"Statistical Anomaly" by A Gentleman of Leisure.
Disclaimer: See Part 1.
Part 11: "Dangerous Moonlight".
"Vampires? You kill them, they disintegrate - turn to dust. It's traditional", said Giles over his shoulder, as he led them in at the gates of the cemetery that evening, leaving the cars parked out on the road. Everyone was carrying at least one weapon of some kind, some of them considerably more.
"So that's why Buffy used the term 'dusting'?" Scully said.
"Not like in the movies, then", Mulder commented. "Bela Lugosi, eat your heart out!"
"That Abraham Stoker has a lot to answer for", Giles said shortly. "If I ever come across him in the next life, he'll get a mouthful from me, I can assure you!"
"Not blood, I hope!" said Buffy with a grin.
"Who he?" Xander asked quietly, since he didn't want to display his ignorance too obviously.
"He wrote 'Dracula'", Willow whispered back.
"Oh, that old thing", said Xander dismissively. "I thought it was just a movie".
It was a good thing Giles didn't hear him.
-----
"How are your unarmed combat skills, Agent Skuller?" Buffy asked her. "It's no use trying to shoot a vampire, you know. Bullets won't kill a vamp - they're almost invulnerable. You might as well throw pennies or doughnuts at them. Anyway, people with guns bother me".
"Mmmm, doughnuts", murmured Xander.
"So what do you use besides old fashioned hand weapons, like swords, axes and spears, if you can't shoot them?"
"So far as I'm concerned, the very best thing for an undead American is an eighteen inch wooden stake, nicely sharpened, with you on the blunt end, and them on the pointy", said Buffy. "Second best is a crossbow, or a longbow like mine, with wooden arrows. You just gotta remember, you have to be sure to get them right in the heart".
"Mmmm, steak", murmured Xander.
"I think I can probably remember that", Scully said soberly. "By the way, I don't think I ever really thanked you properly for last night".
"No problemo. Just doin' m'job, ma'am - saving the day is what I do best. Isn't it, Giles?"
-----
They walked slowly past the Alpert mausoleum, close to where Mulder had first encountered his erstwhile FBI colleagues. Everyone's eyes were peeled for trouble like fresh grapes - those of the two agents were practically out on stalks.
"So where's the Acid Queen tonight?" Willow asked Xander quietly. "D'you think she's decided not to come?"
"Well she wasn't waiting for us, and there was no sign of her car", he said, "so I think she must have stayed home to wash her hair - again. She's been complaining to me about the green goo all day between every class, on the hour every hour, how she's sure she hasn't got it all out yet".
"Well it did have a pretty high ick factor, didn't it? But I think I'm rather grateful on the whole - that girl talks of nothing but herself. Y'know, sometimes I'm certain there's really nothing in her head except air".
"Or hair. Or do I mean more hair?" said Xander.
That cracked them up, and they had to 'shush' each other again before any possible nearby vamps heard them.
-----
"You know, I could swear that when I came-to, you were holding my hand", said Scully quietly.
Mulder had the grace to look mildly embarrassed.
"Just checking your pulse, Doctor Scully", he said.
-----
They passed close to an extensive clump of pine trees. Buffy peered into the shadows with her Slayer enhanced vision, straining to see if anyone was lurking among them, watching.
Giles commented that he hadn't known the FBI were interested in the supernatural, magic, that sort of thing.
"Actually, like most investigators, we try to find logical, scientific explanations for things, especially if there's been a crime", Scully replied. "But the 'unusual' is Mulder's specialty".
"You still don't seem to be entirely convinced by all of this, Agent Mulder", Giles said.
"I rather like to see things for myself", Mulder told him. "Solid evidence is essential, every time".
"Not that you can always believe what you see", Scully reminded them from next in line, behind him, where she and Buffy were now walking together. Last in line were Xander and Willow, bringing up the rear.
""We're here - this is it", Buffy said, and they all stopped, those behind bumping into the ones in front, just like a line of railway wagons in a shunting yard.
"This is where last night's little fracas occurred".
"Well, I'll believe it if you say so, Buff", Xander said slowly, "but if it is then, er... where's the manhole gone?"
-----
"Are you quite sure this is where we were last night?"
