." He wanted to embrace her but was afraid to even move. As if she had sensed it she embraced him. It felt like it always had. He realized just how much he had missed her. How much he had wanted to tell her. "Mom, I have MS." There was no reaction in her body as he said that.

"I know, honey. I know."

"I should have told you. I'm sorry I didn't. I'm so sorry." He drew back since he wanted to look at her face. She smiled at him and one of her hands touched his cheek.

"Don't apologize. I know you wanted to tell me but your first concern was to protect me from it."

Jed bowed slightly. His mother could always read him like an open book.

"Just like you think you can protect Abbey? By this little stunt you just pulled?"

He looked up at her again and saw only love radiate from her lovely features. "I know. I thought it was the right thing to do at first but now.... I want to see Ellie get married and have kids. I want to see Zoey get married and have kids. I want to grow old with Abbey. I want to see what Liz decides to do when her children are grown. I want to spend time with my grandchildren." He saw her still smiling at him.

"And this did not occur to you before?"

Jed had to laugh a little at this. "It did but I had to protect Abbey and..." He didn't quite know how to finish.

"You always were very stubborn."

Jed smiled back at her. "So I've been told." Looking at the bright light he noticed they were both closer to it. "Does this mean..?"

"Mean what, honey?"

"I'm I dead?" When she did not answer right away Jed saw his chance. "You have to help me. I don't want to die. I made a mistake. I want to go back. Back to Abbey and back to my family."

"I thought you wanted to protect Abbey?"

"I did, I mean I still do but somehow I have to do it in another way." He took her hands in his. "Mom, I love you and seeing you it's.. I can begin to tell you how it makes me feel but I want to go back. I have to go back. I made a mistake. I made one terrible mistake. Please mom, help me. Help me get back to Abbey."

----

Leo hurried down the hall. As soon as Ron Butterfield had requested to see him he had this uneasy feeling. A few agents were outside the main bedroom. More so then usual. That could not be good. He asked one of them where Ron was and he was directed to the room Jed was occupying. He entered and saw Ron wave for him to come in. As he came closer he saw the red stained floor of the bathroom. "Dear God, what happened here?"

"I was hoping you could tell me?" Ron turned to face Leo.

Leo looked at Ron. "Is The first Lady ok?" Had Jed caused this? Was Abbey alright?

"She is fine. She was not the one who was injured." Ron stepped closer to Leo.

Leo was puzzled. If Abbey wasn't the one that was hurt then.... 'Oh God'. "Where is The President?"

Ron choose to answer his question with deliberate evasion. "With The First Lady."

Leo barely nodded. Whatever that meant he accepted it, for now.

"I get the feeling that there is something that has been kept from me. I can not protect The President if I don't know all the facts."

Leo nodded once more. "Did you talk to The first Lady?"

"She would not answer anything so I am asking you? By your reaction here now and the fact that you asked about The first Lady first makes me believe you know what is going on? Am I right?"

Leo didn't say anything. All of this had been handled all wrong. Things needed to be corrected and needed to be corrected now. First though, he had to know. "How is The President?"

Ron knew he would not get anywhere with Leo McGarry if he did not answer that question. "The first Lady is in the master bedroom. She will be able to tell you how he is."

Abbey stared out the window. It was still dark. Wouldn't be that for long. She knew she should get some sleep but that would be impossible now. Even with being as exhausted as she was. Suddenly there was a sharp knock on the door. She sighed as she made he way to the door and opened it. "Leo."

She looked like hell. It did not take long before he saw the blood on her shirt. It seemed to be spread all over her. He pointed to it. "Are you ok?"

She looked down and then at Leo again. "I'm fine. It's not mine." Abbey fought to not start crying again as she indicated for him to come inside.

The first thing Leo saw once he was inside was the contour of Jed. Looking like he was sleeping quite peacefully in bed. He stepped closer and then it stood out clearly. Around both his wrists was blood stained bandage.

"He tried to kill himself."

Leo's head spun towards Abbey when hearing her words. "God."

Abbey nodded sadly. "When I saw him, the blood... It looked worse then it really was." She stopped herself not letting it get to her again. "Leo, there are some things we need to do."

Still not believing what he had just been told about Jed's suicide attempt he sighed heavily. "Yeah, I know."

Abbey thought for a moment. "No, wait. Let's not bring the 25th amendment into this yet."

"Why not? I should have pulled him out of office before this.." He gestured sadly towards Jed. "..happened."

"When he's regained his strength I'll take him to Bethesda for some tests. Let's wait until the results of those come in before we do anything." Abbey walked over to the side of the bed and seated herself on the chair next to it.

"If you're sure."

