THE AUTHORESS SPEAKS
SHE'S GETTING KINDA SICK OF THIS TITLE THINGY
ARE YOU?
Reviews for Chapter Seven, Criminals Roasting Marshmallows
kiinu- If the yogurt ate off your nose, how do you know what the cats smell like? Heh heh. I don't have any cats... I have three dogs... And you can't have Tsume, either, cuz he's MINE. At least until I finish this story... ::gets attacked by lawyers and copyright people::
Kaoru-the-kitsune- Yaoi frightens me. ::hides behind Tsume to avoid yaoi and the lawyers and copyright people:: I'll look for that other story... by zufu whatever...
Draikitha- Shadow would: B) Feed him to the weasels. Reasons against the other ones: A) She doesn't rape people... C) He probably wouldn't have any money, having spent it all on drugs... D) She doesn't do drugs... She might ask him for drugs to stuff up his nose or something... E) She'd do this in addition to feeding him to weasels. She'd throw him in there and say, "DIE, MISTER DRUGGY!" F) I didn't choose this one for obvious reasons: Cuz I chose another one. Now then, on other topics, I am aware I haven't updated two of my stories since April... If you read the "News and stuff" on my bio you'd have known that. Shame on you... Congratulations on breaking the rules of summer vacation... YOU USED YOUR BRAIN! How dare you! And... Somehow I doubt Elvis died on the toilet eating a sandwich, but it's possible, I suppose... He died from perscription drug abuse/overdose/whatever... And those commercials for "male enhancements" scare me... It's gross to show that stuff on TV. Little kids could be watching... And go up to their mommy and say, "Mommy, what's an erection?" ...Hack. Now that I'm done writing half a chapter to you as a reply, I'll move on...
Psycotic person- YOU READ ALL MY STORIES TWICE AND YOU'RE STILL ALIVE? You're still around to type a review? They didn't drag you off to the crazy place? CONGRATULATIONS! I haven't even read my stories that many times and the loony bin people are constantly pestering me... Wonder why...
Okami Youkai- I think that if you were my twin from another dimension... Or I were your twin from another dimension... Or whatever you said... I think... We'd probably have killed each other by now...
DynamicSniperLover- I didn't put your review? You prolly reviewed after I'd already posted or uploaded or whatever... Wait... You reviewed chapter six? I don't see a review from you... O.o
xkuroxshinobix- Ah, that's okay. Most of my stories only have 15 or 20 or so reviews... Except the newer ones that have as much as 100... Two of them do, at least... This one has 78 already! Yay!
C.C.C.- MARSHMALLOWS!!! ::hugs:: You know what's cool? Putting marshmallows in the microwave. Heh heh heh. They puff up real big... It's cool.
Sessha's Crazy- You know, you do sound a lot like me... Are you sure you aren't me in some alternate dimension? Then again, just about everyone who reviews my stories has something in common with me... They'd have to to wanna read my stories... They're all INSANE! Jeez... Well anyway, I don't have IM, but if you wanna email me, I'm sure you can find my address on my website someplace...
Black Cat- Where's that quiz? I wanna take it! It'll probably tell me I'm gonna get sent into the cold oblivion of outer space because nobody wants to put up with my insanity for the rest of eternity... Wouldn't that just be my luck?
CHAPTER EIGHT
Food, food, food... And oh, guess what? MORE FOOD!
"So, what was your grand plan, Kurama?" Kiba asked.
Yes, things had gone back to normal... enough... Yes. Normal enough to have the entire mob gathered in one room in Shadow's house so Kurama could inform them of his wonderful plan.
"First, I never said it was a plan, I said it was an idea," Kurama corrected. He hit Shadow for the sixth time to keep her from singing as she was.
"Well then, what was your grand idea?" Hige asked.
"I'm not sure exactly how it'll work--Koenma and I haven't figured that much out yet, as it's a very complicated and farfetched idea--but I think that somehow we could hook up a microwave, or something similar, and use some--" Kurama glared at Shadow.
