Disarmed: The Story Of Three Sister Witches
"When two writing techniques are merged and mixed into one. All hell breaks loose"
A Charmed Parody
Sniper, Sneezy and Mange – Three Sisters
Mao Anises – Sniper's Husband, Fire fighter, who has a shoulder fire and hose
Book Of Dildos – Magic Book
Hoarse Of All Evil – The Source
The Voice – Small Demon in cage that speaks for the Hoarse
Coal – Sneezy's husband
Claimer: Disarmed is copyright to both LarkaDragon and Witch. If anyone so much as thinks of touching our idea's or parody characters, (based on Charmed which we do not own nor do we claim to own -YET!) Then we shall set loose our collection of vile and horrible creatures to pick you from your computer seat and shake you around upside down until your eyeballs fall out and your tongue turns into a marshmallow. This is a friendly warning from Christine and Emma. Something Witchy Comes This WaySniper sat across from her two sisters, slowly pouring tea into a cup for her youngest, and hairiest sister, Mange who sat contentedly scratching at her hair arms until they were red. Sneezy sat next to Mange and was as usual clutching a pocket sized poke of handkerchiefs. Sneezy was allergic to anything, especially the demons that the three sister witches fought on a daily basis so she was always sneezing and spluttering whilst trying to say a vanquish.
"One lump or two?" asked Sniper, pointing at the sugar that sat beside the cups,
"Two," replied Mange quickly whilst moving her scratching hands from her arms to face, slowly Sniper lifted her spoon and dropped two sugar lumps in. But then there was another small plop sound as something else dropped into Mange's tea.
"Hey!" she exclaimed, "I said two… not three," Sniper looked up at her and glared slightly,
"And I only gave you two, something else dropped in from somewhere else," she said, feeling rather stupid as she did because what she was saying was stupid in itself. But then something else fell into Mange's cup, both sister's looked up whilst Sneezy gave a very loud sneeze. Sniper jumped quickly off the settee and looked up – it had been chips of ceiling paint and plaster that had been dropping into Mange's cup,
"The Book Of Dildos!" she exclaimed loudly, "Its vibrating again!"
"They're is another demon to fight!" yelled Mange, jumping off her seat and running quickly for the attic, dragging her knuckles as always because of her bad posture. Sneezy let out another loud sneeze and wiped her nose with a handkerchief,
"Not again!" she sighed grumpily, "I've not even stopped sneezing since the last demon we fought! I'm fed up!" she remained seated and put on a stubborn face,
"Come on, Sneezy. I know its hard but after all… you're the one who read the spell in the book of dildo's in the first place…" began Sniper but Sneezy cut her off,
"And gave us the gift of our powers in the first place… and it was fun for a few years but I'm bored of them now!" at that moment Mange arrived at the top of the staircase, with the book in hand. She ran quickly to join her other sisters and jumped onto the couch and then sat cross-legged like a small child awaiting a cookie from their mother.
"I found the demon… quick Sneezy, get a feeling!" she said instantly, referring to Sneezy's power to see the future,
"I don't want to! Feelings are not fun! I don't want to fight this demon! I don't! I won't! You can't make me!" yelled Sneezy getting up from the couch and running into the kitchen. Sniper sighed and took the book from Manges hands,
"Lets see the demon then," she said as she looked at the page in the book Mange had left it open at,
"Its called a Rampant Rabbit demon," smiled Mange content that she had identified the demon correctly, Sniper looked at the book confused and then waited for Mange to continue,
"According to the book its power is to pleasure woman without the use of a man and it works better than other products of its nature. Also its pink and cute like a bunny rabbit!" she smiled, Sniper sighed and decided that it was an appropriate time to but in,
"Mange," she said quietly, "This is not the Book… this is the Ann Summers catalogue that was hidden under my bed!" she yelled.
"Oh," sighed Mange and then toddled off to the kitchen to find a lollypop or Sneezy – possibly both.
Sniper arrived in the kitchen a few moments later and found Mange in her usual spot, sitting contentedly on the kitchen table, legs crossed like a four year old waiting for her story, with her red lollypop stick sticking out her mouth, she sat scratching her arms as usual. Sniper looked around and found Sneezy cowering under the table, her legs pulled tight to her chest with her arms wrapped round them.
"Sneezy!" exclaimed Sniper, "Get out from under the table!"
"Nope, not going to do that!" replied Sneezy, rubbing her red eyes and letting out a sneeze along with her words,
"Why not?" asked Sniper growing impatient with her sister who was constantly hiding under the table, where she thought that nothing could make her sneeze,
"The shadow monster is in the basement again!" yelled Sneezy. Ever since Sneezy was a child she had been scared of the 'Shadow Monster' in the basement and refused to go in. It had gotten worse since the sisters had to fight the 'Shadow Monster' a year ago, and discovered that whenever there was a power failure in the house the demon could escape. Sneezy had never been in the basement since. Sniper grew more impatient on hearing the 'Shadow Monster' mentioned,
"Sneezy, come out from there. There has been no power failure! The 'Shadow Monster' is still locked up under the house." Said Sniper,
"No,"
"Well if you don't come out you can't get these," replied Sniper pulling some cold and flu remedy from her pocket and a pocket sized packet of handkerchiefs,
"Gimme!" yelled Sneezy, reaching out from under the table, causing Mange to jump a mile when Sneezy's head hit the table,
"No, come and get it," replied Sniper moving to the other side of the kitchen,
"Fine. But if I come out and get possessed by the 'Shadow Monster' you'll be sorry!"
