Disclaimer: Don't own it; just borrowing it; no money being made here.
A/N: Much gratitude goes out to all of you who reviewed. Big kiss and hug to each of you! I know this chapter is a little short, but it is where I have to make a break in the story.
November 10, 2002
Hello old friend! Dear Dairy, it has been so long since I have shared my feelings with you! So much has happened to me over the last four years, I don't know where to begin.
I read your pages and so many memories came flooding back, good and bad alike. I wonder what it was that made me start keeping a journal? Perhaps it was my move to England that got things rolling. I was so unsure of myself in those days, I guess I needed to find a way to voice my insecurities. Dear Diary, you sure fit the bill! You quickly became my closest friend (at the beginning, my only friend I should say). Leaving Canada at the tender age of 17 was a huge step for me but I felt that there was no reason to stay once both Mum and Dad were gone. I needed something different in my life, a challenge.
When I left home, the last thing I thought I would ever become was a teacher. Here I remain to this day, Herbology Professor at Hogwarts. This was the challenge I was looking for and I am happy to say that I think I met it quite well. A chance that I took on a whim has turned into a very rewarding career. I love being a teacher. It is truly amazing to see the children blossoming under the tutelage they receive here at Hogwarts.
In your pages I re-live my life anew – my first jobs as a gardener, my years with the Wilburns, Trevor. I described him as a wanker. Good choice of a word – it describes him perfectly. I ran into him 2 years ago. He did nothing to make me change my assessment of him. What did I ever see in him? Oh well, dear Diary, I chalk it up to youthful inexperience.
It was quite difficult to read about my feelings for Harry. I see how my love for him developed over the months. Little by little as I devour your pages I see an infatuation turn into lust and then into love. I knew the feelings I had for him were wrong but I was unable (unwilling?) to stop. I never realized how truly depressed I was during that time I was waiting for Harry. I knew I was sad, but it is only now that I see how low I had really sunk. It was such a horrible time for me. I don't know how I survived it, but some how I did. I made it through the darkest time of my life. Love is such a powerful emotion. It can take you so high and the next minute, so low. I think there is a Muggle device – what do they call it now – oh, yes, a rollercoaster – that is a good analogy for love. Up and down, thrilling and scary all at the same time. I have seen pictures of them, but I never had the chance to ride one. I will have to give it a try one day, if I can get my husband to come with me.
Yes, dear Diary, you see correctly. I am married and have been happily so since June 21, 2001. My husband came to Hogwarts in September of 2000 to become our new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. The rest, as they say, is history. We have a wonderful life here and we are extremely happy.
It was so amazing to read about the night Harry and I spent in the Room of Requirement. The images are so alive, so real. I can close my eyes and it is as if it happened yesterday. I am so turned on! It is a shame that my husband has gone shopping in Diagon Alley for the day. I think he'll have a nice surprise waiting for him when he returns. I can't wait to shag him silly! A thought just occurred to me – perhaps I shall let him read my diary. I think I know what effect it will have on him. I am in store for a long night. Yes, I am definitely going to let him read it.
I do suppose, dear Diary, that you would like to know the reason for my sudden return to your pages? You see, I am packing our belongings and came across you at the bottom of my dresser drawer. I do hope you can forgive me for ignoring you for so, so long. I am packing not because we are leaving Hogwarts, but because we are moving into our own little house on the school grounds. The reason for the move? That is the best part – I am four months pregnant with our first child. Isn't that astounding? Albus suggested that it would be better if we had our own place instead of staying in the teachers' quarters. He said it would be more private. Isn't that wonderful of him to come up with the idea? He is such an amazing man. Naturally, we jumped at the chance. We are going to transport all of our stuff down tomorrow. I thought I would take this opportunity to get rid of a lot of things that we don't need. It is amazing how much junk you accumulate over the years. Don't worry; I'll never throw you out. You are too much a part of my life.
Something else happened today, something that I can't wait to share with my husband. I went to see Poppy for my usual check-up. Everything is right on schedule, which is a great relief. I know everything is ok, but I can't help worrying just a little, this being my first pregnancy and all. Poppy asked me if I wanted to know the sex of the baby. I had always said that I would wait until the birth to find out, but I found myself saying to her that yes, I wanted to know. Dear Diary, it is a boy. We are going to have a son! I just cried when I found out. I am so happy, I can't even begin to tell you. I know he is going to be thrilled too. He said he didn't care if it is a boy or a girl, but I know deep down inside he wants a son very much. It is natural, isn't it? Every man wants a son to carry on the family name, to show him everything a man needs to know. If our son turns out to be a fraction of the man his father is, he is going to be an astounding person. I am praying that he will be healthy and happy, that is what is important. But there is one thing I am praying for, for me; something that will make everything perfect. I want our son to have his father's deep emerald eyes.