"Yes, Giles. There's Principal Flutie's grave - look, the cemetery workers have already put up a temporary marker to replace it, see? The access hatch down to the tunnels was over there...", Buffy pointed, and hesitated, puzzled.
"...Where that nice new grave is?" Xander finished for her. "How can that be?"
"Maybe the vamps buried the remains of the demons we killed?"
"Don't be ridiculous, Buffy. They would never bother with a thing like that. Vampires don't give two hoots what happens to anyone else, not even their fellow vampires", Giles reminded her. "Perhaps they're simply trying to confuse us".
"Well, they're succeeding", said Willow. "This is creepy". She wrapped her arms round herself for comfort. "It's weirding me out slightly".
Xander patted her reassuringly on the shoulder, while Mulder stood looking round at the rows of graves, which stretched out in all directions. He was frowning slightly.
"What is it?" Scully asked.
"Well, it occurs to me that by blocking off the entrance to their tunnels, not only do they stop us getting down there to find them, but they stop us from using it as an escape route if they attack us up here" Mulder said thoughtfully.
"Giving the enemy a sound tactical advantage", said Giles. "Good point!"
"Oh, he's not just a pretty face", Scully said with a little smile.
"So-o, we're expecting to be attacked any minute?" Willow said a trifle nervously, scanning the cemetery for signs of movement.
Everyone clutched their weapons a little more firmly, and peered round them into the shadows cast by the lights along the footpaths, at the clumps of trees and bushes lurking darkly at the edges of their vision, at the vague rectangular shapes of the mausolea hulking like half-seen creatures in the gloom, waiting, waiting.
"Uh, has anybody noticed that there's been a whole lot of funerals here today?" Xander observed to no one in particular. "Look at all those nice new graves".
"Brrr! Cheerful, much? Quite gives me the shivers!" said Willow.
Scully said nothing, but checked the automatic in its holster on her belt.
"I think we should do a sweep through the area to see if there are any traces of vampires", Giles suggested. "Perhaps, Buffy, you could have a bit of a scout round first?"
"Sure, Giles. Colour me gone!" and she slipped silently away into the darkness, the bow slung over her shoulder making her look like an escapee from an episode of 'Robin Hood'.
"What if we don't find anything tonight, Mr. Giles?"
"Don't worry, Agent Mulder. If there are any vampires or demons in the area, Buffy's bound to find them - she's particularly good at that".
There was a slight rustling in the nearby stand of trees, and a voice said quietly, "Oh, they're here all right - I can hear them", which made them all jump. "They're watching you, just waiting for an opportunity. I hope you're ready for them". The speaker, a tall heavily built figure wearing a long dark coat, stepped noiselessly out of the shadows.
"Oh. Ah. Angel. How nice to see you", Giles said, not really meaning a word of it, but all the same glad of a potential extra combatant on their side.
"I'm sure you are, Giles. But never mind that - there's a small army of bad guys somewhere around, all ready to attack you. It wasn't really a very good idea to split your forces and let Buffy go off on her own".
"Will she be OK? Should we go after her?" Willow said a trifle anxiously.
"Oh, she'll be fine. You know the Slayer - she can take care of herself. Trouble is... you're now a fighter short!" He nodded to Mulder and asked casually "How's the headache?"
-----
After a seemingly endless, nervous few minutes wait, that to some of them felt infinitely longer, there was a faint crack like a breaking twig from somewhere in the bushes behind them. Everyone swung round together to face whatever might be about to come charging out at them, and grasped their weapons even more tightly. Then Buffy appeared from the gloom with a big smile on her face.
"I think I just met one of the guys you're looking for", she announced, looking very pleased with herself.
"Which one?" Mulder asked.
"Oh, sorry. Didn't stop to ask his name. Either Tweedledum or Tweedledee, I guess", she said casually. "We didn't really have time to introduce ourselves and get properly acquainted - he tried to bite me, so I dusted him. Yay for me!"
"So, one down", Giles said quietly, with obvious satisfaction in his voice. "Was he on his own?"
Buffy nodded, unslung her bow, and gave the bowstring a firm pull to check the tension.
"Damn", said Mulder. "I hoped we'd be able to talk to them, possibly work out some way to help them, or at least find out something about them, maybe what happened to them".
