Author's note: Thanks to everyone who reviewed, particularly those of you who took the time and trouble to write long reviews, or who have emailed me. It seems that in some way or other I have managed to provide enjoyable reading for a very wide range of people with very differing opinions on m/m relationships without either offending or loosing the romantic element. I hope I can continue to maintain that balance – if I don't, let me know!
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Chapter 26 – To Make A Choice
Elrond looked at the still form of Legolas in front of him. The young elf's face was peaceful and his breathing was very shallow. He was slipping, and slipping fast. Elrond sighed. Legolas had been in complete darkness for too long, injured and without sustenance. His life force had been drained almost to the point of extinction. The elf-lord did not know whether it was not already too late.
"Estel! Is that water warm yet?" Elrond's voice conveyed the sense of urgency that he felt.
"Yes, Ada." Estel brought a kettle with heated water. He sprinkled the athelas that Elrond had given him into it. Immediately the distinct smell of the healing plant enveloped them.
"Estel, you are closest to him. Call him. Call him back."
"How?"
"Just try it. You have the healing powers of the Kings, but you have not yet used them. Just call him. Tell him you love him, and to come back to you."
- - - -
Legolas was walking along a path through a green forest. The light played on the new leaves and he could hear the sounds of small forest animals and birds. He was at peace. There as no pain, no worries. At the end of the path was a blinding white light, and he knew that behind that light his mother waited, whom he had not seen in such a long time. As he was nearing the light, his certainty grew that she was waiting for him. He began to run.
All of a sudden there was another sound, intrusive. Someone called him, faintly. He could hardly make out the words.
"Legolas, Legolas Greenleaf, come back to us. Legolas, I love you, come back to me!"
Estel was desperate. He knew that Legolas was barely alive, his pulse, heartbeat and breathing were scarcely perceptible.
Legolas ignored the faint call. He had almost reached the white light. He stretched out his hand to touch it, when the first voice called again, this time stronger, and was joined by a second, more authorative voice.
"Legolas Greenleaf, come back. Your time has not yet come. You are still needed here. Come back to the World of the Living."
Elrond was kneeling beside Estel and had taken both Estel's and Legolas' hands. He held them together in his own and then used all his authority as a healer, as elf-lord and the bearer of Vilya to call the elven prince back.
Legolas stopped. He could not ignore this voice. He did not want to return, he wanted to go forward and meet his mother. Slowly he turned around, and the moment he faced away from the light, he heard the second voice much clearer. Estel! Legolas also perceived the anxiety, worry and love in the young man's voice. 'I cannot do this to him. I must return.' So he slowly began to walk back the path he had come. With every step his body became heavier, and at some point he began to feel pain. This intensified and localised on the right side of his body.
"Estel, his breathing and heartbeat are speeding up. I think he is coming around." Elrond briefly looked at his foster son, but still keeping his focus on Legolas.
With a slight moan, Legolas opened his eyes, and looked into Estel's face, and next to him, Elrond. Both looked immensely relieved.
"Estel?" Legolas whispered.
"I am here." For the rest of his life, Legolas never forgot Estel's expression at this moment. His face showed a mixture of relief, anxiety and a depth of love that shocked Legolas. He had always known that Estel cared for him deeply, but to see this so openly displayed, undisguised, was rare. Slowly a smile spread over Estel's features, beginning in his eyes and then tugging at the corners of his mouth. The young man bent forward and gently kissed Legolas on the mouth.
"Welcome back."
Legolas tried to move his head slightly, so that he could look at Elrond.
"I am thirsty..." Legolas voice was very faint.
"You would be. You have not had anything to eat or drink for almost five days."
"Estel, give him some of the water with the athelas in it. It will be good for him."
Legolas was increasingly becoming aware of the pain in his right arm, leg and side. Involuntarily, he groaned slightly when Estel gently lifted his head to allow him to drink. The water was warm and tasted strongly of herbs. The elf could feel its healing qualities spread through his body.
"Estel?" Legolas voice was slightly less rough after his drink."It was beautiful ... I did not want to come back..." he briefly closed his eyes, remembering the place he had just been to.
