Dorian is in her hospital room. David walks in.
David: Hello, gorgeous. I heard you had an eventful night.
Dorian: We have the most beautiful baby in the whole world. I know all parents say that, but in our case it is true.
David: Where is he? Is he okay?
Dorian: The doctors are weighing him. They should bring him back soon. He's fine. His mama's not doing so good.
David: What's wrong?
Dorian: They lie. You don't forget the pain. And he has your big head. He almost killed me on the way out.
David: Did he come out crying?
Dorian: Yes.
David: So he has my big head and your big mouth? The kid is doomed.
The door opens. The nurse brings Dylan in.
David (stares at Dylan for a moment, then): Dorian, he is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.
Nurse: Who gets him, mom or dad?
David: Mom.
The nurse hands Dorian the baby.
Dorian: Is he all right? How much does he weigh?
Nurse: He's fine. He's 21 inches long and weighs 6 pounds exactly. Buzz if you need anything.
(She leaves.)
David (stroking the baby's face): I can't believe I'm partially responsible for something so perfect. And look, he has dark eyes. I thought all babies had blue eyes.
Dorian: Not always. Don't you want to hold him?
David: I just thought you might want him first.
Dorian: I've been carrying him around for nine months. It's someone else's turn.
David: Haha. (changing the subject) I can't believe you gave birth in the middle of a tornado. I can't believe Viki delivered my baby. Man, you couldn't have planned that better.
Dorian: What do you mean?
David: She makes fun of you about being pregnant and then is forced to deliver the baby. Great revenge.
Dorian: I didn't plan it that way. You'll be happy to know my water broke on her couch.
David: We got us an evil genius right here. Just wait until he gets older. He's going to cause all kinds of trouble.
Dorian: Don't think I didn't notice.
David: Notice what?
Dorian: That you're still not holding him. Are you afraid?
David: Afraid? No, no way, no how am I afraid of a little baby.
Dorian: Then hold him.
David: Okay. I will. (Starts to reach for Dylan and then pulls back.) Okay, maybe I'm a little afraid.
Dorian: It's easy. Even Todd can do it. Besides, you've held babies before. Didn't you hold Jack when you were selling him to the highest bidder?
David: I thought we agreed to never bring that up again.
Dorian: Sorry.
David: Besides that was different.
Dorian: How?
David: Dylan is mine. What if he doesn't like me?
Dorian: He won't.
David (sarcastically): Thanks for your support.
Dorian: All kids go through a phase where they don't like their parents. But we have years before that happens. Go ahead. Take him.
David: Are you sure?
Dorian: Yes.
David: Okay. (He takes Dylan and carefully cradles him): Hi there, little man. I'm your daddy. Me and you are going to have to stick together. We are in a family full of strong, independent women. We have to protect each other from them.
Dorian: You have Paul and River to protect you.
David: Like I said, we have to protect each other. Dorian, thank you so much for him. He is the best present I ever got.
Dorian: And he was born after midnight.
David: You mean?
Dorian: Yes, happy birthday. I hope you like him because there is no way to take him back.
David: He's much better then that watch I asked for.
Dorian: I guess we'll have to add another name to your birthday cake.
Cassie: Knock, knock. We came to see the newest Cramer.
Cassie, River and Adriana enter.
River: He's so cute.
(He reaches out to touch Dylan.)
David (pulls Dylan back): Have you washed your hands?
Dorian: David! We are not going to be those kinds of parents. River, would you like to hold him?
River: Yes.
Dorian: David, let him hold Dylan.
Adriana: Dylan? That's the name I picked out.
Dorian: It's the only one we could agree on.
River (holding the baby): He's so tiny. I'm so glad he's a boy.
Cassie: Okay, let me see him. (She takes the baby) Hi, sweetie. Oh, mother, he looks like William.
Dorian: He looks like you and Adriana did when you were babies.
Cassie: William looked like me?
Dorian: He looked a lot like you.
