The living room of La Boulaie. Dylan is now 2 months old. Dorian is sitting
on the couch holding her sleeping baby. Cassie is sitting next to her.
Dorian: It's almost time for me to go to the hospital. I want to go over everything one more time.
Cassie: You've told me everything at least twenty times.
Dorian: I'm going to tell you one more. I'll be in the hospital at least four days. I need to know that Dylan will be okay.
Cassie: He'll be fine, Mother. I do know how to take care of a baby. And I'll bring him to see you every day.
Dorian: I know. I just hate to leave him. There's plenty of milk in the freezer. The instructions on how to thaw it out are on the refrigerator. And don't forget, you can't heat up breast milk in the microwave.
Cassie: I know.
Dorian: I'll be on pain meds for the first couple of days so I won't be able to feed him at all. But after that I should be able to nurse him when you bring him to the hospital.
Cassie: He takes the bottle pretty well and you've pumped him enough milk to last a month. He'll be fine.
Dorian: I know. You and Adriana and Blair and Starr will take good care of him.
David: Dorian, it's time to go.
Dorian: Okay. (She gently hands Dylan to Cassie.) Bye, baby.
Cassie: Do you want me to bring him up tonight?
Dorian: No, I won't be able to nurse him and I think seeing me will just make it worse for him. Wait until tomorrow morning after he's had a good night's sleep.
Cassie: Okay.
David: Dorian, are you coming or not?
Dorian: I'm coming. I'll see you tomorrow.
Cassie: Bye.
At the hospital. Dorian and Viki are in adjacent beds.
Dorian: Well, this is it.
Viki: You still have time to change your mind.
Dorian: I'm not going to change my mind.
Viki: Are you nervous?
Dorian: A little.
Viki: I was when I did it for Megan. It's not that bad. Just a little pain. Okay, that's a lie. It was big pain but it only lasted a couple of days.
Dorian: It's not the operation I'm worried about. I just left Cassie alone with my baby and she has no idea what she's in for.
Viki: What do you mean?
Dorian: The only way to get him to sleep at night is to nurse him. A bottle doesn't cut it. David has tried. I didn't tell Cassie that.
Viki: You didn't warn her?
Dorian: I was afraid it would become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Maybe if she doesn't know, she won't have that problem. Besides, there's nothing I can do about it.
Joey (opens the door): Hello, ladies. David said you two wanted to see me.
Viki: Hi, honey. We were talking and we decided that we wanted you to pray with us before the surgery.
Joey: Sure, anything in particular or just the surgery overall?
Dorian: Just the surgery overall. And maybe that we will have patience when our kids hover around us after we get home and nag us about not overdoing it.
Joey: No fair. I can't guarantee a miracle.
Dorian: Are you implying that I'm not patient?
Joey: I'm implying no such thing. I'm coming right out and saying it. Not that I'm complaining. That can come in handy in certain circumstances.
(He playfully leers at Dorian.)
Viki: Excuse me, I'm still here.
Joey: Just kidding, Mom. (He secretly winks at Dorian and we know he is not.) Okay, Andrew's leading the praying out there so I will lead it in here.
Dorian: Our families are praying?
Joey: Yes.
Dorian: Together?
Joey: Why not? They're practically intertwined. Kevin is married to Kelly. Todd and Blair are whatever it is Todd and Blair are. Paul and Natalie are dating. Starr and Jack are both.
Dorian: Oh my God.
Viki: What?
Dorian: I just realized if River and Adriana have a baby me and Cassie will be grandmothers to the same baby. We are candidates for Jerry Springer.
Viki: Maybe I could come on with you and tell them how you slept with my father and my son.
Dorian (angrily): And I can tell them how your alters locked me in a little room, burned down your house with your daughter in it, and pushed your husband out of a window and then framed the daughter you didn't remember having for doing it. The second daughter you didn't remember.
Viki (angrily): And we can mention that you have two daughters that you remember having but still didn't raise.
Joey: Ladies, I thought we were bonding here. You've had a truce for months. You are about to share internal organs. What's going on?
Viki: I'm sorry. I was just teasing with that comment about my father and Joey. I didn't mean to upset you.
Dorian: I'm sorry too. My hormones are still crazy from having Dylan and I tend to overreact to things.
Joey: So are we ready to pray?
Viki and Dorian: Yes.