It was not Estel who spoke next. "Legolas, your time to part from this world has not yet arrived. You still have much to do here." Elrond, too, was smiling, a rare event for the often stern-faced elf-lord.
Then Elrond turned to Estel. "Now that Legolas is back with us, it is time to see to his other needs. He needs a wash and then we will set his arm and leg, and wrap his ribs. And the others need to be told that he has woken up and will be well."
Facing Legolas again, he said: "Do you think you could eat some lembas? It would give you some extra strength."
"I do not know. I have not thought about eating in what seems to be a long time. Elrond, in the cave, it was so dark... I could not breathe, I was suffocating..." A reflection of the fear he had experienced was reflected in Legolas' eyes.
"You are here now. With us." Estel gently cupped Legolas face, trying to reassure him. Then he took a piece of cloth and dampened it with the remainder of the athelas water. Estel tried to wash away as much of the dirt and darkness, anxiety and fear as he could. When he ran the cloth gently over Legolas' right side, the elf hissed with pain.
Elrond noticed that and said: "As soon as you are clean, we see to the bandages. That should deal with some of the pain and discomfort. You should be able to ride again in a few days, although you will not be fully healed then.
Estel carefully washed Legolas and then, together with Elrond, set his arm and leg and bound them with tight bandages. He then took one of his own shirts and pair of leggings, and carefully helped Legolas into the garments. The extra size accommodated the bandages well.
In the meantime, Elrond had told the others the good news, and everyone came to see the prince. Elladan in particular was relieved beyond measure. He truly liked the Mirkwood elf, he had not wanted to loose this friend.
"I would like to sit up." Legolas struggled to reach a sitting position.
"No, Legolas, not yet. Or, if you must, lean against Estel so that your body does not have to support its own weight."
Estel moved so that he sat behind Legolas with his legs apart. Very gently he pulled Legolas up towards himself, so that the elf rested with his body against his chest and his head against the crook of his neck. The young man was almost overwhelmed by the intensity of feeling that this proximity caused. Legolas' smell, the feel of his hair against his neck and the fact that he was alive, all of a sudden Estel wanted to cry with relief and it took all his concentration not to let the tears spill over. The young man hoped that no one had noticed his weakness.
Elrond asked Elrohir to get some lembas bread, and dunking this into the remainder of the soup they had had for lunch, Elrohir slowly fed Legolas the softened pieces of bread. Legolas' throat was raw from lack of water for so long, but he managed to swallow when he took small bites and drank a lot of water as well. After a few bites, the young elf's eyes closed and he sagged back against Estel.
"Father?" Estel's voice was tight with worry.
"He is just sleeping. He needs this rest badly. Come, I'll lift him off you so that you can move."
"No! Let me hold him. I ... need this now." There was pleading in Estel's voice and eyes.
Elrond just nodded. Turning to the twins, he said: "Let us give them a bit of undisturbed time."
"Estel, if this gets too uncomfortable, let me know and I will help you to move Legolas."
Elrond thought, but did not say, that the emotionally drained young human needed the rest almost as badly as his elven partner. But he also knew that at this point in time, any suggestion to rest would be rejected. Elrond and the twins returned to Halbarad and the two Rivendell warriors, and they all had a quiet but happy meal together.
After their food, Elrond went to check on Estel and Legolas. What he found did not surprise him in the least. Estel's head had fallen forward, and he was fast asleep, with his face buried in Legolas' hair. His position looked excruciatingly uncomfortable, and Elrond quietly called Elladan to help him hold Legolas whilst pushing Estel down into a laying position. They then laid Legolas next to him. Neither man nor elf woke up.
- - - -
The next day, Elrond decided that they had to continue their journey. Legolas insisted on riding by himself but Elrond looked at him sternly.
"You cannot ride with a broken leg and arm. You will sit sideways in front of Estel, and we will have frequent breaks."
Legolas opened his mouth to raise his objections, but Elrond did not even let him speak.
"Legolas, I do not want to see you straining your healing wounds. I would prefer that we meet your father after you are more or less healed, not before. But this means you must help the healing process, not hinder it by putting undue strain on your injuries."