Adriana: Can I hold him now?
Cassie: Sure. Support his head.
Adriana: I know. Hi, baby. You are so lucky. You have the greatest mom and dad in the whole world.
Cassie: I can't believe you gave birth at Llanfair. Talk about the ultimate revenge.
Dorian: You sound like David.
Cassie: I sound like David? Maybe my moving back here was a bad idea. It seems to be rotting my brain.
David: Hardyharhar.
Cassie: Okay, we are going to give you guys some alone time. We just wanted to see him. When will you get to come home?
Dorian: Tomorrow.
Cassie: Okay. You realize once you get him home you are going to have a lot of people fighting over him?
Dorian: Unfortunately, I doubt they'll be fighting over those 3 am feedings.
Adriana hands Dylan back to Dorian. They leave.
Dorian: Did you like your sisters and your nephew?
The door opens again. Blair and Jack come in.
Blair: Hi. Oh let me see him. (She takes Dylan from Dorian) See the baby Jack? Isn't he cute?
Jack: He has a big head.
Dorian: Told you so.
Blair: Jack, all babies have big heads. Do you want to touch him?
Jack: I want to hold him.
David: I don't think so.
Dorian: Jack can hold him if he wants too. Jack, go sit in the chair over there.
Jack goes to the chair. He sits down. Blair puts the baby in his lap. She, of course, never lets go of him.
Blair: Can you believe you were that little once?
Jack laughs.
Blair: Okay, lets give the baby to David before he has a nervous breakdown.
Dorian: Where's Starr?
Blair: She's with Todd. I left her a message. By the way, what is his name?
Dorian: Dylan Cramer Vickers.
Blair: That's a good name. He looks like a Dylan. I can't believe you gave birth at Llanfair. You really stuck it to Viki, didn't you?
Dorian: I did not.
David: Her water broke on Viki's couch.
Dorian: I did not plan this.
Blair: Sure you didn't. Okay, we'll let you get some rest. Come on, Jack. You'll be home tomorrow?
Dorian: Yes.
Blair: Do you need me to do anything?
Dorian: No, we're all set.
Blair: Okay, bye mom and dad.
A few minutes later Kelly and Kevin enter.
Kelly: Hi.
Dorian: Hi, Kelly. Kevin.
David: I'm going to be needing some time off work.
Kevin: Really? I never would've guessed it. Take all the time you need.
Dorian: He'll be back next week.
David: Dorian!
Dorian: I know you. You need a definite deadline of how long you can lay out of work or you'll never stop.
Kelly: Can I hold him?
David: Here you go.
Kelly (a little tearfully): Hi there, Dylan.
Dorian: How'd you know his name?
Kevin: I talked to my mom. She told me she had to deliver him herself.
Kelly: Pretty ingenious plan. The ultimate revenge.
Dorian (exasperated): I didn't plan it.
David: Her water broke on Viki's couch.
Dorian: David, if you don't stop telling people that, Dylan is going to come from a broken home.
Kevin: I have to admit. You make pretty babies.
David: You should know. You married one of them.
Dorian: David!
David: Sorry.
Kelly: And on that note, I'll think we'll go. (Hands the baby to Dorian) Oh, and happy birthday, David.
David: Thank you. Are you going to come by the house tomorrow?
Kelly: Yeah, we'll stop by after you guys get home. Bye.
David: I never realized how big your family was. Do you think anyone else will drop by?
The door opens. Paul enters.
Paul: Hi. I brought someone to see you.
Addie walks in.
Addie: Hi, Dori. I came to see your new baby.
Dorian: Addie. I'd like you to meet Dylan.
Addie: Hi, Dylan. Can I hold him?
Dorian: Of course. (Hands her the baby) (to Paul) You brought her here?
Paul: I thought you might want her to meet the baby.
Dorian: Thank you.
Paul: Well, I'll leave you alone. I'll come get Addie in a few minutes.
Addie: Don't you want to hold him?
