THE AUTHORESS SPEAKS
BLAH. BLAH. BLAAAHHH.
Reviews for Chapter Thirteen, Froggy Where?!
Okami Youkai- You know, many times I have seriously considered doing a Shakespeare style- Yu Yu Hakusho fanfic, but I haven't yet and that'd be horrible if I did, wouldn't it? You wouldn't know what they were talking about (do you ever anyway, with Shadow and Eclipse's ramblings?).
Just Another Person- Long live The Randomness. (It shall rule the world someday)
Draikitha- Lol. Interesting stories you tell... I went and saw A Midsummmer Night's Dream cuz my cousin was in it... I didn't understand a word they said, but it was still funny somehow.
kaida13- Romeo was probably some wrinkled old man who had no teeth and walked with a cane, and he didn't commit suicide, he died of heart failure and they said he committed suicide... And Juliet probably hated him, but Shakespeare decided that it'd be a better story if they killed themselves and loved each other or whatever... I haven't the slightest clue.
Abanasinia- What's Othello? Isn't it some other Shakespeare foodle-de-doodle? What's it about? Suicide? Love? Some king who wants his daughter to marry the priest but it turns out his daughter is really a man and they don't find out until the wedding? (Wow, that was scary, I just made that up and it was influenced by absolutely nothing...)
Bar-Ohki- Oh, kerndleshnerdle. I was gonna go read that story when I read your review, but then I obviously got sidetracked for five seconds and forgot. Shadow has a five minute memory, I have a five second memory. And if there's somebody more psychotic than Shadow, that person is breaking a law. One of MY laws that are punished more horribly than with a jail sentence... Muwahahaha...
Black Cat- Aren't ground squirrels a.k.a. chipmunks? Cuz if you're wishing death upon CHIPMUNKS, I SHALL RELEASE MY WEASEL MINIONS OF DOOM UPON YOU! Chipmunks remind me of hamsters, and I had a hamster and he DIED but chipmunks are still cute. And if you're wishing death upon the FOAMIES, CURSE YOU! Sorry. I'm okay now. I'm what my friend calls a "bunny hugger." There are very few animals in the world I don't like. :D (I'm not pathetic, what would make you think that?)
PicoPicoZufuChan- Uhhhh... Okay... I never read Romeo and Juliet and I never saw the movie... I just know they both kill each other. And unless it gives gory details or shows gory details I don't care to read/see it... (I'm not a sadistic lunatic... Why do you say such things?)
Shessha's Crazy- ANTI-BUSH! DOWN WITH BUSH! ::gets carted off by government people and thrown in a dungeon:: Hey! I thought this was a democracy! (What is this tomb again? And how did you steal it? I forgot.)
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
I Don't Lick Frogs
"But... I don't wanna get drunk..." Toboe muttered, being led into the dining room by the rest of the group.
To calm Eclipse down, Yusuke had found a picture of a frog and taped it to the wall. Eclipse had quickly pulled it off and ran away hugging it.
"Come on, Toboe... Think of it as a competition or something," Hiei said.
"I'm not very competitive..."
"Look kid, do you want to go back to--"
"THE FUTURE!" Shadow finished for him from the other room. Hiei glared at no one in particular.
"Well yeah," Toboe answered. "But... isn't there some other way?"
"Not that we know of. If Koenma says you need to get drunk, get drunk. I'm sure it won't take much for you, anyway, being as you're young and scrawny," Yusuke said with a sort of happiness in his voice.
"Is there something appealing to you about being drunk? You sound kind of happy about it," Kiba said.
"It's not very often that somebody orders you to get drunk," Yusuke said dryly. "And," he continued more cheerfully, "even though Koenma didn't include me in the order, I'm doing it anyway so you guys don't feel left out."
"How considerate," Tsume muttered.
Shadow appeared out of nowhere in a white waitress's uniform with an extremely short skirt, balancing a tray of beer bottles in one hand.
"Since Hiei will not let me drink, I shall play the part of a waitress or bar maid or whatever they're called," Shadow said, smiling.
"Now who's dressing skanky?" Tsume asked under his breath. Kiba chuckled. Shadow glared.
"Got a problem?"
"No, no problem," Hiei answered quickly. To the odd looks he got, he explained, "No fighting."
"Sure, whatever," Hige muttered, smirking at Hiei.
"What? Do you like my skimpy waitress's uniform?" Shadow asked.
"HEY! THERE'S THE HOOKER OUTFIT WE WERE LOOKING FOR IN CHAPTER TEN!!!" Eclipse shouted suddenly. Shadow hit her in the side of the head.
"Shut up, Frog-Licker."
"I don't lick frogs..." Eclipse sulked, still clinging to the frog picture Yusuke had gotten for her like a little kid clings to its favorite blankie. Of course, the paper was horribly crinkled now from her hugging it and clinging to it such as she had been and still was.
