Assumed by Ryuuen
Warnings: It's.. Hellsing.. need say more? Integra-centric. Vaguely Alucard/Integra pairing, but not really.
A/N: My first real, finished Hellsing fic! Applause please? X3 I started another a while back, but never finished it.. (note to self: finish it!) And I know I should be working on "Kono Sora", but this just came to me.. oh, and I've only read the first three manga volumes, never seen the show, so be kind.. please don't bite my head off for amature Integra representation... the song is "Magic's in the Makeup" by No Doubt. Please read and review. C&Cs are welcome.
ASSUMED
Can you tell I'm faking it? But I want to be myself. A counterfeit disposition can't be good for my health.
Sir Hellsing, ruler over the vast orginisation that held the same name that her family always had, sat at her desk, for now alone in the room. She looked at the small clock before her anxiously, sighing as she then took a sip from the teacup that had been forgotten before. She made a face. It was cold. Well, not cold, really, but lingering on the very edge of warm that made it at once still drinkable and utterly disgusting to taste. She endured, took another sip.
Fifteen minutes. That's how long she would have until her next meeting. She frowned to herself. Thought privately that it was all very tedious, despite that she knew it was necessary. She could almost hear Alucard's chuckle at the thought, despite that he was not in the room. Or at least, not to her knowledge - he tended to creep up on her when she least expected it, but she hoped that today, at least, he would have the courtesy to wait until later to speak with her. She was too weary at the moment to deal with the vampire.
It was hard to be Sir Hellsing. People were always looking to her for guidance, for orders, for advice, and it was all she could do not to break under the same pressure she had been under since her father died. Of course, having Alucard and Walter around helped, somewhat - although at times having Alucard around was more of a burden than a blessing, she had to admit that she enjoyed his company at times. They were the only ones who knew her underneath.. Walter because he cared enough, although with Alucard it was anyone's guess, whether he really cared about her, or merely read her thoughts as she knew he could.
It was.. complicated. The situation. As always.
So many different faces depending on the different phases. My personality changes, I'm a chameleon. There's more than one dimension I can fool you and attract attention camouflage my nature.. Let me demonstrate...
She heard footsteps and muffled voices, and knew that someone had arrived early for the meeting and was being directed to the room in which it would be taking place. Ten minutes of solitude left, and then it was back to being the Sir Hellsing that everyone knew. The one who issued orders with a completely straight face - even the orders that she and Alucard would later laugh a bit over, knowing that they sounded absurd despite their necessity. The one who was known as the "woman of steel". The woman of steel simply did not sit in empty offices, drink cool tea, and contemplate her own weakness. The woman of steel was stronger than that, above that. The woman of steel also didn't cry herself to sleep, as Integra sometimes did. The woman of steel would never take comfort in the laughter and company of a vampire, God forbid. But she did that, as well. She often wondered if Alucard knew that his laughter and his comments often helped her to become "strong" again.
When had she ever been able to laugh freely? Only when Alucard was the only one with her did she dare. Although at times the vampire irritated her, as he no doubt meant to, he was still her best - only - friend. Despite how cold and uncaring she often seemed, that did mean a lot to her, and she hoped Alucard knew that. Well, in actuality, she hoped he didn't know it. Because if he did, he would probably withdraw from being in her presence voluntarily. He didn't want her to rely on anything, or anyone. He said she had to be strong. He had been telling her that for as long as she had known him. And she had become that, for him.
She hoped he was proud, at least a little.
Makeup's all off Who am I? Magic's in the makeup Who am I?
Another glance at the clock. Five more minutes. She did a quick check to make sure she had all the papers she would need. Another crisis. More vampires killing people recklessly. Once again, she would lose Alucard's company for as long as it took to take them all out. This, she knew without even setting foot in the meeting room, and she felt a little bitter about it. Alucard said once that she was rather like a child in that way, wanting to keep her favorite "toy" all to herself, and not share with anyone else. She had replied that killing vampires was not "sharing" with them. He had laughed. She had added that he wasn't a toy, and he had raised an eyebrow at her. Asked if since he was not her toy, then, whose toy was he? She had almost laughed. Almost.