Rocking back and forth, she was singing "Sobakasu," which in itself can annoy any creature, but when she sings it, somehow it gets 800 times worse.
"Hang on a minute." Kurama searched through the drawers of everything in the room until he found what he was looking for. Duct tape.
A moment later, Shadow was silently staring at him with puppy-dog eyes, duct tape over her mouth.
"Hiei, you know your little mind games aren't supposed to work that long on her."
"I know. But I think she purposely zones out and lets the effects roll over their intended time..." Hiei said.
(That is implying, of course, that he screwed with her mind as well as the news crews'... Probably to make her shut up. It didn't work.)
"Why would she do that?" Toboe asked.
"Because it annoys people!" Eclipse sang.
"Yes, exactly," Kurama said. "Now, as I was saying... Microwaves could be used to open a time portal... Of course, we'd probably screw up horribly, as we've never done that before, and we'd send you to the past so you'd end up with Sanosuke and Kenshin."
"Who?"
"Long story," Hiei said. "The point is, if this stupid fox's farfetched idea should be put into use, it'll require lots of experiments and tweaking, so we'll probably need a guinea pig..."
And Shadow was instantly back to normal, on her feet, jumping up and down waving her arms, squealing something behind the duct tape.
"And I'm sure Shadow would be the perfect specimen," Yusuke said. "Let's go put her in the microwave and see if she travels through time."
"I'm serious, Yusuke. It could work. But like Hiei said, it'll require lots of tweaking," Kurama said.
"Yeah, well, you go tweak your microwave... I'm going back to bed."
"Back to bed? It's nearly dinner time," Hiei pointed out.
"FOOD?!" Yusuke and Kuwabara and Eclipse all spun and stared at him. Shadow, however, sunk back into her chair, singing a severely muffled version "The Real Folk Blues."
"And yes, Shadow will be fixing it, as she seemed perfectly fine barely a minute ago," Kurama said. "Right Shadow?"
"Da eel olk ooooze, ah oohn nono!" she sang in her muffledness. Kurama ripped off the duct tape.
"Right?"
"MY FACE HURTS NOW, BASTARD!"
"Ack."
"I'M NOT FIXING ANY DINNER FOR ANYONE UNTIL YOU APOLOGIZE!"
"I'm sorry."
"SEE! THAT WASN'T ALL THAT HARD! WHY WERE YOU COMPLAINING SO MUCH?!"
"I wasn't..."
"DON'T DENY IT! YOU WERE COMPLAINING AND COMPLAINING AND COMPLAINING SOME MORE!
"No I wasn't! I said I'm sorry! Now go fix dinner!"
"Ah... If you don't mind, I have to fix a meal for ten people." And she stalked off like nothing odd had just happened, and really, by her standards, it hadn't. I don't know what would be strange by Shadow's standards... An interdimensional time portal opening up in her yard, completely by its own free will... That might be odd. Anyway...
A minute later, Shadow came skipping back into the room.
"Hey Kurama, I need to go to the GROCERY STORE!!! Care if I use your car?" (Yes, remember Kurama is sixteen... Apparently he has a car now...)
"If I'm the one driving it!" Kurama said. "But there is no way in hell I'd let you drive my car."
"Thank you!" Shadow went skipping away.
"S'pose you guys are waiting a while for dinner," Kurama said, then followed Shadow.
They'd barely been gone for fifteen minutes when the doorbell rang. Eclipse went down to answer it and found some guys in suits.
"Hello. Could you spare a minute to hear about--"
"MORMONS!!!" She slammed the door in their faces, then sank down with her back against it to sit panting on the floor. "That was close... They almost finished their sentence..."
"What was it?" Hiei asked.
"Mormons!" Eclipse gasped.
"Are they still out there?"
"Let's hope not!"
"Let's hope so. I just had a cruel idea..." He pushed Eclipse out of the way and opened the door.
"Oh! Hello!" the Mormon said. "Could you spare a minute to talk about Jesus?"
"Yes, of course," Hiei said dryly.
