THE AUTHORESS SPEAKS!
Reviews for: Chapter Two, Meet the Family
Like that? Heh heh. It's kinda... I dunno, like... All official and stuff.

Mika Saito- Is the next day soon enough for you? :)
Draikitha- YOU DON'T WATCH WOLF'S RAIN? HOW DARE YOU! calm again Do you know what they look like? Wanna see pictures? I could email you. And about the quote thing where you had a sick thought, I had a sick thought when I wrote that and decided to leave it there for cruelty's sake.
Kiinu- You mean the past. Wolf's Rain is in the future, a lot, I think, because they say wolves have been extinct for 200 years.
Kitsune Klepto- In the PAST! But okay, general census is "They should." So... Read the chapter.
Evil authress from the makai!- You have a stuffed flesh eating weasel named Shadow, huh? Decent. Well, if I go braindead (what am I talking about, braindead? I don't have a brain to go dead!), I'll give you a... email...? It's supposed to be "I'll give you a call," but... You know what I mean.

CHAPTER THREE
Bleach is Evil

"I'm tired..." Hiei muttered. Kurama looked at him. He had dark circles under his eyes. Kurama did too.

"Me too. Shadow kept me awake..."

"She was walking through the halls whistling until midnight or something when Tsume managed to find her and tell her to shut up," Yusuke said, walking into the room.

"What, he told her to shut up, but he didn't tell her to stop cleaning all together?" Hiei asked.

"I'm the one who told her to clean in the first place," came Tsume's voice.

They'd all noticed two wolves lying in the living room, but now it was the gold-eyed human who walked into the dining room.

"Well why the hell did you do that?!" Yusuke said.

"You do know that the last time this house was cleaned was about a year ago, right?" Hiei said to Yusuke.

"SO? Cleaning is a day activity! Not one you do until nine in the morning! Everything smells like bleach now!" Yusuke whined.

"Would you rather it smelled like decaying carcasses?" Kurama asked.

"It didn't smell like decaying carcasses to me..." Yusuke muttered. "But now everything reeks of bleach."

"Better than decaying carcasses..." Kurama muttered.

"Bleach hurts my nose," Yusuke muttered.

"LIVE WITH IT!" came Shadow's singsong voice. She danced into the room, swinging a wet sponge and a bucket of bleach. The black clothes she'd been wearing the previous day were now more like grayish-white clothes with black specks here and there. She was wearing white gloves, safety goggles, a doctor's face mask to cover her mouth and nose, and a hair net.

"Good morning, Shadow," Hiei said dryly. "How much sleep did you get last night?"

"NONE!" she said cheerfully.

"And you aren't tired?"

"Not in the least!"

"Ugh..." Hiei groaned, sticking his hands in his pockets and stalking off. Shadow stood there with a big smile on her face, looking at Yusuke and Kurama, who had dark circles under their eyes from lack of sleep.

"... You know, you're wearing all that safety stuff, but you don't mind completely soaking this house with bleach and leaving us with nothing to protect ourselves with?" Yusuke said.

Shadow continued staring with that smile on her face, though I s'pose they couldn't see it behind her mask. Yusuke waited for some sort of reply.

"Hello?" he said finally. "Are you still alive?"

Shadow dropped the bucket of bleach onto the floor. Luckily it didn't tip over, but it did send little droplets flying all over the place. Then, she dropped the sponge into the bucket and sent even more droplets flying.

"I think she died," Kurama muttered, walking over to her. He pulled the goggles away from her face a bit, then let them snap back and hit her.

"Ow," she said dryly. Then she hit Kurama it the head. "Stupid! Why'd you do that!"

"I thought maybe you'd died."

"Do I look dead?"

"I guess we aren't that lucky," Yusuke muttered. Shadow glared.

"You know, I've always wondered what you'd look like with bleached hair, Yusuke," she said, reaching for her bucket. Yusuke put his hands up in surrender.

"Sorry! Just don't mess with my hair!"

Shadow chuckled. "I don't see what's so great about your hair. It looks normal."

"... Is that bad?"

"YES."

"What, and Tsume's hair doesn't look normal? Why's it bad for me but not for him?"

"Three reasons, Yusuke. One, Tsume is my 'boyfriend' now. Two, Tsume is a wolf. Three, Tsume's hair is white. WHAT THE HELL IS NORMAL ABOUT WHITE HAIR?!"

