Scene One:
SCENE OPENS ON DOROTHY AS SHE IS SITTING ON THE FRONT PORCH OF HER FAMILY'S FARM. WILD STORM CLOUDS ARE ROLLING IN (provided by Hiten and Manten, the thunder brothers). HER FAITHFUL PET TOTO IS SITTING BY HER SIDE.
Inuyasha: PET!! What the hell!!
Kagome: I tried to warn you that Toto wasn't the part you thought it was.
Inuyasha: I'm gonna kill that wimpy wolf next time I see him.
AUNTIE EMM (a.k.a. Mama) AND UNCLE HENRY (a.k.a. Grandpa) COME OUT ONTO THE PORCH
Mama: Dorothy, dear, that disgusting woman has been by again complaining about the dog.
Inuyasha: Kikyo? Where??
Kagome: Osuwari! Now get into character.
Inuyasha: (muffled) ruff, ruff...
Grandpa: Looks well trained to me. (sweatdrop)
Kagome: (dramatically) He did nothing Auntie. Toto's been a good boy.
Hiten and Manten: Can we skip to the tornado yet? This is getting old.
Kagome: (under her breath) Scene crashers.
AUNTIE EMM AND UNCLE HENRY MIRACULOUSLY DISAPPEAR AND A WIND FUNNEL COMES AND PICKS UP THE HOUSE, DOROTHY, TOTO, AND ALL. DOROTHY AND TOTO HANG ONTO THE ROOF AND SCREAM AS THE HOUSE RISES INTO THE AIR AND THEN CRASHES TO THE GROUND
Inuyasha: (shaking fist at the sky) Couldn't you have waited until we were in the house?! #$%!! $&#!
Kagome: ... I don't think we're in Kansas anymore.
Inuyasha: What's a cans-ass??
Kagome: It's not cans-ass. It's... oh forget it. We're not home anymore. Where the heck are the munchkins?
ASSORTED YOUKAI ASSEMBLE
Youkai: Here!
KAGOME AND INUYASHA FALL OFF THE ROOF IN SHOCK. INUYASHA SEES KIKYO'S FEET STICKING OUT FROM UNDER THE HOUSE
Inuyasha: (squeaks) Kikyo... and passes out
Kagome: (poking Kikyo's feet) How can you tell? Oh, wait. Let me guess. Her feet are prettier.
Kikyo: What are you complaining about? I'm the one with the house on her head.
Shippo: (popping out suddenly) As mayor of the Munchkin City (bursts into song) In the city of the Land of Oz, I welcome you most gleefully...
Inuyasha: (recovered) Oi! Knock that off.
Shippo: throwing a tantrum It's the only part I have! Give me a break!
Inuyasha: When do I get to kill something?
Authors: (sweatdropping) Moving on...
ERI, AYUMI, YUKA APPEAR IN TUTU'S
Eri: (looking at the youkai) What are all these things.
Ayumi: (blank stare) ....
Yuka: Costume party!
Authors: Just sing...
The Girls: (prancing around and singing) We represent the Lullaby Muse, the Lullaby Muse, the Lullaby Muse...
Inuyasha: (to Kagome) You didn't tell me this was a freakin musical...
Kagome: Hush. Next!
JAKEN, RIN, AND KOHAKU COME IN WEARING KNICKERBOCKERS AND STRIPPED LEIDERHOSEN
Jaken: (picking at his clothing while whining) Why... Sesshoumaru-sama, what did I do to deserve this?
Susshoumaru: (from off camera) It's worth it to see my brother playing the lapdog.
Rin: (way too genki) Play along Jaken-sama. It will be fun.
Kohaku: (blank stare) ...
Kagome: (to Inuyasha) His Shikon shard must be working.
Rin, Jaken, Kohaku: We represent the Lollipop Guild, the Lollipop Guil....
Inuyasha: ENOUGH ALREADY!!!
NARAKU APPEARS IN A CLOUD OF MIASMA, WEARING A BLACK DRESS AND POINTED HAT, HIS SKIN PAINTED GREEN. OFF CAMERA SESSHOUMARU CRACKS A GRIN.
Sesshoumaru: Definitely worth it.
AUTHORS GRIN, NARAKU GLOWERS, INUYASHA AND VARIOUS YOUKAI ROLL ON THE GROUND LAUGHING. SUDDENLY A PINK BUBBLE FLOATS OVERHEAD. IT POPS TEN FEET ABOVE THE GROUND REVEALING KAEDE WHO IS FLAPPING HER ARMS WILDLY IN AN ATTEMPT TO STAY AIRBORNE. IT FAILS AND SHE GOES RACING EARTHWARD WITH HER PINK CHIFFON SKIRT AROUND HER HEAD AND HER MIKO PANTS FLAPPING IN THE BREEZE. SHE LAND UNCEREMONIOUSLY ON INUYASHA.