Joey: Heavenly father, please be with my mom and with Dorian during this surgery. Please keep them safe and let it be successful. You have combined our two families in so many ways and we need the two matriarchs to stay strong and be with us for a long time. Please be with their doctors as they operate and give our families strength to deal with it all. In Jesus name, Amen.
Dorian and Viki: Amen.
Later in the waiting room.
David: What is taking so long?
Blair: It's only been two hours. The surgery takes three to five. I'm sure they're fine.
Starr: Do you want me to tell you exactly what they are doing?
Todd: How do you know?
Starr: Aunt Dorian told me. Since she used to be a doctor she's knows all kinds of cool, gross things. She told me how they do a sex change operation. You want to hear what they do to a man's penis when they make him into a woman?
Todd and David (quickly): No.
Blair: Starr, why don't we make a trip to the snack machine?
Starr and Blair leave.
Todd: So, Jack tells me that you are really good at Candy Land.
David: I'm sorry. Are we friends?
Todd: No, we are not. But since you are going to be part of my kids' lives we should at least try to get along.
David: You threw me in a Moroccan prison.
Todd: I killed Carlos.
David: Okay, I'll tell you what. As long as you are good to my family and that includes all Cramers, I will tolerate you. And I won't talk bad about you to your kids. But that's all I can guarantee.
Todd: Fair enough. In return, I won't talk bad about you and Dorian to Starr and Jack
David: Deal.
Kevin: Are you two playing nice?
David: We are on our best behavior.
Todd: We are best buds. Excuse me.
Kevin: How's Dylan?
David: How would I know?
Kevin: You've called to check on him five times in the last two hours.
David: I was calling to give Cassie updates on the surgery. (pauses) Dylan is fine.
Adriana: David, River and I are going to the cafeteria. Do you want something?
David: I would like some soupy jello.
River: You don't have to be sarcastic. She was just trying to be considerate.
David: Who's being sarcastic? I like soupy jello. I want either red or green.
River: Oh, sorry. We'll bring you some.
David: Thank you. (to Kevin) Isn't he a great kid?
Kevin: So you live with two teenagers, a tween, a toddler, an infant, and three Cramer women. How do you do it?
David: I think the time I spent in that Moroccan prison helped prepare me for it. You think you're great because you had three Cramer women at different times? I've had to deal with three at once. It can get ugly, especially if Cassie is involved.
Kevin: What's that mean?
David: Cassie doesn't appreciate Dorian the way the rest of the family does.
Kevin: Cassie loves her mother.
David: Yes, she does. But she doesn't understand her. But that's her loss.
Kevin: What's to understand? Dorian interferes too much in Cassie's life.
Joey (interrupting): Did it ever occur to you that she does that because she never had anyone to take care of her so she overcompensates with her own kids by being too involved in their lives.
Kevin: Are you still in love with her?
Joey: No, but I still love her.
Natalie: Boys, stop fighting. Dorian is giving our mother a kidney. To do that she has to be away from her baby for four days. Now isn't the time to be talking bad about her, Kevin.
Kevin: You're right. I'm sorry.
Later that day. The surgery is over. Dorian is in her room asleep. David is sitting beside her.
Dorian (groaning): Ohh, that hurts.
David: Hi, sleepy head.
Dorian: Hi, did it go okay?
David: Everything went great.
Dorian: Viki's okay?
David: Yes, how are you feeling?
Dorian: I hurt.
David: They can give you more medicine.
Dorian: No, I'd rather not.
David: Why be in pain if you don't have too?
Dorian: If I take too much I'll have bad dreams.
David: They can't be any worse than hurting.
Dorian: Yes, they can. I'll dream about my mother. I'd rather be in pain.
David: Okay, it's your choice.
Dorian: Thank you. How's Dylan?
David: He's fine but I'm not allowed to call anymore.
Dorian: Why not?
David: Because I've called too many times and if I call again, unless you are dying, Cassie is going to do some horrible things to my anatomy.
Dorian: Well, we definitely don't want that.
David: I'm very proud of you.
Dorian: It's no big deal. Viki would do the same for me.
David: When did you become so modest?
Dorian: I think it must the drugs talking. I assure you, once I'm fully functional again, I will be singing my praises to everyone who will listen.
David: That's my girl.
Dorian: I want to go back to sleep now. You'll be here when I wake up?
