"Statistical Anomaly" by A Gentleman of Leisure.
Disclaimer: See Part 1.
Part 8: "Interview With A Vampire Slayer, Pt 1". "What the hell are you going to do with that 'thing', Scully?"
"Dissect it. If I leave it until morning it will probably have rotted away completely".
"It smells as though it's well on the way already. Did you have to unwrap it here in my room?"
"The refrigerator in mine isn't working, Mulder, and I need to examine the specimen as thoroughly as I can before it disintegrates. Did you bring a camera with you?"
"No, sorry. We'll just have to improvise. I think they might have some of those disposable ones for sale at Reception. I'll go and get one, shall I?"
"Yes, but make it several. It's going to be a long session, and then, don't forget, in the morning we have to go and interview those kids and their librarian".
Shaking his head, Mulder wandered off to find the front desk, which was in the owner's house, about fifty yards up the hill from the motel cabins, but Scully couldn't understand why he was laughing quietly to himself when he came back.
"What's so funny, then?" She didn't look up.
"You should have seen the proprietor's face when I said I wanted half a dozen of his disposable cameras at half past one in the morning. I could tell exactly what he was thinking".
There was a loud snort from Scully who had her back to him, bending over the specimen they'd retrieved from the fight in the cemetery - the severed head of a demon - or alien, or whatever it might actually turn out to be.
"We won't exactly be taking the sort of pictures he's thinking of, but it will be an all-nighter", she said. Then after a moment or two she continued, "I actually need some forceps, but I guess I could make do with a pair of pliers. Is there a tool kit in your car?"
Mulder went out without a word and brought back what seemed to be almost the entire contents of the trunk with him, dumped everything in a heap in the corner of the room, and had a good rummage round until he found what Scully wanted.
"You could also help by taking notes for me", she then added.
Without comment Mulder dug in his bag and produced a large yellow legal pad and a shiny new ballpoint to write with.
Scully noticed its glint out of the corner of her eye, looked round, smiled and said "Parker?"
"Yes, M'Lady".
-----
"What's the sitch, Giles? What are we going to tell them?"
"I don't really know, Buffy - preferably as little as possible - they know far too much already. If we aren't careful about what we say, the whole town might end up being flooded with FBI and Special Forces, and all Hell could break loose".
"What, again? Can't say I like that idea, much. At least at the moment we've got things under control here, more or less..."
"...But if they start interfering, well..." Giles shrugged.
"These two have seen so much that they're practically honorary Slayerettes already", Willow observed. "Any more and we'll have to form an official club, and have a president, a membership secretary, and a secret handshake".
"Not even that'll stay secret for long round here, now", Xander muttered to himself.
"God forbid", said Giles, appalled. "Belonging to one secret organisation is more than enough for me. If the Watchers' Council ever find out about last night they'll go... Well, I really don't know quite what they'll do. It's strictly against the Council's Charter to discuss things with anyone who isn't either a Council member, a Watcher or a Slayer. Even the rest of you aren't really supposed to be aware of who Buffy is or what we do, and most especially why".
He sounded and looked worried, repeatedly taking off his glasses and starting to polish them vigorously, then forgetting what he was doing.
"Well, we do know, and there's nothing they can do about it, is there?" Willow said firmly.
"And we help Buffy, watch her back, help out with the slaying and stuff", Xander pointed out. "We've each dusted a few vamps, and dealt with a demon or two, just on our own without the Buffster, like when she's been busy elsewhere, or... you know... away. After all, even the Slayer can't be in two places at once".
"Hey, I help too, don't I?" Cordelia demanded.
"Yes, absolutely, Cordy, even when you are covered in green goo. We rely on you for fashion tips, what today's 'in' style of dagger is, colour co-ordinating, all that sort of thing", Xander said.
"Like what goes with slime green, for instance", Willow added wickedly, and ducked behind Xander, out of her reach.
"Please be serious, all of you", Giles said. "These people could be here any minute, and we haven't even thought about what we say, or don't".
"We'll just have to wait for them to turn up, and see what questions they ask us", Willow said sensibly.
"And for goodness sake..." Giles started to say.
"...Nobody mention the Hellmouth!" everyone else said together.
As if on cue, the library doors swung open with a bang, and a short, angry, self-important, bald little man stood there, looking exactly like a bad-tempered garden gnome who's just had his fishing rod stolen. Behind him were a vaguely embarrassed looking couple, who they recognised immediately.
Principal Snyder marched in like a stunted storm trooper and stamped to a halt in front of the little group.
"Well, well, well. Here's Mr. Giles and friends. Particularly one young friend", he barked. "Miss Summers, you've only been back two weeks and already the FBI wants to talk to you".
-----
"She is merely assisting the FBI with their enquiries", Giles said stiffly, using a very British turn of phrase. Unfortunately it wasn't a particularly good choice of words - in Britain, at least, it is a euphemism for being detained for questioning.
Almost as if he knew that, Principal Snyder's baleful scowl was transformed instantly to a fiendish grin of delight. He was like an alley cat for whom someone had just put down a whole roast chicken smothered in double cream. He looked so pleased with himself that even his back teeth got to see daylight.
"Yes, Principal Snyder. They've come to interview us because they think I may have seen the missing agents they're looking for".
