CHAPTER TWO
Meet the "Family"

Youko led the two wolves into the dining room, where Yusuke and Kuwabara were already watching a scene of carnage in front of them. Shadow was chasing Hiei around waving a fork and a meat cleaver, screaming something extremely high-pitched and in some odd language that she'd probably just made up on the spot.

Eclipse wandered in a second later, looked at the two fire demons, shrugged, and sat down at the table, taking advantage of everybody's divided attention to stack her plate so full that stuff was falling off it. Then she got up and walked out of the room, up to her room, and nobody was any the wiser.

Finally, the next time Shadow ran past, Tsume stuck his foot out and sent her tumbling into the wall.

"Oof!" she said. She looked up at the group, who was staring at her, then at Hiei, standing nearby panting. "Y'know, that's the second time Tsume has managed to get me on my back on the floor."

Everybody blinked and looked at him. He glared. Shadow rolled up into a handstand, then dropped into a kneel and stood up.

"I WENT THROUGH ALL THE TROUBLE TO FIX THIS DAMN FOOD, NOW YOU PEOPLE HAD BETTER EAT IT BEFORE IT GETS COLD!"

Eclipse was way ahead of the game and came in for seconds a short time later. She gave Tsume and Kiba an odd look, then looked at Youko, then looked at everybody else, contentedly stuffing their faces, and then she walked away again, her plate stacked just as full this time as the first.

Finally, when everybody was stuffed and Shadow and Eclipse were having fourth servings, Youko decided to bring up the topic he'd been discussing with Tsume while Shadow had been fixing this giant meal.

"Remember those two wolves on the news...?" he said to Eclipse. Her cheeks were puffed out like a chipmunk's and she was still stuffing more food into her mouth.

"Ooommfmpthergle?"

"... Chew your food before you talk."

And she swallowed the entire mouthful. "You mean the ones that escaped from the zoo? Or Tsume?"

Shadow looked up from her food. "Foomeifafoof?"

"CHEW YOUR DAMN FOOD!" Hiei snapped. "Good God."

And Shadow also swallowed the giant mouthful she'd had. "Tsume's a wolf?"

"I've come to that conclusion, yes," Youko said. Tsume was tipping his chair back with his hands behind his head. His eyes were closed.

"He doesn't look like a wolf..." Yusuke muttered.

"I know what you mean," Shadow said, staring. "I've never been able to think of a wolf as sexy before."

Tsume's perfectly balanced chair toppled over at that comment and he was dumped onto the floor. Kiba chuckled. Eclipse stared at Shadow, then at Tsume, then at Shadow again, then at Tsume again, before giving up and stuffing more food into her mouth to occupy her befuddled mind.

"You can think of a fox as sexy, but you can't think of a wolf as sexy?" Hiei said.

"When did I ever say Youko's sexy?"

"Oh, let's see... That one time Karasu kidnapped Kurama and you referred to Youko as his 'sexy alter ego.'"

"How do you remember that? That was ages ago!"

"Things like that are lodged in my memory for eternity."

"Anyway, Youko can be sexy, cuz he doesn't always look like a fox. He looks more-or-less human, so that's okay. But Tsume doesn't look like a wolf, and... I have no idea what I'm trying to say."

"That's not unusual."

"Shut up, Jaganshi." Shadow stuffed another forkful of food into her mouth. "I never knew I was such a good cook."

"So anyway..." Youko pressed, irked at the complete change of subject. "What are you gonna do about these two? They're wolves."

"Bofuvem?" Shadow swallowed at a glare from Hiei. "Both of them?"

"Yes. Though they deny it."

"Aw, come on. You don't need to deny it! I love wolves!"

"... Maybe that's why they're denying it," Youko muttered.

"Why would wolves want to look like humans, anyway? Humans are icky."

"Where we come from, wolves are said to be extinct," Kiba said. "And looking like a wolf is dangerous."

"Ahh... That's pretty cool."

"No it's not, stupid!" Hiei snapped, hitting Shadow in the head.

"Oh. Right. That sucks, I meant to say."

Tsume finally got up from the floor and left the room, probably out of disgust, as now Eclipse was going through every container on the table, licking out the last crumbs of food like a starved dog.

