Chrysalis


AN: This is my first story. Feedback is more then welcome. I am not extremely familiar with The Angel series or with the details of later BtVS episodes so I will be taking some creative license with things. It's a fan fiction accept it I will do my best and help is always welcome so long as it's not jumping down my throat. I do not have a beta. If you are interested in that job contact me.

Pairing: Willow / Severus, others unknown yet

Rating: Earlier Chapters will most likely be around PG, but it will evolve into a higher rating so I'm going to start with that right off the bat.

Disclaimer: This piece of fiction was created for sheer fun, no profit is being gained from it. The non original characters contained within belong to their respective owners.
'thoughts'


--------- Changes of scene

CHAPTER 6

Willow paced about her rooms, shortly she would have to face Severus Snape. She wasn't scared of him at all. Of course not. Her afraid of a wizard! Not one bit. It isn't like his report back to the school could impact where she was placed and at what pace she would learn at. Okay so she was scared and nervous. Yesterday had been hard, really, really hard. Willow wasn't sure today would be much better. She felt like her worst nightmare had come true. She was writing reams of important exams and no one had told her that she would have to take them. Much less bother to teach her the material she had to know.

Now that she had decided for sure. Now that she had told herself she was going to go to Hogwarts, she was going to master magic(k) using a wand the pressure was on.

There were only two things that stood between her and her decision to go to Hogwarts now. The first being her total failure as a wand witch. While rationally she suspected the offer to come to the school was open regardless of her performance. She knew that they didn't expect her to know everything that there was to know about wand magic(k) or anything at all about it. Considering she had no formal training in magic(k) anything applicable she knew was more a bonus. That didn't stop the scared emotional side of her.

'What if I do fail? What if they hate me? What if I'm not good enough? What if I'm a big disappointment? What if Remus doesn't want anything to do with a talentless failure of a witch he has for a daughter? What if the school rejects me? What if the other students hate me, because I am so far behind? What if I am not cut out for it? What if...' Was one of the many constant back ground thoughts running though her head as she was pacing her room trying to patently wait until it was time for her to continue her testing.

The second thing that stood between her and Hogwarts was herself. Her history. Willow wasn't sure how the person in charge of the school would react to her history.

'What if they think I'm evil? What if they are scared of me? What if they send me to a wizard type jail to rot for ever? People do take dark evilness and world ending attempts fairly seriously. It might not matter that I stopped. It might not matter how many times I helped save the world before and after the fact. It might not matter that I have white goodness in me too. They might just see the black darker side to me. Just like most of them seem to see the werewolf in Remus. They might just see me in black and white and hate me for the black and not see the other bits. What if they don't see the other bits? What...' Was another side thought circling her brain constantly.

She had been tempted to not tell them about her past. To skip over the part about darker magic(k). The bit about hurting her friends. Gloss over the pesky detail of ending the world. Some how she couldn't though. She knew it wouldn't be right or fair. These people were going out of their way to offer her a chance to attend their school. They were going to expose her to the children in their society. They needed to know. That way if something went wrong. If she lost control. If she was overwhelmed by the dark magic(k) that poured though her veins they could protect themselves. They prepare to stop her. She wasn't sure if they could succeed in stopping her, but they deserved to know the risk that was being taken by everyone around her simply by being around her. She couldn't justify to herself going back with these people and letting them help her, letting them trust her blindly with out them knowing what they were getting into.

'What if I can't control it? What if the darkness leaks out or into me? What if it takes control of me? What if I hurt someone? If I hurt a student? If I hurt an innocent? If I do more then hurt someone? What if I take justice and judgment into my own hands again? What if I destroy them all? What if they can't stop me? What if no one can stop me next time? The time after that? The time after that? What if this Big Bad finds me? Tempts me? What if I give in and be a Big Bad too? How can their world cope with two civil wars? What if..'

Sometimes having a brain that worked on several levels all at once was a bad thing. A very bad thing. A no good very bad thing.