With a sigh, Legolas nodded. He, too, did not want to meet his father injured.
When everyone was ready, Elrond carefully lifted Legolas in front of Estel. The young man held his partner with one arm and the reigns with the other hand.
After a few miles it became apparent how wise Elrond's insistence had been. Even being supported by Estel and not having to part his legs for the normal riding position, he was soon in considerable pain. He closed his eyes to concentrate on other things and very quickly dropped to sleep against Estel's shoulder.
They rode on.
- - - - -
Three days later. They were now in the mountains. During the next two days they would cross the High Pass, then ride towards the Anduin river and follow this south for another week until they arrived in Lothlorien.
Legolas was much better. Estel had cared for him with the same devotion that the elf had shown towards Estel when the young man had been ill. Much to his annoyance, Legolas had spent the last three days riding in front of Estel, Elrond had not allowed him to ride in normal fashion. But he was healing fast. Once exposed to sun- and starlight, being able to eat and drink normally, his natural resilience and healing abilities were doing their work. His ribs still hurt and so did his arm, which had been broken in two places. But his leg hardly bothered him anymore, and Elrond had promised him that in another few days time he would be able to ride by himself again.
He had also asked Elrond whether his arm would heal completely. As an archer he was very concerned that the use of his arm might be limited or full strength would not return. But Elrond had assured him that once the bone had healed completely, there should be no lasting effects.
So everything seemed to be on the mend. But at night Estel noticed that Legolas often did not rest. He would lay with open eyes, gazing at the stars. Finally, Estel approached the topic one night, when yet again Legolas was not sleeping. He turned so that he faced Legolas.
"Legolas, why are you not resting? You need the sleep to heal and yet you deny yourself rest night after night."
"I cannot sleep. It is nothing. I can go without sleep for much longer."
Estel sighed with exasperation. "Yes, normally you can. But at the moment your body needs the strength that sleep provides. Why are you not sleeping?"
Legolas' eyes would not meet Estel's. "It is the dreams. Every time I try to rest I feel the darkness again. Estel, I was suffocating, it was so dark, no space, no space to breathe..." There was a hint of panic in the young elf's voice.
"Legolas, you are here now, under the stars. It is over, you are not in the darkness any more." Then after a brief hesitation, "Would you sleep if I held you?" As they were travelling with others, they had not shared their bedding. Both felt that this would be inappropriate, particularly when travelling with Estel's father. "I'll explain to Ada in the morning. Come here." Much to Estel's surprise, Legolas complied and moved closer.
'He must be exhausted to give in this quickly," thought Estel concerned. Once Legolas had settled against Estel, he tried to relax in the intimacy and comfort. Slowly he drifted off into much needed sleep, but Estel remained awake, thinking about Legolas, himself and their future.
Legolas awoke in Estel's arms next morning. He had actually slept, and had slept well and dreamless. He was grateful for this, and thanked Estel.
Estel just smiled and said gently: "I love you. Legolas Greenleaf. I would do anything for you, and holding you is not a chore."
Later that morning, Estel sought an opportunity to talk to Elrond. It came when they were packing up. Estel took his father to one side and told him what Legolas had said and how they had solved the issue last night.
Elrond looked concerned. "Estel, an ordeal like this does not only cause physical injuries. Legolas has been injured emotionally as well, and such damage is more difficult to heal than physical wounds. Legolas will overcome this in time, he is young and strong. If holding him at night helps him to rest, provide that comfort for him. I will talk to the others."
Estel looked at his father gratefully. "Thank you. What would I give to make Legolas completely well again!"
"I know, Estel, I know. I know how much you love him. I would be a poor father if I did not know how much the two of you care for each other." Elrond smiled. For a moment, he laid his hand on his foster son's arm.
"Go to Legolas and help him to get ready."
"Yes, Father." Estel smiled. "Thank you for everything." He briefly squeezed his father's hand.
