Notes:
Once again, I am blown away by the positive reviews! Thanks so much!! :o*
There does seem to be some confusion over characters, so I thought I would just
take this time to explain a little. Not all of the characters in this
story are LOTR based… there are some who are original, as is this is a
future/au fic. Those who are characters from the books I've tried to make
as obvious as possible (i.e. similar sounding names, features, personality,
etc.) I don't think there is need for a character guide, necessarily.
I like to leave things to the readers' imaginations. It's always
interesting to hear what you've come up with. But, please, anyone is more
than welcome to email me with questions, comments, or ideas! I love to
hear what you all think :o) ( xSwitch625x@aol.com )
Thanks so much! Happy
Holidays to you all and enjoy!
..::Promises::..
by Hayla
~o
IV o~
Fred and Merion took a seat at the bar, and Merion promptly banged his head on the
countertop.
"I'm such an asshole," he muttered dejectedly.
"There, there, cousin," Fred quipped, patting him softly on the back. There
was a ghost of a smirk on his face, despite his efforts to conceal his amusement
of the present situation. Fred signaled the bartender. "Two
double scotch on the rocks, please."
Merion let out a long, heavy sigh and slowly sat up. "Really… a fucking…
asshole…"
Fred took the drinks as they came and pushed the closest one to Merion.
"Merry," he laughed lightly. "Really… flowers?!"
Merion felt his mood lighten, even if it was in the slightest. He brought the
brandy glass up to his lips and downed a small sip, letting the liquor burn down
his throat and spread faint warmth through his chest. "I know.
It's silly."
"A bit queer, yes," Fred answered, then turned his tone to just a hint of more
seriousness. "Just tell me, really. What was wrong with
her?"
There
was a pause, and Merion became reluctant. He knew he would be asking for
it if he told the truth, but Fred had asked. Good, caring Fred… Merion
was never able to resist him in the end. He might as well get it over with
now and save himself the inquisition.
"I
had the dream again last night," he confessed quietly. The blond
quickly took another swig of the alcohol and fixated his eyes elsewhere,
carefully avoiding the stare of his friend.
Fred
stopped mid sip and made a soft ah sound as if that one small sentenced
explained so much. He said no more, however, and simply waited for Merion
to continue. He had thought that might have been the reason why his cousin
was blowing off girl after girl. He had hoped that Merion would have
gotten over all of that dream nonsense by now.
The
silence spread between the two, and Fred shifted in his seat. He couldn't
believe Merion was actually trying to ignore the topic now. It was unlike
him. So, with a frustrated sigh, he finally asked the ever-impending
question. "And?"
"And…" Merion looked to his cousin, his friend… his
confidant. He had told him just
about everything in his dreams. Almost
everything. He never did bother to
explain to Fred that this person he kept dreaming about wasn't a woman at all.
He had always danced around the issue, played the pronoun game…
whatever it took. He himself was
actually uncertain on what it all meant. But,
the dreams were getting more and more explicit… vivid.
He was sick of hiding it all and trying to play it off as nothing, when
now more than ever, he knew it was something.
"And I woke up again. I
dreamt about… about this person, and I knew this person like I know
you, Fred… more so, actually. And
then I woke up."
This curt answer didn't quite sit well with Fred.
He sensed that there was more to it this time.
"Listen, Merion Brandybuck," Fred began slightly condescendingly.
"Having the girl of your dreams is one thing.
Actually trying to find the girl in your dreams is a
completely different story! You
have to wake up. Now, I've never
been one to tell you what to do, and God knows you've always been so
headstrong and stubborn… but Sarah and I are worried about you.
I mean, really Merry… when's the last time you've seen sun!
You look ghastly!"
Merion snickered. "I think
it was two weeks ago, last Thursday."
Fred smiled. "We're just
worried about you, that's all. We
want you to be happy, and lately you don't seem to be."
Fred's attempts to help Merion were truly genial, and they were usually
well received. He meant well, but
Merion just couldn't dance around the obvious truth anymore.
Fred had to know everything about the dreams he was having.
If nothing else, it was a way to finally get his cousin off his back.
"It's not a woman, you know."
Fred blinked and swung his stool to face Merion.
He wasn't quite sure he had heard what Merion had said properly, but
there was a prickling feeling going up his neck.
"What?"
"The person… the one in my dreams… the one that, well, you know...
It wasn't a woman. I
think. I mean, well… I know.
It was a man." Merion tilted away from his cousin's stare, faltering.
That wasn't exactly how he wanted it to come out.
He sounded too insecure, though in his heart he knew the truth.
"And I loved him," he finished, his words barely audible over the
murmurs of the other patrons.