Willow could really see no other option than speaking with the person who ran the school herself and letting them know that she was interested in the opportunity if they would have her. Before they accepted her though she would have to let them know about her. She would have to come clean about everything. No matter how tempted she was to have a fresh start. To be around people who didn't know how much bubbled under the surface. To not see someone flinch and fear fill their eyes if her control started to slip a bit. If she started to lose it. It wasn't her friends fault. She would probably be doing the same. It was a testament to their individual strengths and loyalties that they still called her a friend. That they trusted her to use her magic(k) now that it was a part of her. Now that it was inside of her. Of course that trust might have come from the neglect to inform them the darkness was still there in a very big way. She wanted to tell Buffy and Xander and Giles, she really did. She just didn't think she could cope with them being more afraid of her. She couldn't cope with losing them entirely. She was scared. Scared of their reactions. Scared of the rejection she might face. It was selfish and she knew that. She hated not telling them, but being so far apart and so loosely in contact made it easy. At first they had be busy fighting the First. Then they had seen her wield the good magic(k) and they didn't think it was an issue anymore. Then time passed and the longer it went the harder it was to bring up. She was rationalizing it, trying to justify it, but how do you announce to someone that you were still part dark.

How do you explain that the darkness didn't automatically mean she was evil? And oh goddess she was going to be late! Willow in an even bigger panic grabbed up her spell book, the itemized colour coded list of demons she'd had experience with in the past and a list of potions she had successfully produced. Then she flew out the door cursing herself, her distracted brain and her lateness. On her way out she bumped solidly into someone Remus it seemed had been doing pacing himself out side her door. "Oh goddess! I'm sorry! I'm just in such a rush and I didn't look and I'm late and I've already made one bad impression and now I'm going to have made an even worse one and he's going to fail me and ..." she trailed off as she heard her name

Remus smiled quietly at the young witch as he cut her off "Willow, we can talk as we walk so you wont be quite so late" he offered the little witch his arm and gave her a gentle squeeze. "Now breath. Everyone makes a bad impression on Severus when he first meets them no matter what they say or do."

"But not everyone yells at him and threatens him." Willow protested.

Remus laughed thinking momentarily back to the Mauraders "Not quite usually the students cower in fear and bite their tongs because they are to afraid to stand up to him." The werewolf paused for a moment thinking of how to phrase his words "I wanted to let you know to not put to much stock into any comments he might make today. Sape is very critical anything less the perfection is a failure to him and perfection is simply acceptable."

"But then when he contacts the school they will.." Willow rushed out only to be cut off again

"Already know this from years of working with him and know how to interpret what he says." Remus smiled as he stopped by a door "We are here, you should probably go in though to avoid being any later then you are. Remember you are new at all of this so you do not have to have all the answers or know everything even if other witches your age would. You are going to do just fine I am sure of it."

Willow was at a loss for words. Shela and Ira had never been like this with her. Giles had when they were the Sunnydale Scoobies, but he wasn't family. She hugged her biological father quickly and found a small worried smile for him as she let go of the quick hug "I don't suppose I could you know skip the testing part...?" At the look she got from Lupin she smiled again "I guess not, but it was worth asking! If you change your mind and decide to exorcise your parental right to write me a note to get me out of class you know where to find me!" Willow laughed softly and took a deep breath entering the room.

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Severus Snape glared at the door as he heard muffled conversation and laughter though it. He watched the little witch walk into the room with a silent stern face.

Willow had the decency to blush and look sorry "I'm very sorry sir. I am late I bumped into Remus and he wanted a quick word with me before I came in." Willow flashed a very apologetic smile Snape's way.

"Well then stop wasting my time and lets get on with this spectacle!" Snape snapped.

Willow fumed inside and she wanted to retort, but this just didn't seem like a worthwhile battle so she settled for a glare "Speaking of saving your time I thought that you might get a more clear idea easier of where I'm at with experience with these." she handed him the book of spells and her lists.

"How reassuring that you can use that mind you apparently have." Snape sneered at Willow

Willow bit her tongue literally 'Don't rise to it. You made it though high school. You've seen worse then him. Right now you need to focus on testing you can argue later. It isn't worth it. He isn't worth it.'

Snape looked at the muggle journal in front of him with a hodge podge collection of spells contained in it he did not even bother to contain his look of disdain as he put it to the side. He then moved onto the list of creatures she had faced in the past "I suppose this is meant to be reassuring? Impressive? You have no solid background in any area of spells I doubt you could do an effective shielding spell with a wand at the moment."

