author: Ginnie
genre:sap. what do you expect from the self-proclaimed queen of sap of the SenRu fandom?
rating: PG for yaoi. Otherwise, it's a G.
notes: sniff, all-teary eyed Um, I would like to thank my mother and my father, especially my parents... Wahaha. That was really stupid. But anyway... My favorite line in this fic was taken from RX 93.1's "Hot Ten Marriage Proposals". Oh, and thanks to my classmate as well for being Apollo and saying that the only boy he ever loved was Hyacinthus. Hehehe. Inappropriately titled, yes... But 'Apollo' sounds so cool!!... (Extremely) Belated Happy SenRu day, minna-san!!!
It was an ordinary day.
But I woke up this morning, and felt -- something. I looked around me, trying to distinguish what was different. No, my room was still the same immaculate shade of blue. The carpet still smelled of the lemon-scented carpet cleaner that the maid had used yesterday morning to wash away the smell of spilled mochaccino. The comforter was draped carelessly over the chair back, as usual. My blanket was twisted around my body, as it was every morning. Last night's homework was still sprawled all over my desk. The clutter of various combs and bottles of gel littered my vanity table. Random articles of clothing poured out from the drawers of my bureau and open doors of my cabinet.
Then my eyes fell on my basketball, stationary in its usual post beside the toy basketball stand and ring I've kept since I was seven, and a smile made its way across my face.
Rukawa.
His beautiful, deep blue eyes.
His fluid, graceful movements.
The feel of his sport-calloused hand in mine.
The way his surprisingly soft lips felt, crushing against my own.
Every image and feeling, all alive in my head and in my dreams...
Yet, I've never really experienced them. How could I, if whenever I'm with him all we do is play our one-on-ones? If there seemed to be no chance that I could act on my fantasies -- with him playing the main role in real life?
How do I tell him that I'm no longer content with just playing with him, that I want to be with him in the fullest sense of the words?
I could not. All I knew was to tease girls, date them, then leave them heartbroken. For the first time in my life, I was in love. And I could do naught to fight it.
So I did what any self-respecting person in my position would do. I accepted my feelings, admitted that my heart was truly beating for want and love of another person. I didn't mind that I was in love with another man -- I wasn't against bisexuals or homosexuals. All I knew then, the moment that I realized it, was that I was in love with Rukawa Kaede.
It was difficult being with him. He always appeared to be so cold and indifferent to all that wasn't the orange ball in his hand or the various figures running behind, in front, and around him clad in team jerseys.
And you have to wonder why, of all people, it was him that I was in love with. There were so many other beautiful girls out there, others who weren't as cold or unfriendly. But I didn't want any of those "other people".
I wanted Rukawa Kaede.
I wanted the nonchalant manner in which he tucked the basketball under his arm. I wanted the smooth pace of his running. I wanted the way his head dropped onto his shoulder when he fell asleep. I wanted the lively bounce of his unruly jet-black hair. I wanted the fire that came alive in his eyes when he was on the court. I wanted everything that was purely Rukawa.
And I had no idea how much it would hurt. To be near him, yet not be able to touch or hold him. To face him, yet not be able to look at him. To know him, yet not be able to understand him. To be with him, yet not be able to truly be with him.
This morning, I woke up. And everything came rushing to me.
I couldn't go on like this. I had to tell him.
But how?
Courage.
That was all I needed.
But I was finding it more and more difficult to tell him as every moment passed me by. I'd play against him, yes -- but the prospect of admitting my feelings to him turned my legs to jelly.
And so, each day came and went, and every day only increased my longing for him. Yes, it's cliché, I know. But it was true. Oh, man, was it ever true.
I wanted to tell him. But part of me was shying away, afraid of what might happen if and when I did. I wasn't scared of being rejected -- then again, I have never been rejected. I had no idea how it would feel.
I turned to my friends, far more experienced players in this game. And each of them told me the same thing -- "Just tell him. When the time is right, you'll know."
Question: How do I know?
And so, time went on. They left for the Inter High 2 weeks after that peculiarly different morning. I had one month to think my thoughts through, now that I didn't have him distracting my thoughts.
The Shohoku team came back earlier than expected. I didn't even know they were back until Hikoichi knocked at my door and told me they'd lost to Sannoh.
My first instinct was to go to him. He was a very competitive individual, and I knew that he must be feeling awfully vexed. When I arrived at his house, though, he wasn't home.
Well of course he wouldn't be home. I put myself in his place and it occured to me that the first place he'd most likely go to was the basketball court. So I did.
But he wasn't there, either.
I made my way to Shohoku's campus. No telltale dribbling sounds came from the gym, no lights switched on.
Feeling discouraged and slightly fearful for his safety, I returned home.
Only to be greeted by the sight of a familiar blue bike parked against the lamppost right outside my house.
And the familiar figure of Rukawa Kaede sitting on my doorstep.
I ran toward him, relieved that he was all right save for the black eye blossoming spectacularly on his pale face, standing out against the white. I ushered him into the living room, fussing over the injury he'd sustained in their last game. By the time he'd finished relating to me his hard-fought battles on the basketball court, it was quite late, so he'd accepted my invitation for him to stay the night.