"Oh, I'm so scared." Replied Sniper throwing the cold and flu remedy at Sneezy. "Now lets go and get the real book and fight this demon.
The sisters arrived in the attic where they kept the Book of Dildo's to find it vibrating across the floor; Sniper picked it up and sat it on its pedal stool whilst Sneezy emerged from her sneezing fit. Sniper opened the book and let the pages flip to the demon,
"Its Prono, the porn demon," she said, scrolling the page with her fingers.
"Again?" sighed Mange, "Didn't we fight him already?"
"Yeah, but he is just determined to get rid of all the porn in the world! We can't allow this!" said Sniper, punching the air with her fist, as she often did when she was thinking of a plan,
"I don't see why we can't just let this nice demon make the porno industry all wholesome and stuff… I mean what harm would it do?" protested Sneezy,
"The porn industry is vital to our society! I mean how else would I have made money to go to college!" declared Mange,
"We all know you're proud of your porn career Mange, but its disgusting." Said Sneezy,
"No its not! Its just harmless fun!" replied Mange, "A lot of fun sometimes,"
"Stop this squabbling! I mean it! I don't care how much Mange loves porn and how much Sneezy hates it! We have to fight this demon! For that is what witches do!" exclaimed Sniper, once again punching air,
"Yeah but I don't have a feeling as to where this demon is! So we can't fight it!" replied Sneezy,
"If I hit you on the head will you have a feeling?" asked Mange,
"No, I'll have a bump on my head! That never works… we've tried it before! It hurts my brain!" replied Sneezy,
"Ok… we'll just have to wait until Sneezy gets a feeling about Prono. I'll make tea," and with that they left the attic and continued there normal lifestyle in the kitchen. Mange back on the table scratching and Sneezy cowering, this time behind the fridge while Sniper mixed some herbal tea.
Some time later, the fridge strangely began to tremble…this was made further confusing as sounds of moaning and other noises that could be classed as too disgusting to write down were also created from the same area. Mange looked accusingly to Sniper who rose her hands palms-forward to show her sincere innocence. Then slowly both heads turned toward the location of the fridge still trembling and apparently moaning.
From behind them a fire-poll suddenly poured itself from the ceiling and, embedding itself in the floor was ready to convey its producer down. Mao slid down the fire poll; a clap to its side and it disappeared instantly. His attention was drawn to the trembling fridge that appeared to be giving birth to a very rigid Sneezy who appeared to fall to one side like a plank of wood releasing a sneeze, which sprayed forward into the air nearby.
The spray caught the attention of all three observers, Mao took a step back from the thick hovering nasal phlegm spray, Sniper glanced to her husband then watched as the spray began to slowly wind itself into a large blob of drool. Mange merely watched her nails slowly moving from her arms as she pointed at the ball of saliva. Then, as the blob of droll appeared to smoke and steam like a crystal ball, Sneezy began to speak in a distant, excited voice.
"Oh, the pleasure! Oh the delight! Oh! It's too much!" Her words turned into gasps and screams, which soon turned from pleasure to utter fear. Hovering over the shadowed figure of the female was the large, fearsome and incredibly handsome Prono Demon who was slowly sapping away the female's life force through her orgasm. A horrible thing to watch and something which often turned any female off allowing a male to bed her.
"Survivors of the horrid Prono Demon have been known to turn strictly gay after their experiences with him…" Mao said quietly.
"Why? Because he hurts them a lot?" Mange asked her eyes wide…oh god, a bad sex demon. How horrible would that be? If you were going to die you could at least die happy…
"No." Mao said, appearing to calculate what he was about to say next very carefully before he finished "It is because he is utterly crap…it's true…the only pleasure girls get from him is from the orgasm his venom pumps into their body." He would nod his gaze slipping toward Sniper who was watching the pornographical "movie" of Prono killing his victim…the saliva ball darkened then suddenly Sneezy spoke, obviously reciting the text which scrolled quickly upward.
"Starring: Prono Daemon as himself… Lucia Softmore playing Victim-The Bed of Doom as Bed… Special thanks to HitManOneAssassinSlaveonetotwentyfourThecandlemakerthebaker…." Sneezy's body went rigid then suddenly slack. A moment later she released a sudden sneeze then sniff and rubbing at her nose she viewed the group of three before her, the blob of goo on the kitchen table then walked blankly off to the bathroom for some allergy nasal spray.
"What should we do?" Mange asked quietly, her voice disappearing slightly due to the loud noise of her scratching.
Sniper looked to Mao for a brief moment, his expression slightly pained before she inhaled deeply giving himself some time to think before he had to speak "There is only one thing that we can do…" he said slowly. "I have researched the Prono demon type…they can only be vanquished by unsexy-females telling them how much they enjoyed…mating with them," he said steadily.
"Which means?" Mange demanded
"Well…heh…" Mao said "You have to conceal an inner horror while being an attractive porn star in order to attract Prono to you…then you have to say the vanquish spell when he is trying to court you." He said, turning to Sniper. "Of course. Videos and other means of publicity will be required for this…I think I should be Snipers manager…the rest of you can … select your own. Perhaps another member of the fire fighter squad?" He suggested, snapping his fingers three-fire polls jumped from the ceiling despite Mange's sudden protest and Sneezy's sound of shock as she returned o the kitchen.
From the fire polls descended three half-dressed, top or bottom, fire fighters. All grinning broadly their eyes holding an old-Man look to them. Above them suddenly appeared a sign saying "Choose Mange, Choose your Porno Partner!" while each of the alternative fire fighters began to flex their muscles in anticipations…