And, as they talked about their religion, Hiei picked apart everything he saw wrong with it (which was a lot) and sent them home with the idea that humans were created from a bowl of scrambled eggs that was left in the fridge for a month. Of course, when they started telling people about that, people called the cops and they went to the loony bin.
"Hiei, that was a very cruel thing to do," Eclipse said sternly. Then a smile broke over her face. "THAT WAS AWESOME!"
About half an hour later, Shadow came back in with enough grocery bags full of food to supply the entire country with food for a week. And she made Kurama and Hiei bring them all in from the car.
And ages upon ages later, she set up a serve-yourself-dammit buffet kind of thing and everybody served themselves, dammit. She and Eclipse had an eating contest against Hige and Yusuke... And Shadow and Eclipse ate so much it was like they hadn't eaten for months, but that was obviously not true... And after a while, Hige and Yusuke stopped competing to join the other six pairs of staring eyes. (I just wrote "stairing." Damn you, Eclipse!)
The two girls ate about fifteen full course meals each... Drank about ten gallons of... whatever they drank... each... And neither of them felt sick afterwards.
"They eat like that all the time..." Hiei said to Toboe and Hige, who hadn't seen them eat like this yet (remember, Shadow fixed the big meal when Kiba and Tsume were there, but this is the first time she did with the other two).
"How does she stay so thin? You'd think she'd way 500 pounds!" Hige asked.
"And fat she retains from this crap she burns off by dancing around singing and hugging people and doing handstands and cartwheels in the front yard," Hiei said dryly. "You'd think that'd be obvious."
"She's psycho!"
Shadow and Eclipse, meanwhile, were still stuffing their faces, though at a slower pace than they had been before.
It was ages before Shadow fell right off her chair onto the floor (she would have fallen onto Tsume's lap had Hiei not told him it was unwise to sit next to her cuz of the high probability of flying food).
"I think I'm gonna burst..." she groaned.
"I'd think you already would have..." Tsume said dryly.
Eclipse let her face fall forward onto her licked-clean plate. "Groan..."
"Who's up for poker?" Hiei asked.
"I would be, but I can't get up!" Shadow said cheerfully.
"I want to see Youko play Tsume," Yusuke said, smirking.
"Why? Is Tsume a poker wolf?" Kurama asked.
"He beat Shadow about fifty times and he'd never played before."
"Oh wow. Four notches above the bottom..." Hiei said.
"Four?"
"Kuwabara, Eclipse, Shadow, Tsume," Hiei explained.
"Ah. I just wanna see what he's got," Yusuke said.
"Do I have any say in this?" Tsume asked.
"Nope," Kurama said. "Poker time."
Shortly after, Tsume and Youko were playing poker, and Tsume was losing. Of course. Because Youko's hundreds of years older than him and knows how to cheat, even against a wolf.
"Who's winning?" Shadow asked, dancing into the room. Everybody stared at her, at the carton of ice cream she held, and the spoon hanging out of her mouth.
And of course, she was clueless as to what was so odd about this.
"What?" she asked innocently.
"You're eating again?" Toboe asked.
"Dessert. What?"
"A whole carton of ice cream?" Hige asked.
"Yeah."
"She eats more in a single meal than I have in months!" Hige said to nobody in particular.
"She eats more in a single meal than all of us combined have eaten in a month," Tsume said. "And she's smaller than all of us, she's not a wolf, and she doesn't do half the work we usually do."
"Living here is a lot easier than living where we're from..." Kiba said.
"Maybe this is Paradise," Toboe said. Hiei burst out laughing.
"Paradise?! You've got to be kidding me!"
Shadow set down the empty ice cream carton and spoon and collapsed into her sacred fluffy reclining chair. She rolled onto her side, then suddenly squinted at something and plucked a short hair off the chair.
"Okay, which one of you furballs has been in my chair?" she asked accusingly, looking at them all. "This is a dark hair... So I'm saying it was TSUME!"
Tsume blinked. Shadow got up in his face.
"Don't play innocent with me, you weirdo!"
"Weirdo! Look who's talking!" Youko said.
