274 Days
By Tres Mechante

Disclaimer and Author's Note in Part 1

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Part 2 – Confrontation



"Eames..."

"I really don't want to do this, Bobby."

"I know."

Silence resumed. Bobby got up and refilled their cups, settling down on the couch once more, this time closer to Alex.

"I remember you telling me that you...had to see someone to-to become a...surrogate," began Bobby. "What about...follow up?"

Here we go, she thought. "I had a couple of counseling sessions after the baby was born. And before you go there – I've been declared mentally balanced and emotionally stable," she said, prompting a small grin from Bobby.

"Eames," he chided her.

"Goren," she mimicked. "You're treading thin ice here, Bobby. Don't try to play me. One, it won't work and two, it'll really piss me off."

His fingers began tracing intricate patterns on the arm of the sofa. His expressive dark eyes shifted around the room, looking everywhere but at Alex. Occasionally his tongue peeked out, running over his bottom lip as he began to speak, then stopped. The pattern repeated itself several times: fingers, eyes, tongue, halted speech. As the pattern began yet again, she reached over and pressed her hand atop the dancing fingers, pushing them into the fabric to stop their restless movement.

Bobby's eyes flew to hers. He was perfectly still for all of a heartbeat and then the questions just poured out in a torrent. "Why are you avoiding your family? I heard you tell your mom you couldn't go to dinner on Mother's Day. You always visit on Mother's Day. Why won't you take your sister's calls? She keeps leaving messages and you never get back to her – at least not that I know of. Are you sorry you had the baby? Did they do something to upset you? When's the last time you actually visited them?" Finally he ran out of breath.

Alex was stunned. First that he got all that out without hesitation, stuttering or seeming to take a breath. Second that as careful as she had been, Bobby had still seen through her – totally. She let go of his hand and sat back in her chair.

"Like I said, Bobby, you wouldn't understand." She ran fingers through her hair, letting her hands rest on the back of her neck. "Hell, I'm not even sure I understand," she said getting up from the chair.

Bobby sat perfectly still on the sofa with his eyes fixed on Alex as she moved around the room. She restlessly paced back and forth, speech hesitant and hands gesturing as though to shape vague thoughts and emotions into coherent words and sentences. It was a perfect reversal of their usual roles, but they were too preoccupied to recognize or appreciate it.

She felt as though a dam had burst – God she hated that particular cliché. Words tumbled out – sometimes coherent and sometimes as fragments of thought as she tried to verbalize everything that had been burning inside her. Finally, however, she stopped pacing and the flood of words slowed to a trickle. "I don't...regret having the baby for-for Pippa," she concluded quietly. "God, they're so happy."

She stood by the window, as still as the shadows on the wall, arms crossed protectively around her body. The silence stretched and lengthened until she huffed out an embarrassed laugh. "I don't know where all that came from," Alex whispered, unaware that Bobby had moved to stand behind her.

"It's just that...I..." her voice trailed off. Taking a deep breath she tried again. "I carried her inside me, part of me. I just didn't know how much she was part of me until she was gone." Alex's voice took on a far-away quality. "There would be days and weeks when I didn't really think about the baby – not as a person. Not consciously, anyway. Then I'd have a really bad day, and I'd be in bed...not able to sleep...and I'd just rub my belly...a-and there'd be these little...flutters, movements. It was like she was trying to calm me down, letting me know I wasn't alone."

There was no quiver in her voice, nothing to indicate emotion of any kind, except the tears glistening in her eyes and cascading gently in a silver path down her cheeks. "I didn't realize how much I relied on that until a couple of weeks ago. It was the day from hell and I went to...to touch where she lay, to be comforted, except she wasn't there." Alex continued to stare out the window. "I don't think I've ever felt so alone – or empty. I had this...this person so intimately a part of me, but now..."

She continued in a voice barely above a whisper. "Do you have any idea what it's like to be to be so...connected someone that her presence alone is enough to calm you? Can you even conceive how devastating it is to have that person suddenly disappear? I didn't even get to say goodbye." Suddenly taking a deep breath, she laughed a bit. "Jesus, that sounds a little self- centered."

Gentle hands rested on her shoulders. Alex could feel the heat from Bobby's body radiating behind her. "Thank you," his voice rumbled softly in her ear. "For trusting me." He lightly squeezed her shoulders and turned her to face him. "But you were-are...wrong. I do understand, at-at least in part."

At her skeptical look, he shrugged self-consciously. "I was...lost when y-you were gone," was all he could say, caught up in that memory. Then, with a small grin, he asked, "Would I be...out of line if I suggested a-a hug?"

That surprised a laugh from Alex. "Bobby, I'm a big girl. I don't need to be hugged to feel better."

"I meant for me, not you" he replied. "Alex?"

She looked up into his soft brown eyes and little boy grin and sighed. Damn the man, she thought, and wrapped her arms around him. They stood together, wrapped up in each other, giving and taking comfort. Suddenly, Alex pulled away and said, "Knock it off, Goren. I can feel you over-analyzing and over- thinking about this." He merely grinned and pulled her close again, resting his cheek against the top of her head. Even as he was reassured at how well she could read him, he tried to think a little quieter.

- continued in part three -