"Statistical Anomaly" by A Gentleman Of Leisure.
Disclaimer: See Part 1.
PART 14: "Down Among The Dead Men". At the instant of the first explosion, the Slayer and her companions had charged into the second chamber on the left and caught the enemy with their metaphorical pants down!
Xander immediately spotted Cordelia chained to the wall in the far corner, and made straight for her, hacking the heads off any vamps that tried to get in his way. That left the other Slayerettes to deal with all the rest, a good couple of dozen at least.
"Are you alright? Have they hurt you?" he asked anxiously, dropping his axe, and immediately starting to try to loosen the hasps set in the wall, using the crowbar he'd retrieved earlier from Scully.
"Where the frickin' hell were you all?" Cordelia was almost crying as he struggled to free her.
"We went to the main cemetery gates, just like last time, but you weren't there, so we simply thought you'd decided to stay home tonight", he growled, straining at the crowbar.
"You thought I'd stayed home? When there are real FBI agents to hang out with? Oh please! How not cool would that be? " Her voice rose to artistically indicate her astonishment. "Get real, Xander Harris! I would never miss out on something like that! Anyway", she added, "I went to where we agreed to meet, and you definitely weren't there".
"Yes, we were. Ask the others - we parked both cars at the entrance to Restfield cemetery", Xander assured her. He hacked vigorously at the stonework, but it barely made a scratch.
"Restfield?" Cordy screeched. "I thought you said Westfield - that's where I went. But as soon as I got out of my car I was grabbed by vamps. I thought I was dead for sure, but for some reason they dragged me down here instead. Come on, Xander, hurry up and get me out of these chains - I am so not into bondage!"
"We did say Restfield, you dummy!" Buffy said tartly over Xander's shoulder, casually dusting a vamp as she did so. "Westfield is the road along the south side of the Lawns cemetery. You want a hand there, Xander?"
"No thanks, Buff - I've got it. I can manage - I think". He jabbed at the wall again with the crowbar, but still with very little result.
"Yes, yes. Use your super strength please, Buffy", Cordelia interrupted. "Just get me out of here before this oaf tears my dress".
The Slayer looked at Xander, who shrugged and stepped aside. With both hands she took a firm hold of the chain fastening Cordelia to the wall, and gave a hard pull. There was a loud metallic bang as the chain seemed to simply explode, and burst links flew everywhere. There was also a nasty ripping sound followed by an angry shriek.
"You tore the arm right off of it! Dammit, Buffy, now my dress is completely ruined!"
"Oh dear. So sorry", said Buffy, looking unconvincingly innocent.
"Well, at least you're still alive and in one piece", Giles said, brushing a large amount of dust from his tweed trousers (as an Englishman, he steadfastly refused to call them pants), and looking round to see if there were any more vamps to polish off. "Don't be such an ungrateful little cow, Cordelia!"
Cordelia's mouth fell open and she gaped at him in astonishment.
"We really have got better things to do than have to rescue silly girls like you", he added brusquely.
Cordelia then managed to surprise them all by bursting into real tears, which gave Xander the perfect opportunity to comfort her, but which also meant he had to listen to her maudlin self-pity for at least another ten minutes.
-----
Mulder and Scully back came into the chamber and had a look round. To their surprise the place now contained almost no vampires at all, but was seriously in need of a good spring-clean.
"Did anyone find our second agent?" Mulder asked.
"Over there".
"We have prisoners! Yay for us!" exclaimed Willow, almost hopping up and down in her excitement.
Giles just pointed mutely across the room at where three surviving vampires were being kept penned in a corner by Angel, who held a cocked crossbow aimed at them, by Willow herself, holding a large open bottle of holy water and a heavy ornate silver crucifix, and Buffy, who had a sword in one hand and a stake in the other.
Apart from that, there was just Xander Harris, who seemed to be trying to comfort the girl who'd been missing, Cordelia Chase, and a thick layer of dust scattered about all over everything.
"First time we've ever tried to take prisoners", Buffy said quietly, without taking her eyes off them for a single second.
"Not the first time we've ever managed to rescue anyone, though, but certainly never against higher odds", Giles observed.
"Purple Hearts all round", one of the prisoners called out sarcastically. "Even for little Miss Posh. Those rats made you scream, didn't they?" He laughed.
Everyone else looked at Cordelia. Rats? What did he mean?
"What?" said Xander, hardly able to believe his ears. "You were screaming because of some rats? We thought you were being tortured, or having your blood sucked out of you, not just 'cos of some little old rats!" He sounded thoroughly disgusted.
"We didn't have time to get to the feeding, more's the pity", the vampire said nastily. "We were saving her for later. She's a tasty looking piece, ain't she? Nice and plump, just how I like them".
Luckily for him, and for her own peace of mind, Cordelia missed that last gem.
"So I don't like rats!" she said crossly. "And they were huge, the size of dogs!"
"It's all right, Cordelia. Everyone has something they can't stand. It's nothing to be ashamed of", Giles said gently, as if trying to make up for his earlier outburst.
Mulder turned back to the three captives again. The one sporting the remains of a government issue suit was obviously the leader, and must presumably therefore be the second of the two agents he'd been sent to find. Unfortunately the vampire was still in game face, so he couldn't tell which one he was.
"Are you Agent Doyle, or Agent Manetti?"
"Who wants to know?"
"I'm Agent Fox Mulder of the FBI's Washington office, and this is Agent Dana Scully. We were sent here to California to look for you and your colleague when you both went missing".
"Oh, yes, I remember you - we met already in the cemetery the other night. Well, now you've got me. I'm Manetti. Or I was. I hope you like what you can see". the vampire said sullenly, and slid down the wall into a sitting position, where he appeared to make himself comfortable. The other two moved a little aside at Angel's gestured instruction, and did the same.