She felt so tired of it all. A bone weariness that caught up to her only in the quiet moments when no one else was around - which, thankfully, were few and far between. She never had been one to dwell on her own unhappiness or her problems. It was often quite difficult for her to even voice any problem. She knew that the people she spoke to regularly enough to trust with her confidences had enough problems already, that it was unthinkable they should have hers on their shoulders as well. She trusted Alucard, to a degree, but she did not trust him to be careful with her heart, knew that he might very well laugh at what he would consider petty problems, but which to her were very important. So she said nothing. Which was fine. The only times she minded were in the lonesome moments like this, when nothing was pressing upon her mind.
Perhaps someday she would trust someone enough to tell them about this other side of herself.. if anyone, it would probably be Alucard.. but until then, she had her small silences, and for the time being, at least, that was enough.
If you bore me, then I'm comfortable. If you interest me, I'm scared. My attraction paralyzes me No courage to show me true colors that exist But I want to be the real thing, but if you catch me eye, I can't be authentic.
She stood from the chair as she sensed that she was not alone. Of course. She only had about two minutes until she had to leave for her meeting. She merely glanced to the shadows to confirm her suspicion. Alucard gave her a crooked smile, nodding his head.
"You have a meeting?" He asked, undoubtably scanning her surface thoughts for the information. She frowned, closing up her vulnerable alone-thoughts and carefully keeping her mind as blank as she could. She hated having her thoughts read.
"Yes, in about a minute," she said, picking up her papers, shuffling through them as though there were something important she thought she had forgotten. He grinned.
"What's it about?" The vampire queried, his tone quite innocent, though he already, no doubt, knew. She shook her blonde hair out of her face, looked at him again.
"Vampires apparently attacking people someplace near London," she replied. "I expect we'll have to send you in."
"Isn't that a bit of an arbitrary assumption?" He asked, still keeping his mockingly innocent tone.
"People will always assume. Who am I to stop human nature?" She asked him, smiling slightly at the irony. "But I have the information in my hands. They only have to get it from me. That's why they're here."
"I see," the vampire said, still smiling. "I'll be here when you get back, if you want me to wait, Master."
"I do," Integra said, despite the slight annoyance at his smile she always felt when she had something serious going on, or about to be going on. "I'll see you then."
With that, she walked out the door, reflecting that if he weren't just like he was, she could hate him just for knowing her well enough to offer that. Just for seeing past her shields.
She heard his low chuckle at that thought as she shut the door behind her and became Sir Hellsing again.
The ones I loathe are the ones that know me best.
=owari=
Warnings: It's.. Hellsing.. need say more? Integra-centric. Vaguely Alucard/Integra pairing, but not really.
A/N: My first real, finished Hellsing fic! Applause please? X3 I started another a while back, but never finished it.. (note to self: finish it!) And I know I should be working on "Kono Sora", but this just came to me.. oh, and I've only read the first three manga volumes, never seen the show, so be kind.. please don't bite my head off for amature Integra representation... the song is "Magic's in the Makeup" by No Doubt. Please read and review. C&Cs are welcome.
ASSUMED
Can you tell I'm faking it? But I want to be myself. A counterfeit disposition can't be good for my health.
Sir Hellsing, ruler over the vast orginisation that held the same name that her family always had, sat at her desk, for now alone in the room. She looked at the small clock before her anxiously, sighing as she then took a sip from the teacup that had been forgotten before. She made a face. It was cold. Well, not cold, really, but lingering on the very edge of warm that made it at once still drinkable and utterly disgusting to taste. She endured, took another sip.
Fifteen minutes. That's how long she would have until her next meeting. She frowned to herself. Thought privately that it was all very tedious, despite that she knew it was necessary. She could almost hear Alucard's chuckle at the thought, despite that he was not in the room. Or at least, not to her knowledge - he tended to creep up on her when she least expected it, but she hoped that today, at least, he would have the courtesy to wait until later to speak with her. She was too weary at the moment to deal with the vampire.
It was hard to be Sir Hellsing. People were always looking to her for guidance, for orders, for advice, and it was all she could do not to break under the same pressure she had been under since her father died. Of course, having Alucard and Walter around helped, somewhat - although at times having Alucard around was more of a burden than a blessing, she had to admit that she enjoyed his company at times. They were the only ones who knew her underneath.. Walter because he cared enough, although with Alucard it was anyone's guess, whether he really cared about her, or merely read her thoughts as she knew he could.
It was.. complicated. The situation. As always.
So many different faces depending on the different phases. My personality changes, I'm a chameleon. There's more than one dimension I can fool you and attract attention camouflage my nature.. Let me demonstrate...