We both decided that while the hour was too late for Rukawa to head home, it wasn't late enough to go to sleep yet -- we were both too wound up, although for entirely different reasons.
I invited him up onto the roof. He lied down with his arms tucked under his head, while I sat beside him with my arms draped over my drawn-in knees.
Silence wrapped around us as we gazed up at the night sky littered with stars.
Then, he called my name, so soft it was almost inaudible.
I turned to him. It took my breath away, the way he looked.
Unobstructed moonlight cascaded upon him in silvery beams, making his skin seem paler. His blue eyes shone and sparkled, and even the bruise around his right eye seemed to diminish.
I smiled and reached out to brush away a stray lock of hair that fell over his eyes, unaware that I had done it. When he didn't pull away, I allowed myself to linger in gazing at him.
As I looked into his eyes, I was hit by a surge of emotions so strong that I knew I had to say them lest they overwhelmed me.
I told him at last.
I didn't know what to expect, but it never crossed my mind that I would feel fear. I was relieved that I was finally able to admit to him, but I didn't think I would be apprehensive of his response.
My anxiety proved to be in vain when he moved his hand to cover mine, looked me straight in the eye, and said nothing. For the first time in my life, I couldn't say anything. At all. The only thing I could do was to take him in my arms, intent on keeping him there for the rest of my life.
(Seven years later)
"Hey, Kaede."
"Hn?"
"I love you."
Kaede snorted, and I couldn't resist pulling him closer to me. Once more, I was at a loss for words that would tell him just how much I loved him, how much I wanted him, like so many other times before.
And, after seven years, I knew I had to ask him.
"Kaede?"
"What now, Akira?"
"Do you think that if maybe I died the next day, you'd still be able to go on?"
He was silent, and I couldn't exactly tell if that was a good or bad sign.
"If I died the next day, would you still be able to go on?" he finally answered me.
I moved down from the couch onto the floor, kneeling on one knee, holding his hand firmly in mine.
"Koi... I know for a fact that I can live without you --"
Again, he snorted derisively.
"-- but you know what, Kaede?" I chewed anxiously on my lower lip, wishing with all my heart that he would know what I meant to say.
"I don't want to. I want to spend every morning of my life waking up beside you, every night falling asleep and holding you in my arms. I want to spend every day close to you. But most of all, Kaede..." Both hands held his one now. "I want to spend every moment of the rest of my life loving you, devote every ounce of my entire being to you.
"The question is, Kaede..."
I took a deep breath and prayed that the shaking of my knees didn't translate to my hands.
"Will you let me?"
He was silent, wouldn't even look me in the eye. He kept staring down at his hand clasped in both of mine. Oh God, I thought, he's going to say no.
But still he said nothing. I bit my lip, fighting to hold back whatever tears I could feel stinging at my eyes.
I don't know how long we stayed like that. But I do know that he leaned down, put my hand to his chest, and very softly touched his lips to mine. Under my hand, his heart beat in unison with mine. And I knew then that I would be spending the rest of my life with him.
It was the only answer I needed.
(Eleven years later)
So, here we are. Together for eighteen years, married for the last eleven.
I sit on a park bench covered in peeling blue paint, watching everyone else going about their day -- children chasing after each other as their respective nannies chased after them, teenagers walking their dogs (part-time jobs, I suppose), couples strolling around hand-in-hand. I feel so good, so at peace with everything happening in front of and around me.
"Oi."
I turn to see Kaede standing right behind me. I hadn't even felt him come up.
"Hey," I stand to greet him with a small kiss.
We walk away from the park, his warm hand held tightly in mine, and toward home.
At the doorstep, he turns to me and pulls me down to him in a kiss.
"Mmm... what was that for?"
"Oh, nothing... You just reminded me so much of Apollo."
"Why? Is it because I'm so manly and handsome, so utterly perfect?" I joke to him.
He punches me lightly in response. "Because you are such a narcissist, hopelessly in love with yourself. Go get a life, Sendoh Akira."
"Well, then. If I'm so 'hopelessly in love' with myself, as you not-so-kindly stated, then I wouldn't be Apollo, would I? Don't you read your Greek mythology books?" I say to him as I fumble with the keys.
"And why would that be, oh great god of vanity?"
I sit myself down on the living room couch, and pull him down with me. I wrap an arm around his shoulders and draw him in, breathing in the mild scent that was uniquely Kaede, his warm breath tickling my collarbone. "Because Apollo never loved anyone... Until Hyacinthus came into his life. And you, Rukawa Kaede..."
He looks up at me, and I have to let myself fall into the eternal deep of his blue eyes.
"If I am Apollo, then you, love, are my Hyacinthus."
I move and press my lips against his, relishing the warmth of his kiss.
"For all eternity."
owari
Waaaaaaaiiiiiii!!! I'm sorry that it's so lame and cheesy and pathetic and whatever... Well, you know how useless it is to have only one line in your head to base an entire fic on.
Haha. Recently became obsessed with Apollo, for some weird reason. glares at classmates And no, it's not because Alecco played Apollo. Probably because of the double l's... Ah, whatever. Review please, minna!!