Willow snapped "Of course I can't do a shielding spell with a wand until you lot showed up I had no idea magic(k) could be done with a wand! It would be unreasonable to expect me to be able to know how to use a wand right away!"

"Child are you calling me unreasonable?" Snape directed his patented Longbottom glare at the younger witch.

Willow didn't even bother to flinch instead she looked him strait in the eye and very clearly replied "I wasn't calling you unreasonable." Willow paused for a moment "I was implying you are unreasonable, however if subtlety is not your forte then yes you are being entirely unreasonable!"

"Little girl you would do well to respect..." Snape growled out.

"You listen here buster! I am not a child or a little girl, I am a full grown adult woman so you don't get to boss me about! I don't give respect blindly to anyone. You want respect you earn it. You have to show me that you are worthy of my respect and so far all you have shown me is you are a cranky grumpy pants!" Willow crossed her arms "With that sort of attitude I'm surprised you have friends."

Snape narrowed his eyes "I do believe that my personal relationships would be non of your concern. Is that all? Or shall I just write off my entire week to listen to you prattle on about insignificant things?"

'Goddess he doesn't have many friends..' then she remembered something from the conversations / warnings she had been given about him. She bet that Severus Snape probably never had friends. She was going to have to speak to Remus to find out. With that realization he became a little more tolerable at least until she found out why he was such a Grinch. She knew what it was like to not have many friends.

They worked with out the conversations she had had with Mcgonagall. Instead Severus Snape issued orders and then insults if her replications were less the perfect. He refused to let her demonstrate with wandless magic(k) first. Since the feedback was almost entirely negative in her mind Willow was unsure of exactly what level she was at. He did seem less critical about her demonology though some of her techniques for dealing with said demons were extremely unconventional and 'Gryffendor-esque'.

Her dark creatures back ground was another area where less criticism was given automatically. However, if she seemed to know something Snape would keep pushing for more and more information trying to find the smallest detail that she didn't know or have committed to memory. If she wasn't so irked by his attitude and behavior she might have enjoyed the challenge a little more.

Then they would come to something apparently simple. Something that she had never come across before or had reason to come across. Something like Boggarts.

"Really Rosenberg-Lupin this is first year material! How do you expect to get anywhere in any amount of time if you do not already know this stuff?" he'd exclaim and glare and look horribly put out and then would mark a few notes down. Willow had taken to writing her own notes anything that got a 'Really Rosenberg-Lupin' in that condescending tone got written down to be reviewed.

Or she would get a reaction like "Rosenberg-Lupin do you really expect me to believe you helped defeat a hell goddess when you don't even know how to defend against a dementor?"

To which she of course politely replied. Maybe she forgot politeness by that point, but she did remind her tester that they were probably exclusive to the wizarding world and there for there was no reason to expect her to have any clue what they are.

By the time Willow was done with Defense Against The Dark Arts she felt even more frustrated and drained then the day before, but she was determined. She was going to prove to Severus Snape that she could be the best wand witch ever. She was going to make him eat every snarky comment that had flown out of his mouth!

Willow had hoped that DADA would have been one of her stronger subjects. She suspected that her theory and back ground of most of the creatures and defenses was solid. More solid then Mr Snape (and stress the Mr, because the lack of appropriate title seemed to get his eye to twitch) let on. She was sure they weren't teaching the students how to deal with Glorificus or Master Vampires or any of the extreme things she encountered as a Scooby. Or while in L.A. with Angel. She hoped that like everything else she had most of the advanced stuff down in one way or another, it was the simple stuff, the wand stuff and the wizarding world specific stuff she was flawed with. Darker Magic after all had been her thing. Probably not something to brag about, but she had insight.

If Willow had found Snape critical in DADA bad potions left him twice as critical. She was good at potions she knew that for sure. It was just like Chemistry and she was good at Chemistry. Granted she had been good at every class barring gym. Potions didn't require a wand and it was something she had been able to work on and develop some skill with though out the years. She could also make them with out using any of her magic, they caused less drain and strain on her body and her mind. Despite that every potion she made was flawed in some way. While they were all 'acceptable' every single one apparently had a flaw to them in some way shape or form: Colours slightly off, liquid to thin, to thick, to bubbely, not bubbely enough.

