Devotion 3

Disclaimer: Sill don't mine sigh But I still wish Terry was mine, though.

"Absence is to love what wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small, it inflames the great."

Chapter Three – Different paths, same destiny.
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Walking along the brick path that led to the front door of her once called home, Alice blew out a circle of smoke and it soon dissipated on the soft breeze blowing around her. The habit of smoking was much stronger than her will to quit it so she just gave up and decided that living with an unhealthy habit wouldn't kill her sooner than she was supposed to die.

As her hand wrapped around the doorknob a familiar female voice called for her, stopping her from entering her house. "Alice, honey, wait up."

Alice looked at the direction Patty was, watching as she fought with her over weighted body to run and catch up with Alice before she got inside. It was funny, in some way –not Patty's obesity but how she, even with her fifties and big body still tried to act as if she was as good looking as she had been one day- but how she just seemed to not care how fat she was, not giving a damn what people thought or how she should act for someone on her age. She was auntie Patty, cool Patty, or just Patty –she was the missing relative everyone wanted in their families.

"Good morning, Patty."

"Morning, candy pie. I almost don't catch you. I've been waiting all morning for you to show up!" She said laughing as if she had just told a joke, which she was the only who understood it, and stared deep at Alice with her green kind eyes.

"I was a little busy today."

"What really matters is that I caught you." She said waving around the hand that wasn't holding a big something in it. Then, holding the something with both hands, she handed it to Alice, a big white teeth-ed smile on her face. "I made this for you, it's banana pie. It's a new recipe that I'm trying and I was hoping you'd tell how it tastes."

Taking the towel paper that was covering it, Alice toke a good look at the pie, smiling at the look of it. "Seems delicious."

"I've been in an argument with Chris, but he just wouldn't taste it. I think he doesn't trust me with kitchen issues anymore."

None of us does... Alice thought, remembering when she started using Alice and Peter to try her recipes since Chris seemed so unwillingly to be the one to try it, not risking his tongue anymore, after all those years. And she couldn't really blame him –Patty was as good in the kitchen as Alice was with keeping herself away from cigarettes.

"I'm sure it's delicious, Patty."

"Oh, good, but you have to taste it, darling. I personally think it's wonderful but my own opinion in this doesn't really count, does it?"

Alice chuckled, but not sure if it was from nervousness of being the rat lat in it this time or just of the memories of when she herself tried to do something but to be honest, she just was good with kitchen issues as Patty was. "Come inside, I don't want to try it alone." Alice said, opening the door and stepping aside to make room for Patty to enter.

"Oh, where is Peter? He could try it, too."

"He's not here." Alice answered evasively, not wanting to talk about him. Thoughts and talks or anything related to Peter only seemed to make her depressed, it made her remembered that they weren't in a good place right now –scratch that, Alice thought bitterly, we're not even in the same place now.

Sighing she walked to the kitchen, leading the way as Patty followed her silently behind. "You're not in good terms right now, are you?" Patty asked quietly.

Setting the plate down on the counter she faced Patty and shook her head, sighing again. "Not really." Then she sat and pointed at a tool next to her and Patty sat on the counter with Alice. "We've been arguing so much." She said with a sad hint in her voice, not great regret or unhappiness, just that she was sad they couldn't be around each other anymore.

Alice took a slice of the pie and put it in her plate, then put another one in Patty's plate. Unconsciously she waited for Patty to taste it first but Patty was doing the same and when Alice didn't do a move the take a bite, Patty gave her a playful smile. "Come on, dear, try it."

"All right." She smile and when the first piece of pie found the way to her lips and her tongue took a taste of it Alice had to try really hard not to gasp and spill all of it back to the plate. It wasn't bad, in fact it even tasted good, but the thing was just too damn sweet. Patty had obviously put much more sugar on it than it was necessary.

"Of course I had to make some changes on the recipe. The quantity of sugar they said to put was absurd. No one can live with half cup of sugar..." Patty rambled on and Alice immediately snapped her eyes to her, shooting her a help look. "Is not too sweet, is it?"

"No." Alice lied, shaking her head rapidly, gulping down the pie as quickly as she could and getting up searching desperately for something to drink, she asked Patty, "No. Want something to drink?" Since Patty was a sugar addict she obviously wouldn't notice how sweet the pie was.

"No, thank you, pumpkin." She said through her smile, and took a bit of her own pie. "Now, talk to me."

Alice went back to counter and sat down, setting her glass of water down as well. "Talk about what?"

"Are you breaking up with him?"

Alice stared at Patty for half a second before brining her eyes down the pie and letting her finger play with the hem of her glass. "I don't know." She said honestly, because she truly didn't know, she didn't even know where the stood right now. "I have no idea what to do to be honest." She managed to get out, trying as best as she could to keep the tears that were already forming at bay then, looking up again, at Patty's eyes, she asked, "How did you keep your marriage for so long?"