"There's no helping them - they are dead", Giles reminded him sombrely.
"And Cordy already told you what probably happened", Buffy said. "She might have all the sensitivity and tact of a ham sandwich in a synagogue, but she's experienced a few things with us already, and she did know what she was talking about. Though I hate like hell having to admit it", she added.
"Oh yeah. She may be stupid, and totally self-centred but she's not that stupid!" said Xander. "She just generally doesn't care about things unless they affect her own perfect life, but when they do, boy-oh-boy, then she lets you know all about it".
"But to be fair, she's not usually one to run around like a headless chicken...", Giles added.
"...Though it was a close run thing, wasn't it, just last week?" Willow concluded.
Xander and Buffy both nodded and smiled at the memory of Cordelia's narrow escape a few days earlier, when she'd been 'headhunted'.
"Does this sort of thing happen to you all the time?" Mulder asked.
"Mostly", Buffy replied, grinned, and looked over at Giles, who rolled his eyes to the heavens.
"Not so much during the summer vacation, though, luckily. Maybe vamps take a holiday too?" Willow said.
"Can we think about tonight, please?"
Scully's sharp request brought them all back to the present with a bump.
"You say you've just killed one of our two missing agents, Miss Summers? Can you please describe exactly what happened?"
The tone of her voice made Buffy realise immediately that Scully was entirely serious, and back in her official FBI persona.
"Oh! Yes, Agent Skuller. I'm sorry. I was jumped by two of the Fang Gang, about a hundred and fifty yards away, over in that direction. I got to see them both before they vamped out, went all bumpy face you know, and I recognised one of them from the pictures you showed us. It was definitely one of the two Angel and I surprised on Agent Mouldy's first night here. It tried to bite me, so I had to defend myself..." She shrugged.
"I'm afraid that's definitely one of your colleagues accounted for, Agent Scully. There's only one way to deal with a vampire in those circumstances", Giles explained soberly. "You stake it, or it gets you - there's no other way. It's just self defence", he added quietly.
Scully gazed hard at Buffy for a moment and then nodded. Then both agents looked at Angel quizzically.
"What about him?"
"Special circumstances", Giles said. "Um... he has a soul. Apparently".
The agents looked at each other, surprised, and then at Giles, then back at Angel again, and lastly at Buffy, who said simply "Ordinary vampires don't have souls".
"But you do?" Scully said to Angel. "They told us about you, but to look at you, how do we tell?"
"Oh, believe me, he really is", Giles assured them, but with obvious reluctance. "You'll just have to take our word for it".
"No they don't. You want me to show you I'm a real, live, undead vampire? Now?" Angel asked, to their obvious surprise.
"Don't!" Buffy said sharply. "Please, Angel".
"It's OK. The rest of you have seen me do it before. I'm not going to walk out into sunlight and burst into flames for you, Agent Scully, seeing what time of night it is, but how about my party piece?" and in an instant he'd gone into game face, right there in front of the two astonished FBI agents. He bared his fangs and snarled at them, and they both stepped back sharply and put their hands on their pistol butts.
"You want me to say cheese so you can get a picture?"
There was a moment's pause, everyone absolutely motionless, as if they were in the middle of a game of 'statues'.
Then Angel suddenly leaped forwards, arms outstretched. Willow screamed, Scully was knocked aside, and Buffy grabbed Mulder's right arm in a grip like King Kong's, immobilising him with his automatic halfway out of its holster.
"No!" she shouted. "Look!"
Behind him Angel dived at a couple of vampires which had sneaked up on the group out of the darkness, unnoticed. There was a loud crack as he broke one's neck, and the other one howled in rage like a dog. There was a brief melee on the ground, fists and feet flying, a thump, and then abruptly there was silence. Angel got to his feet, calmly brushing dust from his coat, turned round and let his 'game face' go back to normal.
"Everyone OK?"
People glanced at each other, and caught their breath. It was beginning to look as if it was going to be 'one of those nights'.
Then, "Hey, Buffy! Look! Over there!" Xander exclaimed, pointing.
"And there, and there", Willow and Giles echoed.
Around them graves were slowly opening, like a time-lapse film of leaves unfurling.
"My God, look at them all, Mulder! There must be dozens of them".
END OF PART 11. TO BE CONTINUED...