Naraku: (to Kaede) You missed your cue.
Kaede: (finding her way out of the skirt) Art thou being a smart ass?
AngelAsh: Enough with the Biblical already. This is Oz not Babylon! And you're Glenda. FOCUS!
Kaede: (mutters under breath)
Kagome: (overly cheerful) Well, now that we're here...
GENDA GIVES SLIPPERS TO DOROTHY
Naraku: (deep sigh and in a monotone) Give me the slippers.
Kagome: (dramatically) I can't. They're stuck to my feet.
Inuyasha: (helpfully) I can get them off.
TOTO STARTS WRESTLING DOROTHY IN AN ATTEMPT TO REMOVE THE RUBY SLIPPERS
Kagome: OSUWARIIIIIIII!!! Osuwari, Osuwari, Osuwari, Osuwari, Osuwari, Osuwari!
THE TINMAN, (er, woman) SCARECROW, AND LION WALK IN
Kouga: Are you coming yet? We're getting bored.
Sango: (looks at her brother) Kohaku, what are you wearing?
Kohaku: (deadpan) Leiderhosen. (looks at Naraku) Bastard...
Naraku: (scowls) It wasn't my idea.
Authors: (grin maniacally)
Miroku: (chipper as ever) Is that Kikyo-sama?
Kikyo: ...
Kagome: I guess her pretty feet don't shrivel either.
Kikyo: Bite me reincarnation girl.
INUYASHA HOLDS KAGOME BACK AS SHE TRIES TO POUND THE DEAD MIKO
Authors: Let us move on...
DOROTHY, TOTO, THE TINMAN, (er, woman), LION, AND SCARECROW ARE WALKING DOWN THE YELLOW BRICK ROAD. DOROTHY AND THE SCARECROW ARE THE ONLY ONES SKIPPING AND SINGING
Sango: They're so embarrassing.
Kouga: (with a lusty sigh) Yes, but when Kagome jumps that high you can see up her...
THE LION GETS ATTACKED BY TOTO
Inuyasya: You hentai wolf! Stop ogling her!
Miroku: (stops skipping and looks around) There's a woman to ogle?
Inuyasha: You're skipping next to her, baka.
Miroku: (deep sigh) If I only had a brain...
SANGO, INUYASHA, AND KOUGA ROLL THEIR EYES
Kagome: (sweetly) We'll ask the Wizard what he can do.
Sango: Slips right back into the roll doesn't she?
Kagome: He may not be able to do much for your heart though...
TOTO AND THE LION HOLD THE TINMAN (er, woman) BACK. FIELD OF FLOWERS SUDDENLY SPRING UP AROUND THEM ALL, STARTLING THEM INTO SILENCE.
Mioku: Whoa, what are these?
Inuyasha: STINK WEEDS!!!
Kouga: (holding nose and giving Inuyasha a evil glare) Couldn't you hold it in, dog turd?
Inuyasha; Why you.....
TOTO AND THE LION HIT THE FLOOR AND START WAILING ON EACH OTHER YET AGAIN. NARAKU'S GIANT FACE APPEARS ABOVE THEM SUDDENLY
Naraku: (looks at the two with an odd expression and clears his throat) Is there something we should know about the two of you?
Inuyasha and Kouga: SHUT THE %! UP!!!! (Spring apart from each other and sit, scowling with their backs to each other)
Naraku: (shakes head) Whatever. Just go to sleep already.
EVERYONE LOOKS AT EACH OTHER, THEN DROPS TO THE GROUND AND A LOUD CHORUS OF FAKE SNORING CAN BE HEARD. NARAKU GIVES THE AUTHORS A DEATH GLARE AGAIN, THEN DISAPPEARS
Inuyasha: (peeks with one eye) Oi, Kagome.....
Kagome: (opens one eye mid snore) Nani?
Inuyasha: When the hell do we get to see the Wizard?
CONFETTI STARTS TO FALL FROM THE SKY
Kagome: (confused) Where's the snow? And where's Glenda?
Authors: She's fighting with her skirt again. And sorry bout the confetti. We're on a budget. Couldn't afford a snow machine....
EVERYONE LOOKS UP AND SEE'S HACHI FLOATING ABOVE THEM, DROPPING THE PAPER
Hachi: Miroku-no-danna! I'm here to take you to Oz!
Miroku: Thank the gods!
Sango: Lets get this over with already.
Inuyasha: It's only a few feet away....Looks awfully flat too....
Kagome: SHHHH! It's a matte painting!
Inuyasha: (blank stare) I have no idea what you just said....
Kagome: Oh, forget it!!!!