True to his promise, Elrond had a quiet word with everyone else in the party, so that Estel and Legolas were spared odd glances when they shared their bedding. And for Legolas, the comfort of Estel's arms and body kept the fears and dreams at bay, and allowed his healing body the rest it needed.
TBC. Please review.
- - - - -
Chapter 26 – To Make A Choice
Elrond looked at the still form of Legolas in front of him. The young elf's face was peaceful and his breathing was very shallow. He was slipping, and slipping fast. Elrond sighed. Legolas had been in complete darkness for too long, injured and without sustenance. His life force had been drained almost to the point of extinction. The elf-lord did not know whether it was not already too late.
"Estel! Is that water warm yet?" Elrond's voice conveyed the sense of urgency that he felt.
"Yes, Ada." Estel brought a kettle with heated water. He sprinkled the athelas that Elrond had given him into it. Immediately the distinct smell of the healing plant enveloped them.
"Estel, you are closest to him. Call him. Call him back."
"How?"
"Just try it. You have the healing powers of the Kings, but you have not yet used them. Just call him. Tell him you love him, and to come back to you."
- - - -
Legolas was walking along a path through a green forest. The light played on the new leaves and he could hear the sounds of small forest animals and birds. He was at peace. There as no pain, no worries. At the end of the path was a blinding white light, and he knew that behind that light his mother waited, whom he had not seen in such a long time. As he was nearing the light, his certainty grew that she was waiting for him. He began to run.
All of a sudden there was another sound, intrusive. Someone called him, faintly. He could hardly make out the words.
"Legolas, Legolas Greenleaf, come back to us. Legolas, I love you, come back to me!"
Estel was desperate. He knew that Legolas was barely alive, his pulse, heartbeat and breathing were scarcely perceptible.
Legolas ignored the faint call. He had almost reached the white light. He stretched out his hand to touch it, when the first voice called again, this time stronger, and was joined by a second, more authorative voice.
"Legolas Greenleaf, come back. Your time has not yet come. You are still needed here. Come back to the World of the Living."
Elrond was kneeling beside Estel and had taken both Estel's and Legolas' hands. He held them together in his own and then used all his authority as a healer, as elf-lord and the bearer of Vilya to call the elven prince back.
Legolas stopped. He could not ignore this voice. He did not want to return, he wanted to go forward and meet his mother. Slowly he turned around, and the moment he faced away from the light, he heard the second voice much clearer. Estel! Legolas also perceived the anxiety, worry and love in the young man's voice. 'I cannot do this to him. I must return.' So he slowly began to walk back the path he had come. With every step his body became heavier, and at some point he began to feel pain. This intensified and localised on the right side of his body.
"Estel, his breathing and heartbeat are speeding up. I think he is coming around." Elrond briefly looked at his foster son, but still keeping his focus on Legolas.
With a slight moan, Legolas opened his eyes, and looked into Estel's face, and next to him, Elrond. Both looked immensely relieved.
"Estel?" Legolas whispered.
"I am here." For the rest of his life, Legolas never forgot Estel's expression at this moment. His face showed a mixture of relief, anxiety and a depth of love that shocked Legolas. He had always known that Estel cared for him deeply, but to see this so openly displayed, undisguised, was rare. Slowly a smile spread over Estel's features, beginning in his eyes and then tugging at the corners of his mouth. The young man bent forward and gently kissed Legolas on the mouth.
"Welcome back."
Legolas tried to move his head slightly, so that he could look at Elrond.
"I am thirsty..." Legolas voice was very faint.
"You would be. You have not had anything to eat or drink for almost five days."
"Estel, give him some of the water with the athelas in it. It will be good for him."
Legolas was increasingly becoming aware of the pain in his right arm, leg and side. Involuntarily, he groaned slightly when Estel gently lifted his head to allow him to drink. The water was warm and tasted strongly of herbs. The elf could feel its healing qualities spread through his body.
"Estel?" Legolas voice was slightly less rough after his drink."It was beautiful ... I did not want to come back..." he briefly closed his eyes, remembering the place he had just been to.
It was not Estel who spoke next. "Legolas, your time to part from this world has not yet arrived. You still have much to do here." Elrond, too, was smiling, a rare event for the often stern-faced elf-lord.