Paul (hesitating): Well...
Dorian: It's okay. You can hold him.
Paul: Okay. (He takes the baby) Hi, there. I'm your cousin, Paul.
Later that day. Dorian, David and Dylan are alone in the hospital room. Dylan has just finished nursing.
David: Well, the whole family has seen the baby except for Starr.
Dorian: And Melinda.
David: Do you think she'd even care?
Dorian: I don't know. I told her about the baby. She didn't really show any interest.
David: Her loss because he is the best baby ever born.
Starr and Todd come in.
Todd: We heard there was a new Cramer in the world.
Starr: Can I hold him?
Dorian: Sure. There you go. Support his head.
Starr: I will. Hi, Dylan. You are so cute. You've been kicking me for weeks.
Todd: I can't believe my sister delivered him.
David: Notice how after she was done she didn't sell the baby and tell Dorian it was dead.
Dorian: David, we agreed to not bring that up again.
David: Sorry.
Starr: You did get great revenge, Aunt Dorian.
Dorian: What?
Starr: Forcing Aunt Viki to deliver your baby.
Dorian: Why does everybody keep saying that? I wasn't trying to get revenge. Let me just assure everyone, and you can pass this along, that I would never intentionally experience natural childbirth. Although I must admit, I like that everyone thinks I'm so much in control that I can go into labor at will and control the weather.
Todd: Planned or not, you sure did freak Viki out.
Dorian: I'll try to make it up to her. I know. I'll give her a kidney
Todd: When are you going to do that?
Dorian: In a few weeks. The doctor said we have time. I want to get Dylan settled first. And I need to pump enough milk to last him a few days.
Starr: When is he coming home?
Dorian: Tomorrow.
Starr: Maybe I'll help change his diaper.
Todd: Come on, Shorty. Let's let the new parents rest.
Starr: Okay. (Hands the baby to Dorian) Bye.
Dorian: Bye. Well, it looks like it's just the three of us.
David: I like the sound of that.
Dorian: So do I.
David: Hello, gorgeous. I heard you had an eventful night.
Dorian: We have the most beautiful baby in the whole world. I know all parents say that, but in our case it is true.
David: Where is he? Is he okay?
Dorian: The doctors are weighing him. They should bring him back soon. He's fine. His mama's not doing so good.
David: What's wrong?
Dorian: They lie. You don't forget the pain. And he has your big head. He almost killed me on the way out.
David: Did he come out crying?
Dorian: Yes.
David: So he has my big head and your big mouth? The kid is doomed.
The door opens. The nurse brings Dylan in.
David (stares at Dylan for a moment, then): Dorian, he is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.
Nurse: Who gets him, mom or dad?
David: Mom.
The nurse hands Dorian the baby.
Dorian: Is he all right? How much does he weigh?
Nurse: He's fine. He's 21 inches long and weighs 6 pounds exactly. Buzz if you need anything.
(She leaves.)
David (stroking the baby's face): I can't believe I'm partially responsible for something so perfect. And look, he has dark eyes. I thought all babies had blue eyes.
Dorian: Not always. Don't you want to hold him?
David: I just thought you might want him first.
Dorian: I've been carrying him around for nine months. It's someone else's turn.
David: Haha. (changing the subject) I can't believe you gave birth in the middle of a tornado. I can't believe Viki delivered my baby. Man, you couldn't have planned that better.
Dorian: What do you mean?
David: She makes fun of you about being pregnant and then is forced to deliver the baby. Great revenge.
Dorian: I didn't plan it that way. You'll be happy to know my water broke on her couch.
David: We got us an evil genius right here. Just wait until he gets older. He's going to cause all kinds of trouble.
Dorian: Don't think I didn't notice.
David: Notice what?
Dorian: That you're still not holding him. Are you afraid?
David: Afraid? No, no way, no how am I afraid of a little baby.
Dorian: Then hold him.