"And besides, this outfit is reserved solely for occasions like this," Shadow said, her nose in the air and her left hand on her hip.
"What's this occasion? When every guy in the house but Kurama is gonna get drunk?" Eclipse asked.
Shadow gave them a big smile.
"So... Are you hoping that if we all get drunk enough... And you parade around in an extremely short skirt... That maybe you'll lose your virginity tonight?" Yusuke asked.
"Yes, of course," Shadow said sarcastically. "Baka..."
"Hey! You know that's what you're thinking."
"Hardly."
"Well then why the hell would you be wearing something like that?"
"Because I am not ashamed of my body," Shadow said with a mock-insulted/arrogant tone, her nose in the air.
"Well, we're all glad for you," Tsume said dryly.
"Aren't we though?" Kuwabara muttered.
"Shut up, Kuwabara, you know you like it," Hige accused.
"There's only one girl in my heart!" Kuwabara retorted. "And it's not Shadow!"
Shadow went into a horrible coughing fit just then, looking at Hiei, as they both knew who the baka was referring to.
"What's wrong?" Kuwabara asked stupidly. (A/N: Yes, he did find out about Yukina in one of my stories, but I do believe that somebody wiped his memory... Because he also was being groped by a sewer creature when Hiei chased him down the manhole in the street in front of their house.)
"Oh, nothing's wrong, nothing at all," Shadow said in a high-pitched voice, snorting.
"What?!"
"What do you want to bet that when you guys are all drunk, you, Kuwabara, will be the one hitting on me the most..." Shadow said.
"YEAH RIGHT!"
"Have a beer!" Shadow ordered suddenly, thrusting a bottle against his chest. Kuwabara grumbled something and Tsume hit him, but nobody else seemed to hear it, and neither did they seem to care.
Shadow passed out the beers.
"I wonder which one of you guys will be the last to drop," Shadow said.
"Me!" Kuwabara said. "I bet I can out-drink the lot of you!"
"Pff. Yeah right, baka," Yusuke said. "You dropped first last time."
Kuwabara glared and started to say something, but he was cut off suddenly.
"Hey wait a second!" Shadow snapped. "How come Yusuke and Kuwabara are allowed to drink but me and Eclipse aren't?"
"Because they're men," Eclipse said. "And men are stupid."
"Well, Yusuke is a man, but that doesn't leave an excuse for Kuwabara..."
"Hey!"
"Well, he's stupid, at least," Hiei offered.
"Yes, but they're the same age as me, and--"
"It's because Hiei will get horribly drunk and you'll need to take care of him," Kiba said. "Simple as that."
"That's not it!" Hiei whined.
"Awww, does Hiei need a wittle girl to take care of him?" Kuwabara said in baby talk. Hiei punched him.
"No."
"AND I'M NOT LITTLE!" Shadow snapped.
"Sure y'aren't..." Yusuke said. Hiei sighed.
"Okay, you are not allowed to get drunk because you, for one, will be totally braindead and vulnerable to Youko and his sober mind, and second, you might victimize the rest of us, and third, it'll damage your brain far more than Yusuke's. Happy? Three reasons? Good enough? Hmm? Hmm? Hmmmmmm?" he said.
"Yes, sir..." Shadow said miserably.
"Glad to hear it."
"Hiei!" Kuwabara said suddenly. "I challenge you!"
"Huh?"
"I bet you'll pass out before me!"
"Kuwabara, I'm competitive about everything, as you know, but I prefer to at least have a nearly equal or superior opponent, not somebody that's on a lower level than even Shadow..." Hiei said.
"Ha!" Shadow said triumphantly.
"Oh yeah? I think you're just a coward!" Kuwabara snapped, dropping into the chair across the table from Hiei. "Come on, pansy!"
Hiei sighed. "Whatever..."
"Ready?" Shadow said. "I'm also playing part of referee and coach, did you notice? Okay, ready? Set? GOOOOO!"
Hiei chugged the rest of his bottle in three swallows. Kuwabara finished his slower. Shadow gave them both another one.
"Remember, this isn't how fast you can drink the beer, it's how long you can stay conscious and how many bottles it takes before you pass out," Shadow reminded them. "So don't chug them all, Hiei."
Three beer bottles later, Kuwabara fell out of his chair.
"Hiei wins! Of course!" Shadow said, pulling Hiei's hand into the air. Then she looked down suddenly and stomped on Kuwabara's face.
"Well he's definitely not getting up now..." Eclipse said, staring at the shoe print on his face.
"Why did you do that?" Toboe asked.
"Remember what I said about him hitting on me?"