Then Elrond turned to Estel. "Now that Legolas is back with us, it is time to see to his other needs. He needs a wash and then we will set his arm and leg, and wrap his ribs. And the others need to be told that he has woken up and will be well."
Facing Legolas again, he said: "Do you think you could eat some lembas? It would give you some extra strength."
"I do not know. I have not thought about eating in what seems to be a long time. Elrond, in the cave, it was so dark... I could not breathe, I was suffocating..." A reflection of the fear he had experienced was reflected in Legolas' eyes.
"You are here now. With us." Estel gently cupped Legolas face, trying to reassure him. Then he took a piece of cloth and dampened it with the remainder of the athelas water. Estel tried to wash away as much of the dirt and darkness, anxiety and fear as he could. When he ran the cloth gently over Legolas' right side, the elf hissed with pain.
Elrond noticed that and said: "As soon as you are clean, we see to the bandages. That should deal with some of the pain and discomfort. You should be able to ride again in a few days, although you will not be fully healed then.
Estel carefully washed Legolas and then, together with Elrond, set his arm and leg and bound them with tight bandages. He then took one of his own shirts and pair of leggings, and carefully helped Legolas into the garments. The extra size accommodated the bandages well.
In the meantime, Elrond had told the others the good news, and everyone came to see the prince. Elladan in particular was relieved beyond measure. He truly liked the Mirkwood elf, he had not wanted to loose this friend.
"I would like to sit up." Legolas struggled to reach a sitting position.
"No, Legolas, not yet. Or, if you must, lean against Estel so that your body does not have to support its own weight."
Estel moved so that he sat behind Legolas with his legs apart. Very gently he pulled Legolas up towards himself, so that the elf rested with his body against his chest and his head against the crook of his neck. The young man was almost overwhelmed by the intensity of feeling that this proximity caused. Legolas' smell, the feel of his hair against his neck and the fact that he was alive, all of a sudden Estel wanted to cry with relief and it took all his concentration not to let the tears spill over. The young man hoped that no one had noticed his weakness.
Elrond asked Elrohir to get some lembas bread, and dunking this into the remainder of the soup they had had for lunch, Elrohir slowly fed Legolas the softened pieces of bread. Legolas' throat was raw from lack of water for so long, but he managed to swallow when he took small bites and drank a lot of water as well. After a few bites, the young elf's eyes closed and he sagged back against Estel.
"Father?" Estel's voice was tight with worry.
"He is just sleeping. He needs this rest badly. Come, I'll lift him off you so that you can move."
"No! Let me hold him. I ... need this now." There was pleading in Estel's voice and eyes.
Elrond just nodded. Turning to the twins, he said: "Let us give them a bit of undisturbed time."
"Estel, if this gets too uncomfortable, let me know and I will help you to move Legolas."
Elrond thought, but did not say, that the emotionally drained young human needed the rest almost as badly as his elven partner. But he also knew that at this point in time, any suggestion to rest would be rejected. Elrond and the twins returned to Halbarad and the two Rivendell warriors, and they all had a quiet but happy meal together.
After their food, Elrond went to check on Estel and Legolas. What he found did not surprise him in the least. Estel's head had fallen forward, and he was fast asleep, with his face buried in Legolas' hair. His position looked excruciatingly uncomfortable, and Elrond quietly called Elladan to help him hold Legolas whilst pushing Estel down into a laying position. They then laid Legolas next to him. Neither man nor elf woke up.
- - - -
The next day, Elrond decided that they had to continue their journey. Legolas insisted on riding by himself but Elrond looked at him sternly.
"You cannot ride with a broken leg and arm. You will sit sideways in front of Estel, and we will have frequent breaks."
Legolas opened his mouth to raise his objections, but Elrond did not even let him speak.
"Legolas, I do not want to see you straining your healing wounds. I would prefer that we meet your father after you are more or less healed, not before. But this means you must help the healing process, not hinder it by putting undue strain on your injuries."
With a sigh, Legolas nodded. He, too, did not want to meet his father injured.