David: Okay. I will. (Starts to reach for Dylan and then pulls back.) Okay, maybe I'm a little afraid.
Dorian: It's easy. Even Todd can do it. Besides, you've held babies before. Didn't you hold Jack when you were selling him to the highest bidder?
David: I thought we agreed to never bring that up again.
Dorian: Sorry.
David: Besides that was different.
Dorian: How?
David: Dylan is mine. What if he doesn't like me?
Dorian: He won't.
David (sarcastically): Thanks for your support.
Dorian: All kids go through a phase where they don't like their parents. But we have years before that happens. Go ahead. Take him.
David: Are you sure?
Dorian: Yes.
David: Okay. (He takes Dylan and carefully cradles him): Hi there, little man. I'm your daddy. Me and you are going to have to stick together. We are in a family full of strong, independent women. We have to protect each other from them.
Dorian: You have Paul and River to protect you.
David: Like I said, we have to protect each other. Dorian, thank you so much for him. He is the best present I ever got.
Dorian: And he was born after midnight.
David: You mean?
Dorian: Yes, happy birthday. I hope you like him because there is no way to take him back.
David: He's much better then that watch I asked for.
Dorian: I guess we'll have to add another name to your birthday cake.
Cassie: Knock, knock. We came to see the newest Cramer.
Cassie, River and Adriana enter.
River: He's so cute.
(He reaches out to touch Dylan.)
David (pulls Dylan back): Have you washed your hands?
Dorian: David! We are not going to be those kinds of parents. River, would you like to hold him?
River: Yes.
Dorian: David, let him hold Dylan.
Adriana: Dylan? That's the name I picked out.
Dorian: It's the only one we could agree on.
River (holding the baby): He's so tiny. I'm so glad he's a boy.
Cassie: Okay, let me see him. (She takes the baby) Hi, sweetie. Oh, mother, he looks like William.
Dorian: He looks like you and Adriana did when you were babies.
Cassie: William looked like me?
Dorian: He looked a lot like you.
Adriana: Can I hold him now?
Cassie: Sure. Support his head.
Adriana: I know. Hi, baby. You are so lucky. You have the greatest mom and dad in the whole world.
Cassie: I can't believe you gave birth at Llanfair. Talk about the ultimate revenge.
Dorian: You sound like David.
Cassie: I sound like David? Maybe my moving back here was a bad idea. It seems to be rotting my brain.
David: Hardyharhar.
Cassie: Okay, we are going to give you guys some alone time. We just wanted to see him. When will you get to come home?
Dorian: Tomorrow.
Cassie: Okay. You realize once you get him home you are going to have a lot of people fighting over him?
Dorian: Unfortunately, I doubt they'll be fighting over those 3 am feedings.
Adriana hands Dylan back to Dorian. They leave.
Dorian: Did you like your sisters and your nephew?
The door opens again. Blair and Jack come in.
Blair: Hi. Oh let me see him. (She takes Dylan from Dorian) See the baby Jack? Isn't he cute?
Jack: He has a big head.
Dorian: Told you so.
Blair: Jack, all babies have big heads. Do you want to touch him?
Jack: I want to hold him.
David: I don't think so.
Dorian: Jack can hold him if he wants too. Jack, go sit in the chair over there.
Jack goes to the chair. He sits down. Blair puts the baby in his lap. She, of course, never lets go of him.
Blair: Can you believe you were that little once?
Jack laughs.
Blair: Okay, lets give the baby to David before he has a nervous breakdown.
Dorian: Where's Starr?
Blair: She's with Todd. I left her a message. By the way, what is his name?
Dorian: Dylan Cramer Vickers.
Blair: That's a good name. He looks like a Dylan. I can't believe you gave birth at Llanfair. You really stuck it to Viki, didn't you?
Dorian: I did not.
David: Her water broke on Viki's couch.
Dorian: I did not plan this.
Blair: Sure you didn't. Okay, we'll let you get some rest. Come on, Jack. You'll be home tomorrow?