It had been made very clear that if she expected to be allowed in his potions classroom for any reason however she would have to dedicate herself to learning how to recognize each ingredient by sight.

Willow finished cleaning up the area she had been working in and returned all the potions tools and ingredients to where Snape was reading her potions were piled and labeled in charmed containers for testing.

She left the room silently and almost bumped into Lupin. "Well? How did it go?" He seemed slightly shocked by something. Willow suspected that she hadn't left the room in tears or that she wasn't fuming in anger.

Willow shrugged "I'm not sure. It is harder to tell with him. Mcgonagall let me know what I was doing right as well as wrong. Though my 'Gryffendorfer-esque attitude' will ensure that I will enjoy the current trend in DADA professors and he is adament that I can catch up in no time only because 'nothing of relevance has been taught in that class in years.' Potions I am even more unsure about... I thought I followed each instruction word for word exactly. Muggles have a study called Chemistry and I was very good at it. It is like their version of potions. Every one I created was flawed in some way, but acceptable so far. I have to return to finish the polyjuice potion and then the Veritaserum. Though he's certain that it will be on the weak side because I added the Monkshood half a second early... " Willow trailed off "but they will be 'acceptable' and my 'presence will be tolerated in a class room providing by that point in time ingredients are recognized by site'"

Remus chuckled at her Snape impressions "Has Severus scared you off of attending Hogwarts yet?"

Willow giggled "Not one bit. Actually I want to attend more just so I can make him admit I've made a perfect potion."

"I don't think that will happen"

Willow went into Resolve Face mode "See this face? Remember it, it is my resolve face if you ever meet Xander he will be able to let you know that once I have this face on my mind is made up and there is absolutely no swaying it. Potions and DADA are the two areas I should be good at."

"So you are going to attend Hogwarts?" Lupin smiled hopefully

"I'm not sure, I hope so. I need to speak to the person in charge, there's some stuff about me that they should know before the accept me as a student, but if they will have me then I think I will go for my wizarding education. I better go speak to professor Mcgonagall to let her know that and get the readings from her she offered me" Willow shot off down the hall before she could be asked in anymore detail about what she had to discuss with Dumbledore.

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Mcgonacall closed the door quietly and moved to her desk with a quill to write a letter.

Albus,

Willow has preformed above expectations.

Her wand work is extremely weak. She lacks focus and technique with it, but I am sure with time and practice that can be learned.

She grasps the concepts and magically understands what occurs, but she lacks the ability to funnel her magic though the wand. Or to control the effect. I would recommend she start off with remedial transfiguration and charms. I am sure left to her own devices she may master them quickly. She seems to be a quick study with out the wand.

Her history of the wizarding world is not surprisingly non existent. However her back ground in non wizarding magical history is impressive and her prophecy back ground and interpretation skills rival those of advanced study students on apprenticeships.

Herbology of plants exclusive to the wiarding world is non existent as well. Her recognition of plants more familiar to muggles though is acceptable. She has an idea about their uses and properties and can recognize and knows some harvest techniques for fresh plants.

Apparently her remedial DADA is weak, but the more advanced subjects are covered.

She is 'acceptable' at potions and providing she can demonstrate that she has learnt potions materials on sight Severus will grudgingly allow her to use the work stations in his classroom.

She seems to be a very academic, studious young lady. I would recommend self study in as many subjects as possible. With such an uneven background I doubt very much she would learn in some of the classroom settings we offer. I will discuss this more when I return. In those where practical skill must be demonstrated I'd recommend tutorials be arranged on a once a week basis for an hour where she can demonstrate the skills and ask questions.

Before we commit to firm study plans however, she would like to meet with you before she agrees to attend Hogwarts. We shall be arriving the day after tomorrow in mid afternoon.

Minerva Mcgonagall

Minerva charmed her letter so that it resembled a simple letter inquiring about due dates for timetables in case it was intercepted. She then attached it to an owl which headed directly to Hogwarts.