Patty smiled at Alice with the same smile a mother would give to her daughter under such circumstances. "My first marriage, it was..." She started, not even answering Alice's question, and stopped looking off into space as if she was searching for the words to say –remembering the aforementioned fact, "wonderful, at first. When I met Garry he was everything I wanted –or what I thought I wanted."

"I didn't even know you were married before."

"Oh, darling I was, be sure of that." She said chuckling and patting Alice's hand softly. "After a while when we got married Garry and I would fight a lot, nothing was right. It just seemed that the first months of marriage, the happiness of it had ended like that," And she snapped her fingers to enforce her point. "We end up deciding that the divorce was the only alternative and I was so scared, you have no idea. I was frightened of leaving him because he was everything I had, the man I loved the most. How silly of me. I thought I would never find someone to love me the way Garry loved and that's why it took me so long to ask the divorce, so much courage to tell him I didn't want to be married to him anymore."

"I'm sorry it didn't work."

"Now, now, don't ever be sorry, sweetheart, not of the things you've done, ever. Only regret the things you never did." She said pointing a finger at Alice, the lines above her eyes showing off how wise from time she had become. "I was so miserable, lost in the world, you know? But then I met Richard –he made me feel like no one had ever done before, so sweet and kind and I ended up married to him too."

"But you're not with him. Something happened with him?"

"Nah," She said making a funny face and waving her had, which made Alice smile. "It just didn't work either. Getting the divorce with him was much easier than before, just as hard to do, but easier to deal with. Then I met Chris and –he- made me feel like... I don't even have the words, he just got me in such a way that I couldn't put into words. It felt so right and wonderful and beautiful. He just made me forget about everything around me when I was with him. And now comes the answer to your question: 'How did you keep your marriage for so long?' How did I? When it's the right person, honey, you don't have to do anything. It just works. Chris is the one for me and even after all these years and me not being the one hot looking stuff of before he still says I'm beautiful, he still says he loves me with the same longing look and honest voice he used to do years ago."

Alice couldn't stop the tears now, as they came full force down her cheeks and wetted her lips, the salt of them mixing with the sweetness of the pie that was still on her tongue. "Do you think Peter is not the one for me?"

"I'm not in the place to answer that, pumpkin, I'm not the one feeling what you're feeling. Now do you feel as if he's the one for you?"

Ashamed, she looked down, shrugging. "I don't know." She said with a voice so small and teary that touched Patty's old heart. It felt that way at first, how Peter made her smile like a silly girl, how he soothed all her pain way when he touched her, the sweet whispered words. Now it was just an old memory seeming to be forgotten at any minute and she was scared to let go of that, of all that she had.

What if she didn't have a chance after that? What if she never found the happiness she wasn't finding with Peter? What if... God, there were so many what if's... And she was so scared of just leaving everything behind, everything that she had lived for once. How could things change so much? How could people change so much? If Peter hadn't been kidnapped would she be in this situation now?

No, you'd have gone through it sooner –her inner self muttered, almost blaming her for what was happening.

But it was true; it was all true. Peter had told her to leave before and that was probably what she would have done if he hadn't been kidnapped. But he was and she had met Terry and feelings she shouldn't feel had blossomed, she couldn't change that. Why things had to happen? Why that had to happen? Why...

'Things don't happen for a reason... they just happen.'

She remembered telling Terry that before and now she had to repeat the words to herself.

But it wasn't bad, though –what she was feeling. Not right now of course, because the confusion and tension and frustration and anger were what was taking over in the moment, but the feelings of when she was in Colombia with Terry were much more tolerable, stronger. They held such powerful strength that managed to make her feel like nothing she had ever felt before even as she was frightened by Peter's safety. As much as she shouldn't she felt as if she could spend her whole life with Terry and never get tired –even if in the moment she hadn't noticed that for those exactly mixed up feelings for Peter.

The moment Terry kissed her, with such loving lips, with such caring in his eyes, made something come alive deep down within her; he made me her feel whole, complete. Even feeling so utterly guilty for kissing another man while her husband was in a death situation, she knew something had been born right there, right then. And now she just couldn't forget it, couldn't let go of the goodness and warmness of those feelings, which were much more overwhelming than the ones Peter made her feel.

And she couldn't move on.

Then as if she was finally getting a hold of her feelings and thoughts, she finally looked up and met Patty's soft eyes as she stared deeply at Alice. "I'm not sure anymore."

"You should take some time to think, darling. You need that." Patty said, once again patting Alice's hand and getting and up to leave.

'Things don't happen for a reason... They just happen.'

That wasn't true. Alice had used that to deal with the pain of her daughter's death because she just couldn't find a reason as to why her baby girl had died, why God had taken her baby away from her, but it was all a lie. Things happened for a reason and for a reason –some unknown reason- Terry had come into her life –it had to be, otherwise she wouldn't be feeling like she did, if it wasn't mean to be she wouldn't be thinking about him the way she was, she wouldn't be dreaming about him the way she was.

