Disclaimer: Yami no Matsuei belongs to Matsushita-sensei.
FULL MOON
Hisoka
No matter what he would do.
No matter what I could do.
It still haunts me.
I wonder if I'm the only one who's that fragile. Maybe others, who faced a tragedy which had changed their lives, could bear that and live on without turning back. Sometimes they would gaze into the past and leave it with a bitter smile, once and for all.
But I just can't. I almost don't show Tsuzuki because I'm aware of how much pain it would cause him. He does a lot to help me with my nightmares and he's always there for me, no matter what happens.
I pretend his love heals me much more than it actually does. I don't want to see him hurt, and for sure not because of my own problems or irresponsibility in showing what should not be shown. If he would realize the regret that lies in me, he'd want to soothe it badly. But he would not be able to.
I don't know myself what can do it. Maybe it's just meant to be this way. Maybe I wasn't just the wrong person in the wrong place on that day.
Tsuzuki, whom I cherish.
Muraki, whom I hate.
I wonder why I think about him as frequently as I do the other one?
I should have more place for Tsuzuki in my mind, but it seems that each one has half of my attention. It is not fair, but I can't help it. I would happily stop thinking about that man, however, the moments when beautiful amethyst eyes are replaced by silver ones are more often than I would want to. Even the most wonderful dreams can turn into nightmares when this replacement takes place.
How can I ever stop that? Even if Muraki would die by chance, the past remains. There is no way to change it, no matter how badly I'd long for that.
That's why there is no redemption. The paradise will always be beyond my reaching hands as long as I have remembrances.
Causing an amnesia, somehow, isn't such a bad idea though. No memories, a new life. Without some experiences, there would be a chance to learn everything again, in a different way.
But Muraki could come and make me remember once again. So the story would make a circle and nothing would change.
Maybe there is no possibility for a change. Everlasting hide-and-seek played all over with myself. Running away from my own mind. The worst escape of all, since there is no place you could hide in.
I guess I just have to cage it somewhere in my heart and try to be happy.
By loving Tsuzuki, everything started to appear better. Living in that illusion might be good, as long as shields of affected strength, of any force at all would not crack.
If it happens... well, for everything there is an ending.
Perhaps our story can't have a happy one.
Today is a full moon... It's so beautiful... maybe that's why I hate it so?
Wah, it' so short! But I decided you all will get bored if it would be much longer. Angst is good but not too much for once. And there still is chapter 2, about Tsuzuki Please review!
FULL MOON
Hisoka
No matter what he would do.
No matter what I could do.
It still haunts me.
I wonder if I'm the only one who's that fragile. Maybe others, who faced a tragedy which had changed their lives, could bear that and live on without turning back. Sometimes they would gaze into the past and leave it with a bitter smile, once and for all.
But I just can't. I almost don't show Tsuzuki because I'm aware of how much pain it would cause him. He does a lot to help me with my nightmares and he's always there for me, no matter what happens.
I pretend his love heals me much more than it actually does. I don't want to see him hurt, and for sure not because of my own problems or irresponsibility in showing what should not be shown. If he would realize the regret that lies in me, he'd want to soothe it badly. But he would not be able to.
I don't know myself what can do it. Maybe it's just meant to be this way. Maybe I wasn't just the wrong person in the wrong place on that day.
Tsuzuki, whom I cherish.
Muraki, whom I hate.
I wonder why I think about him as frequently as I do the other one?
I should have more place for Tsuzuki in my mind, but it seems that each one has half of my attention. It is not fair, but I can't help it. I would happily stop thinking about that man, however, the moments when beautiful amethyst eyes are replaced by silver ones are more often than I would want to. Even the most wonderful dreams can turn into nightmares when this replacement takes place.
How can I ever stop that? Even if Muraki would die by chance, the past remains. There is no way to change it, no matter how badly I'd long for that.
That's why there is no redemption. The paradise will always be beyond my reaching hands as long as I have remembrances.
Causing an amnesia, somehow, isn't such a bad idea though. No memories, a new life. Without some experiences, there would be a chance to learn everything again, in a different way.
But Muraki could come and make me remember once again. So the story would make a circle and nothing would change.
Maybe there is no possibility for a change. Everlasting hide-and-seek played all over with myself. Running away from my own mind. The worst escape of all, since there is no place you could hide in.
I guess I just have to cage it somewhere in my heart and try to be happy.
By loving Tsuzuki, everything started to appear better. Living in that illusion might be good, as long as shields of affected strength, of any force at all would not crack.
If it happens... well, for everything there is an ending.
Perhaps our story can't have a happy one.
Today is a full moon... It's so beautiful... maybe that's why I hate it so?
Wah, it' so short! But I decided you all will get bored if it would be much longer. Angst is good but not too much for once. And there still is chapter 2, about Tsuzuki Please review!