Koenma came by some time later to check on them. Toboe was out, snoring on the floor. Tsume and Hige were horribly drunk with their arms around each others shoulders, swaying from side to side singing. As he watched, Kiba walked over, swaying drunkenly of course, and threw his arms around the both of them, giving them a big hug which both returned. Then he sat down next to Tsume and joined in their song, his arm around Tsume's shoulder and Tsume's other arm around his. Hiei was nowhere to be seen and Yusuke was sitting on the floor leaning against a traumatized-looking Eclipse.
Kurama had finished his hangover-curing concoction and was leaning in the corner whistling an off-key version of Sobakasu, a bottle of beer in his hand. He was still in his human form. Youko must have been sleeping...
Koenma went to see where Hiei had gotten to. He stepped over Kuwabara and his boot-printed face, ignoring him, and went into the living room to find Hiei leaning against Shadow on the couch, half asleep, a beer in his hand.
"Ah. I believe it may be time to send these guys home," Koenma said. Just then, there were three loud thuds in the other room. Koenma peeked in and saw a pile of unconscious bodies.
"Or... we could wait a bit... I'd rather at least one is awake..."
Youko came ambling into the living room and stood beside Koenma, looking down at Hiei and Shadow.
"Youko!" Hiei said cheerfully.
"I trust that you have another batch of that mixture ready for them to take?"
"Yes I do."
"Good."
"Isn't it though?"
"Well anyway, I don't recall ever telling any of my tantei to get drunk... I really should punish the lot of you."
"I'm not drunk," Youko said.
"I'm not either!" Shadow said.
"You don't count," Koenma replied. Shadow narrowed her eyes.
"And just why not? I'm just as useful as any of these drunken hobos!"
"HOBO!" Eclipse sang out from the other room.
"How do you figure that?" Youko asked. "How many Reikai missions have you solved? How many times have you risked your life for the stupid humans you've never met? Have you ever been injured and/or nearly died? How many demons have you killed?"
"I'm about to kill one right about now. A certain fox-eared demon standing about a foot away from me," Shadow said through clenched teeth. Youko smirked. "I'LL WIPE THAT SMIRK RIGHT OFF YOUR SMIRKING FACE, YOU STUPID FOX!"
"I'd like to see that."
"Yes, well right now I am being used as a pillow, so I'll get you once Hiei passes out..."
"If that's in a minute, will you still carry out that threat?" Youko asked.
"Yes I will."
"Or at least, you'll attempt to..."
"SHUT UP!" Shadow moved Hiei and jumped up. "I SHALL BLUDGEON THEE!" She lunged over the back of the couch and tackled Youko. The fox landed on his back with an "oof!"
"You gonna keep smirkin' now, huh Fox?" Shadow asked, pulling at Youko's face. "Go on! Smirk! I dare you!"
Youko was laughing.
"Don't laugh at me, fox face! I'll hit you!"
"You have me pinned. Go ahead," Youko replied. And she did. However, the fox caught her wrist, then her other one, and held them out to her sides.
"Youko..." Koenma warned.
"What? We're just playing," Youko said.
"Yeah, right you are... I have to go back to Reikai, and I don't feel safe leaving you two like this..."
"We're not going to do anything... Shadow's got me pinned to the floor. She's in control, and I don't think that she's gonna rape me..." Youko muttered.
"She's not in control! You've got her wrists!"
"Children, stop arguing. If I have any say in this, nothing's going to happen to me that should concern you, Koenma," Shadow said.
Koenma narrowed his eyes. "What if you don't have any say? Looks to me like either one of you could hurt the other... And Youko has had some alcohol..."
"Fine," Shadow said. She stood up and pulled her wrists out of Youko's grip. He got up and stood beside her.
"Happy?" the fox asked.
"... I'll be back as soon as one of the wolves wakes up..." Koenma replied, still looking at them suspiciously. He turned and left.
The second he was gone, Shadow looked up at Youko for a second, then tackled him again.
"You mutt!"
"Mutt?!"
"Koenma is smart! You think he wouldn't know your intentions?" Shadow snapped.
"I haven't got any intentions!" Youko yelped. Shadow held his wrists down, glaring.
"Sure you haven't..."
"You are on top of me, straddling my waist, holding my wrists against the floor, and you think I have perverted intentions?"
Shadow blinked, then said with a sudden realization, "I guess this could look kind of wrong, couldn't it...?"
"No, ya think?" Eclipse said from the other room. She couldn't see them, but she'd heard Youko.
"Oh, yes, of course, Eclipse, you'd better stay in there, cuz pretty soon there might be some bad stuff happening in here. Plug your ears," Shadow said with cold sarcasm.
"Back to the matter at hand," Youko said, his voice raised to get Shadow's attention. She looked down at him.
"Yes dear?"
Youko's eyebrows shot up. "Um..."