David: Of course. I love you.
Dorian (sleepily): Love you, too.
Dorian: It's almost time for me to go to the hospital. I want to go over everything one more time.
Cassie: You've told me everything at least twenty times.
Dorian: I'm going to tell you one more. I'll be in the hospital at least four days. I need to know that Dylan will be okay.
Cassie: He'll be fine, Mother. I do know how to take care of a baby. And I'll bring him to see you every day.
Dorian: I know. I just hate to leave him. There's plenty of milk in the freezer. The instructions on how to thaw it out are on the refrigerator. And don't forget, you can't heat up breast milk in the microwave.
Cassie: I know.
Dorian: I'll be on pain meds for the first couple of days so I won't be able to feed him at all. But after that I should be able to nurse him when you bring him to the hospital.
Cassie: He takes the bottle pretty well and you've pumped him enough milk to last a month. He'll be fine.
Dorian: I know. You and Adriana and Blair and Starr will take good care of him.
David: Dorian, it's time to go.
Dorian: Okay. (She gently hands Dylan to Cassie.) Bye, baby.
Cassie: Do you want me to bring him up tonight?
Dorian: No, I won't be able to nurse him and I think seeing me will just make it worse for him. Wait until tomorrow morning after he's had a good night's sleep.
Cassie: Okay.
David: Dorian, are you coming or not?
Dorian: I'm coming. I'll see you tomorrow.
Cassie: Bye.
At the hospital. Dorian and Viki are in adjacent beds.
Dorian: Well, this is it.
Viki: You still have time to change your mind.
Dorian: I'm not going to change my mind.
Viki: Are you nervous?
Dorian: A little.
Viki: I was when I did it for Megan. It's not that bad. Just a little pain. Okay, that's a lie. It was big pain but it only lasted a couple of days.
Dorian: It's not the operation I'm worried about. I just left Cassie alone with my baby and she has no idea what she's in for.
Viki: What do you mean?
Dorian: The only way to get him to sleep at night is to nurse him. A bottle doesn't cut it. David has tried. I didn't tell Cassie that.
Viki: You didn't warn her?
Dorian: I was afraid it would become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Maybe if she doesn't know, she won't have that problem. Besides, there's nothing I can do about it.
Joey (opens the door): Hello, ladies. David said you two wanted to see me.
Viki: Hi, honey. We were talking and we decided that we wanted you to pray with us before the surgery.
Joey: Sure, anything in particular or just the surgery overall?
Dorian: Just the surgery overall. And maybe that we will have patience when our kids hover around us after we get home and nag us about not overdoing it.
Joey: No fair. I can't guarantee a miracle.
Dorian: Are you implying that I'm not patient?
Joey: I'm implying no such thing. I'm coming right out and saying it. Not that I'm complaining. That can come in handy in certain circumstances.
(He playfully leers at Dorian.)
Viki: Excuse me, I'm still here.
Joey: Just kidding, Mom. (He secretly winks at Dorian and we know he is not.) Okay, Andrew's leading the praying out there so I will lead it in here.
Dorian: Our families are praying?
Joey: Yes.
Dorian: Together?
Joey: Why not? They're practically intertwined. Kevin is married to Kelly. Todd and Blair are whatever it is Todd and Blair are. Paul and Natalie are dating. Starr and Jack are both.
Dorian: Oh my God.
Viki: What?
Dorian: I just realized if River and Adriana have a baby me and Cassie will be grandmothers to the same baby. We are candidates for Jerry Springer.
Viki: Maybe I could come on with you and tell them how you slept with my father and my son.
Dorian (angrily): And I can tell them how your alters locked me in a little room, burned down your house with your daughter in it, and pushed your husband out of a window and then framed the daughter you didn't remember having for doing it. The second daughter you didn't remember.
Viki (angrily): And we can mention that you have two daughters that you remember having but still didn't raise.
Joey: Ladies, I thought we were bonding here. You've had a truce for months. You are about to share internal organs. What's going on?
Viki: I'm sorry. I was just teasing with that comment about my father and Joey. I didn't mean to upset you.
Dorian: I'm sorry too. My hormones are still crazy from having Dylan and I tend to overreact to things.
Joey: So are we ready to pray?
Viki and Dorian: Yes.