The words came straight out of Buffy's mouth without any intervention from her brain, and it was pure delight (for all of them) to see Snyder's expression suddenly change in a couple of seconds through suspicion, dismay, shock, and confusion to baffled disappointment, as, once again, his hopes of fulfilling his ambition to find an excuse for expelling her suddenly receded into the distance like a land speed record attempt across the Bonneville Salt Flats.
"Thank you for your help, Principal Snyder. We'll take it from here", and Mulder was shaking the confused little man by the hand and ushering him towards the door before he knew what was happening to him.
"He really doesn't like you very much, does he, Fluffy?" said Scully as the doors closed behind him.
"Tell me about it, Agent Skuller", Buffy responded, smiling slightly to herself, absent-mindedly watching the library doors swing gently to and fro, until they finally came to rest.
"I don't think he's liked anybody since his first date gave him the kiss-off in sixth grade", Xander said.
"If he ever even had a f-first date", Willow added.
"In my opinion the man's nothing but a power crazed, masochistic little insect, and an obnoxious little creep", Giles said, coldly furious, "and it is my fervent ambition, one day, to be able to tell him so to his face", and he firmly replaced his glasses.
"Woo-hoo! Go Giles! We're right with you, man!"
-----
"So, you're all quite convinced they're not from other worlds, then?"
They were now sitting at the big table in the middle of the Sunnydale High School library, the two FBI agents across from the Slayerettes.
"We know they're not", Buffy said firmly. "No flying saucers here in Sunnydale I'm afraid, Agent Mouldy".
"So if they're not aliens, what do you believe last night's creatures were?" Mulder said.
"Would you believe in demons?" Willow said diffidently.
"That's what you said last night, isn't it, er... Xander? I'm afraid I'm finding it a little difficult to believe, though".
"You saw them - believe", said Buffy firmly.
"OK then, if they are, where do they come from?"
"Other dimensions", she told him, looking him straight in the eye.
"Or maybe Los Angeles", Xander added.
"Really? So how do they get here? Not by Greyhound, surely?" Scully asked, taking care to keep her expression neutral. "And why here?"
"It's just a rather weird little town", Giles commented noncommittally. He really didn't want to give away anything he didn't absolutely have to.
"Oh yes, Sunnydale is very different", Buffy agreed, with a little smile.
"And how and why? Perhaps because the hills are alive with... the sound of magic?" Willow suggested. "The normal laws of physics obviously do work here, but they're not exclusively in charge".
"Luckily we don't have to deal with a whole lot of these creatures. Not too many of them seem to have found this place yet. Our main problem is vampires", Buffy said.
"Oh, yes", Mulder said, leaning back in his chair and smiling a little condescendingly. "I saw the garlic and crucifixes in the prowl cars when I visited Police Headquarters". He didn't sound either particularly convinced, or dismissive. He sounded, if anything, rather amused by what seemed to him to be merely a quaint, archaic tradition.
"You really don't believe in vampires, do you?" Buffy said.
"Or, in fact, any of this?" Giles added. He clearly felt somewhat offended that such an obviously intelligent man as Fox Mulder could find it so difficult to believe his own eyes, but of course one had to remember that this was quite a common state of affairs in Sunnydale.
"No, I'm afraid not. My own theory is that they're just a sort of mythological construct", Mulder said, "the product of a mixture of devout religiousness and deepest superstition".
"That definition fits the entire history of the Christian Church rather well, don't you think?" Giles pointed out.
"Fair comment, Mr Giles", Mulder replied, nodding, "but I still tend to believe that these stories about the undead walking and talking are probably just a way for people to rationalise their fears of the unknown. Either that, or they may just be a misinterpretation of some other phenomenon, like, for instance, zombieism, which actually does have a sound scientific explanation. They can't possibly be based on reality. The Boogie Man and other childhood creatures of the night like that cannot really exist - whereas we know that alien visitors do. And that they're here".
Scully sat silent while Mulder made his familiar little speech.
She was the one who had been up to her elbows in green gore, dissecting a rapidly disintegrating head severed from a creature of the night, which had finally driven them both out of Mulder's room at three in the morning with its stench. Mulder had spent the rest of the night asleep on the couch in her motel cabin, while she slept on the bed.
She had also not forgotten the previous evening's expedition to the cemetery, and looking up to see a spear suddenly poke out of the chest of the very real creature that had been about to finish her off with a very real and sharp sword!
"Have you actually seen these aliens for yourselves?" Giles asked, genuinely interested, and Mulder nodded again slightly. "You see, from our perspective, they are the things that don't exist, whereas we might encounter a vampire or a demon almost any night of the week here in Sunnydale. As you've both seen for yourselves", he added.
"We know the death rate in Sunnydale is much higher than normal for a town of this size", Scully said. "You're telling us that things like those we encountered yesterday evening stalk the streets after dark every night? That they're responsible?"
The Slayerettes looked doubtfully at each other, and at Giles, hoping for a lead. How much more should they tell these strange FBI people?
"Oh, we have vampires and demons like some people have mice", Xander said cheerfully. "Or maybe cockroaches".
"And even vampires have to feed, I suppose", Buffy added after a moment. "But it's my job to stop them!"
END OF PART 8. TO BE CONTINUED...