"Eclipse, that's quite enough..." Hiei muttered. However, she continued, so he grabbed a glass platter and shattered it over her head. She fell onto the table and got a pot stuck on her head.

"Nice one, Hiei..." Shadow muttered. "SO ANYWAY, the matter at hand. We've got two time-traveling wolves who refuse to show their wolf forms, and they need to get back to the future to... do whatever."

"We've got friends there who'll be looking for us."

"Wolf friends?"

"Yes."

"Where'd Tsume go?"

"Who knows..." Kiba muttered.

"Who cares?" Eclipse said. "Get this pot off my head!"

Shadow got up. "I shall go look for him! Dut duh daaaaah!"

She walked into the living room and found Tsume lying on the couch. He opened one eye and looked at her.

"Well you've made yourself quite at home..." she noted, nodding.

"Leave me alone already." He closed his eye. Shadow glared, then sat on the edge of the couch next to him. Again, he opened one eye.

"Hi," Shadow said. He glared.

"Go away."

"What's your problem?"

"You."

"... Oh. I get that a lot."

Tsume made some noise that was a mixture between a sigh and a growl then sat up. Shadow narrowed her eyes.

"You're too uptight. But I know how to fix that."

Tsume started to get up, but Shadow pinned him down on his back on the couch. "You need a girlfriend."

"What?!" Tsume said, his eyes widened in horror and anger.

"Sure! It's done Hiei worlds of good just living with me, but since I have limited time with you, I'll have to be your girlfriend. Whaddaya say to that, Tsume?" Shadow said, poking the strip of bare skin showing between his pants and shirt.

"I don't want a girlfriend. Stop touching me."

"Okay then. I'll find you a boyfriend. How about Hiei?"

And Hiei appeared out of nowhere and used another glass platter to knock Shadow away from poor Tsume (A/N: He's gonna kill me. How many times have I called him 'poor'? moment later Only once. We're safe. I refer to him as "Poor Tsume" when I'm talking to Eclipse on the phone about this story...). She fell to the floor, wide-eyed.

"Sorry. She's stupid," Hiei said, looking over the back of the couch at the horrified Tsume.

"Yes... I'd noticed," he muttered.

Hiei left. Tsume glanced at Shadow before getting off the couch and heading towards the stairs.

"Some boyfriend you are!" she snapped, sitting up and rubbing her head.

"I am not your boyfriend! Oof!"

Shadow had lunged at him and wrapped her arms around his neck and her legs around her waist, and she wouldn't let go, and he couldn't make her, and the people in the dining room were oblivious to his plight.

"Get off me!"

"No! Because you have to play the part of a good boyfriend. It's part of your training!"

"What training!? I didn't ask for any training from you!"

"I'm training you to be more cool and social!"

"DOES THAT REQUIRE ME TO BE YOUR BOYFRIEND?"

"YES IT DOES, BECAUSE I SAID SO!"

"Well I'd rather be 'uptight,' as you called it, than be your boyfriend!"

"Well that's YOUR problem! I thought wolves were family creatures!"

"YOU'RE NOT MY FAMILY!"

"WELL I'M YOUR GIRLFRIEND!"

"THAT WASN'T MY CHOICE!"

"WELL SO WHAT? IT DOESN'T CHANGE THE FACT!"

"YES IT DOES!"

The others were watching in a semi-amused sort of way from across the room.

"You know when wolves choose a mate, they're mates for life," Youko said to no one in particular.

"They aren't going to mate, stupid! Shadow's not a wolf. She can't," Eclipse said.

"I bet she could. All she'd have to do--"

"Let's not go there, Youko," Hiei said.

"LET GO OF ME!"

"NO!"

"LET GO!"

"NOT UNTIL YOU PROMISE TO AT LEAST ACT!"

"Y'know, they sure fight like they're married..." Yusuke muttered. Everybody looked at him. "What?!"

"You're right..."

"I'M NOT GOING TO--" Tsume was yelling.

"TSUME!!!"

"Let. Go. Of. Me."

"No."

"Now."

"Nope."

"Shadow, don't make me hurt you."

"You wouldn't do that."

"You don't know me."

"I know you well enough."

"No you don't. Now just let go before I hurt you."