Dorian: Yes.
Blair: Do you need me to do anything?
Dorian: No, we're all set.
Blair: Okay, bye mom and dad.
A few minutes later Kelly and Kevin enter.
Kelly: Hi.
Dorian: Hi, Kelly. Kevin.
David: I'm going to be needing some time off work.
Kevin: Really? I never would've guessed it. Take all the time you need.
Dorian: He'll be back next week.
David: Dorian!
Dorian: I know you. You need a definite deadline of how long you can lay out of work or you'll never stop.
Kelly: Can I hold him?
David: Here you go.
Kelly (a little tearfully): Hi there, Dylan.
Dorian: How'd you know his name?
Kevin: I talked to my mom. She told me she had to deliver him herself.
Kelly: Pretty ingenious plan. The ultimate revenge.
Dorian (exasperated): I didn't plan it.
David: Her water broke on Viki's couch.
Dorian: David, if you don't stop telling people that, Dylan is going to come from a broken home.
Kevin: I have to admit. You make pretty babies.
David: You should know. You married one of them.
Dorian: David!
David: Sorry.
Kelly: And on that note, I'll think we'll go. (Hands the baby to Dorian) Oh, and happy birthday, David.
David: Thank you. Are you going to come by the house tomorrow?
Kelly: Yeah, we'll stop by after you guys get home. Bye.
David: I never realized how big your family was. Do you think anyone else will drop by?
The door opens. Paul enters.
Paul: Hi. I brought someone to see you.
Addie walks in.
Addie: Hi, Dori. I came to see your new baby.
Dorian: Addie. I'd like you to meet Dylan.
Addie: Hi, Dylan. Can I hold him?
Dorian: Of course. (Hands her the baby) (to Paul) You brought her here?
Paul: I thought you might want her to meet the baby.
Dorian: Thank you.
Paul: Well, I'll leave you alone. I'll come get Addie in a few minutes.
Addie: Don't you want to hold him?
Paul (hesitating): Well...
Dorian: It's okay. You can hold him.
Paul: Okay. (He takes the baby) Hi, there. I'm your cousin, Paul.
Later that day. Dorian, David and Dylan are alone in the hospital room. Dylan has just finished nursing.
David: Well, the whole family has seen the baby except for Starr.
Dorian: And Melinda.
David: Do you think she'd even care?
Dorian: I don't know. I told her about the baby. She didn't really show any interest.
David: Her loss because he is the best baby ever born.
Starr and Todd come in.
Todd: We heard there was a new Cramer in the world.
Starr: Can I hold him?
Dorian: Sure. There you go. Support his head.
Starr: I will. Hi, Dylan. You are so cute. You've been kicking me for weeks.
Todd: I can't believe my sister delivered him.
David: Notice how after she was done she didn't sell the baby and tell Dorian it was dead.
Dorian: David, we agreed to not bring that up again.
David: Sorry.
Starr: You did get great revenge, Aunt Dorian.
Dorian: What?
Starr: Forcing Aunt Viki to deliver your baby.
Dorian: Why does everybody keep saying that? I wasn't trying to get revenge. Let me just assure everyone, and you can pass this along, that I would never intentionally experience natural childbirth. Although I must admit, I like that everyone thinks I'm so much in control that I can go into labor at will and control the weather.
Todd: Planned or not, you sure did freak Viki out.
Dorian: I'll try to make it up to her. I know. I'll give her a kidney
Todd: When are you going to do that?
Dorian: In a few weeks. The doctor said we have time. I want to get Dylan settled first. And I need to pump enough milk to last him a few days.
Starr: When is he coming home?
Dorian: Tomorrow.
Starr: Maybe I'll help change his diaper.
Todd: Come on, Shorty. Let's let the new parents rest.
Starr: Okay. (Hands the baby to Dorian) Bye.
Dorian: Bye. Well, it looks like it's just the three of us.
David: I like the sound of that.
Dorian: So do I.