She heard footsteps and muffled voices, and knew that someone had arrived early for the meeting and was being directed to the room in which it would be taking place. Ten minutes of solitude left, and then it was back to being the Sir Hellsing that everyone knew. The one who issued orders with a completely straight face - even the orders that she and Alucard would later laugh a bit over, knowing that they sounded absurd despite their necessity. The one who was known as the "woman of steel". The woman of steel simply did not sit in empty offices, drink cool tea, and contemplate her own weakness. The woman of steel was stronger than that, above that. The woman of steel also didn't cry herself to sleep, as Integra sometimes did. The woman of steel would never take comfort in the laughter and company of a vampire, God forbid. But she did that, as well. She often wondered if Alucard knew that his laughter and his comments often helped her to become "strong" again.
When had she ever been able to laugh freely? Only when Alucard was the only one with her did she dare. Although at times the vampire irritated her, as he no doubt meant to, he was still her best - only - friend. Despite how cold and uncaring she often seemed, that did mean a lot to her, and she hoped Alucard knew that. Well, in actuality, she hoped he didn't know it. Because if he did, he would probably withdraw from being in her presence voluntarily. He didn't want her to rely on anything, or anyone. He said she had to be strong. He had been telling her that for as long as she had known him. And she had become that, for him.
She hoped he was proud, at least a little.
Makeup's all off Who am I? Magic's in the makeup Who am I?
Another glance at the clock. Five more minutes. She did a quick check to make sure she had all the papers she would need. Another crisis. More vampires killing people recklessly. Once again, she would lose Alucard's company for as long as it took to take them all out. This, she knew without even setting foot in the meeting room, and she felt a little bitter about it. Alucard said once that she was rather like a child in that way, wanting to keep her favorite "toy" all to herself, and not share with anyone else. She had replied that killing vampires was not "sharing" with them. He had laughed. She had added that he wasn't a toy, and he had raised an eyebrow at her. Asked if since he was not her toy, then, whose toy was he? She had almost laughed. Almost.
She felt so tired of it all. A bone weariness that caught up to her only in the quiet moments when no one else was around - which, thankfully, were few and far between. She never had been one to dwell on her own unhappiness or her problems. It was often quite difficult for her to even voice any problem. She knew that the people she spoke to regularly enough to trust with her confidences had enough problems already, that it was unthinkable they should have hers on their shoulders as well. She trusted Alucard, to a degree, but she did not trust him to be careful with her heart, knew that he might very well laugh at what he would consider petty problems, but which to her were very important. So she said nothing. Which was fine. The only times she minded were in the lonesome moments like this, when nothing was pressing upon her mind.
Perhaps someday she would trust someone enough to tell them about this other side of herself.. if anyone, it would probably be Alucard.. but until then, she had her small silences, and for the time being, at least, that was enough.
If you bore me, then I'm comfortable. If you interest me, I'm scared. My attraction paralyzes me No courage to show me true colors that exist But I want to be the real thing, but if you catch me eye, I can't be authentic.
She stood from the chair as she sensed that she was not alone. Of course. She only had about two minutes until she had to leave for her meeting. She merely glanced to the shadows to confirm her suspicion. Alucard gave her a crooked smile, nodding his head.
"You have a meeting?" He asked, undoubtably scanning her surface thoughts for the information. She frowned, closing up her vulnerable alone-thoughts and carefully keeping her mind as blank as she could. She hated having her thoughts read.
"Yes, in about a minute," she said, picking up her papers, shuffling through them as though there were something important she thought she had forgotten. He grinned.
"What's it about?" The vampire queried, his tone quite innocent, though he already, no doubt, knew. She shook her blonde hair out of her face, looked at him again.
"Vampires apparently attacking people someplace near London," she replied. "I expect we'll have to send you in."
"Isn't that a bit of an arbitrary assumption?" He asked, still keeping his mockingly innocent tone.
"People will always assume. Who am I to stop human nature?" She asked him, smiling slightly at the irony. "But I have the information in my hands. They only have to get it from me. That's why they're here."
"I see," the vampire said, still smiling. "I'll be here when you get back, if you want me to wait, Master."
"I do," Integra said, despite the slight annoyance at his smile she always felt when she had something serious going on, or about to be going on. "I'll see you then."
With that, she walked out the door, reflecting that if he weren't just like he was, she could hate him just for knowing her well enough to offer that. Just for seeing past her shields.
She heard his low chuckle at that thought as she shut the door behind her and became Sir Hellsing again.
The ones I loathe are the ones that know me best.
=owari=