"... I like leather," Shadow said after a pause.

"What?"

"Your clothes. I like your clothes."

"What, my 'skanky outfit?'"

The other six were staring cluelessly.

"Does she always do that?" Kiba asked.

"What? Horribly change the subject in the middle of something that might be important?" Hiei asked.

"Yeah."

"She got that from me," Eclipse said. "And yes, she does... I'm hungry."

They all fell on the floor, except Eclipse, who had no idea what was so odd about that.

"... My arms hurt from hanging off your neck."

"And you're closing my airway because you're hanging off my neck."

"My legs hurt, too."

"What do you say you just let go of me and we forget this whole thing ever happened?"

"No. How about I let go of you then we talk about this like semi-sensible adults?"

"... Fine," Tsume finally muttered. Shadow abruptly let go of him and fell into her sacred recliner. It was only then that both of them noticed they'd gathered a crowd.

"You know you two sounded like a couple of children, arguing like that," Youko said dryly. Tsume's skin got a very, very slight hint of pink to it, but Shadow sat there smiling stupidly.

"What do you expect from somebody with the mentality of a two-year-old?" Hiei said. Youko shrugged.

"True."

The 'crowd' dispersed, and Shadow grabbed Tsume's wrist and led him to one of the better guest rooms on the second floor.

"This can be your room until we get you back to your time. Now... About this whole boyfriend deal... It'll do you good, Tsume."

"Believe me, you're nothing like what my ideal girlfriend would be."

"I'm adaptable. So are you. Who knows. A temporal anomaly might open up on the front lawn tomorrow and you'll end up back in your time," Shadow said. "So you can deal with it while you're here."

Tsume glared, but he was saved momentarily from answering when somebody came walking through the hall outside the door, calling for Shadow.

"OI SHADOW!"

Shadow sighed, then got up and walked to the door, opening it just as Eclipse walked by. She scared the crap out of the blue-eyed girl, who stared at her like she was a complete stranger.

"What, Eclipse?"

"Are you tormenting Tsume?"

"No, I'm not tormenting anyone!"

"I'm not so sure... You're talking to me, aren't you?"

"Shut up!" Shadow hit Eclipse in the head. "Stupid girl."

"Ohh..." Eclipse said, falling on her face.

"I'd get off that floor if I were you. It hasn't been cleaned since the last time those weasels got loose and killed that salesman."

Eclipse looked at the floor with disgust, then jumped up and hung off the ceiling, spitting and wiping her face.

"Ick! Yuck! Gross!"

"No, ya think?"

"Clean your house, girl! That's just gross!"

"I know I'd never have a girlfriend who didn't clean her house," Tsume said, suddenly right behind Shadow.

"I clean my house! Just not very often," Shadow said.

"You know if I'm going to let you torment me, I can torment you as well," Tsume said.

"HA! TORMENTATION! I TOLD YOU HE WAS BEING TORMENTED!" Eclipse said triumphantly, falling off the ceiling.

"Didn't you hear him? He said 'if I'm going to let you torment me.' He's not gonna resist it, so don't complain," Shadow said. "Besides, it has nothing to do with you."

"I live here, don't I?"

"No."

"Okay. Then it has nothing to do with me." Eclipse got up and walked away.

"... Did she ever say why she came up here?" Shadow asked.

"To see if you were tormenting me."

"Ah. Well... I think she likes you."

"What?!"

"Either that or she used that as an excuse to see if we were making out or something..."

"Making out?! I haven't even known you for a day!"

"Yeah, I know. She's just stupid like that."

"... So start cleaning your house, Shadow," Tsume said.

"What? Oh. Right. Yes sir. But first I have to introduce you to my family."

"What?"

"Well, if this is like a real boyfriend/girlfriend kinda thing, since they don't really know you, I have to introduce you to them."

"These people are your family, you mean?"

"No. I'm not related to a single one. But they're the closest thing I have. Cover your ears."

"What?"

Shadow took a deep breath. Tsume covered his ears just in time to avoid the full blast of her scream.

"FAMILY MEETING IN THE LIVING ROOM! NOW! BE THERE OR DIE!"

Tsume opened one eye (he'd had them squeezed closed against her extremely loud voice). "Do you have some kind of amplifier in your throat?!"