"Old people have white hair," Yusuke said. Tsume glared from where he'd been leaning against the wall.

"Are you saying I'm old?"

"Um... No, but I'm just saying, white can be a natural hair color..."

"Right."

"Get along, children!" the still-masked Shadow said, flinging a drop of bleach at Yusuke.

"Aaack!" he yelped, dodging and running right into Eclipse in the process.

"WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING, SHORTY!"

And Yusuke looked down at Eclipse, and she glared up at him, and he couldn't help but laugh. However, he learned from his mistake when the psychotic little person kicked him in the nuts and sent him rolling across the floor.

"Hey, Bleach, fix breakfast," Eclipse ordered.

"I'm Bleach now?" Shadow said.

"No, I was talking to the bucket," Eclipse said sarcastically.

"But... Buckets can't fix food."

"SO THEN YOU'LL HAVE TO, WON'T YOU!" Eclipse snapped. She stared at Shadow, whose face was completely hidden, and suddenly burst out laughing. Everybody stared at Eclipse. Shadow pushed her goggles up into her hair and squinted at Eclipse.

"Are you pregnant?"

And Shadow was sent skidding down the nicely bleached hallway on her back.

"WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU ASK SOMETHING LIKE THAT, YOU RETARD?!" Eclipse screamed.

"Mood swings are normal when you're pregnant," Shadow said. Eclipse stalked down the hall towards her. After a quick glance around, Shadow realized she was cornered. She jumped up, put her goggles back on, and started doing some odd fighting stances she just made up on the spot. When Eclipse was a few feet away, Shadow lunged to one side, tore open the broom closet, and hid inside.

"You can stay in there, then," Eclipse said, locking it. With a satisfied smile, she turned around and came face to face with five guys.

"Who's supposed to fix us our breakfast now?" Yusuke asked. Eclipse groaned.

"You want me to let this bleach-reeking psycho out of this closet? You're nuts."

Tsume rolled his eyes and unlocked the closet. Shadow lunged out and tackled him, knocking him onto his back. She stared down at him for a second, then pushed her goggles up again.

"Oh. Hi."

"Yeah, hi. Get off me."

"Hee hee. Okay, who wants breakfast?" Shadow asked, getting up.

"ME!" Eclipse said, jumping up and down waving her arms.

"Who besides Eclipse wants breakfast? Because Eclipse doesn't get any cuz she was mean."

Hiei sighed. "Kiba, Tsume, I suggest today we start checking out what we can do about your little problem."

"Suggestion noted, great sir! Breakfast time!!!" Shadow shouted, running into the kitchen.

[A/N: That all added very little to the story.]

After breakfast, Yusuke went home, but Hiei and Kurama went up to Reikai to talk to Koenma, leaving Kiba and Tsume alone with two psychotic girls (one of which still hadn't taken off her goggles. She'd changed her clothes, tossed the mask, gloves, and hair net in the garbage, but she still had the goggles on).

"So, what are you guys planning on doing to keep yourselves occupied until something interesting happens?" Shadow asked.

"Take off those stupid goggles, Shadow," Eclipse said.

"No. They're mine."

"... I never said they weren't. I just told you to take them off..."

"UH-HUH! SO YOU CAN STEAL THEM WHEN I TAKE MY EYES OFF THEM!"

"Why would I want ugly, stained, blue-lensed goggles like that? And after you've been wearing them, lice-head!"

"I DON'T HAVE LICE!"

"WHAT MAKES ME SO SURE OF THAT?"

"I TAKE A SHOWER EVERY DAY, STUPID!"

"SO?"

Shadow tackled Eclipse and killed her.

The end.

Not. Just kidding.

She didn't kill her, she just strangled her and caused her to gag and hack and gargle and eventually claw Shadow's face off.

"Okay, break it up!" Shadow ordered herself. She let go of Eclipse and started reprimanding herself for being so cruel and violent. Tsume stared.

"What is wrong with her?!"

"Dunno... But she's your girlfriend. You deal with it," Eclipse said, inhaling deeply from an oxygen tank she'd found lying on the coffee table. (Oo)

"HEY! DON'T BREATHE MY HELIUM!" Shadow snapped, stealing the tank back.

"What?" Eclipse said in a squeaky voice. "Oh my God, what was that?"

"Helium, stupid!" And Shadow started reprimanding Eclipse, who was desperately trying to get her own normal voice back but all that came out was the helium-induced squeak.