"You mean that me sitting on you is disturbing you?" she asked.
"Well... If it was, I could just do this..." Youko somehow flipped the entire situation and ended up straddling Shadow, her wrists held above her head.
"You know, some of my old fear of you is returning, Fox..." Shadow said. "Yes. Suddenly remembering why I was scared of you..."
"Why's that?"
"Because you're stronger than me, you're smarter than me, and you're a sex-crazed pervert who long ago chose me as his next victim and has yet to carry out the completion of his victimizationness..."
"What do you think the completion of my victimize-whatever would be?"
"Sex."
"Ah... Well, Shadow, today's you're lucky day," Youko said. Shadow's eyes widened.
"Help me mommy..."
"No, I am not going to mate with you."
"Really?!"
"Yes really."
"Good!!! Wait... What's the catch?"
"All I want is a kiss."
Shadow glared.
"SMOOCH! I wanna see!" Eclipse cried from the other room.
"Don't get your hopes up, Frog Girl! I'm not kissing this fox!"
"Are you sure?" Youko purred seductively. He used one hand to hold Shadow's wrists and plucked at her shirt with the other hand. "I could just rape you."
"RAPE! I don't wanna see that," Eclipse said, horrified.
"Yes, you could, but you won't," Shadow said, ignoring Eclipse.
"Ah, but what makes you so sure of that?" Youko asked, leaning down until their foreheads touched.
"Youko... This is really..."
"Scary?" Eclipse offered. "Or were you going more for 'tempting' or 'seductive' or something along those lines? I mean, you never know with you and your--"
"Butt out, Eclipse!" Youko snapped.
"Yes ma'am," Eclipse muttered.
"You were saying?" the fox asked Shadow.
"Something about being pinned under some guy who's nearly two feet taller than me and about five times stronger can make a girl really nervous, you know?"
"So you were going for 'scary' then," Eclipse said.
"Shut up!" Shadow snapped.
"Yes sir."
"All I'm asking is a kiss, though," Youko said sadly, giving her puppy eyes. Shadow sighed.
"Will you get off me and not show your face around me for a week or so if I do?" she asked, finally surrendering.
"A week after tomorrow."
"... Um... That's fine, I guess," Shadow said cautiously. Youko smiled.
"Very good." He released her wrists and moved so he sat next to her, not on her. Shadow glared at him for a minute before sitting up, then glaring at him some more.
"I'm already regretting agreeing to this."
"You haven't even done anything yet!"
"I know."
"So what is there to regret?"
"Agreeing to it."
Youko gave her a plaintive look. Shadow sighed again before leaning up and putting her arms around his neck.
A five seconds later...
"Gross! Do I see tongues?!"
Youko and Shadow snapped around to see Eclipse sitting there holding Shadow's video camera...
"Oh yeah! Caught in the act!" she said triumphantly.
"ECLIPSE SHINOMORI!" Shadow howled. She jumped up and tore after her friend, who ran away, filming over her shoulder.
"Can't catch me!" Eclipse taunted, running outside and jumping off the porch, clearing the stairs. Shadow tore after her.
"You will die!"
"Oooh, scary! Shadow's gonna kill me!"
"Yes I am, and you had better fear my wrath, little girl," Shadow said coldly. Youko watched in an amused sort of way from the doorway. There was a groan from behind him and Tsume hiccupped, dragging himself into a sitting position.
"Ohhhh..."
At the same time, Koenma appeared out in the yard and was promptly run into by Eclipse.
"AHHHH!"
"Give me that camera back, you-- Oh, hi Koenma!" Shadow said innocently, looking up at him. Koenma snatched the camera from Eclipse's hand.
"What's going on here?"
"Nothing to concern you!" Shadow said, terrified. She jumped for the camera in Koenma's raised hand.
"Oh yeah?" He hit rewind. Defeated, Shadow shrank into a little blob and went oozing back to the porch.
"Why'd he come back?" she asked Youko just as Koenma let out a strangled yelp from where he stood in the yard.
"SHADOW JAGANSHI, WHAT IS THIS? I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU WEREN'T GOING TO DO ANYTHING!"
"This is all your fault, you know that?" Shadow accused, tearing open her front door. She ran past the fox and shot up the stairs and into her bedroom to hide from Koenma.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Eh heh heh... It'll end in the next chapter. I know... It's a bit longer than the estimated 12-13 chapters... I never expected this story to be so long.
Did you know I have a spiritual connection with some person who gets tortured a lot and I can feel his/her pain? Either that or I have some horrible disease that gives me pains like I've been stabbed... Dull pains, of course, but they're otherwise unexplained. Not really dull, actually, but I'm sure it'd hurt more if I'd really been stabbed, so they're like, slight pains compared with what the psycho who gets tortured may be feeling...