"No. You think they heard me?"

Tsume groaned. Shadow laughed.

"I'm kidding. Of course they did. Now we just wait a minute or two before going down there."

Tsume leaned casually against the wall until Shadow grabbed his hand and practically dragged him down the stairs.

"Everybody's here?" she said, looking around. "Let's see... Okay, where the hell's Eclipse?"

"In the kitchen," Hiei said. He was lying on the couch so nobody else could sit on it, one eye open to watch Shadow.

"EE-"

"I'm here!" Eclipse said, running in and jumping over the back of the couch. She landed on Hiei's stomach.

"OAF!" Hiei snapped, shoving her onto the floor. "Ow..."

Eclipse sat on the floor smiling. "So what's so important?"

"I'd like-- Where's Kuwabara?"

"He... uh... went home..." Hiei said guiltily.

"Oh! Okay then!" Shadow said, oblivious or ignoring the tone of his voice. "I'd like you all to meet my new boyfriend."

Kiba raised an eyebrow at Tsume, who shrugged in reply.

"This is Tsume, and he's a wolf."

"Nice to meet you. Can we go now?" Youko said.

"Yes," Shadow said. "I just felt like making it official. You're not jealous, are you, Fox?"

"Not in the least."

"Yeah, I can believe that..." Shadow muttered. She led Tsume back upstairs.

"What was the point of that?" he asked.

"Not much. So, now... It's nearly eight o'clock. What do you want to do?"

"Watch you clean your house. Wait. What did you mean about the weasels... When you said that to Eclipse?"

"I'll show you." Shadow led Tsume to the door with the 'high voltage' sign on it and opened the door. Inside, dozens of starved weasels were running around amongst bones and smelly, half-rotted unchoice body parts.

"What the hell?!"

"They've been there since I got the house."

"Which was...?"

"About two years ago, I think. Maybe three. I dunno."

"What the hell? You feed them?"

"Yes." Shadow shut the door. Tsume stared at her like she was nuts, and he wasn't far off. She's psychotic, not nuts. "Now, I'll go get some cleaning stuff and clean the stupid house to make you happy."

Tsume was still staring. The scent of the weasels and rotten flesh had reached the others downstairs, Kiba most of all.

"What's that smell?"

"SHADOW, DID YOU FEED HIM TO THE WEASELS?" Hiei shouted.

"NO!" Shadow snapped. "Why would I do that?"

"I don't believe you."

"Tsume's perfectly fine, only mildly terrified, I think," Shadow said.

"Not terrified," Tsume said. "I'm fine."

"Hear that? He's fine!" Shadow yelled down the stairs.

"Yeah, whatever."

Eventually, Shadow did get around to cleaning the house, which took her until nine AM the next day.

Meanwhile, Hige and Toboe were having absolutely no luck in finding Tsume and Kiba. However, around nightfall, they came upon the hut of an old lady...

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Now it's up to you: Should Hige and Toboe end up in the future with Tsume and Kiba, or should they figure out how to get them back, or something else? (if you pick something else, for God's sake, elaborate! Don't just review and say "Something else should happen" cuz then I'll be pissed, and I'll eat your soul.) I ONLY POSTED THIS STORY ALREADY BECAUSE I WANT YOUR DAMN FEEDBACK, DAMMIT! (heh heh) In one of the Cowboy Bebop manga I have, they managed to run three words all together. "Godammit." That's "God damn it" with many shared letters... NOW GIMME FEEDBACK, DAMMIT!
Jeez, if my mother ever read my stories, she'd kill me... She read the first chapter of one and I got paranoid and revised all the cussing out of it, cuz they cussed like... five times in the first paragraph... And she said something like, "There were a lot of swearwords in that..." So I think I edited the whole story cuz of her reading one chapter... But now she doesn't and I don't bother censoring.
BUT JUST BECAUSE I AM RAMBLING, DO NOT GET DISTRACTED FROM YOUR TRUE PURPOSE! SHOULD THEY OR SHOULDN'T THEY?! TELL ME NOW, OR YOU WILL BE IN PAIN, IN MANY SENSES OF THE WORD, IF THERE'S MORE THAN ONE!!!