'Things don't happen for a reason...'

Smiling to herself, Alice got up too and headed to the living room. "Yes, they do." She whispered softly, still smiling as she searched for the black book with phone numbers in it.

T-T-T

"Damn it!" She cursed under her breath, putting the phone numbers book back in the drawer rather harshly. It had been the fifth time she searched the book for the phone number she was looking for, making sure she didn't find the number she wanted for the single reason it wasn't there and not because she was just too excited to find it.

Closing the drawer with a loud thump she got up and went around searching for a catalogue, hoping that there she'd finally find the telephone number. She looked everywhere she could think of but, defeated for not finding a goddamn list when she need one, she kicked the nearest thing then held her foot in her hand as the pain shot through her body from the point of impact.

How could that be possible?

She was sure they had a list in their house, she was completely sure of that. She had used it dozen times before and it was always under reach but now –when she seriously needed it- the stupid thing just wouldn't show... she just needed a single number, that was all.

She sighed heavily, the sound almost echoing through the nearly empty house. There had to be a way to find Terry's number, she knew she had it, she knew it. She just couldn't remember where. How could she just forget his number like that?

Two months of a brain filled with thoughts of Terry, that's how.

But... didn't she had a card or something? Yes, she had kept his card after everything had happened. It was just...

Snapping her head up, remembering that she had kept his card with her belongings as if it was dear life, she got up and run upstairs, searching for the small piece of paper that she kept in her box, the one she used to keep secret things –or the things dear, that she didn't want Peter to see.

Taking the blue velvet box form the very bottom of a small trunk in the closet, she opened it and took all of the contents out; searching almost desperate now for the small card with the black printed letters. And, with a yell of satisfaction, she held up the card, smiling brightly at it.

She brought it closer to her face and scanned the paper, staring at the small numbers in the middle of it. She didn't think twice when she took the phone beside her bed and brought it to her ear, after dialing the first number on the card. But she started having second thoughts when it rang for the fourth time and no one answered.

She tried, then, the second number –a cell phone with the code of England. Even if it was an international call Alice didn't care, all she could focus was that she'd talk to Terry again. But with the cell phone she got the same result: no answer, only ringing and ringing until it ended and the dial tone took place.

Her fingers were trembling now, the adrenaline was beginning to make affect, running though her veins as if she had just taken some kind of drug; cocaine or marijuana maybe and now it was making the affect she was longing for. And with these same trembling fingers she dialed the last number on the card, hope after hope magically vanishing, coming down as if they were the columns of some ancient, important construction of Rome that after the years didn't take anymore and crushed down.

And it all came to an end, not a personified one, or a big New York style one, it just was over, just like that, when the last number rang till the dial tone took place for a third time.

With fingers still trembling, shaking uncontrollably now as tears mixed with her already mixed up feelings, she put the phone on the hook and stared blankly at the card. How could all her hopes come down all at once like that? After all she had been doing? Why no one answered the phones? And when she was sure her life had gone by her, had ended with a sad ending just like a bad romance, she turned the card around, for no real reason, just to play with it before putting it back in the box and the bright blue ink, numbers neatly written down with an obvious male handwritten, Alice let out the biggest of relieved sighs as a smile took place over the tears.

That was Dino's personal number, which Terry had written down just in case.

Alice looked with such loving eyes at the number that she herself wasn't aware of, then ran a finger very softly over the numbers, smiling again as she remembered the sweet occasion he had written that down.

They were alone in her living room, talking about the possibilities about bringing Peter back, and what they could do when, out of stress she started crying, tired and worn out from all the tension. Terry had held her very softly, ran gentle hands on her hair and back and whispered sweet nothings in her ear, all that could make her calm down. And feeling her uncertainty when he told her he'd leave her alone for a while, he took his card and with the numbers already on it he wrote Dino's cell phone, to ensure her that he'd always be available when she needed him.

It had been so sweet and kind of him. He had already enough stress as it was but still, he had managed to find a way to always be there for her, even if he couldn't. He found a way to always be there when she needed, even if she didn't need him at all.

This may be your last chance, Alice –her inner self whispered, just as afraid as Alice herself was.

Alice took the phone again and dialed the numbers very slowly, making sure not to miss anything and –with her fingers still trembling- she brought the phone to her ear and waited, very nervous, the rings that followed.

The first came and obviously no one would answer it so quickly, so she kept cool and waited for the second and the third and the fourth. When the fifth time came and no one answered she was ready to throw the phone on anything and cry herself to sleep, calling her stupid and naïve for believing she'd ever have a chance with him.

But then, with the sixth ring, came a breathless male voice, which she recognized immediately. "Hello?"

T-T-T

Tahdah! End of chapter three! Lalalalalalalalalala, yay!

Thank you.