Tsume sighed. Clearly there was something wrong with this girl. He threw her over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes.

"--and you know what helium does to your lungs?" Shadow was saying. "It-- Huh? Oh? Oooh, leather!" She wrapped her arms around Tsume. Eclipse and Kiba couldn't help but snicker.

Tsume carried Shadow up to her room, pried her arms away from his midsection, and dropped her on her bed. She landed with an "Oof!"

"Shadow, what is wrong with you?" he asked dryly. She looked up at him with a big smile and an evil glint in her hidden eyes.

"I'm psychotic!" she said cheerfully. Tsume sighed.

"That's just great..."

"... Am I driving you mad?" Shadow asked, pushing her goggles up on her head.

"Oh, no, of course not," Tsume said sarcastically. "I've been around you for a full 24-hour day and I can't wait to get away."

"I'M SORRY!" Shadow wailed, lunging at him and hugging him. "DON'T KILL ME!"

Downstairs, Eclipse and Kiba exchanged glances.

"He wouldn't kill her, would he?" Eclipse asked, her voice still helium-induced.

"I don't think so..."

"... I'm gonna check. Shadow could make even a blind deaf pacifist want to kill her." Eclipse ran up the stairs.

Back in Shadow's room, she still had her arms wrapped around Tsume and her head resting against his chest.

"...Shadow?" he said. The door swung open and Eclipse came in.

"Are you kill-- What the f--fudge?" she said, staring. Tsume shrugged.

"I said she was annoying and now she won't let go of me."

"Shadow, let go of the wolf," Eclipse said, flicking her friend in the head. Shadow let go of Tsume and hugged Eclipse. "NO, I TAKE IT BACK, HUG THE WOLF! HUG THE WOLF! LET GO OF ME! GAD!"

Shadow let go and stood between the two for a minute, then went and curled up on her bed. Eclipse stared at her for a second.

"At least you got her to take off those infernal goggles..."

Shadow pulled the goggles back over her eyes.

"Never mind..." She grabbed Tsume's wrist (normally she'd grab his shirt, but since it's like a second skin, that'd be hard) and had gotten him out into the hall before making a note.

"Y'know, your clothes are too tight."

Tsume groaned. "That's been pointed out to me already."

"Has it? Well around here we wear baggy clothes. You're just an oddball."

"TIGHT LEATHER!!!" Shadow screeched, flying out of her room and pinning Tsume against the wall behind him. She nuzzled her cheek against his shoulder before stepping back. "We're going shopping!"

"What?!" Tsume said.

"If you're going to look like a human, you need to be able to blend in. Believe me, tight black leather draws attention."

Tsume groaned again. "Fine. I'll look like a wolf."

A moment later, a dark grey wolf was sitting in front of the two girls.

"HE'S SO CUTE!"

The wolf jumped out of the way just as Shadow was about to hug him. Then he went down the stairs. Shadow glared.

"Heckuva boyfriend, don't you think?"

These people in this house are the strangest you'll come by. Ever. In your entire life. In your entire existence. In your after life and the vacations you take there! YOU'RE NEVER GOING TO MEET ANYBODY THIS STRANGE! MUWAHAHAHA!

Okay, we're good.

There was a pause.

"We're still going shopping. When Hiei gets back," Shadow said. "Because I feel like torturing him really bad. MUWAHAHAHAHA!" She stopped abruptly. "I have a plan. Come with me." And Eclipse was dragged off into the secret planning room.

Kiba and Tsume were asleep on the couch and in Shadow's sacred reclining chair (respectively) when Hiei and Kurama got back. That in itself wouldn't have bothered the sleeping wolves, but the herd of elephants that came flying down the stairs two seconds later really, really bothered them, and Tsume was just about to tear apart these elephants when he realized they were Shadow.

She flew towards Hiei and tackled him backwards into Kurama and both of them fell over.

"YAY! NOW WE CAN GO SHOPPING!"

"Shopping?!" Hiei choked out.

"Yes, shopping! We're going to go to every store in TOKYO!"

"Oh, no we aren't."

"Get off me," Kurama said, as he was under both of them and it was mildly painful.

"Yes we are!" Shadow replied cheerfully.

"No we aren't! Why the heck do you need to go to every store in the city all in one day when you've lived here for years and you haven't even gone to them all yet?!"

"THAT'S WHY!"

"Why?"

"Because I haven't BEEN THERE YET!"