"Shut up, fox boy!" Shadow snapped. "Least I don't grow ears or turn into a WOLF!"
"No, you just turn into a puddle of goo and seep through piping," Tsume said dryly. "How does that feel, anyway? Being goo."
"I dunno. I wasn't paying attention."
"You've got to be kidding me."
"Do I look like I'm kidding? I'm dead serious," Shadow said. Then she paused. "Well, yes, I'm dead, but I don't know how serious I am... Serious, yeah, but dead serious..."
"Shut up, Shadow," Youko said. "Your cause of death is gonna be thinking too much."
"Gee, thanks. Hey, can I play a game against you?"
"What, are you serious?!" Youko asked.
"Yes. Anything but strip poker."
"Damn. Sure, fine... It'll just give Tsume a bit of time to recover from being humiliated in front of his friends. Vacate the challenger's seat, Wolf."
"I'm not humiliated. Foxes are known for their tricks," Tsume said, getting up. Shadow dropped into the vacated chair.
"Deal them cards!" she ordered, hitting the table with her fist.
Two hours later... Shadow was sitting across from Youko, staring at her cards, blinking occasionally, looking over them at Youko occasionally, then glancing at the grey wolf lying on the couch, then back to her cards.
"Are you gonna do anything? Any time today?" Kiba asked, sitting on the floor with his back against the couch.
"My reputation is depending on this," Shadow said. "It requires a lot of thought."
"Reputation? Thought?" Hige said. "Wow. You think?"
"Don't make me hurt you, Fluffy!" Shadow threatened.
"Don't fight!" Toboe said.
"Yes, don't fight," Youko said. "Get on with it."
"But..."
Shadow made her move. "Let's see 'em!"
She set down her cards. Youko smirked, and she could tell by the look in his gold eyes that she'd lost.
"NOOOOOOO!!!" She hit her head off the table. If a wolf can laugh, Tsume was right then. "Shut up, wolf!"
"You lost in front of four wolves, the noble and honest witnesses," Youko said, smirking. "You agreed to the bet, Shadow."
"Noooooo!!!"
"Yes you did," Kiba said, smiling.
"Hai, see, but..."
"Nobody cares about the buts, Shadow," Youko drawled.
"It's unsanitary..."
"No it's not, fool!"
"In it's own special way..."
"Everything is unsanitary to you in its own special way, psycho. You see germs in boiling water and bleach!"
"THERE'S GERMS IN BLEACH? I JUST COMPLETELY DRENCHED THIS HOUSE WITH THAT CRAP A FEW DAYS AGO!" Shadow screamed, horrified.
"Shadow," Youko warned. She looked at him innocently.
"You know, I just remember I have an appointment... Elsewhere." She ran out the door.
"Hey! Get back here, stupid!" Youko hollered. "COWARD!"
But Shadow continued into the forest, making noises like Zoidburg from Futurama (which I don't own).
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Now what could be horrible enough to make Shadow run around making noises like a giant lobster? I DON'T KNOW! That's why I need you to think for me. Short chapter... I noticed.
I didn't proof read this chapter, so once again there'll be mistakes, like in the last chapter where I wrote "He" instead of "She" when referring to Shadow... Nope, spell check doesn't catch that stuff... Ork. I would proof this chapter right now, but I wanna go back to playing NINJA GAIDEN! I just beat some giant insect lady (Elmo or something... Alma. Yeah. That's it.) and it was really easy and now I'm wandering around in Hayabusa's village and going through scary portal things and I'm kinda confused as to what to do next cuz I would have figured you'd go up the altar stairs but apparently you CAN'T! Because of the SHINY THING! Damn! And you can't blow it up, either... Anywho, I'm gonna go back to that...
Oh, and two random things here...
It seems to me that ever since 9/11, I'm constantly looking at the clock when it's 9:11 o'clock... Have you noticed that?
#2: Just a really random question that you don't have to answer if you don't want to, but what do you think I look like? Just make a wild guess. I wanna see what people think. Curiousity, y'know?