When everyone was ready, Elrond carefully lifted Legolas in front of Estel. The young man held his partner with one arm and the reigns with the other hand.
After a few miles it became apparent how wise Elrond's insistence had been. Even being supported by Estel and not having to part his legs for the normal riding position, he was soon in considerable pain. He closed his eyes to concentrate on other things and very quickly dropped to sleep against Estel's shoulder.
They rode on.
- - - - -
Three days later. They were now in the mountains. During the next two days they would cross the High Pass, then ride towards the Anduin river and follow this south for another week until they arrived in Lothlorien.
Legolas was much better. Estel had cared for him with the same devotion that the elf had shown towards Estel when the young man had been ill. Much to his annoyance, Legolas had spent the last three days riding in front of Estel, Elrond had not allowed him to ride in normal fashion. But he was healing fast. Once exposed to sun- and starlight, being able to eat and drink normally, his natural resilience and healing abilities were doing their work. His ribs still hurt and so did his arm, which had been broken in two places. But his leg hardly bothered him anymore, and Elrond had promised him that in another few days time he would be able to ride by himself again.
He had also asked Elrond whether his arm would heal completely. As an archer he was very concerned that the use of his arm might be limited or full strength would not return. But Elrond had assured him that once the bone had healed completely, there should be no lasting effects.
So everything seemed to be on the mend. But at night Estel noticed that Legolas often did not rest. He would lay with open eyes, gazing at the stars. Finally, Estel approached the topic one night, when yet again Legolas was not sleeping. He turned so that he faced Legolas.
"Legolas, why are you not resting? You need the sleep to heal and yet you deny yourself rest night after night."
"I cannot sleep. It is nothing. I can go without sleep for much longer."
Estel sighed with exasperation. "Yes, normally you can. But at the moment your body needs the strength that sleep provides. Why are you not sleeping?"
Legolas' eyes would not meet Estel's. "It is the dreams. Every time I try to rest I feel the darkness again. Estel, I was suffocating, it was so dark, no space, no space to breathe..." There was a hint of panic in the young elf's voice.
"Legolas, you are here now, under the stars. It is over, you are not in the darkness any more." Then after a brief hesitation, "Would you sleep if I held you?" As they were travelling with others, they had not shared their bedding. Both felt that this would be inappropriate, particularly when travelling with Estel's father. "I'll explain to Ada in the morning. Come here." Much to Estel's surprise, Legolas complied and moved closer.
'He must be exhausted to give in this quickly," thought Estel concerned. Once Legolas had settled against Estel, he tried to relax in the intimacy and comfort. Slowly he drifted off into much needed sleep, but Estel remained awake, thinking about Legolas, himself and their future.
Legolas awoke in Estel's arms next morning. He had actually slept, and had slept well and dreamless. He was grateful for this, and thanked Estel.
Estel just smiled and said gently: "I love you. Legolas Greenleaf. I would do anything for you, and holding you is not a chore."
Later that morning, Estel sought an opportunity to talk to Elrond. It came when they were packing up. Estel took his father to one side and told him what Legolas had said and how they had solved the issue last night.
Elrond looked concerned. "Estel, an ordeal like this does not only cause physical injuries. Legolas has been injured emotionally as well, and such damage is more difficult to heal than physical wounds. Legolas will overcome this in time, he is young and strong. If holding him at night helps him to rest, provide that comfort for him. I will talk to the others."
Estel looked at his father gratefully. "Thank you. What would I give to make Legolas completely well again!"
"I know, Estel, I know. I know how much you love him. I would be a poor father if I did not know how much the two of you care for each other." Elrond smiled. For a moment, he laid his hand on his foster son's arm.
"Go to Legolas and help him to get ready."
"Yes, Father." Estel smiled. "Thank you for everything." He briefly squeezed his father's hand.
True to his promise, Elrond had a quiet word with everyone else in the party, so that Estel and Legolas were spared odd glances when they shared their bedding. And for Legolas, the comfort of Estel's arms and body kept the fears and dreams at bay, and allowed his healing body the rest it needed.
TBC. Please review.