"Been where?"

"Get off me!!!" Kurama whined.

"TO THE STORES!" Shadow answered.

"So? Why do you need to go now?"

"Because I WANT TO. NOW STOP ARGUING AND GET READY TO GO!"

"But--"

"NO, I DON'T WANNA KNOW ABOUT YOUR BUTT!"

Hiei stared at Shadow, then pushed her away and got up. Kurama lay on the floor gasping for breath.

"You can go shopping. I'm not."

"YES YOU ARE!!! NOW STOP ARGUING AND I WON'T HURT YOU!"

"Shadow--"

"Waaaaaaaaaaaaaat?" Shadow snapped.

"I. Am not. Going shopping. With you. GET IT?!" Hiei snapped. He started to walk away, but Shadow caught him by the back of his shirt and knocked him in the side of the head.

"YES YOU ARE. GOT IT, SHORTY?!"

An hour later, Shadow, Eclipse, Tsume, Kiba, Kurama, and Hiei hit the streets of Tokyo. Shadow had her shopping obsession, but the guys were just along to be out of the house (and Shadow might have had something to do with that, too...).

"Shadow, can I ask you something?" Kiba said. Shadow looked at him.

"Hm?"

"Why did you have to set off smoke bombs in your house?"

"To get your all's lazy asses out of them chairs!" Shadow snapped, looking in particular at Hiei.

"You could have killed us all, though," Kurama said.

"That would have been your stupid problem, wouldn't it?!" she retorted. Kurama grumbled something. "What was that?"

"Oh, nothing."

"Yeah, I'm sure it was nothing," Shadow snarled.

"So, Shadow!" Eclipse interrupted. "Where were you planning on going first?"

Shadow paused and looked around. Then she pointed at a store. "THAT ONE!"

"Why?"

"LOOK BOTH WAYS BEFORE CROSSING THE STREET!" she shouted in an annoying singsong voice, and promptly disobeyed her own order by running out into the street in front of a huge group of bicycles on their Tour de Japan (that doesn't exist. Well, if it does, it's not in French). They all crashed, except the ones in the very back, who got through the massive pile of injured people and broken bicycles and won the race.

"Shadow, you idiot! They could sue you!" Hiei snapped.

"Pedestrians have the right of wayyy!!" she sang.

"NOT IF THE OTHER PEOPLE ARE SO CLOSE THEY CAN'T STOP IN TIME, STUPID!"

"Pedestrians have the right of wayyy!!" she repeated.

"They were too busy crashing to see her face, so they can't sue her," Eclipse said with a smile.

The store's annoying "somebody came in the door jingle" jingled, and twenty or more angry bicyclers in Spandex came in.

"I think you spoke too soon," Kurama muttered to Eclipse.

"I think I did too," she muttered.

"Everybody, slowly back away. When people wear tight outfits, they get stupid, cuz it cuts off the circulation to their brains..." Shadow said. Then she hugged Tsume. "Except for you!"

"Gee, thanks."

"WE HAVE BIGGER PROBLEMS HERE THAN SPANDEX BRAIN PEOPLE, STUPID!" Hiei snapped.

"They won't do anything in a store like this," Shadow said.

"Don't be too sure about that," one of the bike people said.

"Okay... Back slowly away again," Shadow said. "Then turn around and run like hell." And she did exactly that, screaming and waving her arms as she ran up the escalator. The bike people followed her, completely ignoring the rest of the group.

"RUN, SHADOW!" Eclipse screamed. "Okay, now let's get out of here. I don't wanna be a witness when the cops find her dead body and start asking questions..."

"Eclipse!" Kiba said in disbelief.

"What! It's called self-preservation."

"Cops don't kill witnesses, stupid," Hiei said. "Now let's-- Never mind, she's coming back."

Shadow came screaming and waving her arms back down the escalator, out into the street without looking either way, and caught sight of an angry mob she could hide in. They were running down the street. She caught up with them and intended to hide amongst them, but that didn't work very well, as she stood out quite a bit what with her screaming and shouting and waving of arms.

Then she spotted something in the front of the group.

"WOLFIES!!!"

........ ..... ........

Jeez, I'm writing this story fast! Heh heh. I bet I could get chapter four up by the end of the day... Hee hee... Being as I've already started it, yeah, I bet I could.
Wanna see a picture I drew of Tsume? click on the little thumbnail thingy... And look at my other art there too. :)