Joey: Heavenly father, please be with my mom and with Dorian during this surgery. Please keep them safe and let it be successful. You have combined our two families in so many ways and we need the two matriarchs to stay strong and be with us for a long time. Please be with their doctors as they operate and give our families strength to deal with it all. In Jesus name, Amen.
Dorian and Viki: Amen.
Later in the waiting room.
David: What is taking so long?
Blair: It's only been two hours. The surgery takes three to five. I'm sure they're fine.
Starr: Do you want me to tell you exactly what they are doing?
Todd: How do you know?
Starr: Aunt Dorian told me. Since she used to be a doctor she's knows all kinds of cool, gross things. She told me how they do a sex change operation. You want to hear what they do to a man's penis when they make him into a woman?
Todd and David (quickly): No.
Blair: Starr, why don't we make a trip to the snack machine?
Starr and Blair leave.
Todd: So, Jack tells me that you are really good at Candy Land.
David: I'm sorry. Are we friends?
Todd: No, we are not. But since you are going to be part of my kids' lives we should at least try to get along.
David: You threw me in a Moroccan prison.
Todd: I killed Carlos.
David: Okay, I'll tell you what. As long as you are good to my family and that includes all Cramers, I will tolerate you. And I won't talk bad about you to your kids. But that's all I can guarantee.
Todd: Fair enough. In return, I won't talk bad about you and Dorian to Starr and Jack
David: Deal.
Kevin: Are you two playing nice?
David: We are on our best behavior.
Todd: We are best buds. Excuse me.
Kevin: How's Dylan?
David: How would I know?
Kevin: You've called to check on him five times in the last two hours.
David: I was calling to give Cassie updates on the surgery. (pauses) Dylan is fine.
Adriana: David, River and I are going to the cafeteria. Do you want something?
David: I would like some soupy jello.
River: You don't have to be sarcastic. She was just trying to be considerate.
David: Who's being sarcastic? I like soupy jello. I want either red or green.
River: Oh, sorry. We'll bring you some.
David: Thank you. (to Kevin) Isn't he a great kid?
Kevin: So you live with two teenagers, a tween, a toddler, an infant, and three Cramer women. How do you do it?
David: I think the time I spent in that Moroccan prison helped prepare me for it. You think you're great because you had three Cramer women at different times? I've had to deal with three at once. It can get ugly, especially if Cassie is involved.
Kevin: What's that mean?
David: Cassie doesn't appreciate Dorian the way the rest of the family does.
Kevin: Cassie loves her mother.
David: Yes, she does. But she doesn't understand her. But that's her loss.
Kevin: What's to understand? Dorian interferes too much in Cassie's life.
Joey (interrupting): Did it ever occur to you that she does that because she never had anyone to take care of her so she overcompensates with her own kids by being too involved in their lives.
Kevin: Are you still in love with her?
Joey: No, but I still love her.
Natalie: Boys, stop fighting. Dorian is giving our mother a kidney. To do that she has to be away from her baby for four days. Now isn't the time to be talking bad about her, Kevin.
Kevin: You're right. I'm sorry.
Later that day. The surgery is over. Dorian is in her room asleep. David is sitting beside her.
Dorian (groaning): Ohh, that hurts.
David: Hi, sleepy head.
Dorian: Hi, did it go okay?
David: Everything went great.
Dorian: Viki's okay?
David: Yes, how are you feeling?
Dorian: I hurt.
David: They can give you more medicine.
Dorian: No, I'd rather not.
David: Why be in pain if you don't have too?
Dorian: If I take too much I'll have bad dreams.
David: They can't be any worse than hurting.
Dorian: Yes, they can. I'll dream about my mother. I'd rather be in pain.
David: Okay, it's your choice.
Dorian: Thank you. How's Dylan?
David: He's fine but I'm not allowed to call anymore.
Dorian: Why not?
David: Because I've called too many times and if I call again, unless you are dying, Cassie is going to do some horrible things to my anatomy.
Dorian: Well, we definitely don't want that.
David: I'm very proud of you.
Dorian: It's no big deal. Viki would do the same for me.
David: When did you become so modest?
Dorian: I think it must the drugs talking. I assure you, once I'm fully functional again, I will be singing my praises to everyone who will listen.
David: That's my girl.
Dorian: I want to go back to sleep now. You'll be here when I wake up?
David: Of course. I love you.
Dorian (sleepily): Love you, too.