"Yeah. Just tell the staff he has a cold. With his MS they won't ask too many questions." She ran a hand through her hair. "Cancel his meetings and mine."

"Ok." He put his hands in his pockets and realized as he had done so, it was something Jed would do once his mind was made up. "You're going to be ok?"

Abbey looked up to him and smiled briefly. "Yeah."

"What about...." He nodded towards Jed, who was pale and did not move at all except his slow breathing. If one stood and watched him from the door one might mistake him from being dead.

"I wish I knew." Abbey replied honestly. "I wish I knew."

"Ok, I'll talk to the staff." Seeing his best friend in that state was more then uncomfortable and Leo turned to leave.

As Leo left Abbey sat back in the chair. She wished she could heal Jed more then just to stitch up his wrists. Something was going on within him and she did not have a clue to what it was. She got up and seated herself on her side of the bed next to him. As soon as she had he started moving. She did not say anything as he slowly opened his eyes.

He tried to focus. It was soon apparent to him where he was. There were the familiar walls and furniture. He was not dead. He felt a presence beside him and turned his head slightly.

Looking at her she inched closer to him. "Hey."

It took him a moment to remember what had happened when he noticed the bruises on her neck. And to remember what he had done after that. Seeing her face though, there was nothing but love. She seemed tired and her eyes were red. "Ab..." He felt weak but he had to talk to her.

She quickly silenced him with a finger over his mouth. "Ssh, it's alright. You are back and that is all that matters." She blinked to control her tears. "Just promise me, promise me you'll never do something like that to yourself again?" She swallowed as she stroked his check seeing the small tears that threatened to break out of his eyes as well.

How much he loved this woman. Once in a while he had wondered if he deserved her and now was one of those times. He had tried to take his own life to protect her and all he had succeeded in was to cause her more pain. "I... love you."

Abbey smiled at him. "I love you too. Please. Promise me...?"

He took a deep breath while enjoying her caresses. "I.. promise." He hoped she believed him because he did intend to keep that promise. Abbey still needed to be protected but he had to figure out another way to do so. "You should... get some rest."

"You should too. Why don't we get some together?"

As Abbey lay down next to him he wrapped one arm around her and momentarily saw the bandage. He ignored it as Abbey settled in next to him just happy to be back. Happy that Abbey wanted to be near him and determined to discover what was wrong with him before Abbey got hurt again.

-------

Jed stirred slightly as he awoke. The one thing he noticed before even opening his eyes was that there was no one next to him. He felt with his hand on the empty space where he was sure Abbey had been when they had fallen asleep. "I'm here." He heard her say as the bed moved a bit and opening his eyes he saw her once again sitting next to him. "I thought....."

Abbey didn't let him finish. "I was in the bathroom." How are you feeling?"

"Weak." As he moved Abbey did the same and arranged the pillows behind him so he could sit up.

"That's to be expected." She helped him sit straight and then moved to inspect his wrists.

He looked away while she looked over his wrists. It stinged as she did so but it did not make him turn to her. That is, until she addressed him.

"Jed?" When he did not turn to her she made him look at her. As his face turned to her with the help of one of her hands she could tell he was struggling with something. "Jed?" She knew this face. "If you are going to apologize again for what you did to me last night then forget it. We will find out what is going on with you one way or another."

"I tried to take my own life."

"Yes."

"I tried to leave you and everyone I love behind thinking it was the best for all." One of his hands was between hers and her touch had never felt so wonderful. "It was stupid."

"Yes it was." She reached out and moved a lock pf his hair from his forehead. "I'm glad you're here now."

As her hand left his head he grabbed it and squeezed it. "I heard you. At least I think it was you. Begging me to stay and not to leave you."

Abbey fought hard to not start crying. "That would have been me." It was a loosing battle.

"Hey, come here." As good as he could he brought her into his arms.

"When I saw you on the floor, all the blood..... I...."

Jed could clearly imagine what she had seen. "I know, I know." He stroked her hair and kissed her head over and over again. Hoping against hope, that everything would turn back to normal. He felt Abbey shake slightly but for a second he was not sure from what. If it was because she was afraid being to close to him or ... "I'm ok, Abbey. Really."

Those words snapped Abbey back to her real feelings. She pushed Jed away, although gently, as she got up. "Well I'm glad because I'm still in hell. I don't know what reason there could be for your behaviour towards me you trying to kill yourself sure wouldn't help matters. Do you have any idea how it would affect me if you had died? Or the girls? Did you stop for one moment and think about them?" She was breathing hard as she paced next to the bed avoiding eye contact. "God damn it Jed, I thought I would loose you." She halted and turned to him quickly. If it was possible he looked even more hurt then before. "We always solved things together, like a team but now... Aren't we a team anymore?"

TBC....