Without having to be asked, the rest of the Slayerettes withdrew from the chamber, and they all huddled together out in the tunnel to allow the two agents some privacy. This was official business, and apart from Buffy and Angel acting as guards to keep Mulder and Scully safe from being attacked, there was little more they could do for the time being.
After a short discussion with the prisoners, both agents came out again and walked a little way down the tunnel with Giles so that they could talk to him in confidence.
-----
"Well, Mr. Giles, you're the nearest we've got to an expert here".
Rupert Giles gave Mulder a funny look, but managed to hold his tongue. He wondered what 'experts' on the subject the FBI might have back in Washington.
"What are the chances of getting our agent back to Los Angeles?"
"I would say 'not in your lifetime'", Giles replied promptly, if a trifle obliquely.
Mulder looked at him, slightly confused.
"You mean...?"
"They're about the same odds as that of a snowball's survival in Hell, Agent Mulder", Giles elaborated. "Your lifetimes would be very short, I fear. Three vampires would arrive in Los Angeles, or, more probably, none would arrive there at all.
"You have to remember", he continued, "he's much, much stronger than you are, and totally invulnerable to bullets. Even if we tried tranquillizing him, I'm afraid I really don't consider you have the experience to get him back in one piece. Or yourselves, in that situation".
"Oh", said Mulder, obviously disconcerted. "So what would you suggest we do?"
"We've never had quite this sort of situation come up before", Giles said slowly. "We always just kill them in hot blood, so to speak. Well, on our part at any rate - theirs is always cold, of course. As Buffy would probably put it - 'Vampire bad, pointy stake good, let's party!'".
He looked at the two agents for a long moment. Then - "Do you have any more of those grenades?" he asked quietly.
"Oh, I don't think we could do that", Scully exclaimed. "That would be execution, plain and simple!"
Giles sighed, and shrugged.
"They are dead already", he pointed out. "They simply haven't been persuaded to stop walking about yet. You'll have to face up to that fact".
The two agents looked at one another silently.
"Well, we can't just let them go", Giles went on, "we'd only have to dust them another night". He sighed again, and shook his head regretfully. "And before we could manage that, they might well have killed any number of people, and probably turned a some of them into vampires. Frankly, Agents, I don't see how we could possibly allow that to happen. The very last thing we want in Sunnydale is more vampires!"
-----
In the chamber where Buffy and Angel were still guarding the prisoners, the atmosphere was strange, tense. The three vampires were now huddled together in the corner, talking very quietly.
Buffy looked at Angel, as if to say 'should we stop them?', but he just shrugged. She wondered what the two FBI agents were planning to do with their captives. Would they tell her to dust them? Would they try to take their man back to Washington with them, or let them all go, or what?
By now several minutes had passed, and she was curious to know what Mouldy and Skuller were doing. Probably Giles was having a long philosophical discussion with them, if she knew anything about him.
"Angel, will you be OK here for a moment? I just want to see what's the what outside".
Angel nodded, expressionless, and she lowered her sword and walked over to the door.
"Got your stake?"
Without thinking, Angel quickly patted his coat pocket to check, which meant he was only holding the crossbow in one hand, and it was not the one with its finger on the trigger. That was the moment the vamp that had been Agent Manetti chose to lash out with its feet, catching Angel unawares and kicking his legs out from under him. The two others scrambled up as he fell heavily.
Buffy was already halfway out through the door, and looking at the people in the tunnel, when she heard the commotion. She spun round. There was a twang as Angel dropped the crossbow, which went off. The bolt ricocheted off the low vaulted ceiling, and she flinched as it skimmed past her face. The next instant someone outside swore vividly as they were hit.
For a couple of heartbeats Buffy didn't know which way to move - out into the tunnel to help the casualty, or back into the room to help Angel, but her instincts took command.
The fight lasted just as long as it took for her to drag Angel back to his feet, and for the two of them to have staked all three vamps.
Except that the third one, Manetti, was already standing again, holding the reloaded crossbow, and aiming it at them.
Angel and the Slayer froze. If either of them moved, that one was instant kebab - the bolt could be equally deadly to each of them.
"Go left, split his aim", Angel muttered. "I'll jump him, you stake him".
"No way - I'll jump him and you stake him!" Buffy replied.
"Dammit, Buffy, don't argue with me. Just do it!"
"No!"
"Yes. Now!"
"Oh, Hell! OK!"
Buffy jumped sideways, but the vamp anticipated her by immediately leaping back into the doorway. Now neither she nor Angel were close enough, despite their enhanced strength and speed.
The ex-agent laughed and said "Mexican standoff, anyone?"
For a moment everyone stood very still, each of them looking first at one and then the other person in the chamber with them. Then Buffy started to chuckle.
"Hey, stupid much, or what?", she said with a broad grin.
The vamp frowned, and stared hard at her. Angel looked question marks in her direction. Now what was she up to?
-----
Buffy put two fingers to her lips and blew as hard as she could. And when Buffy whistled, you could have heard it right down in the harbour.
-----
At the ear splitting sound, everyone out in the tunnel looked up sharply from where they were all clustered round Mulder, who was sitting on the ground with the stray crossbow bolt sticking in his thigh, bleeding like a pig and swearing like a trooper, with Scully all flustered and fussing round him in full Florence Nightingale mode.
"Bloody hell!" said Giles. He spun round, grabbed hold of the nearest available pointed wooden object, which happened to be the bolt in Mulder's leg, yanked it out, took two steps to the doorway and plunged it straight into the last vampire's back, right through its heart.
"'And that', said he 'is that!'", he said.
END OF PART 14. TO BE CONCLUDED...