Fred couldn't help but sit there slack jawed.
He couldn't exactly get his brain to function properly at that moment.
"You're… you're… uh…"
"No, Fred," he said with a small, uncomfortable laugh.
He took another sip of scotch for courage.
"I'm not gay or anything. At
least, not that I know of… I mean. Yes,
I have been having rather intimate dreams about another man, but it's not like
I've been with a guy before."
"Do you want to?"
Fred's question was so unexpected that Merion nearly choked on the
drink in his mouth.
"Jesus, what?!"
"Merry," Fred said sternly, swinging his friend around so that they
were level – eye to eye. Nothing
to hide. "What's going on?"
Merion let out a long breath of air and felt heavy inside.
He shook his head slowly. "I
don't know, Fred. These feelings
I have in my dreams – they're so real.
Sometimes, when I wake up, it hurts.
It just hurts so badly. It's
like I've been spending a lifetime away from something so precious… so
dear."
"And…" Even Fred was unsure of where he wanted to take this
conversation. But, this new piece
of the puzzle was falling into place. The
only problem was that Fred was even more confused of the overall picture as
ever. This unexpected information
surprised him, to say the least. Hell,
shocked him really. Merion had had
these dreams for as long as he could remember.
There were always little snippets here and there.
They were always so fantastical. But
never once had Merion ever mentioned that this other person he always
spoke about was a man.
Really it didn't make a wit of difference.
Or it shouldn't have, but Fred couldn't fight the flit of anger that
was rising up inside him. Merion
had hidden something from him. Obviously
something that was important to his cousin, and Fred didn't understand why.
It was likely that he was feeling betrayed… and probably even more
confused. But, most of all, Fred
felt hurt. Really hurt.
For that one moment in time, it was as if the person sitting across from
his was a complete stranger.
"They're getting more vivid."
Merion took a deep breath and continued.
"These past few months, they've just taken over.
All I want to do is sleep, and each time I do… I… I almost hope that
I don't have to wake up again."
Merion hadn't even thought about that fact before, and it shocked him
that he just let those words slip out. Lately
he had been spending more and more time alone in his apartment.
There was always a bottle to calm his nerves, and a bed to escape his
reality. It was starting to make
sense, and Merion wasn't sure he liked what it meant.
"You lied to me," Fred finally managed to say, and he turned away
from Merion, no longer able to look at him.
"How?"
"We promised that we would never keep anything from each other."
Merion scrunched his brow in confusion.
"But I haven't."
"Yes you did!" Fred
slammed down his glass in exasperation. "All
this time… you kept telling me she was this and in my dreams her
voice that! Never once did you
tell me it was a he!"
"I never said it was a she!"
Now it was Merion's turn to be angry.
Perhaps it was the alcohol, or the fact that his cousin was taking this
all the wrong way, but his voice was raising and a red flush crossed his cheeks.
"You just assumed I was talking about a woman!"
"You let me assume, Merry."
Fred was taking up his defenses. He
wasn't about to back down. "That's
just as bad as lying."
"I never lied to you! And
I told you to stop calling me Merry!" Merion
turned to face the bar, using it for balance as he got up on shaky legs. "Just say it, the fact that I might be in love with another
man sickens you."
Fred grabbed Merion's arm with a little more force then he intended and
he pulled him around. Both men now
faced each other toe to toe as Fred shot to his feet.
"Bull shit, Merion. It's
a dream! It's a sick little dream that you are deluding yourself
with! You say you're not gay,
fine. Whatever.
I don't give a toss. But
you're living in a fantasy! Would
you just listen to yourself? You
admit that you go home to sleep all day. And
you're saying you're in love with a man.
A man in your dreams??"
"I got to go," Merion spit, not wanting to listen to the rest of
this. An icy block had settled
firmly in his stomach. He knew if
he stayed any longer, acidic words would come pouring out… words that he would
probably regret the rest of his life.
He pulled away from Fred's firm grip.
He shouldn't have told Fred. The
dreams were his anyway… he should never have shared them.
He turned on his heels and headed straight for the coat check.
"Wait, Merr… Merion…" Fred's voice quavered a bit as he just
stood there. "Where are you
going?"
"I need air, it's just gotten stifling in here," he muttered waving
his cousin off. "Tell Sarah and Andrea goodnight."
And with that, he left, never even bothering to look back.
If he had, he would have seen his heartbroken cousin leaning against the
bar with his head in his hands – not that it mattered.
Merion was convinced of the fact that Fred would never understand… and
he hated him for it. He had hoped
for too much too soon. With
bitterness, Merion began brooding in his own thoughts.
There was no one in the world that understood him.
"No one…"
continued,
don't you worry ;o)